I’m jealous, what can I do about it?
Salamu Aleikum va rahmatullah,
I have a problem with jealousy and it is destroying my marriage. I'm married and I'm masha allah good-looking and educated. I'm very happy with my husband and we are both practising Muslims. My husband is very handsome and very often, when we are invited to places where non-Muslims are present or women without hijab (sometimes even Muslims), the women stare at him and admire him for his good looks.
Very often they provoke me by flirting with him in a provocative manner and I'm not able to control my jealousy. I try to suppress it at that particular moment, but later on I tell him to take into account my feelings and to avoid small talk with them. My husband shows responsiveness to their flirting by engaging in conversations and then he says: Why do you make yourself small? Who says that they have more than you?
I wouldn't say that my self-confidence is low, but I don't like the fact that somebody is flirting with my husband or exposes in order to please him. My husband has started to treat me bad emotionally by humiliating me verbally. I try not to talk too much to non-Mahrams , but to what extent does Islam restrict social interaction? To what extent am I allowed to talk to non-Mahram men and to what extent is he allowed to show responsiveness to flirting?
relationship has become hell. Even in our home country, when we are eating on one table (men and women), some of my female family members sometimes lift their veils ( showing arms, tops and jewellery) to attract my husband's attention. My husband talks to me in a very condescending tone and hurts me all the time. I don't flirt with other men and try to lower my gaze. I need some good piece of advice, he says I want to take advantage of Islam to restrict him. That' s not right. His ego is so big, I don't know what to do.
Meanwhile, I feel ugly and bad, and suffer from depressions. I hate going out with him as wherever we go and wherever we are invited, the looks of the females surround him and this makes me feel insecure. Please help me, I love him so much, he's my whole life and I don't bear that. On the one hand, i know that preserving self-respect is important, but on the other hand I fear that I might never be happy in this relationship.
My mother says it was wrong to tell him that other women look at him, that this makes me feel insecure etc. She says that I have pushed his ego and consequently his actions are right. Now, meanwhile, he avoids any forms of conversations, says hello and doesn't shake hands; And I feel naked, as I told him all my weaknesses. I think the others noticed this change as my family is non-practising (in the West) , and so it has become embarassing.
I feel weak, naked and ashamed for being a woman, for having shown all the abysses of my female soul. And he doesn't love me the way he did before, he tries to avoid these things not to hurt me, not because they are haram. My family in the West is not practising, which makes it more difficult. And even among Muslims, the females often don't show haya, as in our native culture, men and women eat on one table.
Please help me, I'm thankful for any kind of advice. I'm losing my mind and my husband.
- Sister N.
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