Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Just found out my husband-to-be has a child

divorced family babies 300x199 %photo

I am engaged to a Muslim man since January 2010,

We have known each other for 1.5 years.  I am a Christian woman.  I just found out he has a 5 month old baby that he never told me about.  I am trying to adjust to this new situation.  I feel since he lied about and then told me the truth that he should make this situation comfortable on my behalf.  I think he should be willing to meet me halfway regarding this baby.  I know he will be in the baby's life, I don't like the fact that when he is over at the mother's house  this is putting him in a situation to mess around with her again.

As his fiance, shouldn't I have a say as to him being around this woman, especially after the way things happened?   Isn't his duty to make peace at home and for us to come to a resolution to this matter? This is extremely stressful.  How can I get him to see what this is doing to me?  And when we are married is this how things are going to be, not being able to come to agreements or work things out so both parties involved are happy?

How can I get him to see this?

- karen101


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7 Responses »

  1. I find your situation very difficult and would just like to make you aware that finding out what happened between the mother of the child and him is very important. By the way, if his baby is 5 months old and you know him from more then a year. He was probably cheating on you. If he cheated on you before, he can do it again. Islam does not allow that, no religion allows that. Which means he isn't religious and does not follow gods words. If you are seeking a true and faithful companion, make a note of his relationship towards others and god. I am not sure about his intentions to marry you and have children with other women, maybe you should find that out. And if he did want to marry a women like yourself(as I am sure he mentions) why did he not wait to be in a long-relationship such as marriage.
    Hopefully you will figure out what you can not,
    I think this man isn't right for you and you should break off the engagement-I am sure there is a true lover for you out there.

  2. hey siis after reading ur story i thought i was da only person who had thiz problem ,but i thank god 2 find som1 else in maa shose anyway ,if i were u i wouldnt get married 2 dat man of urz ,i was in ur suition b4 n i'm still on init beliv me .all i can say 2 u iz u dont want ur luved 1 2 be shread by otherz do u noo 1 does treast .maa story was that i feol in luv with maa husband very much then 1 day he told me that he has a bby but difrosd da mother ,i belived him coz itz da truth but i really get jealise of her coz she callz him 4 hiz bby n he callz her 2 i dont mind but wat i heat iz dat he askes her 4 help wen i told him i dont want u 2 do anything 2 do with her .he somtmes visitz hiz son i dont knw wat they doying are they 2gether in a sam room bala bala u knw how women thing even though maa husband really good in everyway ,but wen he goes 2 see hiz son i realllllllllllllly get angery n jalise i hav da wrght 2 be , i hop she getz married 1 day so dat he doesnt go 2 her house so siis i hop after telling u maa story u will find ur way

    • Asli, I tried to read your comment and I couldn't get past the first two lines, it's too much work trying to read this bizarre style of writing. And it makes you sound very uneducated as well, I am not saying you are uneducated, just that this style of writing comes across that way. I suggest that if you actually want people to read what you write, please write it in normal English.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Salaam.

        Wael,

        As editor of this site, could I request you remove comments like the one above which are barely understandable. I want to read other people's comments and views, but often it's just not worth it.

        Wael I cannot find a contact us section or a FAQ section. People repeatedly ask how long questions are in the "pending state", perhaps a few FAQ like this (not advice related) would save you and the other moderators/editors having to reply with the same answers in many questions.

        Mohammed.

  3. lol ur funny brov,but thankz 4 telling n ur writ

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