Leaving this homosexuality is my top priority.
Assalaamu alikum...
I´m 21 yrs of age and I´m battling with an issue which is very grave from an Islamic point of view.
Homosexuality...
Tried to look up an answer for it on other Islamic sites but don´t know why I got no answer or probably they deleted my question.
I wonder, is it such a taboo to even ask a question or ask for a little help, about it????
So my problem is that I'm battling the problem of homosexuality. I hate to call myself a Gay but the truth is that I fantasize about men. I don't know what to call myself.
Just to go back and let you know about my history.....I think I had this attraction towards men from my childhood. I've born and been brought up with girls, so for a lot of time I used to behave like girls in some things and again, at that point of time I used to hate it but then it was out of my control. But during that time, I was very good at studies and also my parents religious touch had brushed upon me as well.
My parents are extremely religious(Alhamdulillah) and I was offering prayers and going to the mosque regularly when kids of my age used to be busy playing cricket and when parents usually don´t force you that much about going to mosque.
Then a point came when I changed myself and became and behaved manly, but still the male likeliness didn´t go. I used to and still fantasize about men... hairy, bulky, chubby, older men, and that was the time when I started to all back in studies, my grades dropped, learned a lot of bad things just so that nobody dares to bully me and so on. Even worse I lost out on my Deen and my Imaan, also my namaaz.
When you are a child you don't tend to think too much about good and bad, so in my childhood I met quite a few guys or should I say adult men (Uncles) and I did the inevitable. But I always used to hate anal sex. For me it was more about sexual arousal and body play and I behaved like a top or more like a man there as well. After that another phase came where I stopped having flings and meeting any gay people, but still male attraction was there. I feel I didn't actually stop, it's just that I didn't find or I couldn't find any of them.
In between, I started to question my life. What am I doing? What is my purpose of life and where am I heading? Is this the life I want to live and how am I going to meet my God when I die? Questions like these used to come in my mind and bamboozle me.
And then a friend of mine who wasn't too close but still a friend died and that´s when I was stuck with a thought 'What if I die like this'? For surely I didn't want to die like this and that's when I decided to start namaaz again and start I did (Alhamdullilah)... Also went with the Tabligh jamaat n reached a point where I felt like keeping a beard and I did grew a beard. During this while, I prayed namaaz religiously read Quran etc n kept battling with my Nafs.
Although I didn't won completely but still I had come a long way... I used to lower my gaze when I saw any women or men, had controlled my masturbation habit a bit, etc....but then as time passed by Satan struck again and started doing what it does best. With a handy tool like internet I began looking for men who could travel to my place or men in my city.
I did meet one man, apart from that I used to have cyber sex on webcam and surfed homosexual porn. It´s only just that I didn´t have sex with anyone in person except one. And I used to get very angry at myself after doing these things and I didn´t feel myself worthy of keeping a beard and calling myslf a muslim, but still I continued with my namaaz.
With time, my degree of my Imaan got lower and lower and I felt that... I didn´t used to have the same feeling and truthfulness in my prayers like I used to have before. Then after struggling and battling within myself I cut the beard one day but promising myself that I'll continue my namaaz and I'll leave all these bad deeds. I thought that it's my bad deeds that I didn't have the tawfeeq to go on with the beard. But as if this cutting of beard was the last obstacle in shaitans way, I didn't offer namaaz again after that day except friday.... I again and still do the same things...look for gay men on internet, search porn, have c2c sex on net, and I swear by God I hate it. I just don´t know why I can´t stop it.
I'm tired of it and it's got to a point where I'm loosing it. I don't want to be a gay and I don't want to get attracted towards men. I don't know how to stop it, leaving this homosexuality is my top priority.
I'd made a headstart day before yesterday by going to the masjid twice but then again I stopped. I know I've already written a lot and only God can help me. But still with a lot of expectations I've written all of this in the hope of some advice and some help. Hope I won't be disappointed. I would really appreciate any duas n tasbeeh's. Would think you guys to have taken time to read it and please pray for me.
Saif
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As salamu alaykum, Brother,
Thank you very much for sharing.
I have you in my prayers since the first day I knew from you, Alhamdulillah.
I understand perfectly your up and down, we all go through all those struggles, today I was reading this booklet that Brother Stranger shared with us:
33 ways of developing khushu in salah.
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/books/21
and I couldn´t stop crying, how much true in there, the same with the Salat Series of Jinan Bastaki in Suhaibwebb, I´ve learnt a lot through it.
Childhood is, I believe the most vulnerable part of our life, we are so innocent and fragile, bad things happens but we don´t know how to digest or assimilate them and they are part of our life, many times interfering in the less expected way and after all that has happened to you, I understand all your strugles to deal with what was in your mind.
I do believe we can try to find who you really are beyond all the ghosts of past, what I would like to find is a middle way, where you won´t have so strongs ups and downs, where you can handle a normal life and you recognize your real being beyond all the masks of this life, insha´Allah.
As you said, I believe the same than you, only Allah(swt) can help us, only Him(swt) has the power to guide us to the Straight Path, insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah. You have cried so much, you know where your strength lies and I thank you from all my Heart that you have taken us into account to walk together this bit of our Path, you are making a difference in my Life, since the first time I knew about you, you are a man of courage, Alhamdulillah.
Today a friend of mine told me, ask to Allah(swt) ask with no limit, always telling Him(swt) that you submit to whatever He(swt) thinks is the best for you, He (swt) is shy, He(swt) fills the empty hands of the believer when we ask Him(swt). He(swt) doesn´t need our prayers, we need to pray and praise Him(swt) it is good for us to go to Him(swt), insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah.
Sister Sarah has shared with us these duas, I would encourage you to do the last one everytime you feel the whispers of Shaytan: "La hawla wala quwwata illa billah"
(There is no Might or Power except with Allah)
Du’as for anxiety/difficulty
اللَّهُمَّ إنِّي أعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَ الْحَزَنِ ، وَ الْعَجْزِ وَ الْكَسَلِ ، وَ الْبُخْلِ وَ الْجُبْنِ ، وَ ضَلَعِ الدِّيْنِ وَ غَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ
Allahumma inni a’udhubika minal hammi wal hazan, wal ‘ajzi wal kasal, wal bukhli wal jubn, wa dhala’id-dayni wa ghalabatir rijaal
O Allah! I seek refuge in You from grief and sadness, from weakness and from laziness, from miserliness and from cowardice, from being overcome by debt and from being overpowered by men (other people)
[Sahih al-Bukhari 7:158]
اللَّهُمَّ إنِّي اُنْزِلُ بِكَ حَاجَتِىْ وَ اِنْ قَصُرَ رَابِىْ وَ ضُعْفَ عَمَلِى افْتَقَرْت ;ُ اِلى رَحمَتِكَ
Allahumma inni unzila bika haajati wa-in qasuura rubbi wa du’fa ‘amali iftaqartu illa Rahmatika
O Allah! I ask You to answer my needs, though my intellect is weak, and my actions are defective, O Allah! I am in need of Your Mercy
حَسْبِيَ اللهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ
HasbiyAllahu wa ni’mal wakeel
Allah is my availer and protector and the best of aids.
رَبِّ اِنِّىْ مَغْلُوْبٌ فَانْتَصِرْ
Rabbi inni maghlubun fan-tass-ssir
O Allah! I am overpowered, so help me.
[surah al-Qamar, 54:10]
This was the du’a of sayyidna Nuh (alayhis salam) after 950 years of preaching to a stubborn people.
Also repeat "La hawla wala quwwata illa billah
(There is no Might or Power except with Allah)
She has shared with us in other post the following:
"The whispering of the devil if the starting point of all evil deeds. It begins as a whisper and turns into an evil thought. Then the devil pictures the thought in your mind and turns it into a desire, which later becomes a will. He then makes you forget all the consequences and bellittles the outcome of the sin, until you see nothing but the fulfillment of your lust. It is in the stage that the devil dispatches his soldiers to urge you to achieve your desire whenever you show any negligence" (Ibn Qayyim - Tafsir Surah Nas)
"Do you recognise this process? When you feel desire you may be at the thought stage or the later stage but remind yourself that shaytaan is whispering to you and remember that Allah is watching you."
We know the process and, second by second, we have to stablish the boundaries not to let the evil get close to us, insha´Allah. Repenting sincerely, giving up the sin for the sake of Allah(swt) and not going back to it, with Allah(swt)´s help, insha´Allah.
If you need me to go deeper, just let me know, I will be here for you, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamualaikum,
thanks a lot for those Dua's n those amazing advices....Also thank u for showering so much respect on me when i dont even deserve it......Itz really good to know that thre are still helpful people like u in this world.....May Allah bless u wid reward's here n in the hereafter......I'll surely try 2 ovrcome my problems by the grace of Allah.....May Allah be wid me , you & all of us(InshaAllah).......I'll surely pray for you......I'm deeply n humbly thanking u agn.....Keep praying for me....!!!
Walaykum as salam, Brother Saif,
So nice to know about you, Alhamdulillah, you touch my Heart again, thank you very much for your beautiful words, I don´t deserve them but I highly appreciate them and your prayers with all my Heart. I know that you will keep striving by the Grace of Allah, insha´Allah, my beloved brother, you are being already the Light for many, just for the fact of sharing with us and taking our words and thoughts into account, and I thank you deeply for that, one step that you move forward will be a shining Light for many, insha´Allah.
You do deserve my Respect, you are my Brother, you are important to me and I care about you and your circumstances, Alhamdulillah.
Barak Allah Feekum. I will keep you in my prayers, insha´Allah.
From Heart to Heart,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Please Pray for me too.......... I don't know what is going on wid me ........But i recognize that its bad .........n a sin.......I will recite these Ayats In Shah Allah ........I want to get rid of it as soon as possible ..............I think i'm at the begining of it
Asalamaolaikum brother,
I am sorry to read about your tragic situation and I apologize in advance if my post is not very helpful as I really do not have experience in this area so it may be hard for me to give you good advice. Rest assured, I will try my best from the knowledge I have.
Many people claim that homosexuality has to do with one's genes and not the environment. It’s how your internal “set up” has been made. However, in Islam we know that it is forbidden and the desired way to live is as a pair—a man and a woman. Now, from reading your post it seems as though when you were young and at a very vulnerable stage in life, you were exposed to some traumatic events. You would spend most of your time with girls so I’m assuming with dolls, stuffed animals, etc as opposed to what guys would do at that age such as cricket, soccer, etc, so you may have developed this “girlish” personality. Slowly, there came a time where you were exposed to homosexual men and you performed certain sexual acts—again for arousal purposes. This might have gotten you “fixated” at that very stage and as your initial exposure of sexual pleasure was derived from the same sex, you may have developed a liking for it? Again, take this "theory" as a pinch of salt, I am by no means an expert here—this is just my opinion.
As we know that sexual arousal is enjoyable and your first exposure to this type of foreplay and stimulation was carried out by the same sex--men. Therefore you might be feeling this attraction for men till today as it links to your childhood trauma. Like I said earlier, you may be “fixated” at that stage. What you must do now however is fight against your nafs. They say, the biggest jihad is the jihad against one’s nafs. You will feel tempted at times to go on the net and surf for such stuff but tell yourself, “What if while I am engaging in this act, I die? What if Allah swt does not give me another opportunity like he is this time?"
Also keep yourself as busy as possible. I know for guys what keeps them really busy at your age is working out at the gym and playing sports. Try to engage in such hobbies that keep you busy and make you tired at the end of the day so once you get home you don’t feel this urge to sit on the net and engage in such activities. Lastly, be patient and consistent with your salat. Make lots of duaa for yourself and remember this journey will be hard but you must fight back. This is your test from Allah swt and you must show Him that you can do it, inshAllah.
Stay strong brother.
-Helping Sister
Thnk u Sister for ur advice......thoz were some really inspiring words.......Thanx a ton for taking out the time to help me....I really appreciate......May Allah bless u wid rewards here n in the hereafter.......keep prayin sister....Thnx agn
No problem brother,
may Allah swt give you the strength to overcome and be successful in this test, ameen.
- Helping Sister
asalamu alaikum,
firstly i would like to say is never neglect your prayers. if you can pray in the masjid then alhamdulillah. this is a test so stay firm.
also i would like to say if you are capable of marriage then i advise you to get married, if not then fast, it will help you from sexual thoughts.
Abdullah (b. mas'ud) (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said to us; o young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry,
for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he who cannot afford it
should observe fast for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire.
Shahih Muslim.
inshallh hope things work out for you.
ma salama
I have the same problem all my life. I got married hoping that I would be normal but it did not happen. I have no feelings to toward women and my wife. Being married was my wrong decision. I advise all guys like me not to get married if you don't have feelings for women. That's all I wanted to say...Thanks
salaam aleykum brother,
first i want to complement you, for as i see it you have what is one of the most important things in the eyes of our Creator, Allah (swt), you have the intention to be better. Secondly you have the willingness to repent. You are on the way brother, so dont be sad.
Secondly i would like to say that im not an expert, but i am medically trained. I do believe that homosexuality is nature-nurture and you can have a genetic incline towards having sexual feelings towards same sex individuals. Remember that in case you have bad thoughts, but you dont follow them with bad actions, you will be rewarded. What i want to say is, having thoughts is not something you should at this point in time be feeling guilty about. your thoughts are between you and your Creator. It is however of the utmost importance that you dont commit acts of sin. We cannot control all our emotions and feelings, but we do control all our actions.
You must immediately stop watching or doing anything online that your Creator wouldnt approve of. I cant really relate to such a addiction, but i can understand that it seems hard to stop this. however it isnt.
1. try not to be alone, for example by living wiht your parents or other family members who adhere to the islamic faith in a way that is an example for you. Surround yourself with male muslim friends who engage in good works and are religiously following the correct path.
2. focus on things that really matter to you and to others, like helping out those who could use help, like a neigbour or a friend or visit people in the old peoples homes (do you have those in your countr?) or engage in another form of volunteer work.
3. focus on your studies and work. as you wil focus on your studies/work more you will become more succesful in them then before and this will make you proud of yourself and boost your confidence, status with others in a positive way, and keep your mind off bad things.
4. as said by another responder, engage in sports, you are 21, you have great energy, your body needs you to work out, and it will make you tired and happy fysically and emotionally. run, play soccor, basketbal, hockey anything. perhaps you could run a few times a week for an hour and listen to the Quran on your mp3 player. believe me, i tried it and it works amazingly.
Lastly in response to the last responder, i advice you NOT to get married untilll you sort yourself out. Although we humans are made to live as men and women in pairs, you ar enot ready. A woman you dont feel attracted to will not instantly cure what has been going on with you for years. Believe me i have seen men getting married thinking they can cure themselves from bad thoughts or habits and their marriages where (ofcourse) a dissapointment for both the man and the woman.
Besides no woman deserves to be married to someone who watches pornografy or engages in sins over the internet or in real life. Would you want your sister, mother, daughter, or female cousin to be married to a man who married her just to get off a horrible addiction?
Im not judging you brother, as i said i am very confident in your succes in this life and the next. I just very veyr strongly advice you not to get married just yet.
I'll pray for you and im sure you will be doing fine.
Have faith and never despair of the mercy of your Lord.
If you walk towards Him, he will come running to you....
isnt that a wonderful thing... Subhanallah
Good luck brother!
Thnk u brother.....thnx for helping......I'm sure the points u made wud be really helpfull.......nw jus keep prayin for me.....will keep prayin for u brother.....May Allah bless u wid rewards here n in the hereafter.......Thnku agn brother
This is a very good response Ma sha Allah. May God bless you for your kind understanding. I face similar problems as the person who asked this question. It is very difficult and i only keep praying to Allah for help and forgiveness. May Allah protect those who believe in Him.
dear brother saif,
asalamalikum,
iam so glad to read your mail. the pure fact that you hate being the way you are now and the fact you finally wrote about it and looking for a way out of it shows that your are not homosexual but ofcourse you are struggling with feelings of same sex attraction.alhamdulillah you are so blessed to consider it as something you want to get rid off.
i got to know that my brother is into homosexuality, and thats when i decided to search for it . i have written in detail about some of very good websites as well as a psycologist , who has been giving therapies to people struggling with same sex attraction ( Dr Joseph Nicolosi). he is very helpful and knowledgeable and experienced. you can even make a telephonic appointment with him .
dear brother, be happy on the fact that you want to come out of it, ofcourse this require some seroius investment but where there is a will there is a way and Allah will love to see that you are coming back to his way , the right way. you have tried going the wrong way and you know it very well that its not making you any happier or satisfied and its only because homosexuality is an unnatural way of life.
i will post all the links here .inshallah you will get rid this state. may Allah make it easy for you.
( if you search for homosexuality through search of this wesite you will get similar posts and they will be of help to you.) specially ' the muslim teenager one'
lots of duas for you .i will keep you in my prayers.
http://www.josephnicolosi.com
http://www.narth.com/
http://www.peoplecanchange.com
http://www.samesexattraction.com
Thank u for helping.......I'll make it a point to visit these websites for help.......I really appreciate ur help....May allah rewards u here & in the hereafter.....keep prayin....THnx agn
Assalaamu alaikum brother Saif.
Thank you for your post. I am sorry that you are struggling with this - it is the ultimate test. But Allah swt would never give any person anything which they are not capable of bearing. I pray that Allah swt helps you to overcome this. I want to add that watching porn will only enhance your desire and earn you sin so InshaAllah stopping that will help you a lot! Of course do not talk to guys any more as well, and make tawbah dear brother.
I agree with the above readers that you should definetly start with Salat - this is your link to your Creator, so do not break it. Make a firm intention to resume prayers. Do not make matters hard for yourself - do your fardh (obligatory) salat only at the start. In each salat remind yourself that once you say Allahu Akbar - you are in front of Allah. If you do not understand the meaning of what you are saying in salat - try to learn it - at least surah fatihah. Again brother go at your own pace - dont jump in the deep end, but try to increase and improve each day. After each salat sit down and recite Ayatul Kursi and tasbih an make sincere dua.
This all seems straightforward advice, apologies for that but its important, and often simple things are missed. As sister Maria wrote above:
""The whispering of the devil if the starting point of all evil deeds. It begins as a whisper and turns into an evil thought. Then the devil pictures the thought in your mind and turns it into a desire, which later becomes a will. He then makes you forget all the consequences and bellittles the outcome of the sin, until you see nothing but the fulfillment of your lust. It is in the stage that the devil dispatches his soldiers to urge you to achieve your desire whenever you show any negligence" (Ibn Qayyim - Tafsir Surah Nas)"
Do you recognise this process? When you feel desire you may be at the thought stage or the later stage but remind yourself that shaytaan is whispering to you and remember that Allah is watching you."
When you feel overcome with desire to commit a sin, remember this quote, remember that Shaytaan is beautifying these things to you. This quote had a profound effect on me, which is why I share it with others - its a beaitiful reminder. If there is no risk of others seeing it, you could put the quote up and look at it to remind yourself.
Dear brother if you strengthen your emaan and walk towards Allah, you CAN do it, you can overcome it. I just want to remind you that it is possible, and there is light at the end of the tunnel. If you walk towards Allah swt, He will run towards you!
On the authority of Anas (Radhi Allahu Ta'ala Anhu), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu alayhi wa Sallam) say:
"Allah the Almighty said: O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it."
[at-Tirmidhi, Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal]
Remember that Shaytaan wants you to feel that you are hopeless, he wants you to give up. So do not despair of Allahs mercy.
- Make the firm intention to stay away from these things
- Make sincere tawbah
- Try to work on your relationship with Allah.
- If you make a mistake, do not give up, rather make the intention firmly again and make tawbah.
I will keep you in my duas InshaAllah brother saif
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank u for helping........I really appreciate ur help....May allah rewards u here & in the hereafter...dont be apolegetic.....Ur advice, although str8frwrd, will surely help me i believe.....the fact that u took the time out to help someone is highly appreciable ...so ....THnx agn......keep prayin.
Assalaamualaikum to everyone....
I visited this website aftr a long time bcoz the last few times wen i usd to chck for any answers 2 my questions, thre wud be no answers at all.....so that was quite dissappointing....but 2day wen i see so many good natured people helping me out ....i cant resist crying......its really overwhelming to see that all u nice people hav given ur best possible advices.......
so here i take the time out to thnk all of u....Thnk u for helping me n advicing me........I really appreciate it.......Ur responses have reaffirmed the fact that there are still good people present in this world.......due to ur responses i feel a new wave of positive energy.....i am beginning to believe that i can ovrcome my problems......I need ur prayers.......so keep prayin fr me......I will keep prayin fr u....May Allah fulfiil all ur Duas....n rewards u here n in the life hereaftr.......I'll surely try to change(InshaAllah).......May Allah be wid us all.......
Saif
Thank you for your response - and Alhumdulilah I am pleased to see that you feel more positive. May Allah swt help you through this dear brother Saif. Try to remain positive - you can do it InshaAllah. Keep striving and hold on tightly to your salat and be positive. I will keep you in my duas InshaAllah.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother, I share a similar experience with you,
I had gone through exact same procedure except wid a girl, n yes i was also praying, hijab abayah everything.. u knw what led me to stop? I repented one day sincerely n realized what i was doing was animalistic it was disgusting and the pleasure with opposite sex is so much more pure n healthy n satisfying..
I realised how much more bad things wud happen when i did something, such as me hating myself, sucidal thoughts, wanting to become man just 2 marry my parnter fantasizing etc
All of dis fantasizing came from 2 much tym, I STOPPED , wid me it was harder cuz it was 1 girl n i loved her, so it was deep, but i realised i didnt really loe her n it was all just desir en the media, pornography also fed into dis.. it was a big thing from shaytan who makes eveyrifnk seems so fun.. i left - cuz i wanted 2 maryr have kids n be happy- yes i did love her a lot it was difficult, but i drank zam zam water n asjed my parnter the girl2 pra yfor me 2, n since dne its yday's past, im seeking marriage- i starte dbehaving more my gender dat really helped, so if ur a man, STOP hanging around wid females or alone, be around people- do manly things feel lyk a man, n u will be proud.. !
I started hanging out in a community meeting new ppl, i started new projects i kept myself busy.. ah looking back i fink i was an idiot what fool, and thank god , I stopped before my end wud have come !
i am going thru the same problem, i so wish i wasnt born this way... it is so depressing,, this life is so unsatisfying.... i really like all the duas and moreover so many ppl here to support man,,, this just gave me a boost of motivation... i have tears in my eyes now. SUBHANALLAH!
Are there any imams who have worked with people like us before. Allah is the Almighty!
Reaper, Asalaamualaykum,
I am sure there are Imams who understand this matter and have helped many people with this problem in the past.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum my dear brothers and sisters
I am 14 years old .I was raped when i was 2 years old by a boy who was 16.After a year we left that house to leave with my grand parents there a cousin of mine made me to sleep with by offering me candy.When I became 5 years My mum gave birth to 2 girls and I started to behave like a girl.
When I was10 I started to have a liking for men.I got into middle school and my friends started to call me boy girl.
After a year I started to have a sexual affair with my brother.Astighifigifirullah I was called to dance in a party and I danced like a girl. There some people started to call me fag . I personally didn't like that ,I Need advice please I do.
Assalam O alaikum brother Ahmad:)
I am sorry that you are going through all this unfortunately. Brother, I would have said that you should post a separate question and wait for your turn but this will take time and I can see that you need urgent help. What happened in the past is past and no one can change that now. This is something that is happening everywhere across the globe regardless of society, culture, country , gender, religion or age etc etc. Unfortunately, I see that in many cases that our Ummah is facing today; there is lack of COMMUNICATION. Sometimes between parents and children; between the siblings and between the spouses which results in a lot of problems:(
If you look at most of the rape cases that occur throughout the world; you will see something common; the perpetrator is someone who parents or that person who was raped trusts and feels safe with. I would say that here parents are to blame who just don't have a caring, friendly relationship with their children to make them feel safe and trusted so that their children can trust them and discuss their issues/problems rather then falling into wrong hands.
Also, feeling attracted toward men is normal when you grow up with girls in a house. You really become like one. However, it surprises me that you were influenced by your younger sisters; it would make sense if you had only sisters while you were growing up and they were older than you. I had a class fellow back in my school days when I was a teenager who used to act like a girl and I found it weird at time. I investigated and found out that he was the only brother of 6 sisters and also being youngest was pampered a lot.
SOLUTION: -
Brother, I can't tell you that how long it will take for you to overcome all this or it's going to be easy but Insha Allah with time you will change. Don't expect things to change over night since they have been there for years:)
First of all brother, I would say that start praying, learning Quran and spend as much time as you can in the Mosque with brothers in Halqa (I don't know your location but I am sure there must be some mosque nearby).
You definitely need to change your company and make friends who you know have good character be it at school or neighbours. Stop going to parties, dancing and other haram stuff as not only it's HARAM but it will fuel you habits and will make it almost impossible/difficult to give up even if you know that it haram.
Take a hobby or an activity or better a sports (physical one) and allocate a time for that everyday; if you can't manage everyday then do it at least 3-4 times a week. BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS TO MAKE A TIME TABLE OR PLAN AHEAD and make sure that you don't have any spare time.
Brother, I know it will be hard to stop people from calling you all those horrible things but if you change your attitude and give up those bad habits that make you act like a GIRL then insha Allah they will see a change and most likely will stop. Again, it's gonna take time. Is it possible for you to change the school and get admission in another nearby school?
I pray that Allah (swt) make this easy for you my innocent bro and help you change yourself in a positive way Insha Allah. (amin)
Please write back or if you want a more detailed or varied answer then log in and write a question so that other brothers and sisters can help you as well. I hope, I helped you in anyway Insha Allah
Wasalam,
Your brother in Islam,
Muhammad1982:)
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
assalamualaikum my dear muslim brothers and sisiet
My name is Umar.I am 14 years old.I wasn't born this way to become a homosexual but Insha Allah I will have a better future my past were nightmares of wickedness.I was born to a well oriented Islamic home but things that happen in the past were not pleasant at all.When I was 2 years of age I was forced by a boy who was 16 years of Age to have sex with him at first and didn't like then later I started to have a liking for it ASTIGFIRULLAH!Then I stared to have liking for boys and i stared to behave like a girl life is becoming complicating I am young right now I need advice please help me as 4 my brother Saif I am praying 4 you.Now I don't live in the same household with the boy I left since I was3 but it still has on effect on me.
Assalam O alaikum brother Umar:)
Sorry to hear about your struggles with homosexuality brother. Unfortunately most of the times these kind of feelings and thoughts are a result of a bad experience in the childhood. And in your case it is clear as you were raped by the this guy when you were only 2 years old. Astaghfirullah, may Allah (swt) save you and other children from child molesters/abusers(Amin). What a terrible thing to do with a child, it scares me a lot to see this becoming common in Muslim Ummah unfortunately:(
As I said above all this happened when your parents neglected you while you were very young:( Again brother I would say that please read the post above and apply the same solution to your problem and see Insha Allah how things change:) It will be very difficult to change your thoughts/feelings first but with time things will change. Start praying, take some sports and make sure that you don't sit idle because these thoughts are from Shaytan. If you have a mosque nearby then make sure that you offer all the salat with jamat and sit with people who have good morals, character and have knowledge of deen. Brother, there no better and beautiful place for Muslim to be than house of Allah (mosque) to be in. I can guarantee you that with pure and sincere intentions to change your ways coupled with repentance to Allah for your sins; you will see positive changes Insha Allah.
I hope I helped you in any way, however if you want more detailed or varied answer then please log in and submit your question as a separate post and Insha Allah other brothers and sister will help you both:)
May Allah (swt) make things easier for you both and help you change your ways and fight these thoughts/feelings from shaytan by strengthening you faith. (Amin)
Waslam,
Your brother in Islam,
Muhammad1982:)
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Asalamoalaikum brother Umar,
Your post touched my heart. I’m sorry to hear about your childhood trauma but unfortunately this has become so common in today’s society. Almost everyone has undergone something along the lines of child rape or child molestation (by either the same or opposite gender).
It may be that you have become fixated in your childhood trauma stage and since your first experience of sexual arousal was with a male this may play a role in which you now have a liking towards them. You must tell yourself though that this is strongly disliked in Allah swt’s eyes and inshAllah once you do get married you will hopefully feel content with your wife so these desires will no longer bother you.
You are young, just 14 so go out and play with your friends, make good and pious friends and offer all your required salat. In the end, make lots of duaa to Allah swt with sincere intentions that He takes this desire away from you. It will be a difficult journey but my dear little brother we all have some sort of difficulty in life that we are facing: no one is alone so try to think of this as your test.
I pray that Allah swt alleviates this pain of yours and you no longer feel a liking towards the same gender, ameen.
-Helping Sister
Brother Ahmad and Umar!
You might find these link helpful Insha Allah.
http://www.josephnicolosi.com
http://www.narth.com
http://www.peoplecanchange.com
http://www.samesexattraction.com
JazakAllah,
Muhammad1982:)
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Thank u my Muslim bro and sis .Please I will lyk 2 ask 4 special duaa that I say during the forthcoming ramadan that will help me b4 i get 2 high school in September.Bcos i don't want issues to get worse Insha Allah.You advised me about making friends d friends i have always talks about girls and pornography those are the only friends i have and I can't make friends wit other boys Bcos it's going 2 b strange dat I will be talking 2 dem but all the same ,I will always keep myself busy and I will always hang around wit boys,and finally I picked athletics as a good sport I am not dat gud at soccer but I am learning .Maybe Allah will bless me with afriends that doesn't treat me lyk a weak boy or a girlish boy.Thank u guys so much.
Thank u my Muslim bro and sis .Please I will lyk 2 ask 4 special duaa that I say during the forthcoming ramadan that will help me b4 i get 2 high school in September.Bcos i don't want issues to get worse Insha Allah.You advised me about making friends d friends i have always talks about girls and pornography those are the only friends i have and I can't make friends wit other boys Bcos it's going 2 b strange dat I will be talking 2 dem but all the same ,I will always keep myself busy and I will always hang around wit boys,and finally I picked athletics as a good sport I am not dat gud at soccer but I am learning .Maybe Allah will bless me with afriends that doesn't treat me lyk a weak boy or a girlish boy.Thank u guys so much.I am the same guy as Ahmad I was afraid to tell my identity
Assalaamualikum.I felt after asking a question and gettin ur answers i shud leave a response abt hw much hav i chnged n wat efforts have i put in.Its like shoin my report card.N my result is that ive failed.N that too miserably.I still dnt offer salah.I still contnue the vulgarity on net.No matter hw much i wnt i just cant help it.Masterbation is another problem of mine that i havnt been able to stop.my life is in tatters.no matter hw much i try to stop the ways arent paving.something just tells me to stop.i wanna do so many thngs in my daily routine but even small thngs like painting, gardening, or some other wrk seems a big task.somethng makes me lazy fr it.even my hobbies seem boring n unintrstng to me.n the funniest prt is that i kno the solution of all prblms..i.e.more effort.but i somehw dnt even end up doin tht.its like ive fallen into a muddy pit n the more i try to come out the more i go in.Dunno wat shud i do or wat is the cause of my problm.Plus Ramadan is comin.I dnt want it to go waste.I every year keep fast for all 30 days of ramadan.But i kno they wre just in name.Last yr i did keep fast in true spirit.offered prayers.nvr missed taraweeh.but i kno still i missed the chance of doin this fr full 30 days n i ended up wastin my 2-3 days coz of these thngs.this yr i dnt want thngs thngs to get repeated.
so plz help.
also ive another question.althgh i wnt to ask it as a seperate questn but it actually is for ramadan n for a non muslim frnd.so it usually takes time to get answers fr questns n its urgntly reqrd...thats why im askin here.
A non muslim frnd askd if he cud keep fast fr one day during ramadan.he wntd to feel wat muslims feel.also he wntd to keep fast as a mark of respect fr a muslim frnd of his.i tld him that i'll ask someone n then let him kno.but i also tld him that muslims keep fast for the lov of God n it cant be fr lov of any prsn.Plus i tld him its nt abt remaining without food fr day.its abt praising our Lord.he askd me if islam will allow him to fast.I tld him that he;s a non muslim so i dunno if Islamic laws will apply to him.or whthr its even a questn of islam allowing or not.anyways im a lay man.so its better if any knowledgeable prsn hlps me in this..but plz asap.coz ramadan is coming n i need to answerr him.Hope i wnt be disappointed
Walaykum as salam, brother,
Alhamdulillah, you came to us again, my brother, you are a young man and every breath you take you have the choice to return to Allah(swt). One day, a friend of mine told me, "evil is always around good people, tempting, lost people are just lost, they don´t care about the people that are already lost with them the work is done, but good people is good prey for them, everytime they sin, they laugh" It seems to me, you are one of the good ones, but you are not repealing evil. I acknowledge your power to surrender to Allah(swt) in every breath you take, I acknowledge your power to go to Allah(swt) to look for guidance and help to do what is necessary to have a strong iman and repeal evil, Insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah.
When we bend our knees and we postrate on the floor during salat, we are surrendering to Allah(swt), this moment is between Him(swt) and us, Alhamdulillah. Brother, do your salat, we all meet at the time of salat, doesn´t matter where we are in the world, we are one at the time of salat, if we do it on time, we synchronized ourselves to the rest of our brothers and sisters, we meet Allah(swt) at the time of salat. We have this amazing blessing, please do it, Insha´Allah.
If you feel physically weak, go to a doctor and be checked, have a blood test and see if you have any problem, Allah(swt) forbids, tell him you feel lack of energy even for little things. Eat well, exercise and fill your body with clean and good energy, Insha´Allah.
Sexual energy is the energy of life, when masturbation occurs, energy of life is being wasted, suffering and weaknesses appear. You don´t have the power by yourself to stop this from happening, you can try to stop it, five minutes, then ten, then twenty, then thirty, then one hour, one hour more, give yourself an opportunity with Allah(swt) help and guidance, I believe you can do it, Insha´Allah.
Read, recite and listen the Quran.
Related to your friend, guide him to the Masjid to talk to the Imaam, he will help him, insha´Allah.
I believe in you, brother, since the first moment I knew about you and I still do. I acknowledge your struggles and your suffering.
May Allah(swt) guide and help you to the best for you. Ameen.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
thnk u fr answring....just like the last time...this time agn i feel some kinda positive energy.....i feel like i can do it....hope that this energy stays wid me n doesnt vanish just lik the last time.....
i thnk i now hav to tak a stand...im tired of askin agn n agn.....even though i kno the answer....this thing is pretty confusing.....its like i kno wat ive to do...i kno i gotta offer salah. i kno i hav to stop masturbation. the process is tuff but at the same time a lil tricky....i cant stop at once so i kno ive to go slo with it....i gotta decrease the no of masturbations slowly till the time i stop InshaAllah....i kno i gotta try...i kno it all....but the problem bein that i dnt seem to make effort jus demoralises me....i kno the answer even to this....i gotta ask for Allahs help...gotta pray to Him......
I kno only doin a lil bit of effort myslf will hlp me.....Hope i do that lil bit of effort.......Thnx fr answering sister....ur wrds were motivating.......
keep praying for me...n for all thoz whu face a problem like this....
May peace mercy & blessings of Allah be upon u
As salamu alaykum,
When the thought of masturbating comes to you, remember it is a whisper from Shaytan to make you weaker and easily manipulated, you deserve better than that, look for refuge on Allah(swt).
Bismillah, Allahu Akhbar, Bismillahi alladhi la yadurru ma`a ismihi shay’un fi al-ardi wa la fi as-sama’i wa huwa as-sami`u al-`alim (In the name of Allah; with His name, nothing whatsoever on earth or heaven can inflict any harm; He is All-Hearing and All-Knowing).
I keep praying for you, brother, insha´Allah, do your homework and Insha´Allah, in time, you will be the one helping others facing problems. You are strong brother, to begin is just one step at the time, Alhamdulillah.
From Heart to Heart,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear sister,
My wife is going through a similar problem and I need help of advice how to make her return back to me with the help of Allah. Please email me a response with the following email address so that I could discuss in details:
Thank you so much
May Allah give you Jannah.
Your brother Malik
I'm sorry brother Malik, we do not offer advice by email and we do not allow posting private contact information. Please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah. May Allah aid you in your difficulties.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams Brother Saif..
Firstly congratulations on being able to admit that you have this have problem, as you are aware you are not alone in this struggle, and there are many who are struggling silently.
It is definately possible to overcome this, but it is all down to you.. no one can help you unless you help yourself. Your nafs is has a very strong hold on you, and your heart is diseased with sins of the flesh, but as mentioned earlier the fact that you show remorse for your actions is a sign that Allah is still calling you back to him... dont let this opportunity slip. he is the most merciful.
Bruv would love to talk to you, but its probably not possible to contact you directly via here. but please take this suggestion on board;
There is a book called ' A Poor Mans Book Of Assistance' which has been transalated and recorded as a lecture series by Sheikh Hamza Yusuf, it is widely available online- just google it.
Listen to this series of lectures from beginning to end and you will inshallah learn a lot. It is a very comprehensive series on matters of the soul, nafs and heart, im sure it will provide you with valuable insight in to the islamic view on tawba, change, self control, self development and how to make lasting change.
Remember change does not happen overnight you must work at it, always beleive that if Allah willed he can remove this from u in an instance- but until that happens you must strive for it just incase it doesnt.. one small step at a time.. dont lose focus of the goal but dont try to rush to get there...
remember me in your duas.
May allah purify you of this evil. Ameen.
THnx a ton for thoz words....I'll download thoz lectures...n listen to 'em....n then surely get back to you....InshaAllah Wen i get back....I'll be a changed prsn.....Pray fr me....n may Allah shower His blessings upon u here n in the hereaftr.....Stay Blessed
Assalaamualaikum....
Ramadhaan Mubarak to everyone...
U'll be glad to kno that this Ramadhaan I'm tryin to make progress....I been diverting my mind from evil thoughts, offering prayers....n trying to be as holy as psbl.....
I intended to read Quran this month n complete it.....but the problem is i strtd quran last Ramadhaan also but read it only upto half n then left it midway......i nvr read it agn.....so this ramadhaan shud i cmplkte it frst or can i strt a Quran frm start...plz help
Walaykum as salam, brother Nimfeo,
Ramadhan Mubarak.
In this beautiful post you will find a comment by Sister I submit to Allah, that has a link to read the Quran in 30 days, sure it will be helpful, insha´allah.
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/ramadan-mubarak/ This post is really inspiring, masha´Allah.
Here is the link:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/2946704/How-to-finish-the-Quran-in-30-days
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As Salaamu Alaikum dear brother Saif,
When I read your posting on this site, I was imbued with emotion… overwhelming emotion. Reading your post was as if someone when into my deepest, darkest subconscious and wrote it out of what they found. My brother, I have been struggling with this all my life; Shaytan is the chief deceiver. Quran teaches us that Shaytan and his progeny (it actually refers to Shaytan in the plural) is an avowed enemy to man. He can see us from a position where we cannot see him… and he is forever calculating and plotting to take as many of us to the Fire with him as he can. Surely Allah (swt) speaks the truth.
For me, the story of Iblis is a poignant example of why pride is one of the seven deadly sins. The differences between us and him is that Hell is the final abode for Shaytan; Allah (swt) has given mankind respite and clear signs to receive admonition and to repent, for he is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful of those who show mercy.
What a beautiful, inspiring post sister Sara wrote earlier, and I quote:
“On the authority of Anas (Radhi Allahu Ta'ala Anhu), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu alayhi wa Sallam) say:
"Allah the Almighty said: O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it."
[at-Tirmidhi, Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal]
The Shaytan know the wrath of Allah and they fear Him… make no mistake about that. What is so sinister is that the Shaytan make these false desires seem so alluring, that we forget that by doing that deed or that act, we are incurring the wrath of Allah. The difference is that we can repent if we truly want to repent during the course of our lives; Hell is the final abode for the Shaytan. So yes, they hate us and they will stop at nothing to bring us to the Fire with them.
I don’t want to seem like I’m preaching brother, but as I write to you I am strengthening the conviction of my own resolve with this issue. It is HARD to do; but as a famous Imam once said “ Is even the urge to live stronger than the urge to obey Allah?” Allah will forgive again and again… do not loose site of that. You are not alone brother, there are so many of us who struggle with this. Don’t give up and know that I am praying for you (Dua), Umar, myself and all of us that deal with this.
As Salaam Alaikum
Latif
P.S. Ramadan Mubarak
Some soothing words from 'Dont Neglect the Sunnah':
Oh Allah,
I told you: I'm in pain
You said: 'Do not despair of the mercy of Allaah...' (39:53)
I told you: Nobody knows what is in my heart
You said: 'Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest' (13:28)
I told you: Many people hurt me
You said: 'So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them' (3:159)
I told you: I feel I'm alone
You said: 'We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein' (50:16)
I told you: My sins are so many
You said: 'And who can forgive sins except Allah?' (3:135)
I told you: Do not leave me
You said: 'So remember Me; I will remember you...' (2:152)
I told you: I'm facing a lot of difficulties in life
You said: 'And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out' (65:2)
I told you: I have many dreams that I want to come true
You said: 'Call upon Me; I will respond to you.' (40:60)
Subhan'Allah
By: Dont Neglect The Sunnah
really beautiful...
thnQ brother Latif for thoz words....evrytime i see a msg or a post here , i resolve to be stronger than ever.
hope that i do end up being so strong that i fight the devil.More than that i wish to fight the Nafs, the devil that resides within,
words of brothers like u keep me strong.
May Allah Shower His mercy N Blessings upon u here n in the hereafter.
Keep prayin brother.
May God help u , me n all...!
Eid Greetings in advance brother
Salaams
check out the following ebook,
hopefully will help.
Please share....
http://www.scribd.com/doc/63466375/A-Silent-Struggle-to-the-Straight-Path
Interesting resource, thank you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you
please save a copy and upload to other sharing sites, or pass on the links...
Regards.
Aoa,
Dear All,
i am another seriously perturbed brother. my age is 28. i m involved in homosexuality since my childhood because of my cousin, who seduced and lured into this cardinal sin.
i have suffered a lot because of this habit of homosexuality. i lost my money, distracted from the studies, couldnt get desired job etc etc. in simple words, i lost so much coz of this.
previously, i tried to find some Islamic solution to my this grave problem but all efforts went in vain. Now, i am in deep trouble and and want to get my self out of this. i have already lost a lot n dont wana lose anymore. Kindly, guide me and suggest me any recitation, which can help me get rid of this sin completely.
waiting very impatiently for ur reply plz.
Many Many thanks in anticipation, if u people help me in this, Allah will, Insha Allah, help yourselves as well.
Walaikum salaam,
Brother, your intention is the greatest first step, so know that in this you are making a tremendous turn in your life. Right now you are a person who engaged in sins. Yet, WHO you will become, and started life as, is a servant of Allah (swt). Learn to reach that stage of a servant, who is obedient, modest and humble in front of His Lord.
I will recommend a few things in light of practical Islamic and practical lifestyle steps to take.
It's important that you leave all friends, associates or sexual partners that are homosexual, bisexual or delve into those types of behaviors. Those people will lead you astray, particularly since you are predisposed to this notion through experience and sexual abuse. You must break all ties, deleting phone numbers, emails, facebook friends and any real world contact, etc. Even if it means finding another job in a more conservative environment, moving, etc. You need to avoid all the old places that also contributed or affiliated your homosexual encounters, meets, contacts, etc., i.e. clubs, restaurants, gyms or wherever. If you bought any clothes for specifically "going out" when you engaged in sexual actions with men, get rid of them by donating them to charity. Same thing with colognes, shoes, etc. Begin to disassociate from everything that was a part of your homosexual experiences. And if you gained weight during this time of sinning, lose it as it is also a remembrance of past sinful indulgences. Also, if your homosexual actions oppressed anyone like your family or others, resolve and make amends for those wrongs.
The most important step is to realize that the homosexual desire inside of you was brought through sexual abuse at a young age, as you have done. During this time as a child, you had not fully developed either emotionally, intellectually or physically. In fact, the frontal lobe of your brain is just finishing it's full growth unlike the rest of your body which stopped growing several years ago. Therefore, what you experienced in the past and what was done to you is NOT who you are. You are who you choose to be under the submission to Allah's Will (swt). Remember this.
Due to the above mentioned realization of what sexual abuse caused you to desire at your most impressionable age, you will need to seek psychological counseling due to the sexual abuse. In your case, it is highly recommended that you find an Islamic scholar who is also a psychologist or can be of help in addition to the mental therapy you need. There are several scholars in the States, U.K and Europe who deal with these issues discreetly and kindly, so seek them out or one from your area.
There are so many Qur'anic verses to cover, in fact the whole Qur'an could be used in your case to help you and perhaps that is what you need to do: surround yourself with Islam and knowledge to reform your life and replace the bad past sins with the good deeds of today and tomorrow. You need to find some good, straight brothers that can help you and support you, through groups and social activities. Not those guys who run around throwing the word "kuffar" at everyone, but good Muslim brothers who understand that Islam is not here to senselessly attack others, but to mend, heal and help you out from distress.
Try not to spend too much time alone as to allow your thoughts and lower desires to wander. Learn to abstain from sexual thoughts and indulging in them by keeping the remembrance of Allah (swt) always on your tongue. In fact, keep away from sexual websites or anything that excites you sexually. This is to cleanse yourself and purify your environment and mind. Learn what your triggers are, too. For example, if looking at certain magazines gets you excited, then abandon those avenues completely. Just like someone who is obese shouldn't be near the ice cream aisle, you also need to avoid those things that make you weak in resolve.
Always try to stay in a state of wudu/physical purity. Keep some tasbih beads with you, an ayat in your car hanging off the rear view mirror, a Qur'an and hadith phone app, Qur'anic shortcuts on your toolbar (linked one below), and find the best Qur'an for you to keep and recite from on a daily basis, especially after prayer. Try to select a verse or hadith to learn and ponder on as often as possible whether it's daily or weekly. It could be one hadith that you try implementing in your life for each day, such as always saying, "Bismillah" before eating and "Alhamudlillah" after eating or stepping out of the house. Constant remembrance and actions is the key.
http://www.quranexplorer.com/quran/
Prayer and good deeds are the biggest aspect of our lives. I remember reading that there are two kinds of Muslims: those who fit prayer into their day, and those who place their day around their prayer. Be like the latter, and look forward to it to being the height of your existence. Look for a particular book that helps you to focus concentrating in salaah, as there are so many good ones out there. Couple this with good deeds, as well. Make it a habit to feed a poor person every day, perhaps an elderly person in your family or in your community. Join Habitat for Humanity, volunteer at a soup kitchen and learn to establish your self worth.
Lastly, coming here and typing your plea for help is a significant step in the right direction. You may make another mistake in the future, but keep to your intention to change. Don't ever let anything or anyone, including yourself, to turn you away from Allah (swt).
I need to talk to you
Assalaamualaikam
You are welcome to submit a question for publication. However, we do not permit the exchange of private contact information on this site.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
ASSALAAMU ALAIKUM ALL.
Dear saif,
me too have the same problem. Iam 30 years old man. you have to first free yourself from porn.
please listen the full lecture. it will help you:
part one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EePVvV8XW4
part two : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BopcZ7o7QxQ
part three : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwDjQv5F2YU
please share your mail id. if you wish. so that we can talk much better. May ALLAH grant us Taufeeq. Ameen
We do not allow sharing private contact info.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu Alaikum brother "Rush towards Allah"; nd saif
Me too have similar problem ever since i can remeber.
I did all those evil actions with my cousins many years and the ultimate results are following;
1)Got severe Anxiety disorders like ocd
2)problems in marriage life which i do believe that i can overcome..but could have been avoided if i had quit this terrible addiction much earlier...
3)still have attractions now nd then with other guys which makes me highly depressed....
4)sometimes suicidal thoughts nd complete lack of interest in life
I really want to get rid this habit 100% from my whole life..i would like to talk with saif and "rush towards Allah"..if you people are ok to talk with it...need a helping hand although the biggest and the Ultimate Help is only from Allah (swt)
Regards;
Mohamed
Pleasr pray for me too ... I am 17 years old and have the same problem as Saif but my problem is worse .... I enacted multiple times homosex and still attracted towards it knowing that it is highly forbidden in Islam ... I don't know the way ojt ... I don't find khushi or satisfaction in namaaz ... I want to leave it and be clean in front of God
Assalaamu Alaukum brother...
I will tell you one thing.....this is a huge huge trap....once you put a step into it...its like pulling you down more and more and finally you suffocate and leave all the hopes.....
I am suffering a lot because of it.....simple attractions; curiosity of thinking about the size of other's penises; forgetting that i am a male in front of Masculine guy's glances nd approaches;physical effeminate traits;depression;anxiety of even breathing etc etc
In my life i cried a lot.....because of it....then i again forget things when i get into any such situations then will ultimately cheat my identity and once i am away from the situation think guilty about what i thought;what i have glanced;what my response to those attractions;guilty and depressed about merely thinking about how i got that attraction at that particular moment....
I am really fed up brother; really dont find a point in continuing this life;now i am asking only one thing to Allah...if in His Broad wisdom He finds that there is no benefit about my future life;please take my soul out my body as early as possible when in emaan....i am doing a big cheating to my parents;my wife and my siblings by praying so...but cant take up anything further...so tired about my condition...i am just 28 now...but suffering like anything.....Ironically i will forget all these sufferings and get seduced by other's masculinity again and again and again And again a thousand lakhs of times.....that is the mysterious character of this slow poisoning addiction....
Brother;you are just 17 only...please try to stop the enactment of this horrible thing immediately...otherwise i challenge you....no psychiatrists;no emaams;no medicine nothing can really cure you from this condition...
If you see any children in your family or anywhere else doing this act warn and embarass them severely so that they should never try to attempt it again..that will be a huge help to the coming generations....
We can make Allah sincere dua to heal our hearts and to get a peaceful life without this horrible addiction
Jazakhallah khairan
Mohamed
Dear Brothers,
I totally understand the misery and suffering...
I lived it... my advice for you
thoughts will stay there (or decrease) but most importantly.... do not act upon the thought....
run away , call your best friend, pray, eat, read... do anything that takes you away
(not easy .... but doable.... you will fail one time, two times, it is okay, most important, you have the intention to not act upon... seek tawba again)
Remember to not act upon the thought....
Try to think of what is in you making you to have this desire.... are you trying to compare your masculinity or you seek love or what is the hidden desire... explore this area between you and yourself.... and affirm that we are born heterosexual Yet something happened.... beyond our control sometimes....
but it is doable that we return back to our fitra (instinct)
in parallel do not forget ur deen at all..
whenever you have these thoughts and you do not act upon think of the REWARD you get....
it is like a cancer nd you have pain,.,,, do not act upon your impulsion....
God bless you all , make dua for everyone and for me
Assalamu Alaikum brother
Jazakhallah brother for your reply...if you can elaborate the practical steps that you had taken to get rid of this behaviour it might be an eye opening for many
Brother;suffered a lot...suffering now...dnt want to suffer in future at least....i seriously doubt about my level of determination to change...otherwise i would not have experienced these attractions recurringly....
Jazakhallah khairan
Regards
Mohamed
I think shaytan got you from an early age. It could be magic done on you since you are a little kid. You should repent from your sin and never do it again. You should do Ruqyah as well. Nobody is born gay. We are all born with our fitrah and it is shaytan who gives you this doubts and makes you think about men. Do self ruqyah. Look it up in the internet and in sha Allah your doubts and your homosexuality will go away when you repent to Allah and do ruqya.
May Allah help you