Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He’s leaving me penniless and homeless in Egypt!

Homeless youth, running away, street kid

My Muslim husband of 6 years was on holiday with me in the UK when he applied for a job in Dubai from there, so he over stayed his holiday visa in view of ensuring he definitely got the job! When he got his work permit granted,  he flew straight to Dubai from the UK, leaving me to return to our home in Egypt alone.

Things were nice and we were happy that he was starting a new career, and things were looking good for us. We planned as usual for our future, where we would have eventually moved there to be together.

The first few weeks of him being away were stressful for us both. I was  worried for him, and he was stressed with the intense training he had. Our Skype conversation was fine, and I was proud of him, yet he was unhappy because we had never been apart from each other in all the time we were married.

Our finances were very limited, and the cost and expenses to make this job work for him went over our budget leaving us both penniless.  But we knew in the end his earnings would repay our debts we ran up to get him this excellent position, a job he could never have gotten if he was in Egypt where we lived.

I came back to Egypt and struggled on alone with no income,  just the help of family got me through while he finished his training and started earning for us both. After 6 weeks he finished his first training,  and he was still very sad, but relieved he got through the first stage.

At the end of that stage all his work collegues celebrated. They had a party where they had alcoholic drinks, and they took pictures of him drunk, though he does not normally drink.  They humiliated him and made him look very silly, and  they put these pictures on facebook where I saw them. I was horrified and so upset that they did this to my husband, so I asked that the pictures be removed before he saw them himself.

As I am English and these people that posted these pictures of him were English too, I knew how to approach them without being nasty, and asked them politely to remove them. I never said who I was and never mentioned that I was married to him, I just wanted to respect our privacy while he was new and just making friends in his new job!

I t was after this indident our relationship took a horrific turn for the worse.  He changed.  He became nasty with me and always angry with me. All the time I was thinking I was putting too much a hold on him. He no longer called me- it was always me that called him, and when he answered he was nasty. I was confused, and I couldn't understand why he was so aggressive with me.  It was like he did not want me to exist in his new life. Yet he was still concerned with my welfare and still spoke of our future, and he even said he had no intentions of staying in the job because he hated it! So I just took the slander and the nastiness from him thinking he was just stressed.  I was constantly worried for him. I could feel he was changing, but I could not understand why he was taking it out on me.

After 2 months of being in the job I was informed he was involved with an indian girl.  A friend he worked with messaged me as if I was just a friend and not really involved with him. Again I said nothing to this person that I was married to him, they were telling me this just in general chat.

I was devastated. I asked him about this and he told me I was stupid and crazy and that person was a liar. So I let that accusation go over my head and tried to forget it. But our conversations got worse, and again his friends in Egypt told me things that again I ignored- say he has a new life and all this stuff.

He eventually came home to me after 4 months away. He was really very strange at first, but eventually we were fine and our normal selves again, BUT I still had no money from him. I was still broke- no money for food or water, but he said his wages had not been paid and the small amount he had was for medical and dental fees.

He returned to work, and there was still no money from him. Two weeks into returning to his work he called me telling me he had a new life and a future with another man! I knew it was not true, but I knew know something was bad between us. It was then I saw pictures of him with an indian girl in Dubai, a girl who was always speaking with me online like she was my friend, and she knew we were married from the start. I still could not believe what I was hearing until I heard that he took her to our family home in Egypt where his mother arranged their engagment party for them. I never even knew he had come back to Egypt for a holiday!

I am devastated, his mother and family are very close to me. I lived with them for 3 years as they are my family, and have been in the country all this time with my husband.

Apparently when he returned to Dubai, he said he never ever got engaged to this girl, and it was just a thing to satify his mother and to allow her to stay in the home with him. I KNEW NOTHING OF THIS GOING ON!  I till have had no money or support from my husband to now, and we are very, very out of communication. He says he never got engaged and he never did bad to me, yet the girl and everyone else has told me he has been in a very sexual relationship since last October when he finished his training.

The problem is now he wants me out of my villa that I bought, and he wants it sold. He says he wants to move on, yet he won't admit to his adultery. I am here alone now in Egypt with no money or family, and I can't survive here. I am living in a slum of a house and I can't afford my bills. I have sold things to survive- my cooker , tv, and many other things, now I am running out of stuff. I can't go back to the UK because I have no home there. I have no job here because I have no work permit for Egypt, he never wanted me to work so I never needed it.

I know that Dubai has very strict laws for unlawful sexual relations, and the fact that I am married legally in the ministry of justice, and also in the Islamic way too, makes my loyality to my marriage so true. I can't believe my Muslim husband has left me this way- penniless and soon to be homeless!

-honesty

 

 


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9 Responses »

  1. It seems like your marriage is over. Did your husband get UK citizenship by marrying you? He just used you. If you own the villa where you live, sell it and move back to UK.

    Your husband is Muslim and can have 4 wives. He may have already married the other girl. You don't have any evidence to prove adultery.

    • You are completely wrong! A Muslim man can have 4 wives IF he can provide for all of them. The fact that he doesn't even provide for his 1st makes it illegal for him to take another. Men are not allowed 4 wives unconditionally in Islam. God clearly states a man only has this right if he can afford the responsibilities of more than one wife.

      To OP:
      I'm not sure what you want advice on? You have clearly been way too gullible in regards to your husband, even though the proof of his sins and betrayal have been very clear and right in your face. But as you say, you CHOSE to ignore the facts. And you have chosen to make yourself dependant on your unreliable, cheating, irresponsible husband, which you suffer the consequences of now. Honstly, I have never understood why any woman in 2014 makes herself a homemaker who can't look after herself outside of the domestic work. When the rate for divorces and infidelity are so high all over the world, the worst thing a woman can do to herself is to give up her independence for a man.

      If you patch it up with your husband now and accept everything wrong he has done to you, you are going to appear like a mug in his eyes, and there will probably be no limits as to what else idiotic and sinful he will do to you. My suggestion is to go back to the UK and try to get yourself sorted there. Try get a job and a place to live, and slowly gain your independence. It's not going to be easy, but inshallah everything is possible.

      • Leylani: You are completely wrong! A Muslim man can have 4 wives IF he can provide for all of them. The fact that he doesn't even provide for his 1st makes it illegal for him to take another.

        What do you mean it is illegal for him to take another wife. Can he be punished under Islamic laws? Most men marry again to get a younger and attractive wife.

        • I mean, Allah has clearly stated that men are only allowed to take more than one wife if they have the means to provide for them all equally, and treat them justly. If they can't, they only have the right to one wife. This man says he can't even afford to provide for his first wife, so why is he taking another? He's not allowed.

          I'm not sure if he will be punished under islamic law. But it's a sin to be unfair to one's wife (leaving one penniless and alone, while providing and caring for the other), and it's a sin to do something God has said you can't do (taking another wife when you are not supposed to, committing zina, etc. - as this man has done). So if the punishment isn't provided by islamic law, it sure will be provided by God on the day of judgement.

  2. Im sorry to hear that you going through a difficult time. Is it possible for you to apply for work permit? If so i think you should apply for it. If you cant then best thing to do is sell the villa and move back to the Uk so you could work. Dont delay, Drastic time needs drastic measures. Some men are conniving, selfish, devious. They only hang around till they find something better.

    no matter what never give your villa to your husband.

    peace...

  3. I am so sorry you have to go through this but you must get out of there! Please come back to the UK you will be protected by British rights- the government will provide you housing and benefits until you are able to support yourself again. There's so many charities and organisations who help women in your situation and the muslims community here would do a lot to help you as well. I'm awfully sorry about what has happened but please stay strong and have faith- your husband and his family are not good people, never mind muslim

  4. Assalaamualaikam

    Contact the British Embassy in Cairo (contact details are online at http://www.gov.uk, including telephone numbers) - as a UK citizen, they will help you get out of this situation and back to the UK.

    Going back to the UK might not seem like a great option if you don't have anywhere to go there, but it's better than the alternative of being homeless and destitute in a foreign country. In the UK, UK citizens are eligible for basic accommodation and financial support from the government, until they can get back on their feet. Plus, if you have any family here, inshaAllah they will likely be willing to help as well.

    Also, there are very supportive and close-knit Muslim communities in the UK (in pretty much every city I've visited, anyway), with lots of community work going on to support our brothers and sisters in need, both in the UK and abroad. You won't be alone.

    This guy has treated you appallingly. I'm no lawyer, but I'd guess you'd have a very good case for divorcing him, given that he's essentially trying to make you homeless, not providing for any of your needs or Islamic rights, and is not being just in his dealings with you. As Sr Leylani has said, polygamy is only accepted if a man can treat his wives justly - which this guy is blatantly not doing.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  5. Come back to the Uk!! There are indeed many charities here to help you out. You can't trust this man. Trust me I am in same dilemma. I am so sorry about all this you have endured.
    Also if he has married this other lady then you can't do anything about it unfortunately. Some men make use of this Islamic law in the wrong way. They don't care if they are fulfilling rights equally or not. They just hold on to this that they are men and they are allowed to have four wives so no one has the right to question them even though the first wife has every right to object but they don't care.
    And these women who know the man is married but still go after him and keep relations with him. She shouldn't get too happy.
    If the man leaves his wife for her or marries her who's to say he won't do the same to her.
    First come to UK then see what you want to do next.

    • GoodDay honesty.

      I advise you to first accept what had happened and try to make your self a blueprint to succeed. Do not let your emotions overcome you, rather do not fall victim to him No longer. As for you (personally) ; you ought to resaerch into islam embrace it and sincerely call upon your lord (Allah) that he aids you and rectfies your affairs qnd guides you correctly. The prophet said " ALLAH DOES NOT RECTIFY THE CONDITION OF A PEOPLE UNTILL THEY RECTIFY THEMSELVES" so change yourself become a person who is close to her creator who fears,hopes,loves and depends upon him alone not any man.

      As for him; Verily he is a shameless man who needs to turn to allah rectify himself and repent for what he has done to you of oppression and what wrong he did to himself, indeed our lord is He who is swift in account. He had oppressed you and IF you wish to make dua againts him then know that there is NOTHING between the dua (supplication) of the oppressed one and Allah However, if it is that you wish to forgive him and move on, then its more honourable for you and allah honours the one who forgives.

      Learn from this .... do not dispair of the mercy of your lord and be patient, do not jump to conclusion have composure and act honourably because in the end what he did will haunt him.

      May allah rectify your sitauation and look after you, if you are not a muslim please know that islam is against everything evil this man has done, we are concerned about you.

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