Losing virginity in Islamic perspective.
Asalaamualaikum,
In Islamic perspective, how is a woman considered as losing virginity? Is it by intercourse with a man? If the hymen of a woman is broken by other things such as tampons, is she considered as not a virgin?
What happens to a woman who do not bleed in the first time she had intercourse with her husband, can he accuse her of not being a virgin? How to know if the woman is a virgin or not if not based on the hymen? Does a woman who masturbated is considered as not a virgin? What are the ways for a woman to stop from masturbating? How to repent to Allah and never go back again in repeating the sin?
Please answers all these questions, all help is very much appreciated. Thank you for your answers.
Waslam,
Anna89.
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W/salaam Anna.
It is true that if a woman is a virgin, she may still have an intact hymen which may cause her to bleed when first having relations. A broken hymen does not equal loss of virginity. A woman (or a man) only loses her virginity through full sexual intercourse.
A hymen can break for numerous reasons such as some sports, horseriding etc. The general consensus is that masterbation and tampons do not break the hymen as they not far enough but of course its possible that they can do. Avoid masterbation as its a sin, and although to the best of my knowledge using tampons is not a sin, it may be a good idea to avoid tampons if you are worried about your hymen.
Some men do care a lot about virginity and intact hymen. But the 'hymen test' is not foolproof. Virgins may have a a broken hymen and may not bleed. A husband may accuse his wife if she doesnt bleed, but he shouldnt. As Muslims we should assume the best about one another, not the worst. Even if a woman was not a virgin, she should have repented and that sin is between her and Allah. He has right to pressure her to disclose that sin and it is a sin for her to disclose it, unless she is doing it seeking advice from Muslims. Accusing someone is not a sign of a good character and we should be aiming to marry someone with good deen and character.
If the guy is hung up on the whole hymen/virginity thing its likely to show. So as Muslims we should all take care to choose a partner who will cover our faults not accuse us. If someone questions you excessively about your past, dont marry him - he will only cause you trouble later.
Staying away from Masterbation:
18 Ways To Survive In Temptation Island!!
Yes, it's hard, especially when you're constantly bombarded with obscene images: that hot, scantily clad guy or gal in the magazine luring you; or the persistent emphasis on sex in the movies (even Toy Story or Spider Man!); or the pervasive links to pornography while you may simply be checking your e-mail. How can you protect yourself from all of this?
1. Don't forget the power of Allah's Remembrance (Dhikr)!
It is the most powerful of all the defences. Regular reading of prescribed Du'as will develop your Taqwa (consciousness) and keep you mindful of what thoughts you entertain. Ya Khabeeru (The One who is all-aware): constant recitation will decrease your nafs
2. Remember your Accountability to Allah.
In Islam, you're fully accountable as soon as you understand and feel such temptations. Your eyes will testify about what you looked at on the Day of Judgment.
3. Always walk with your gaze lowered.
But make sure not to bump into a hydro post! Lowering the gaze does not mean that you cannot have any 'eye contact' as you walk or during a conversation. It means that you keep your eyes under control.
4. Take the Right Seat!
In a public place (e.g. café), choose a seat that minimizes your view-frame and avoid mixed-crowds. It is precisely about such comfortable gazing at the attractive features of the passers-by that the Prophet (SAW) advised 'Ali ibn Abi Talib: "Ali, do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second." (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidhi.)
5. Hangout with those known for noble character and modesty.
When you are around good people, they can remind you to abstain from that which Allah dislikes. As the Prophet (SAW) said, "A person is likely to follow the faith of his friends, so be careful about who you make your friend." (Ahmad.)
6. Avoid friends that are into immoral movies, music, dirty jokes etc.
Such activities are the tools of Shaytan that promote the idea of 'love based on looks' or 'love at first sight'. Such friends would take you into an artificial world of fantasies and false hopes, away from reality, before it's too late!
Therefore, either you help your friends change through gentle advice, or abandon frequent contact with them. As Allah warns us: "If anyone withdraws himself from Allah's remembrance, Most Gracious, We appoint for him an evil one to be his intimate companion."
[43: 36.]
7. Avoid visiting malls and parks alone.
Always try to go out with a family member or a good friend, whose company may help you avert your eyes from the objectionable billboards and inappropriately clothed people. In summer, step out only when you have to.
8. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CURRENTLY WATCH TV AND/ OR SURF THE INTERNET!
Surf or Watch TV when others are around. The temptation to sneak a look at dirty pictures is heightened when you're alone in your room watching TV or surfing the Internet. Shaytan's primary target is always a lonely person! Try to avoid late night TV and Internet surfing.
MAKE DUA TO ALLAH TO RID YOU OF THESE EVIL INDULGENCES!
9. Never have 'nothing to do'!
Shaytan loves 'bored and idle' people. If you are feeling bored, do the dishes, or take out the garbage, or read some book. Allah says, "Do not throw yourself into destruction with your own hands." [2: 195.]
10. Volunteer for Islamic Organizations.
Your Jihad against immorality in the society is one reason for you to join Muslim youth groups in your community. Your involvement with such activities, along with the love of helpful brothers or sisters struggling for a good cause, will keep your mind, energies, and thoughts focused away from the Haram.
11. Read, Read, and Read!
Yes, read as many Islamic books and articles as possible. Reading keeps your mind and eyes busy! It keeps you motivated to live your Islam and strengthens your relationship with Allah.
12. Always remember that the beauty of this world is temporary and the life hereafter is everlasting.
13. Observe voluntary fast to strengthen your willpower and to cool your passions. The Prophet (SAW) strongly recommended the youth to make it a habit.
14. If you are able and responsible then get married for the sake of Allah. It may be one of the most effective, yet challenging, defence mechanisms against such temptations.
15. For Brothers, remember your Mom and Sister.
Disgusting right? Exactly! No sane person would look at his mom or sister the way many of us examine the girls on TV shows or stare at our Muslim sisters in social gatherings. This thought should sicken you enough to stop Insha-Allah.
16. Remind yourself of the Death and Hereafter often.
"Remember often the terminator (or destroyer) of all the pleasures [i.e. death]," the Prophet (SAW) reminded us. (at-Tirmidhi.)
17. Increase your Good Actions.
Try following the advice of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW): "Remain conscious of Allah and fear Him wherever you are. And follow a bad deed with a good deed which will wipe it out, and behave well towards people." (at-Tirmidhi.)
18. Repent and Return to Allah.
Allah is All-forgiving and loves those who return to Him, promising not to repeat their sins. "Ask forgiveness from your Lord, then turn towards Him in repentance; He will loosen the sky over you in abundance, and He will add strength unto your strength." [11: 52].
Please read answers on this link:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-watched-lesbian-porn/
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salam...
i wanted to ask a question..im in a relationship..and i love the guy alot i want to marry him..
ive been sexual with him too...i cant leave him now i love him alot..im scared if he gets over me..plz tell me some dua or wazifa i can read for our relationship and to get married with him plus a dua so he doesnt gets over me or leave me..i dont want him to meet any girl please do tell me im really tensed :
You need to post your question separately. There is no dua for this but if you love this guy and he feels the same. Then ask him to come to your parents house for your hand in marriage. May allah grant your wish and happiness.
first u have to stop ur sexual relation with him then tel him if u like me from bottom of ur heart so plz maryy with me rightnow
I am a 28 year old virgin, and now people are accusing me of being gay, no longer marketable etc. I am very confuse because values was place in me as a young girl now these same values are haunting me. I always believed that the person to take my virginity should be my husband but where am from it is a crime and guys prefer women who are loose and that is so unfair. All my friends are eighter married or have children and i feel so lonely and cry myself to sleep every night. I protect myself from Aids, unwanted pregnancy etc, i had the privillidges to see many young girl life destroy by sex and i never wanted to be in that category. Many times i contemplated doing things to myself to feel love some i did already but i ended up feeling more hurt than before and very much ashame but i never went to the point of having intercourse. Is there any hope of me finding the right person to love me so late?
@candacia I am in the same boat as you but i dont care anymore. I am proud i am intact even if i have turned 30 plus it does not bother me anymore. I see cheap, trash and people who couldnt care less being in a bad crowd to feel good but then later god means alot when done wrong.
Please remember you are not the only woman who feels like this there are plenty more decent brothers/sisters same as us who hold this prious gift it is just a shame not everyone hold thats respect for others for having standards. Do never feel hurt just becasue you hold your values so high let people think what they want you concentrate on being you. Always remember what you just said and wait for mr right to share your love with and one who treat you right.
I hope this has helped and that you never give in until you get married the right way inshallah
Assalaam walekum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu Sister Candacia,
Hope is faith, For your knowledge my sister got married at the age of 32 and she was a good muslimah( Allah knows better).So please do not feel hope-less.When Almighty wants to do something its just a matter of winking of eyelids or less than that.
I am sure He has better plans for you . Always keep yourself attached with people whose lives passes with remembrance of Allah.What you are witnessing is nothing but a trial for faith.May Allah help you with that.I always pray to Allah that all the girls should have a good proposal, this I started after seeing what happened in my own sister's life.She had no defect in her as far as Islamic values were concerned, but in present world her values were not highly rated.But eventually Allah sent a man who is now my brother in law, who was all she wanted.After her marriage everyone said : Although late but the match was perfect.Thats how our lord works .Believe in HIM.And Ask from HIM.
Allah Hafiz wa Nasir
Thanks for ur words of encouragement one more thing i really don have no spiritual friends, most of my friends are worldly and sometime i feel so lonely cause no one really understand me and there are time when i could use some spiritual advice but i don have any spritual friends. I am a christian but i feel so segregated from the church. Form what i notice in the church u have to be advance in order to be recognised!, how can i real positive friends?
Never ever compromise on your moral values . People talk , they just talk . I know that it is very difficult to live in an atmosphere covered with spiritual pollution , but you must stand out . You must preserve your goodness .
I hope you will and will not fall in these evil temptations .
hi thank u for that word of encouragement!, i really need it .presently i am in a loss environment and really need to get out, my only way is through education, and i have try so hard but for many years i have been fighting an addiction, a demon telling me i cannot do it when i know to myself i can. I am not worthy of anything good because my mother was an harlot and i never knew my father so what esle is good to come out of me?. For yrs i have been fighting these thougs, i live in church all my life but still i feel neglected and rejected . What i realized the church have fail so many of us. I meant no one ever approaches me and gave me some kind words of advise maybe that would have change my whole circumstances.All i ever wanted was a true friend to believed in me, u see i was only two when my mother die so since then i never knew what it was to feel connected to human i have always been an introvert and that was what kept me bounded for so many years and it made my life so stagnant. But despite i have try so hard all i ever wanted is to get out of my present circumstances.
Assalaam Walekum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Sister Candacia,
Please check out the link below, there are some wonderful speeches for any human being, although in light of teachings of Quran and Sunnah. I believe it might help you Inshaallah.
http://www.deenislam.com/islam/MainCat/N/English-Speeches.html
Sister, in spritualism the best friend is the Lord Himself all we have to try is to connect our soul with HIM.
Thats only for beginning.Once you get going you will be guided further By the one who guides us all.
Suggest to check above site and listen to speeches on subjects which you find common and interesting and let the process begin.
May Allah The Almighty Guide you and us all.
Allah Hafiz Wa Nasir.
my question is that i had sex with a guy.. not beacuse i wanted to. only because he claimed that i had done sex with some other guy, n that was totally wrong, then he blackmailed me by touching me , n blackmailed me by having sex, n pics... thn he says he wants to maary me. bt he is really moody. i dnt know what to do??? m so confused... thn he asked me to show me a mark n my stomach just to check if the othr guy was right. n i was 14 then. i was so confused that i showed him n thn he touched me fully.... is this considered a sin. i didnt do it on purpose it was totally blackmailing, claiming somethng wrong. wa should i do??
maria, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we'll advise you, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
i wanted to register. bt it is not hapening. i tried alot of time
i cnt get to the right method. but can u plz ttell it over here..