Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Losing virginity in Islamic perspective.

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Asalaamualaikum,

In Islamic perspective, how is a woman considered as losing virginity? Is it by intercourse with a man? If the hymen of a woman is broken by other things such as tampons, is she considered as not a virgin?

What happens to a woman who do not bleed in the first time she had intercourse with her husband, can he accuse her of not being a virgin? How to know if the woman is a virgin or not if not based on the hymen? Does a woman who masturbated is considered as not a virgin? What are the ways for a woman to stop from masturbating? How to repent to Allah and never go back again in repeating the sin?

Please answers all these questions, all help is very much appreciated. Thank you for your answers.

Waslam,

Anna89.


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56 Responses »

  1. W/salaam Anna.

    It is true that if a woman is a virgin, she may still have an intact hymen which may cause her to bleed when first having relations. A broken hymen does not equal loss of virginity. A woman (or a man) only loses her virginity through full sexual intercourse.

    A hymen can break for numerous reasons such as some sports, horseriding etc. The general consensus is that masterbation and tampons do not break the hymen as they not far enough but of course its possible that they can do. Avoid masterbation as its a sin, and although to the best of my knowledge using tampons is not a sin, it may be a good idea to avoid tampons if you are worried about your hymen.

    Some men do care a lot about virginity and intact hymen. But the 'hymen test' is not foolproof. Virgins may have a a broken hymen and may not bleed. A husband may accuse his wife if she doesnt bleed, but he shouldnt. As Muslims we should assume the best about one another, not the worst. Even if a woman was not a virgin, she should have repented and that sin is between her and Allah. He has right to pressure her to disclose that sin and it is a sin for her to disclose it, unless she is doing it seeking advice from Muslims. Accusing someone is not a sign of a good character and we should be aiming to marry someone with good deen and character.

    If the guy is hung up on the whole hymen/virginity thing its likely to show. So as Muslims we should all take care to choose a partner who will cover our faults not accuse us. If someone questions you excessively about your past, dont marry him - he will only cause you trouble later.

    Staying away from Masterbation:

    18 Ways To Survive In Temptation Island!!

    Yes, it's hard, especially when you're constantly bombarded with obscene images: that hot, scantily clad guy or gal in the magazine luring you; or the persistent emphasis on sex in the movies (even Toy Story or Spider Man!); or the pervasive links to pornography while you may simply be checking your e-mail. How can you protect yourself from all of this?

    1. Don't forget the power of Allah's Remembrance (Dhikr)!
    It is the most powerful of all the defences. Regular reading of prescribed Du'as will develop your Taqwa (consciousness) and keep you mindful of what thoughts you entertain. Ya Khabeeru (The One who is all-aware): constant recitation will decrease your nafs

    2. Remember your Accountability to Allah.
    In Islam, you're fully accountable as soon as you understand and feel such temptations. Your eyes will testify about what you looked at on the Day of Judgment.

    3. Always walk with your gaze lowered.
    But make sure not to bump into a hydro post! Lowering the gaze does not mean that you cannot have any 'eye contact' as you walk or during a conversation. It means that you keep your eyes under control.

    4. Take the Right Seat!
    In a public place (e.g. café), choose a seat that minimizes your view-frame and avoid mixed-crowds. It is precisely about such comfortable gazing at the attractive features of the passers-by that the Prophet (SAW) advised 'Ali ibn Abi Talib: "Ali, do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second." (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, at-Tirmidhi.)

    5. Hangout with those known for noble character and modesty.
    When you are around good people, they can remind you to abstain from that which Allah dislikes. As the Prophet (SAW) said, "A person is likely to follow the faith of his friends, so be careful about who you make your friend." (Ahmad.)

    6. Avoid friends that are into immoral movies, music, dirty jokes etc.
    Such activities are the tools of Shaytan that promote the idea of 'love based on looks' or 'love at first sight'. Such friends would take you into an artificial world of fantasies and false hopes, away from reality, before it's too late!

    Therefore, either you help your friends change through gentle advice, or abandon frequent contact with them. As Allah warns us: "If anyone withdraws himself from Allah's remembrance, Most Gracious, We appoint for him an evil one to be his intimate companion."
    [43: 36.]

    7. Avoid visiting malls and parks alone.
    Always try to go out with a family member or a good friend, whose company may help you avert your eyes from the objectionable billboards and inappropriately clothed people. In summer, step out only when you have to.

    8. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CURRENTLY WATCH TV AND/ OR SURF THE INTERNET!
    Surf or Watch TV when others are around. The temptation to sneak a look at dirty pictures is heightened when you're alone in your room watching TV or surfing the Internet. Shaytan's primary target is always a lonely person! Try to avoid late night TV and Internet surfing.

    MAKE DUA TO ALLAH TO RID YOU OF THESE EVIL INDULGENCES!

    9. Never have 'nothing to do'!
    Shaytan loves 'bored and idle' people. If you are feeling bored, do the dishes, or take out the garbage, or read some book. Allah says, "Do not throw yourself into destruction with your own hands." [2: 195.]

    10. Volunteer for Islamic Organizations.
    Your Jihad against immorality in the society is one reason for you to join Muslim youth groups in your community. Your involvement with such activities, along with the love of helpful brothers or sisters struggling for a good cause, will keep your mind, energies, and thoughts focused away from the Haram.

    11. Read, Read, and Read!
    Yes, read as many Islamic books and articles as possible. Reading keeps your mind and eyes busy! It keeps you motivated to live your Islam and strengthens your relationship with Allah.

    12. Always remember that the beauty of this world is temporary and the life hereafter is everlasting.

    13. Observe voluntary fast to strengthen your willpower and to cool your passions. The Prophet (SAW) strongly recommended the youth to make it a habit.

    14. If you are able and responsible then get married for the sake of Allah. It may be one of the most effective, yet challenging, defence mechanisms against such temptations.

    15. For Brothers, remember your Mom and Sister.
    Disgusting right? Exactly! No sane person would look at his mom or sister the way many of us examine the girls on TV shows or stare at our Muslim sisters in social gatherings. This thought should sicken you enough to stop Insha-Allah.

    16. Remind yourself of the Death and Hereafter often.
    "Remember often the terminator (or destroyer) of all the pleasures [i.e. death]," the Prophet (SAW) reminded us. (at-Tirmidhi.)

    17. Increase your Good Actions.
    Try following the advice of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW): "Remain conscious of Allah and fear Him wherever you are. And follow a bad deed with a good deed which will wipe it out, and behave well towards people." (at-Tirmidhi.)

    18. Repent and Return to Allah.
    Allah is All-forgiving and loves those who return to Him, promising not to repeat their sins. "Ask forgiveness from your Lord, then turn towards Him in repentance; He will loosen the sky over you in abundance, and He will add strength unto your strength." [11: 52].

    Please read answers on this link:
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-watched-lesbian-porn/

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Salam
      Best article and well narrated, bitter but true, May Allah Bless You.
      Regards

    • Women impure are for Men impure, and Men impure are for Women impure, and Women of purity are for Men of purity, and Men of purity are for for Women of purity (Quran24:26).....
      Iam a virgin So I would want A virgin partner, Not the one who slept around.

    • Hello,

      I was looking around the internet to find out more about muslims, because there are so many bad things said about you guys which aren't true. I think if we all tried to understand each other more, the world would be a better place.

      Well onto what I read - the self-discipline I see in what you wrote is really very admirable. I completely agree with the idea that 'love based on looks' or 'love at first sight' is completely artificial. I don't believe masturbation itself is a sin, but we'll just have to agree to disagree there. You are right in that there are an awful number of corrupting billboards and magazines with half-naked people on them. I'm sick of seeing it and not only does it make people lust, but it promotes bad body-image and makes women feel insecure about how they look.

      • Hello Kiara,

        It is true that the public image of Muslims in the media is suffering, unfortunately. I agree that we should strive to understand one another. Though I was born a Muslim, I would say that much of the practices in my household growing up were cultural practices and sometimes even against the teachings of Islam--so it can be easy to misunderstand Islam when the true practices of Islam are hidden.

        Aside from your own personal research, I would suggest that you watch Dr. Zakir Naik's videos--he does an excellent job of explaining the belief system of Islam and also has very sound knowledge of other religions as well.

        Take care,
        Peace.

    • MashaAllah! thank you so much for this

  2. salam...
    i wanted to ask a question..im in a relationship..and i love the guy alot i want to marry him..
    ive been sexual with him too...i cant leave him now i love him alot..im scared if he gets over me..plz tell me some dua or wazifa i can read for our relationship and to get married with him plus a dua so he doesnt gets over me or leave me..i dont want him to meet any girl please do tell me im really tensed :

  3. I am a 28 year old virgin, and now people are accusing me of being gay, no longer marketable etc. I am very confuse because values was place in me as a young girl now these same values are haunting me. I always believed that the person to take my virginity should be my husband but where am from it is a crime and guys prefer women who are loose and that is so unfair. All my friends are eighter married or have children and i feel so lonely and cry myself to sleep every night. I protect myself from Aids, unwanted pregnancy etc, i had the privillidges to see many young girl life destroy by sex and i never wanted to be in that category. Many times i contemplated doing things to myself to feel love some i did already but i ended up feeling more hurt than before and very much ashame but i never went to the point of having intercourse. Is there any hope of me finding the right person to love me so late?

    • @candacia I am in the same boat as you but i dont care anymore. I am proud i am intact even if i have turned 30 plus it does not bother me anymore. I see cheap, trash and people who couldnt care less being in a bad crowd to feel good but then later god means alot when done wrong.

      Please remember you are not the only woman who feels like this there are plenty more decent brothers/sisters same as us who hold this prious gift it is just a shame not everyone hold thats respect for others for having standards. Do never feel hurt just becasue you hold your values so high let people think what they want you concentrate on being you. Always remember what you just said and wait for mr right to share your love with and one who treat you right.

      I hope this has helped and that you never give in until you get married the right way inshallah

    • @ cansacia sister we have the same situation except that i just turned 23:) any way have patience. Sabr. and if u really want it pray to Allah because surely HE is the grantor of everything. ifu are patient u r rewarded if notit is dusa. and we try to avoid Zinna so if one is not patient she may evn think of it. Astagfirullah.

    • look candacia forget what people think, just be proud to be clean, Iam a 29 year old virgin. my friends call me gay, I don't take notice anymore, one day you will find someone.

  4. Assalaam walekum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu Sister Candacia,

    Hope is faith, For your knowledge my sister got married at the age of 32 and she was a good muslimah( Allah knows better).So please do not feel hope-less.When Almighty wants to do something its just a matter of winking of eyelids or less than that.

    I am sure He has better plans for you . Always keep yourself attached with people whose lives passes with remembrance of Allah.What you are witnessing is nothing but a trial for faith.May Allah help you with that.I always pray to Allah that all the girls should have a good proposal, this I started after seeing what happened in my own sister's life.She had no defect in her as far as Islamic values were concerned, but in present world her values were not highly rated.But eventually Allah sent a man who is now my brother in law, who was all she wanted.After her marriage everyone said : Although late but the match was perfect.Thats how our lord works .Believe in HIM.And Ask from HIM.

    Allah Hafiz wa Nasir

  5. Thanks for ur words of encouragement one more thing i really don have no spiritual friends, most of my friends are worldly and sometime i feel so lonely cause no one really understand me and there are time when i could use some spiritual advice but i don have any spritual friends. I am a christian but i feel so segregated from the church. Form what i notice in the church u have to be advance in order to be recognised!, how can i real positive friends?

    • Never ever compromise on your moral values . People talk , they just talk . I know that it is very difficult to live in an atmosphere covered with spiritual pollution , but you must stand out . You must preserve your goodness .

      I hope you will and will not fall in these evil temptations .

      • hi thank u for that word of encouragement!, i really need it .presently i am in a loss environment and really need to get out, my only way is through education, and i have try so hard but for many years i have been fighting an addiction, a demon telling me i cannot do it when i know to myself i can. I am not worthy of anything good because my mother was an harlot and i never knew my father so what esle is good to come out of me?. For yrs i have been fighting these thougs, i live in church all my life but still i feel neglected and rejected . What i realized the church have fail so many of us. I meant no one ever approaches me and gave me some kind words of advise maybe that would have change my whole circumstances.All i ever wanted was a true friend to believed in me, u see i was only two when my mother die so since then i never knew what it was to feel connected to human i have always been an introvert and that was what kept me bounded for so many years and it made my life so stagnant. But despite i have try so hard all i ever wanted is to get out of my present circumstances.

    • Assalaam Walekum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Sister Candacia,

      Please check out the link below, there are some wonderful speeches for any human being, although in light of teachings of Quran and Sunnah. I believe it might help you Inshaallah.

      http://www.deenislam.com/islam/MainCat/N/English-Speeches.html

      Sister, in spritualism the best friend is the Lord Himself all we have to try is to connect our soul with HIM.
      Thats only for beginning.Once you get going you will be guided further By the one who guides us all.

      Suggest to check above site and listen to speeches on subjects which you find common and interesting and let the process begin.

      May Allah The Almighty Guide you and us all.

      Allah Hafiz Wa Nasir.

  6. my question is that i had sex with a guy.. not beacuse i wanted to. only because he claimed that i had done sex with some other guy, n that was totally wrong, then he blackmailed me by touching me , n blackmailed me by having sex, n pics... thn he says he wants to maary me. bt he is really moody. i dnt know what to do??? m so confused... thn he asked me to show me a mark n my stomach just to check if the othr guy was right. n i was 14 then. i was so confused that i showed him n thn he touched me fully.... is this considered a sin. i didnt do it on purpose it was totally blackmailing, claiming somethng wrong. wa should i do?? :(

  7. i cnt get to the right method. but can u plz ttell it over here..

  8. I am in a relationship with a girl, got to know her since the past 2 months of joining my university. The girl is Muslim(remainder of the question deleted by the Editor)

    • Yasir,

      Please login and submit your question separately.
      Thank You!

      Muhammad Waseem
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • i am a girl and i have been in love with the person i want to spend ma life past 5 yrs but family doesnt agree what should i do they all disagree though the person i want to marry is just too good he earns well loves me wht elz does a person need but ma parents dont ever listen to me and ma feelings what should i do i hate ma family they never ever asked me a single problm of ma life but now when it came to marriage every1 is against it and giving advices what shld i do

        • abutt,

          You never know what the family intends. People generally misunderstand their families and go wrong ways. I advise you to be calm and try to find the reason for their denial.

          For any further help, please login and aubmit your question separately. Thank you.

          Muhammad Waseem
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. ASSLAM O ALIAKUM
    i want to ask u that if an unknown boy hits a girl walking on the road, the girl is either suffering from his dates or will undrgoes soon after his touch (5 to 15 minutes later) , is she lose her virginity???

  10. a.aleykum, first i liked this page very much mashaAllah, may Allah give his bles to the peple who are concerned wit this page

  11. my name is maby i m in relatin for last 7 years i m in deep relation with my liove v will do merry but i have questin is the girl bleeds on the first time r its not nessorry plz reply me , thanx

  12. Hi, am inlove with palestinian guy wve been friends for almost a year before we admit that we like each other we have different nationality and my question is... is it really hard for them to marry other nationality because of there culture and is it a sin for them if they disobeyed? Thank you

    • Samira, everyone is different. Palestinians are no more resistant to marrying outside their nationality than anyone else.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Wael, i dunno before the impact to me is negative a lot of questions why and how but i didnt stopped asking then he ended up telling me that, - yes some of them can marry not an issue anymore but ONLY THOSE WHO LEAVE PALESTINE and are not staying palestine anymore...for them who stayed in village has there own culture (i really couldn't get it or is it that i don't accept reality am confused) what i thought is if you really love that person no thing can be done in a nice way or discussing in nice way... i know am way too far on this topic (article) just want to broaden up my knowledge, one more thing it hurts that we only had this mutual understanding no formal us, and we do some stuff's that i think its haram (not sex) anyway ...

        Thanks

  13. Iam a 29 year old virgin, I always pray to Allah that I find someone who is like me clean and never had any sexual relation with anyone, I meet a girl from the marriage site I got to know her she was very pretty and the truth is that Iam in love with her and want to marry her, I see her frequently I do try to kiss her be romantic but she say's its wrong, before I meet her she told me that she was going out with someone for 3 to 4 year's and has never had sexual intercourse with him, After all them year's she said that guy was not wright for her because she found out he was a player type, running around after other women so she broke up with him, Her dad asked her there is a proposal from Pakistan coming, she said what ever you think is wright, so she went back home and told her hubby I need more time to get to know you, he said fine but did try on second day she started to shout, so she never had sexual contact with him when he come over to England they slept in different room's had arguments, so her husband divorced her. That is what she told me about her past. My mate knew my story I was going out with her he said to me once if you don't want to marry her give me her number , i said no. One day my mate said to me he knows a peer type guy I went to see him I asked my mate to ask him about my girlfriend if she is good, first that man said yes then he said no, i question him why, he said she slept with her hubby many time's, i said that can't be true the he said she been going hotel's with her boyfriend in the past for sex. I was so shocked to hear that, I still can;t believe it, I text her saying all this she said that's a lie, She said I told you everything about myself to you, I have never slept with my x or husband. I believe her but got doubts now, I don't know what to do who to believe and who not to believe. need advice can anyone advise me what to do.

    • Mohamed, why are you listening to people who spread rumors and slander about others? Your own personal experience with the girl is that you tried to kiss her and she said no. So why would you believe that she had sex in hotels with someone else? Furthermore, if she had sex with her husband while she was married there is nothing wrong with that. It does not make her unclean or impure. Lastly, if you are a virgin and are so concerned with finding someone pure, then why are you committing sins by trying to get physical with this girl? Stop being a hypocrite. Either trust her and marry her lawfully, or end your contact with her.

      If you need any further advice do not reply here; instead log in and write your question as a separate post.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Salam.alaykom. I really curious to know what happened to u with ur girlfriend??
      I am proud if u that u were 29 years and still virgin not all men can control themselves. I am woman and I hear these commons from my friends who are girls ..

  14. AOA
    i want to ask a question my frend had a rape attempt .the manhood was not properly inserted but she got bleeding .she's still virgin or not?

    • Wa Alaikum as Salam Samar,

      I am sorry to hear about your friend. She must consult a doctor in order to confirm that. And she must do this immediately.

      To all the sisters reading my message:

      Please, sisters, keep safe...do not give away your honor...do not give away hijaab...do not let the eyes of the evil men see your adornment, and this is an advise from Allah Himself in Surah an Noor, Aayah 31. Do as Allah instructed and you will find peace and security.

      Abu Abdul Bari
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  15. i have a question is it true that if a muslim girl having sex intercouse in christian guys she will go in hell?because i heard this some old friends that having sex intercourse to christian going to hell. can you pls answer this because im curios about it. thank you

    • aira, to have sexual intercourse with anyone outside of marriage is a serious sin in Islam, whether the person is Muslim, Christian, or anything else. And a Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a Christian man.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • What is the reason why Muslim are not allowed to marry a christian boy? What if the a Muslim girl loves a christian boy? It's very confusing.

        • Aira, because a non-Muslim husband may prevent his wife from practicing Islam properly, and will not help to raise the children as Muslims, and will not help his wife on the path to Jannah.

          The Muslim girl should not get involved with the Christian boy in the first place, so she does not develop feelings for him.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  16. But why it is that a muslim boy are allowed to marry a christian girl
    What is the differents?and why is they allowed a Muslim boy to marry a christian girl?
    I'm sorry if a had this topic. Because it's really confusing on my side. Because I leave in a christian community
    thank you for the all answers.

  17. pls help me out too...I also did the same 15 days back..i lost my virginity with a man...this was the biggest blunder of my life..before that no man or a boy ha ever touched me...bt this tym I don't wat happened to me nd I did this blunder..i started to bleed..this I also dnt know he went inside me fully or not?if not entered fully..so is there any chances that I am still virgin and would I be bleed on my wedding night???and if he enteretd fully .??then what will happened to me in future??m very much scared about my future..YA ALLAH pls help me out pls I beg u..i know m a bad girl bt pls Allah forgive me forgive my sin.

    • bekar, you lost your virginity, and you will not bleed on your wedding night. More importantly, you have committed a serious sin. If you want to repent to Allah sincerely and be forgiven, you need to change your behavior. Stop seeing boys, and cut off contact with this boy you committed the sin with. Ask Allah for forgiveness. Do your prayers. We are in Ramadan right now, so if you are not fasting then fast the rest of the month properly.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • I belong to a family where roza namaz is must and I also belong from the same mind set.i pray in taaq raatein as well...bt I dnt know how I did commit this sin..pls tell me is there any way to bleed in the wedding night because he did not enter fully...tell me some wazifa as well so that I may know that ALLAH has forgive me. pls help me out otherwise m thinking to end up my life because I am unable to face my whole family.pls try to understand my condition.

        • Salaams,

          Sister, if you were doing things to lose your virginity, you have to accept the consequences. Trying to make yourself seem like a virgin for your wedding night when you are not one is deceptive, and we are not to be deceptive- especially to our spouses. Besides, there are virgins who don't bleed on their wedding night also. Your husband hopefully won't assume the worst if you happen not to bleed.

          -Amy
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • hmm...so it means I hv lost my virginity and I wont bleed on my wedding night??else is there any chance to bleed on the wedding night as well....virginity breaks in only one attempt or is it possible that I will bleed for second tym as well because he did not enter fully...he just entered little thn I kicked him...pls understand my condition m cursing myself...as I was the one who has a reserve personality even from the girls...YA ALLAH reham farma...maaf kardain muhe...I don't know how I did all this thing bt pls guide me help me out...pls...

  18. hmmm...so it means I h lost my virginity and I wont bleed on my wedding night???does virginity break in one attempt only and it is not possible to bleed on second time as well???...pls help me out...YA ALLAH reham farma, karam farma,mujhe maaf kardain...I wont face my parents...pls help me out..i am the one who is highly qualified and I studied in co-education bt I always kept a distance with boys...I never talked to them extra bt I dnt know how I did this...YA ALLAH forgive me jus or the sake of my parents

    • Sister Bad girl,
      Why waste time on what's been done, no one has power to change the past. Use your time in this holy month which is leaving us soon to repent and seek forgiveness. Allah (swt)'s forgiveness is more important than bleeding the second time. A lot of us men know that not all the women bleed (even they have never been touched before by any men), there are those who have been raped/molested and have been divorced/widowed etc.

      No one here can tell you what your future holds but if you repent sincerely and keep your distance from men (except when it's necessary in a professional manner) in future then Allah (swt) is all forgiving and will bless you with a caring/understanding husband when the time is right. Don't waste your time anymore and make the most of these few remaining days of Ramadan. Spend time on Quran recitation and other nightly ibadah, do charity and learn to tame your nafs. Any more comments onward will be deleted as you have been answered already by several editors.

      May Allah (swt) help you overcome this loss and learn and improve in your faith and to keep away from sins. Amin

      Muhammad1982,
      Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

    • Salam alaykom. I hope u are feeling better no??. What happened to u or what u did it takes time to forget or move on. I agree with what Mr mohmaed said , I know that was long time, but it is hood to try and text u now. Anyway, I hope Alah forgive all of us and help us stay in his path always . Amine

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