Comments on: Lost my virginity and I’m ashamed and tormented http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/lost-my-virginity-and-i-am-ashamed/ Islamic marriage advice and family advice Sun, 12 Feb 2012 02:36:31 +0000 hourly 1 By: sarfraj http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/lost-my-virginity-and-i-am-ashamed/comment-page-1/#comment-45569 sarfraj Sun, 01 Jan 2012 15:49:19 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=2740#comment-45569 muslim girls should not make friendship with a non muslim boys or any other boy who force you to go for party or picnic. If you want to enjoy some parties , so always go with your parents or family. pre-M sex will always harm the women such as changes in body structure, loss of happiness etc. These things are destroying the stability of world and human being............... Our sister became the victim of voilence (rape), allah will do justice with her and that kafeer should be punished. muslim girls should not make friendship with a non muslim boys or any other boy who force you to go for party or picnic. If you want to enjoy some parties , so always go with your parents or family. pre-M sex will always harm the women such as changes in body structure, loss of happiness etc. These things are destroying the stability of world and human being............... Our sister became the victim of voilence (rape), allah will do justice with her and that kafeer should be punished.

]]> By: todd http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/lost-my-virginity-and-i-am-ashamed/comment-page-1/#comment-29022 todd Tue, 31 May 2011 06:04:55 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=2740#comment-29022 o ya and i have to repeat this comment because i forgot to check for an email to be sent to me in tune with a response from you, thanks. o ya and i have to repeat this comment because i forgot to check for an email to be sent to me in tune with a response from you, thanks.

]]> By: todd http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/lost-my-virginity-and-i-am-ashamed/comment-page-1/#comment-29021 todd Tue, 31 May 2011 06:03:42 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=2740#comment-29021 i have some advice on where you stood then, but that was a year ago, can you tell me how things have proceeded so i can see if my advice would still be appropriate? i have some advice on where you stood then, but that was a year ago, can you tell me how things have proceeded so i can see if my advice would still be appropriate?

]]> By: Samina http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/lost-my-virginity-and-i-am-ashamed/comment-page-1/#comment-27658 Samina Thu, 12 May 2011 09:02:04 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=2740#comment-27658 Everyone written here is well said mas’allah. This woman was raped with no fault of her own I pray for her she gets through this difficult time and is awarded inner peace and happiness. Sisterz as written mas'allah beautiful replies. Disappointed you need to stop hating on women and being judgemental not all sisters are the same there are still some of us who are decent and vice vera brothers are as well and I thank Allah I don’t think like you. You are full of hate and so arrogant I pray Allah gives you mercy on your soul Everyone written here is well said mas’allah. This woman was raped with no fault of her own I pray for her she gets through this difficult time and is awarded inner peace and happiness. Sisterz as written mas'allah beautiful replies.

Disappointed you need to stop hating on women and being judgemental not all sisters are the same there are still some of us who are decent and vice vera brothers are as well and I thank Allah I don’t think like you. You are full of hate and so arrogant I pray Allah gives you mercy on your soul

]]> By: ManchesterMuslim http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/lost-my-virginity-and-i-am-ashamed/comment-page-1/#comment-27640 ManchesterMuslim Wed, 11 May 2011 23:56:29 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=2740#comment-27640 I agree with the majority on here in saying that what happened to the sister was rape and that she should bear no sense of guilt or shame as it was an injustice done toward her. May Allah make easy for her this test and praise her for turning to Him for His Mercy. In regards to 'disappointed' I understand that living in the West has its drawbacks for men and women but to judge and presume all or the majority of women are like this is wrong. I too had the same situations as you where women were throwing themselves at me. One even booked a hotel room, and rang me numerous times in one nite Astaghfirullah. Alhamdulillah I also declined these advances and got many 'looks' by women who were attracted to me for some reason (Allah knows Best) However instead of blaming women for being weak or inferior I decided to look at myself and Alhamdulillah I changed things ABOUT MYSELF, (keeping a fistful beard) that a few years ago I would never have thought to have done. This has led to women now staring at me in a different way lol but Alhamdulillah it's made me feel better knowing that I have tried to distance myself from causing other people to sin when they looked before I kept my beard and Alhamdulillah it's been a great ' hijab' for me as well. I agree with the majority on here in saying that what happened to the sister was rape and that she should bear no sense of guilt or shame as it was an injustice done toward her. May Allah make easy for her this test and praise her for turning to Him for His Mercy.

In regards to 'disappointed' I understand that living in the West has its drawbacks for men and women but to judge and presume all or the majority of women are like this is wrong. I too had the same situations as you where women were throwing themselves at me. One even booked a hotel room, and rang me numerous times in one nite Astaghfirullah. Alhamdulillah I also declined these advances and got many 'looks' by women who were attracted to me for some reason (Allah knows Best) However instead of blaming women for being weak or inferior I decided to look at myself and Alhamdulillah I changed things ABOUT MYSELF, (keeping a fistful beard) that a few years ago I would never have thought to have done. This has led to women now staring at me in a different way lol but Alhamdulillah it's made me feel better knowing that I have tried to distance myself from causing other people to sin when they looked before I kept my beard and Alhamdulillah it's been a great ' hijab' for me as well.

]]> By: SisterZ http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/lost-my-virginity-and-i-am-ashamed/comment-page-1/#comment-23388 SisterZ Mon, 21 Feb 2011 16:23:10 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=2740#comment-23388 Rima, JazakhAllah, acquiring knowledge is the easy part, implenting it positively is what makes it valuable in your life. So I am still learning myself and have a very long way to go. But I would feel blessed to help you as much as Allah allows me. I will email you. SisterZ IslamicAnswers.com Senior Editor Rima,

JazakhAllah, acquiring knowledge is the easy part, implenting it positively is what makes it valuable in your life. So I am still learning myself and have a very long way to go. But I would feel blessed to help you as much as Allah allows me. I will email you.

SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Senior Editor

]]> By: Rima http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/lost-my-virginity-and-i-am-ashamed/comment-page-1/#comment-23320 Rima Sun, 20 Feb 2011 02:33:41 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=2740#comment-23320 Wow sister, I cannot begin to explain about how inspired I am about your words. MashAllah your knowledge is excellent, which kinda' makes me feel ashamed about the lack of mine. Sister I want to look into Islam much deeper and I wish to become a pious muslim woman. In the small community I live in, it is extremely hard to find someone to speak to and ask for help from. I was wondering if you could help me and InshAllah help me to be who I want to be. I would feel indebted to you. Please try and get in touch. JazakhAllah Wow sister, I cannot begin to explain about how inspired I am about your words. MashAllah your knowledge is excellent, which kinda' makes me feel ashamed about the lack of mine. Sister I want to look into Islam much deeper and I wish to become a pious muslim woman. In the small community I live in, it is extremely hard to find someone to speak to and ask for help from. I was wondering if you could help me and InshAllah help me to be who I want to be. I would feel indebted to you. Please try and get in touch. JazakhAllah

]]> By: wael http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/lost-my-virginity-and-i-am-ashamed/comment-page-1/#comment-23075 wael Mon, 14 Feb 2011 22:14:59 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=2740#comment-23075 There is a huge difference between losing virginity due to zinaa or fornication on the one hand, and rape. A woman who is raped should not keep it to herself. At the very least, she should see a counselor who can help her deal with the emotional trauma. The counselor will respect her confidentiality and privacy. If she is strong enough, she should report it to the authorities so the perpetrator can be arrested and imprisoned. Most importantly, she must know that she is not at fault. What was done to her was a crime, and she bears no burden of sin, guilt or shame. If a woman is victimized by a crime like this and tells her husband, she should do his best to support her and let her know that she is still loved. Wael IslamicAnswers.com Editor There is a huge difference between losing virginity due to zinaa or fornication on the one hand, and rape. A woman who is raped should not keep it to herself. At the very least, she should see a counselor who can help her deal with the emotional trauma. The counselor will respect her confidentiality and privacy. If she is strong enough, she should report it to the authorities so the perpetrator can be arrested and imprisoned.

Most importantly, she must know that she is not at fault. What was done to her was a crime, and she bears no burden of sin, guilt or shame. If a woman is victimized by a crime like this and tells her husband, she should do his best to support her and let her know that she is still loved.

Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor

]]> By: justme http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/lost-my-virginity-and-i-am-ashamed/comment-page-1/#comment-23073 justme Mon, 14 Feb 2011 22:01:06 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=2740#comment-23073 i was watching some youtube videos and they mentioned something like this, if a muslim women got raped, or lost her virginity in a way before marriage she should just keept it to herself and not tell anyone. You don't want to hurt your marriage, your husband or yourself. And that's what a lot of sheikhs said.. I know its a late reply, but just though id mention it here. And it wasn't your fault. You didn't do this on purpose. Just pray to god and you'll be okay inshalla. i was watching some youtube videos and they mentioned something like this, if a muslim women got raped, or lost her virginity in a way before marriage she should just keept it to herself and not tell anyone. You don't want to hurt your marriage, your husband or yourself. And that's what a lot of sheikhs said..
I know its a late reply, but just though id mention it here.
And it wasn't your fault. You didn't do this on purpose. Just pray to god and you'll be okay inshalla.

]]> By: Jamil http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/lost-my-virginity-and-i-am-ashamed/comment-page-1/#comment-21316 Jamil Tue, 28 Dec 2010 08:13:34 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=2740#comment-21316 As-salamu alaykum, Maybe sins can be forgiven but as a man, I feel for the man who you are going to marry or have married already. I think you should be honest about this issue to who ever you will marry. If you and your partner will be psychologically ok with it, you will live a happy life. Otherwise you can lie to him, or cheat by doing surgical hymen reconstruction which many sisters do. The latter for which you will be judged in the after life. I've heard similar stories from other brothers and sisters. I realized such things happen to kids when they don't find loving bond with their parents. Another contributing factor is our over sexualized society. This is something that will happen as Armageddon nears. I am 19 now, and I know how sexualized school was. But i don't know if it bothered me too much. I guess its cuz me and my friends were interested in other stuff like football and street racing and Alhamdullillah because my bond with my extended family is very strong. I know pretty girls but when i think about being intimate with them before marriage. I ponder how it would have been for me if my father, brother, sister or brother did what I would do. Definitely their relationship with me would not be the way it is even if they hid such a thing from me. Then it seems so disgusting to me that I can't even think of it. I guess it varies from person to person. What bothers me is that in elementary school we are taught everything about how to have safe sex and do it when you feel its right and all that stuff, But nothing about how sexuality can change the behavior of a person in his/her family. What disappoints me, here I kinda share something from friend "Disappointed" is that technically we adhere to such a beautiful religion that explains identifies what is bad for us. If we just think a bit to why our religion classify a particular act as evil or a sin, we will always find a logical reasoning to our religion's position. But it is a fact that when you are 16 you don't know much or ponder about religion. I did not know jack about my religion at 16. So during that time it all depends on whether you do stuff that distract you away from sexuality rather than to sexuality. To me I was always busy with my family members and friends and what I found fun. Alhamdulillah my friends were not sexually active, rather we found entertainment is other stuff. I could not expect stumbling over such stuff while searching marriage in Islam. But its not a surprise i have known sisters who have gone through this experience, its a pity we stay silent about it in our mosques cuz i know many muslims who had sex at high school. Muslims kids are not significantly less involved compared to non-muslims kids when it comes to high school sex. I think its all about what your personality and what you value. There are alot of non muslim kids at school who save their virginity until marriage. Whatever happened happened, just let your future partner know regarding what happened. Whether it was consensual or rape just let him know. I think you are a realistic girl. Just be the person you are destined to be, you know yourself the best. Doing that will do a great deal of justice to the people you socialize with and bring peace to your mind. Selam, Jamil As-salamu alaykum,

Maybe sins can be forgiven but as a man, I feel for the man who you are going to marry or have married already. I think you should be honest about this issue to who ever you will marry. If you and your partner will be psychologically ok with it, you will live a happy life. Otherwise you can lie to him, or cheat by doing surgical hymen reconstruction which many sisters do. The latter for which you will be judged in the after life.

I've heard similar stories from other brothers and sisters. I realized such things happen to kids when they don't find loving bond with their parents. Another contributing factor is our over sexualized society. This is something that will happen as Armageddon nears. I am 19 now, and I know how sexualized school was. But i don't know if it bothered me too much. I guess its cuz me and my friends were interested in other stuff like football and street racing and Alhamdullillah because my bond with my extended family is very strong.

I know pretty girls but when i think about being intimate with them before marriage. I ponder how it would have been for me if my father, brother, sister or brother did what I would do. Definitely their relationship with me would not be the way it is even if they hid such a thing from me. Then it seems so disgusting to me that I can't even think of it. I guess it varies from person to person. What bothers me is that in elementary school we are taught everything about how to have safe sex and do it when you feel its right and all that stuff, But nothing about how sexuality can change the behavior of a person in his/her family.

What disappoints me, here I kinda share something from friend "Disappointed" is that technically we adhere to such a beautiful religion that explains identifies what is bad for us. If we just think a bit to why our religion classify a particular act as evil or a sin, we will always find a logical reasoning to our religion's position.

But it is a fact that when you are 16 you don't know much or ponder about religion. I did not know jack about my religion at 16. So during that time it all depends on whether you do stuff that distract you away from sexuality rather than to sexuality. To me I was always busy with my family members and friends and what I found fun. Alhamdulillah my friends were not sexually active, rather we found entertainment is other stuff.

I could not expect stumbling over such stuff while searching marriage in Islam. But its not a surprise i have known sisters who have gone through this experience, its a pity we stay silent about it in our mosques cuz i know many muslims who had sex at high school. Muslims kids are not significantly less involved compared to non-muslims kids when it comes to high school sex. I think its all about what your personality and what you value. There are alot of non muslim kids at school who save their virginity until marriage.

Whatever happened happened, just let your future partner know regarding what happened. Whether it was consensual or rape just let him know. I think you are a realistic girl. Just be the person you are destined to be, you know yourself the best. Doing that will do a great deal of justice to the people you socialize with and bring peace to your mind.

Selam,
Jamil

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