Love my parents & family, but love him too!
Assalamualaikum, sisters & brothers.. Hope you can spend some time in giving me advice because I really need it..
In brief, I'm a 20 year old girl studying abroad and met a local there and 'fall in love'. We're both muslims, twenty, the difference is that I'm studying medicine and he's working.
I have to admit I made him my everything; my drug which I was addicted to (which is completely my fault). But everything was well, we were happy and decided to introduce to each other's parents for blessings. Becoming part of his family was easy for me, I was accepted by his mum, but him coming into my family create a lot of problems. I tried to introduce them, but my parents were 100% against the interracial relationship, and they said my level of education is not the same level as he-considering he did not even enter university in the first place. That was the end of it. He broke it off, and I was forced to do the same, leaving me devastated for 2 years. Throughout the years I was lost, I tried anti-depression, have suicidal thoughts and I was mentally unprepared to handle life alone. I started to get to know Islam better and now Alhamdulela, I'm more stable and well.
Ever since the whole episode, I tried talking to my parents, but to no avail. My ex then turned religious till the point he refused to talk to me or any girls, even a quick hi. He put his plans in Allah's hand completely.
My life is Alhamdulela getting better, I'm surrounded by caring friends, and my spirit is high; naturally. But I can't stop thinking about him, even if it's only a second, every day. I prayed istikharah a few times but I don't know, I'm confused. Here's a Muslim guy whom can lead me to Jannah (isA), and whom I really care about (I won't say love, because there is no love before marriage, isn't there?), and I really want to marry him. He said since I'm a girl, it's my parent's responsibility, which is true. And my parents are still firm with their decision, refusing me to marry a foreigner. I tried talking to them, a lot of time, but would only left me feeling guilty and fruitless. I love them, and I don't want to cause them pain, especially after what happened, but I love this guy, and I'm not interested in anyone else.
Sometimes when I chat with him, I would feel so happy, but terribly guilty till there is no joy in it any more. I can't help thinking of my poor parents and what I'm doing to them (even it's just a quick Hi)
What should I do? I'm still young for marriage, but I just want my parent's approval. I yearned for that so so much since there is no halal without their approval (engagement,etc).. So please what should I do? How do I make my parents understand? I don't want to hurt them but I can't live like this-caught between two hearts.
One of the reason why my parents are against it because of my name.. I'm a Syarifa (or however you spell it), which is a descendant of the Prophet (PBUH) and he's not. I have a question here, is it a Must for me to marry among other descendant of the Prophet (the Syed-spelling tends to differ), or not? My parents are making it such a big deal since both of them are descendant as well.. What do Islam says about this?
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