How can I make her accept islam?
The Truth of Islam
Assalamualaikum everyone,
I have this girl in my life whom I love a lot and I don't want to lose her in my life. We have been in a relationship for the past 2 years, and now the issue of conversion has popped up. From the day we were friends, I prayed to Allah to give her hidayah. Now since we are in a relationship my prayers have just gotten stronger, but her undeterred faith towards her religion continues.
I really love her, and I'm making efforts for her to accept islam, but she is not in sync with my efforts. She sometimes bluntly says 'no' to any hidayah. I wanted to ask if I should continue hidayah, or stop being with her. If she is not ready to accept islam, I have no choice but to leave her after few months. I am not able to leave her right now, as we study in the same college and the whole world knows about us. So once she is out of my life, maybe I can forget her, but what I'm trying to ask is how to approach her to get her into converting to islam?
In shaa allah, I won't stop just at her. If she accepts islam, I shall try giving hidayah to her parents too. I tried to approach her by scaring her, saying that she will go to hell if she doesn't embrace islam. I know it was very naive on my part, but can someone tell me how to approach her? I want her to see the beauty of islam. She is not acceping any of my efforts of hidayah, so can anyone tell me how to ask people to convert to Islam? How can I sow the seeds of Islam in her heart? I hope I find a successful answer which can fetch me results.
Please pray for her and her family. May Allah grant her wisdom to see through the right things. From what I have heard, prayers from the tongue of one who hasn't done wrong are accepted.
"Dua se taqdeer bhi badalsakti"
I'm sorry if I sound arrogant, but please help me out.
-akther_zee
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Well for starters, you are trying to teach her about islam while being on a pre-marital relationship. Do you really think Allah listens to the dua of a sinner?
The road to happiness must be halal. Before you can be a positive role model for this girlfriend of your's, you should behave as a Muslim yourself.
Cut off all ties with her. You have been in this relationship for 2 YEARS! She has flat out told you she's not interested in converting. She knows you are Muslim and she knows you won't marry her unless she converts. She also knows how to learn more about islam as there are numerous online resources available. So ask one of your classmates to tell her that for now on your relationship is over, and if she changes her mind she should contact the classmate to pass the message on to you. You can then ask your father to send a proposal to her wali.
Salaams,
I wouldn't have said this except you mentioned it yourself, but yes it is a bit arrogant to think that you can somehow entice her to convert when she otherwise wouldn't just by presenting Islam a certain way or using the right phrases. It's very clear you only want her to convert because you want to be with her. The thing is, you haven't said exactly what her faith is....if she's a Christian or Jew she doesn't need to become Muslim to marry you; however given the level of her commitment to her faith it will likely significantly impact the marriage.
When you phrase things like " her undeterred faith towards her religion continues", "she is not in sync with my efforts", " I tried to approach her by scaring her", and "I hope I find a successful answer which can fetch me results", it's clear that you are making the relationship a power struggle. Relationships are not about power and control, or making people be what we want. It's clear that this is not true love on your part, because if it was you could accept her with her differences and let her go in peace.
You have to remember that Allah is the ONLY true guide to truth and Islam. No human being does that, but we are used as He likes to reveal Himself to others. He doesn't force people to religion, so if someone says "no" to Islam and continues to say it, He allows them to choose their path and whatever consequences await them as a result of that choice. You are going about things in a totally opposite way, because most likely you are following your nafs.
Finally, I think it's a cop-out for you to say you can't break up with her for several more months just because your classmates know about the relationship and will have thoughts about it if you did. What they think means nothing, but what Allah thinks of you is what your akhirah rests on. I hate to say it, but anyone who dies in a sinful situation is not taking the best odds into the next life. Is that the way you really want to go with this?
You need to break your relationship with her immediately, no matter what anyone thinks. Continue to pray for her hidayah if you like, but leave her in Allah's hands. Be at peace that she is making her choices, as she has every right to do. You need to move on and start getting to know potential matches that already share your faith and values. But personally I also recommend getting some counseling before you get engaged with anyone else because if you approach any relationship with a similar kind of 'controlling' attitude that you've shown here, it will be a disaster for the health of the marriage.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
You wrote: I tried to approach her by scaring her, saying that she will go to hell if she doesn't embrace islam.
Bro that's just harsh, prophet muhammad would never say this,maybe that's why, you cannot say that because only Allah knows who will go to hell or not, and don't think all Christians and jews go to hell because they dont.There are 3 levels of none Muslims which Allah will forgive I know that one is if the person never knew about Islam or never got the message then he or she will be judged by there good sins and bad sins.The Quran makes it clear that what God wants from us is that we recognise Him and obey His commands. A person who knowingly turns away from this rejects God and has no right to claim His Mercy and Reward. A person who chooses to insult and disobey God can, and should, expect nothing except His punishment. Some people think that all the none Muslims will burn in hell for eternity but that is false.
{Those who believe (in the Quran), and those who follow the Jewish (scriptures), and the Christians and the Sabians,- any who believe in God and the Last Day, and work righteousness, shall have their reward with their Lord; on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.}
Surah 2 Verse 62
Here we find that Islam teaches that all people whether technically Jews or Christians or even Sabians (an ancient religious group) are entitled to be rewarded from God. That is on the condition that they believe in God and the Day of Judgment and lead a good life.
Salam!
First of all, if you think you need to end the relationship, you should end it now, don't leave her hanging. That is selfish.
Second, what they said about trying to teach somebody about Islam who isn't following it I. The first place (you are in a relationship).
Thirdly, if she is Christian or Jew, Islam permits marriage to these women. If not, then yes that could be a problem for you.
Lastly, I am a Christian born, Buddhist practicing woman, who is engaged to a Muslim man. Yes, I know he would be overjoyed if I come to Islam. Hr has brought it up a few times, he has sent me some videos about woman who converted. I watched them, and I considering converting. But, the only reason is because my fiance has not pressured me in the slightest. And because of that I have been allowed to explore and study about it of my own free will, which is how it should be. My best advice is to stop pressuring, back off, and lead by good example. If she loves you, she will be interested in Islam simply because it is a big part of your life.
Danny: First of all, if you think you need to end the relationship, you should end it now, don't leave her hanging. That is selfish.
I guess using her for 2 years and leaving her is not being selfish.
asalam alikum wr wb
You cant force a person to believe what u believe in. It's Allah who guides everyone. If she aint willing to accept dont force a person. You just look after yourself and keep hold of ur imaan before the shiytan attacks u and u go to her religion and make u a non muslim anyone can say i am a muslim but the actions that they take are wrong and could mislead u.especially in nowadays society. i aint perfect either.being a gf and bf is gunna get u into trouble in this life and hereafter. If she aint willing to accept Allah do u think she's gunna be willing to accept u. Marriage is no joke. u have to accept everything from Allah before u go for the girls looks and body etc... just think about it ..... if she lost a arm or a leg would u still be with her or would she be with u ?would u beable to take the resposiabilities? and for how long?.... if a human cant accept the religion islam how can they be perfect they missing the main part of there body the imaan thats the key to paradise and its in ur heart. If Allah has written it in ur destiny then u will b together but if u aint mayb it's for the best.. Allah never burdens a person till he knows they can carry it. May Allah open up everyones hearts and doors to paradise! Ameen.