I let a man use me and ditch me, and now I am full of regret.
Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,
This is my unfortunate and very sad story, please read it and I really hope you can help me out.
My name is Saniaa and Im a 21 years old going on 22 Insha'Allah nursing student staying in Mauritius. In my December holidays last year in 2011, I went on holidays with my uncle to Egypt, Jordan, Israel and Dubai as I really needed a break from everything.
When I went to Egypt, I met a 29 year old man. He is a tourist guide, says he had stayed in US before and told me basic things about him and his family. His name is Said. He was very nice with me and unexpectedly he asked me to become his girlfriend. I was really confused at that time and I unconsciously accepted. My uncle wasn't aware of all that and on my last night in Egypt, Said and I went out to a big shopping mall and we had dinner, he treated me so nicely, like nobody ever was to me. Nothing happened, we just holded hands, that's it. He reaccompanied me back to my hotel later and that was the last time I saw him. The day I was leaving for Jordan, we talked a lot on the phone and he even cried, saying he will miss me, he promised me marriage, etc.
Even when I was in Jordan, he used to call me and text me, he was very nice. When I went to Israel, I prayed one Jummah salaat in Al Aqsa Mosque in Jerusalem, Said even asked me to pray for us. He really made me feel like he really loved me, and that went on even when I went to Dubai and back to Mauritius in January 2012 this year.
Everything between us was ok, he told me he would come to see me in February, meet my family and we would make nikkah.
The way he treated me and all his sweet words make me really fall in love with him and we became closer and we used to talk about everything, even about dirty talking but he was always the one to start the topic and I really didn't like that and wasn't comfortable.
Then, he couldn't come because of a financial problem and would tell me he was saving every pound to finish the apartment where we would live after marriage. But he told me as soon as he can, he will come, so I kept waiting.
As days passed by, we started having discussions, sometimes he would tell me he is breaking up with me and then we would get back together and I really felt we were drifting apart. We talked less and less, and I was always the one calling him and he would send me 1-2 text message everyday, saying he is busy with work.
I couldn't handle the situation anymore, because I wanted to solve this and also to know if I was wasting my time by waiting for him here while he was in Egypt and free to do what he wanted.
So I decided to go to Egypt again with my best friend. I compromised a lot to go there. I borrowed a huge sum of money from a friend, I missed lectures, assignments and assessments at school, took the risk of not being able to take the final exams, and most of all I left my sick dad who had just had a heart attack 2 days before my departure. My mom was worried, also we lied to my best friend's parents telling them we were going to stay at one of my relative's place but it was all false. We were supposed to stay in a flat just the two of us, all alone.
By going there, I wanted to meet his parents and make sure he wasn't fooling me and also to see if he really had the apartment he said we would stay in after marriage.
So finally I went there, and Said came to pick us up at the airport and was nice and took us to the flat. As soon as we arrived, Said kissed me, and I didnt see that coming. Later on, he started getting dirty and behaving in a way that I didn't like, as he was kind of pushing me to have sex.
I resisted but then I don't know how he managed to satisfy himself. He had to leave because he had a work to settle and said he would come back in the evening. Right away I felt so stupid and used. I was so down, I had a shower and slept.
I woke up when he came back, he hugged me and said he didn't mean to do that with me but he said he couldn't control himself.
I didn't know what to think and say, I was in such a confused and disoriented state. Again after dinner,when my best friend went to her room, Said started kissing me and touching me all over my body and again he did what he wanted.
I know it was all wrong, he told me he would come to Mauritius for sure and he would marry me.
As the days went on, I could feel it was more physical than emotional, and every day he was delaying to take me to see him mother. I was finding that weird.
Note that I went to Egypt only for 10 days, and Said was supposed to be with us only 5 days because he had to take his Dad who is suffering from Leukemia to the US for treatment. So the other 5 remaining days my best friend and I were going to stay alone in a hotel.
On our last day together, we were out to the Pyramids, I asked him to lend me his phone to check my facebook. He did lend it to me, but accidentally I saw messages from other girls and to whom he did reply. I was shocked and heartbroken, I couldn't believe he was actually cheating on me. I was very upset, he noticed that and that's when I told him I was breaking up with him.
He tried to deny the messages and finally he ended up being more upset than I was. We went back to the flat and we had another discussion and finally it didn't solve anything. I was so hurt, I went to sleep, he came to wake me up and said he was sorry and somehow he convinced me it was not true.
Again he conned me, he started being nice again to me, I told him let's go meet his mom, again he found an excuse that his mother wasn't at home.
For the last time, he "used" me and satisfied his needs and then suddenly he had to leave because his dad was very ill.
He left that night and came back in the morning, that is when my best friend and I were transferring to the hotel. He helped us with our luggage, accompanied us to the hotel, and before leaving, he promised to come to Mauritius.
That was the last last last time I saw him since then.
During the remaining days, he called me and texted me from the US, he was using roaming on his phone, but actually I didn't really believed him that he said he went to the US.
In December, I stayed in that same hotel and knew some of the people in the area. Some of those people knew Said and have his phone number.
Three days prior to coming back to Mauritius, my best friend and I were walking around when one of the people I met in December came into my way. I didn't get time to avoid him and he started talking to me. Some of the people who know Said saw that and immediately called Said and told him I was talking to another man. I received Said's call immediately and he started shouting at me and told me I was stupid,that I had betrayed him and cheated on him and he was breaking up with me, he didn't give me time to talk. He asked me if I knew that man from before, and I lied to him because I knew if I told him the truth, he would have gotten even more angry. That was the only lie I told him.
I called him so many times to explain myself but he didnt want to hear me out.
Even when I came back to Mauritius, I called him and texted him to apologise. It took him a good 2 weeks to talk to me again and things were a bit better, but then again he would blame me for what happened and started shouting again at me. It was harder for me cause from the bottom of my soul, I knew I didn't betray him.
Since I came back from Egypt, I have been repenting and asking Allah to forgive me, I am praying my 5 salaats Alhamdulillah and I have started wearing the hijaab.
Its been 4 days now that we dont talk anymore. He has blocked me on facebook and whatsapp. In the last conversation we had, he treated me so badly and hurt me a lot. He called me all types of names: b---h, playgirl etc, and told me to go after other men.
He told me to f--k off, he never wanted to hear from me again, he said he would block me from his life and delete me. He made me feel so worthless. In anger, I told him he is an a--hole and he has used me and then ditched me,and now he was satisfied. He said yes, he used me and now he is satisfied. That made me feel even worse.
Since then, I have lost my self-esteem and feel very sad, I'm so depressed and feel used and dirty.
I have promised to myself and to Allah I won't ever get into a haraam relationship again, Astaghfirullah I sincerely regret what happened with Said.
I just wish things didnt turn out that way. I feel like it was all false, like he has been pretending all the time. He is a muslim as well, how could he do that to me?
I really want to feel better:(
Will Allah forgive me for my sins? Will I find someone who will love me sincerely and complete half of my deen?
Alhamdulillah, I have to admit that what happened has benefited me in a way that my Imaan has increased. I pray salaat everyday and read Quran ,remember Allah always and I'm so proud of myself of wearing the hijaab.
Please brothers and sisters, I need your advices and encouragements to feel better,to get over Said and to move on Insha'Allah.
-Saniaa
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Asslama-laikum sister Sania I am upset to read your story. You have done alot of things against the muslim religion . The main one is lieng to your parents.Your parents trust you and you betrayed them and lied o them . Another you were in a relationship with a man. It is said in the muslim religion yo cannot be in any relationship wit an opposote sex not ntil your parents decide where your marriage is. If yo were suspiciousabt Said's behavior you shold have left him there. Te onl advice I would tell you is keep praing for forgiveness of your sins.
Salaam sister..
When I read your post, I wanted to reply, to give my opinion. Well, 1st of all I want you to say Alhamdulillah for saving from this cruel, brutal, pervert guy... Alhamdulillah Allah lvoes you.. He tested you and He doesnt let you face the test alone, at the end, He saved you from it. You should say Thank You Allah.. he even made you stronger at the end, more Closer to Him.. You're wearing Hijab now, and you know what you did was wrong 🙂 You realise, and you admit-some people are still in denial, or in foolishness..
2nd) right now what you have to do is repent. What you did, from the 1st step you took in knowing him, until being physical with him, Allah is going to ask you everything. You nned to repent.. Astaghfirullah thousands of times.. this will bring you closer to Him too isA... dont give up in repenting.. Keep on making dua and taubah (you and me both)
3)about this guy.. you have No choice sister.. let him go. He wont bring you closer to Him, he's pulling you away to Allah.. Remember this (I do this all the time), imagine you just one step away from the Jannah door, and suddenly he appeared and pulled you away from it, towards the Hell fire. What would you do back then? I always remember this every time there is an oppurtunity to do sin "There's NO WAY I'm letting This Guy take me to Hell!!!" Remember this, and isA you'll be fine.. RIght now, cut ALL contacts with him.. He calls, dont answer. He emeails, dont reply, block EVERYTHING.. throw every reminder of him.. You dont need to be reminded of sin!! He's a guy, sister... liek any other guy (well not all, but the non-good ones), they'r after lust, sex and physical intimacy.. Run away from this type of guy. Please.. Don't contact him anymore.. Im scared if you meet him again he will do something worse, ending you pregnant.. So, please, AVOID HIM
4) well i just want to say Thank You for this Story.. its an eye-opener for all the girls here.. thank you.. You made a mistake, we all did.. Hopefullay you repent.. thanks for the story again.. it means a lot to me 🙂
if you have any question let me know.. 🙂
Asalamalikum...
The person who has not being through such situation can never feel how worse is the person going through.... It feels that u r no1 now and the boy has got everything and having fun...
Such thoughtts realy make the girl weak 🙁
Well sania... I have being through some how this situation but dint commit zinna...alhumdulilah
I know how u feel... When u ask some one for help they say just move on and I knw it feels banging their head that its so simple saying just move on..
Even I broke up just month before.. That was my 1st and last relation...
It is upseting me still that the boy has moved on and y haven't I cmpletly move on...
One of brother from this site has helped me a lot and a lot...
But still some how at times when I think about him I feel am ruined I haven't ever moved on...
Can anyone help me more on moving on faster :/
🙁
Sister,
This kind of story is not uncommon. What such men would usually do is to pursue innocent, naive/inexperienced girls by promising them marriage and,eternal love. because they know dat such girls are only interested in marriage n wud only share their bodies with their husbands. They never mean any word they utter. its just their strategy!!
We get tested by Allah in various ways. Some we pass by the His grace whilst others n mostly, we fail. But when we fail His tests, just as u have failed in this regard, He asks us not to despair by wallowing in self-destructive thoughts: " Say, " o my servants who have wronged themselves (by sinning ), do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful" Qur'an 39:53
Its good that Allah Swt has enabled u to realise ur mistakes. Its also good that this mistake has brought u closer to Him. Maybe this is why He allowed this Said of a man in ur life in d first place: so u could to lead on the straight path.
My advice to u is that we all fall. If I was to recount all the mistakes I've done in my life, u would say Alhamdoullilah for not being in my shoes. But looking back, I have come to realize that each of these falls have in a way brought me closer to Allah.
So cut contact with this guy COMPLETELY!! And " step on ur grief and use it as a launch-pad to propel u to a threshold of servitude towards Allah". Ruzky Aliyar
May Allah continue to show us d way..
PS: please visit http://www.suhaibwebb.com and http://www.yasminmogahed.com. The articles posted there are also so very helpful.
Assalamoalaikum,
Dear sister Saniaa,
I read your story . Let me tell you something. Of course first of all repent to Allah(S.w.t) and resolve never to go back even near such kind of Haraam again InshaAlaah. The second thing is look to it as a lesson and as a means of coming near to your Deen. Thank Allah(s.w.t) that you broke up with such a kind of person. Don't ever contact him.
Now coming to your self esteem, don't feel down. It's natural but with time and effort you will feel perfectly fine again Inshallah. Just change your lifestyle by which I mean do everything possible which our Deen says to us and you will see everything change. You will achieve peace with you inner self and will feel much better.
Pray, Do Dhikr, exercise , eat healthy and do take up halal hobbies in your free time. This way you will have no time for anything like this .
My prayers are with you.
Takecare,
Masalaam
Dear Sister Saniaa
I am also form Mauritius and i have goen through your story and i feel like crying because i have also gone throught such a situation, thought may be not exactly the same situation but the experience was similar. Infact i got engage to a Mauritian boy, my parents were extremely happy and i got the approval and blessing of all my elder when i accepted his proposal, sister he was even a haji. i blindly believe that he was a nice and very simcere guy. After we got engage i went out with him, believing that he as going out to be my life partner, i trusted him in everything and he manage to convince me to do the haram things. I let him kiss me and things like that, however fortunately i did not take the final step and i did not slept with him to put it bluntly, i am really thankful that Allah prevented me form doing that.
However after having his own good time the guy says that he wanted to discontinue, pretending that he has some problems and that if we get married this can affect our marriage life and that he won't be able to keep me happy. He came at my place to tell that to my parents, my parents were extremely down however loistening to that guy, they told me to break that relationship. At time i was desperate, i didn't wnat to let go of him because of all the dirty thing we did. i felt dirty and felt that he should marry me because he played with my honour, i pleaded to him, but he was like a stone hearted men, after taking his share of pleasure he rejected me like a peace of dirty cloth. i was desperate, and sister if Allah would have permitted suicide i would have done it without any hesitation. At time i was at my final year at the university and i just wanted to leave everything, i just went through a state of depression because of that guy. fortunately i have good friends who supported me through that worst moment of my life.
Even now 2 years after the evven i sometime think if Allah is going to forgive me one day or not. you know sister after cheating me that guy got married and now his wife is going to have a baby. People don't know his reality and the fact that now he is married people have a tendency to believe i am the one at fault and all this hurt me so much, Allah is great and he might forgive that perason but i will never forgive him for he played with my honour and for that he will have to answer one day before Allah.
But this even in life has taught me a great lesson, we have to abide to our Prophet preaching and Allah's law, it is only then we will succeed in life. all we can do now is to repent befoer Allah, cry and ask him to help us. we are human being and as such weak and prone to make mistake. but we should not lose hope in Allah's mercy and pity. just do a lot of astarfar, and tahajud namaz, cry to Allah we a sincere heart and hope that he will forgive us and one day give us a good husband.
Salam sister
I hope your well, unfortunatly like khadija mentioned this thing is not uncommon And many girls get used and treated badly from these type of horrible men! But like everyone has said for what u need to do is repent repent and repent!!! U can't stop and not think of the way you have been used mentally and emotionally it's torture it's horrible thinking what u have been through and how gullible a person is when there showed love and affection but my main advise is learn from it! Ask for forgiveness from the heart and learn from it! It's so easy t fall for words. Inshallah there is someone out there for you who will help you complete half of your deem your praying and have started covering up which is a starting point but cleanse ur mind and heart from this man and don't go down the path again unless it's with your husband! No one is worth the heartache fill your heart with love of Allah and Allah only! This guy sounds like he just needed a excuse to break up with you to be honest and found the perfect one about talking to another guy! Allah closed the door before this person could ruin ur life or the years to come so count your self lucky you have been saved from further harm and most importantly haram
Tell me sister Saniaa, do you really regret the sins you committed? Because it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like you mostly regret the fact that Said broke up with you and now rejects you and doesn't trust you. If Said were still talking to you, would you still be talking to him? I would guess the answer is yes.
It doesn't sound like you are taking responsibility for your own actions. How can you have a sincere tawbah, and how can you better next time, if you don't honestly ack
You speak about everything in the third person. This happened to me, that happened to me. He did this, he did that, he used me. But let's look at your actions:
1. Said asked you to be his girlfriend and you agreed. Instead of recognizing that as a big warning bell, you were quite happy and excited about it. Sister, we don't have boyfriends & girlfriends in Islam. On that first trip, you were there with your uncle, right? Why didn't Said speak to your uncle about his desire to marry you? Why didn't you ask him to speak to your uncle? Why did you carry on with him secretly?
2. After you returned home, he started talking to you dirty on the phone. This should have been your second big warning bell that something was not right. You say that he always initiated it. But did you participate? If so, then you are equally guilty and you should admit that.
3. You left your sick father, borrowed money (have you repaid it?), lied to your parents, all to go see this guy without any supervision. What did you think would happen? SubhanAllah. Do you really think this is the way to begin an Islamic relationship? How can anything good come from bad?
4. About the sex. Did he rape you? Because that's how you make it sound. You say, "I resisted but then I don't know how he managed to satisfy himself." What does that mean? Was it rape? Did you fight, scream, scratch, call for help? Afterwards, did you tell your friend?
Then you say he started touching you, "and again he did what he wanted." What does this mean? Did he rape you? Or did you participate freely? If it was not rape, then why don't you say, "again we committed zinaa." You were a participant. You were not a bystander. Then again later, you said, he "used" you, as if you were not participating.
Afterwards, instead of saying to yourself, "I made a big mistake with this guy, he's not what I thought," you kept calling him, and apologizing to him, and trying to continue with him.
So where is your contrition? Where is your honest sense of responsibility for your own actions? Where is your sincere tawbah?
You ask at the end if Allah can forgive you, and if you can find someone who will love you sincerely for the deen. Of course Allah can forgive you, He forgives all sins. Allah says in a hadith Qudsi (I'm paraphrasing) that if we went to him with a mountain of sins, sincerely asking His forgiveness, He would come to us with forgiveness greater than a mountain.
But you must be sincere. You must acknowledge your own sins and stop trying to pretend that you were just an innocent victim all along. The whole thing would not have happened without your collusion.
And yes, Insha'Allah you will find someone sincere and true in the future, but you must not repeat these past actions. Any sincere Muslim will not ask you to be his girlfriend, will not kiss you, will not expect you to come see him secretly, etc. If you want to find a good Muslim man, you must change your approach drastically. Respect yourself, and respect your Lord. Do not see men privately. Do not let a man touch you in any way. Do not keep secrets from your family. If a man is interested in you, let him come speak to your family and carry himself properly.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaam alaikum,
I would like to emphasize that in point 4, the issue of rape is quite complicated than presented. The reaction of the woman is quite varied and many women will experience a physical reaction that differs from our preconceptions of a sexual assault. We should therefore be careful to not stereotype an 'expected victim reaction' as to a validation of rape having took place or the absence of this reaction to say that rape did not occur.
I know this is a bit off topic, but it bears to be said.
Myth: It’s not really rape when a woman changes her mind in the middle of a sexual activity.
Fact: A woman can change her mind at any time. Say you want to stop, say no or simply say you’ve changed your mind. A respectful partner does not want to do something that you don’t want to do.
http://well.wvu.edu/articles/rape_myths_and_facts
Myth:The woman did not get hurt or fight back. It could not have been rape.
Fact: Men who rape or sexually assault women and girls will often use weapons or threats of violence to intimidate women. The fact that there is no visible evidence of violence does not mean that a woman has not been raped.
Another myth that goes hand in hand with this is that ' rape is a fate worse than death' and this links with the belief that women should fight and resist throughout. Faced with the reality of rape, women make second by second decisions, all of which are directed at minimising the harm done to them. At the point where initial resistance, struggling, reasoning etc have failed, the fear of further violence often limits women's resistance. The only form of control that seems available to women at this point is limiting the harm done to them.
http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/commonmyths2.php
MYTH: Rape is an impulsive, uncontrollable act of sexual gratification.
FACT: This myth is sustained by those who argue that most rapes are spontaneous—that is, a sexually frustrated man sees an attractive woman and just can’t control himself. In fact. the majority of rapes are planned rather than being spontaneous. The rapist does not choose the victim because she is young, pretty, or provocatively dressed: he chooses a woman who is vulnerable. He may select a woman who is smaller or weaker than he is, who is alone, who is handicapped in some way, or who does not suspect what is about to happen. All evidence indicates that rape is a brutal act of violence and a display of power, rather than an act of passion or sexual gratification.
http://www.turningpointservices.org/Sexual%20Assault%20-%20Myths%20and%20Facts.htm
I grant all this and I appreciate the clarification. But in this case, the young woman remained with the man out of her own free will (I mean she stayed with him afterwards), and then had sex a second time, then a third time. It was only when the guy dumped her that she began to object. That doesn't sound like rape to me.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaam alaikum,
There are a few things that stand out from her post that I think bear some more reflection. I think it shows that Sister Saniaa does have a lot of remorse in her heart and that she feels quite humiliated right now.
During the first encounter, she says:
Later on, he started getting dirty and behaving in a way that I didn't like, as he was kind of pushing me to have sex.
I resisted but then I don't know how he managed to satisfy himself. He had to leave because he had a work to settle and said he would come back in the evening. Right away I felt so stupid and used. I was so down, I had a shower and slept.
Second encounter:
I woke up when he came back, he hugged me and said he didn't mean to do that with me but he said he couldn't control himself.
I didn't know what to think and say, I was in such a confused and disoriented state. Again after dinner,when my best friend went to her room, Said started kissing me and touching me all over my body and again he did what he wanted.
Third encounter:
Again he conned me, he started being nice again to me, I told him let's go meet his mom, again he found an excuse that his mother wasn't at home.
For the last time, he "used" me and satisfied his needs and then suddenly he had to leave because his dad was very ill.
After this happens, Said finds an excuse to become angry at her. During this time, he's either looking to control her emotional state or manipulating himself into the position to conveniently make her feel she is totally guilty for what happened.
Remember when he said he had "no self control?" That is one of the greatest myths about rape and he was using an essential textbook example of a rapist's excuse.
Myth: Rape is caused by lust or uncontrollable sexual urges and the need for sexual gratification.
Fact: Rape is an act of physical violence and domination that is not motivated by sexual gratification.
Myth: Once a man gets sexually aroused, he can't just stop.
Fact: Men do not physically need to have sex after becoming sexually excited. Moreover, they are still able to control themselves after becoming aroused.
http://rwu.edu/campus-life/health-counseling/counseling-center/sexual-assault/rape-myths-and-fac
Another thing that he did was convince her to leave the security of her family and surroundings with the promise of marriage. Why did he do this? He was controlling the environment so that he could have her to himself to sexually exploit her. This is something that a manipulator and a rapist will do.
Look at the verbal abuse he heaps upon her. He even tells her to have other men. What is he doing by saying this? He's telling her that the sex was her "want" and that she is that type of woman who is cheap.
Now let's look at her emotional state from the after effects.
He told me to f--k off, he never wanted to hear from me again, he said he would block me from his life and delete me. He made me feel so worthless. In anger, I told him he is an a--hole and he has used me and then ditched me,and now he was satisfied. He said yes, he used me and now he is satisfied. That made me feel even worse.
Since then, I have lost my self-esteem and feel very sad, I'm so depressed and feel used and dirty.
She was manipulated from the beginning, during and afterwards by this man. Could we honestly say that she enjoyed any part of this ordeal, let alone the sexual encounters? No.
Is Said a rapist? By the letter of the law, there could be enough leeway for him to avoid a conviction. However, ethically, I would say that he is a rapist.
I would like to point out that what is another key issue for our sisters to understand is that they have the power to resist sexual urges and attempts by men. At any time they feel uncomfortable with any sexual act, they have the power to say, "no." Even if they are completely naked, they still have this power and right to refuse sex at any time they are unsure or uncomfortable with what is happening.
Another of the issues that have faced women is when they have consented to vaginal sex, but their partner attempts another sexual act they they do not want. They are then forced into this sex act. While initially they had consented, the additional sex act was non-consensual. This also applies to any proceeding encounter after the first one. Just because they said "yes" the first time, does not mean that they are now an open source of consensual sex. They can refuse in any subsequent encounters or to any act they do not wish to perform.
I point these factors out because our sisters and women everywhere need to remind themselves that they have the right to refuse any situation which harms them no matter if they initially got involved.
Lastly, this is why Islam and morality have defined these limits between men and women.
Thank you Professor X. You've made some important points. All women should know that they have the right to say no.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Can I have ur number? I do have my issues.
We don't allow the exchange of private contact info.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Yeah even I has a relation and I realyy am feeling ashamed and useles that the boy has moved on and I am like huh:/
Well I realy feel sorry for my self ... I tried moving on a lot..m finaly a day came when I realy got over him... All I did is hate him.. But again after few days I thnk about him like he's having so much fun... And I am stil at times thinkng about him... I don't want to..
I am over him... But at times some thought spoil evrything...
What should I do ? :/
:'(
juweyriya, I noticed you always write "islamicanswer.com" in the URL field on your comments. Actually the name of this website is IslamicAnswers.com, not IslamicAnswer.com. There's no need to write anything in the URL field anyway. So please take care with it otherwise it creates more work for me as I have to go through and delete the URL each time.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Walaikum Salam sister Saania,
I conquer what everyone said above sister; it's about time you start moving on with your life and remove this person from your life completely and all the memories attached to him. To start with; you were young, naive and made this mistake of accepting his offer of becoming his girlfriend, you sold yourself short. An honourable man never asks a woman to be his girlfriend because this is haram in Islam, if he was interested in you seriously and saw you as a future wife he would have honoured you by approaching you parents. I can understand that you still have feelings for him which is natural but you must know that their is not a single thing that suggests that he was going to be a good husband or father; in fact the fact that he is/was in contact with many non-mahram girls is a HUGE red flag and any women regardless of her faith, age, background or else would not simply ignore it. Who knows how many lives he has ruined and still ruining and doesn't seem to care at all about his akhirah.
So, say Alhamdullilah, repent to Allah (swt) who you owe a lot for opening your eyes to this, who knows you may never have realized or seen this, had you married him; believe me then you would have been in worst situation with/without kids. Use this opportunity to get closer to Allah (swt), read Quran, pray regularly on time and concentrate on your education and other healthy activities. Join sisters who are on deen to strengthen your faith.
May Allah (swt) help you get out of this situation and help you better yourself. Amin
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
salaam sister
Allah knows everything about everyone so u need to do onething between asir & maghrib ya allaho, ya rehmaano ya raheemo 500 times read everyday & trust me my sister u"ll get sukun & sabr & leave that man Allah Gve u better man who really cares u,& loves u trust on Allah,i Also Faced So many problems in my life
but Allah vd me & i"ll definetly get A very good husband in future u Also get do this thing & have patient.
Salam o alaikum,
its never too late, read carefully the early part of Wael's comment and ponder over it with utmost diligence and repent more over n over if you find that to be true. inshaAllah Allah swt will forgive your sins and guide you to be more pious, patient, brave and resilient.
Never be complacent with your Imaan, always always check and recheck and ask for Allah swt's mercy and forgiveness.
Alhamdulillah it looks like Allah swt has guided you and bestowed mercy on you - just make sure never to be proud in your worship or acts of obedience to Allah swt. be Humble and speak the right words with kindness.
InshaAllah you will be a pious muslim woman, kind hearted, soft spoken, the kind of woman any muslim will be blessed to marry.
Do not delve into so much detail about your past, especially with names, yes you know u have done wrong and you are resentful for it and Allah swt will cover your sins, do not bring them to light again, especially in so much detail.
Past is past and you have come out of it guided - always be grateful for that, if things don't go ideally in life - thank Allah swt for he has bestowed a test on you and wants to cleanse you everything. Embrace every difficulty with gratefulness to Allah swt and ALWAYS know that the real success is not in this life.
May Allah swt guide and forgive us all - Ameen
Regards,
Saqib
Saniaa,
I am not a Muslim, but my work and surrounding people are. I totally have feeling on what you wrote, in fact I am still letting a man used me for more than five years, and knowing and confirming he is leaving me next Friday to another place. I am living in hong kong, and have been in this relationship five years ago, breaking up and coming back over ten times, the last time was on july 14 this year after I confirmed in front of him that he has lied to me and planned to leave me for Beijing. We have lived together for four years, but I am telling you I have never found a way to trust, he has never answering my call if he went out, I am the one who paid for home rent, going out dinning and mostly all other expenses. Even thus he lost his job and I really don't mind until one day after one year of living together I accidentially saw his bank statement, he has over three hundred thousand us dollars which I don't even have 1%of what he got in my bank, and I got angry to ask him he need to pay something, and from that he paid me water bill. Everyone my family, my friends told me to leave, I tried , and at the end even I got beaten I am still here, I wish I don't care about him. He actually hit me again yesterday after our break up since July 14 and he came back after one month, he told me I cannot change his mind going to Beijing, and now I just have to letting me hurt and use me until one day I cannot breathe.
he is muslim as well how could he do that to you? how could you have let this happen to you knowing pre martial relationship is forbidden yet he was still your bf
Well he was a outsider but i was ditched by my own cousin so what to expect frm an outsider ...but i never let him sleep wid me although he tried alot but whn he saw i m not his type he left me .. tht time i was much tensed but nw i m much relax n thankful to Allah tht he saved me frm such an evil n same to u Sannia sister ..let him go n say astagfar InshaaAllah Allah ll help u out..