he married me urfi and now he hardly comes to see me or call me
salam i am a new muslim and i need advice. i married for 7 months now but its just an urfi marriage coz my husband's parents did not accept me when my husband told them about me. but still i married him coz i love him so much.
the problem is before we married he made a condition with me that he must to go back to his previous wife. he said it's for the sake of his son and he told me that he cannot stay with me after that happens, and becoz i love him so much i accepted everything coz he promised me too that he will never change on me. but this not what happening now coz for 2 months now he is showing me that he don't care anymore about me. i feel it coz he did not come to me he just came after 1 or 2 weeks and he cant even give me a call, he just call me after 4 days or sometimes 1 week.
i dont know what to do i love him so much but i feel unhappy the way he treat me coz i know he's not giving me my right but everytime i ask him about it he just answer me that "u know everything before i married you, i told u and u accept it so what is the problem if i didnt call you?"
please give an advice what should i do it is haram if i ask a divorce from him? coz really i am not happy coz i know he cant fight for me please please i need a help or advice for me to know what to do. thanks.
- fatum
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assalam alaikum, dear sister..
i dont know about your all the story, but got few things exactly,just i can advise you that only..
you knew that your husband was married already than why you got marry with him. 2ndly, how his first wife will feel that when she will get about you, she will hurt too much,and allah also did not allow to hurt anyone heart because in everyone heart is having allah, that is fine hadith thigs, like, man can marry 4, but that is not in hadith to not to take care wife and creat problem in marriage life, why he got marry with you and he made bad your life when he cang manage two marry.. just man knows that they can get marry 4, which is right from hadith, but they dont know in which condition they can do 4 marry.. if mans will get exact hadith than they will not thing about next marry. just i can advise this only, you should wait for some time, and speak with your husband in nice way, if really he does not want to care you and he does not want to carry his marry than,you should take your own decision, because its not good unhappy and hurtting life. you should come out from all the situation by your self, dont depend on anyone person,because no one can give right advide to you, because no one knows your all the your full story accept you. sit, think,and decide, you also have thats rights as you can get qhulaa from him..
salam sis thanks for your advice but i just want you to know that whene i married him he was divorced with his 1st wife but his wife and his father ask him to reconsile with her and he ask my opinion and i told him if u can thene its no problem just be sure you will be fair and not do haram.
reconciliation comes before divorce is complete not after it, if they have divorced they are haram for each other before the ex wife remarries someone else in a proper Shariah marriage, and then parts from her husband either due to death of a valid divorce i.e a divorce with a proper Shariah reason, a man cannot remarry a wife who has been irreconcilably divorced,
Your husband should have had no further contact with this women, unless the above has been executed,
You can confirm what i am saying with someone of knowledge, perhaps visit your mosque,
Your husbands parents didn't need to except you, in order for your marriage to be valid, your parents i.e your wali ( usually the father) does need to except, else the marriage is invalid.... unless the Wali, is harming the women under his care, or incapable of looking aftter her interests, the position of Wali then passes to the next Male member of the family, i.e the Grandfather, then the brother, the uncle and so on, but no Wali, means no valid marriage.
Not sure what an 'Urfi' marriage is, but in Islam there is only one type of valid marriage, what you described seems to be a temporary marriage, and that is completely Haram and not a valid marriage...
I hope everything is ok with you now sis, and you have managed to work out your problems...
asalamu alaikum,
hi how are you? hope you are doing well. firstly i would like to welcome you for coming to the path of truth(islam)
after readiing i can understant what you are going through, in islam the husband has to treat his both wife equally if he doesnt then he will be held accountable on the day of judgement. regarding divorce you allowed to if your husband isnt giving you ur rights infact i advise you to get a divorce, there is plenty of other brothers out there who will love you and take care of you so there is no need for you to suffer. hope things work out for you inshallah
ma salama
salam alykum brother i just want to say thanks for your advice.
Hello Fatum.
I am so sorry for you. You must feel incredibly bad & deceived.
My advice would be to give him a bit of time. The first wife & her family may have put execcive pressure on him to reconcile & he is trying. It may work for him & it may not. It sounds as though he was not truthful about being divorced though.
Try to find things to keep yourself busy in the meantime. Take a class, volunteer, anything you can to stay busy & keep your mind off your situation. Give yourself a time limit- maybe 3 months or 6 months to see if he comes around. If he does not show concern for you, proceed with divorce.
I am finding myself in nearly same boat, except I have not yet agreed to marry him.
Best wishes to you.
Jenn
Assalam alaikum to all of them
am so sorry for you sister may Allah give u solution abt yr problem
i wanna say to GAZAL plz without giving refrences of hadith don't give yr suggesion coz its not just for u its for all muslims. if u ll give u without refrences hadith and its not true. Allah says don't give advise without corrent way
Dear Sister,
Asalamu alaikum,
1st of all Islam should be in the entire muslim's life maridge or other life's matters.
What I can say tomy understnding that your hasband is a cowered man, it's his reponsibility to take care for you and his 1st wife and the whole family,
I advice you to sit and talk to him in the fact that you both are his wives and his accounable for that he should treat you eaquilly or divorce before having children,
I would have get divorced. I think you made a big mistake by marring with an already married man. I personally am against polygamy and i think you are putting your desires before the sake of another family. This is just very very wrong. I am not judging you but i think you should fix this mistake and get a divorce.