Married Man Lied to Me!
I found out the truth on his Facebook page.
Hi,
I have not had a good start to the New Year...
I found out last week that my partner of over a year who I have strong feelings for has been married (very happily it seems) all along! When I only met him once over the 2 week Xmas break, he didn't wish me Happy New Year and said not to call or send him any messages on his birthday because he doesn't celebrate it, I became even more suspicious than I already was. So I looked on his facebook account and his daughter's (he told me I'm not allowed on there so many times)... there were pictures of him at his own birthday party with what he told me was his ex-wife who he said he was "just going through the motions" with for the sake of the children. His brother's family, his nephew, his children and his wife's sisters were there including the wife and there's a picture of him lifting her off the ground and they are both laughing...
I was angry, so on that day (his birthday), I sent him the photo of him lifting his wife and told him not to contact me again...
Since then, rather than explain and apologise, he has been blaming me - saying I'm stalking him. Both he and his nephew have been sending me messages saying "Stop stalking you freak". This really upsets me greatly even more as I am already hurting.
I sent him a message saying the following: "I'm sorry for looking on facebook, all I ask now is that you leave me alone. I lost my temper when I saw the pictures contradicting everything you said to me - so let's just grow up and move on... I shan't contact you again even if I want to. I will look the other way and suggest you do the same. Good luck with your life"
We spoke on the phone about this yesterday and he still didn't apologise - instead he said "See - you're a stalker. Now rub your own nose in the pictures and reel. You made your bed so lie in it. You're a freak of nature, surrounded by freaks (I think he means my family). How could you do this on my birthday? I will not be speaking to you again because you crossed the line. Bye"
Obviously, even though I decided to let him know what I've found out and that it was unacceptable to do this to me, I am very upset and even more so by his harsh words. I didn't swear at him or call him names at all.
He used to say he loved me all the time, but now I'm sure it was just a lie.
I know there are other people in the world with much bigger problems than mine, but I am very depressed, disheartened, disappointed and upset at being treated like this :-((((
Miss S
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well done Miss S! finally a sensible woman !
welldone for sending him that picture!
no reason to appologise.
now realise your mistake. No dating men. there is a reason why allah has commanded us so.
now turn around 180 degrees and walk away .................. no reply to any of the txt,messages. etc. ifnhe comes across just pretend you dont know him. look at him as if he is a dog barking. what do you do when a dog barks on the street .do you bark back ? or walk away?
repent for the sins you committed.and never turn back to them.
if you need to cry, cry over the sins you committed not over him.
Thankyou for your advice and not judging me...
Good idea to compare him to a barking dog. I will remember this if he tries to contact me again another way. He has been trying a lot, but his number and texts a blocked now.
Since this happened, I've seen him and his wife in the car and I've also bumped into his wife on 2 occassions near my house when I've been shopping - she was happily on the phone to him both times (I could see his name on her phone).
Funny thing is, he rang me straight after but didn't get through because I blocked him, so texted to say he needed me in his life - obviously I don't reply to his lying, corrupt mesages.
I feel so stupid that someone could this to me.
Anyway, thanks again...
Miss S
DEAR
THIS IS ONE COLOR OF THIS DIRTY WORLD THE LIARS WORLD.....
SO DONT MINGLE WITH MARRIED MEN LIKE IN RELIGIOUS MATTER WE ARE PROHIBITED FROM BELIEVING IN BLIND TAQLEED LIKE THAT NOT TO BELIEVE IN BLIND LOVE-
ITS GOOD YOU CAME TO KNOW THE TRUTH NOW YOU CAN SAVE YRSELF'
REGARDS
Sister,
This man has obviously strung you along and lied to you about being married. There is a saying that I live by..."What goes around, comes around." The only reason this man is calling you a stalker is because he is a jerk and scared to death of his wife finding out about you. Calling you a stalker is him looking for anyway to twist things up and make him look like an innocent lamb of sorts...not.
I am happy that you took a moment to look on his Facebook page and see him for the real person that he is. A liar and a cheater. Block his number and never call him again. Give thanks to Allah that your eyes are opened and you can see this person for what he really is. Repent to Allah for your transgressions sister. May Allah bring a wonderful and loving brother your way. You definitely deserve better.
Salam
Thankyou for you kind words Najah
Salaam sister,
Reading your story made me a little angry!
What Islamic advice would you like? So you feel depressed because you committed a major sin? Or is it because he used you?
You got duped by a married man. Your not the first and your not the last. Men like him usually have more than one girl on the side.
Repent for your sins and try and avoid zina in the future. Make dua to Allah to find you the best spouse.
We cannot commit sins knowingly and then be depressed when this becomes unsuccessful.
May Allah guide us all.
Wsalam
Sister,
why did he tell you not to look at his Facebook? That's what Facebook is there for! For everyone to see! It's a social network site. So that should have made you relize that he is hiding things as he doesn't want you to find out about his real life. He was just using you as a bit on the side.
If a man really cares for you and wants to marry you he will be open about every aspect of his life. He will not draw a line about what pictures you can see and what you can't! Be grateful that Allah has saved you from him. You have done the right thing by breaking off. Don't look back. You know he is in the wrong. That's what bad people do when they have been caught red handed, they blame it on their victim! Don't dwell on his words you know its nonsense.
You are luck you didn't get married to him and destroy your life. Just be cautious next time you meet someone for marriage purposes I hope. Insha Allah may Allah send you a good honest faithful man to marry very soon who will keep you happy.
Thankyou Sumaira,
I don't think these kind of guys are interested in marriage as he has a wife already who he seems to be very happy with.
For some reason, he chose to make a fool of me and I fell for it.
Anyway, thanks for your good wishes. Hopefully I will find someone decent - there don't seem to be many around nowadays 🙁
Peace be with you,
Thank you for sharing and thank you for being so brave. You have my support too, thank God, you discovered his secret.
This is a world of options, the problem is when we choose to walk straight and we find people that choose the wrong ways, while we are with them, their shadows confuse us for a while and seems that we are blind, we only see through their eyes, thank God, you got your sight again and you are out of his shadows.
Please stay strong and please never again contact him, keep your message for a while, just in case, and begin the life you deserve to live, step by step, walking on the right path and leaving behind this experience.
To overcome the memories and the feelings that can disturb you, ask God to help you to forgive him for what he did to you and to forgive you for being involved in this situation.
God´s willing, this prayer will help you to give Peace to your Heart through the moments of dispair.
“O Allah, I hope for Your mercy. Do not leave me to myself even for the blinking of an eye . Correct all of my affairs for me. There is none worthy of worship but You.” (Abu Dawud 4/324, Ahmad 5/42. Al-Albani graded it as good in Sahih Abu Dawud 3/959.)
God knows best.
My unconditional love,
María M
Good advice too.
Assalam 3aleykoum W.r W.b
Beautiful Advice MashaAllah. I have suffered (almost similar) situation. But I have a question.
I really dont want to forgive him. I never did nor ever will do anything for revenge. But I pray that Allah SWT who is Just, deal with this brother as he deserves whats coming to him.
I am scared that if I forgive him that Allah SWT will have mercy on him.
Can I still heal with these thoughts and feelings in me?
JazakaAllah.
The Prophet ﷺ and his companions were so merciful in their conduct that instead of becoming angry with their offenders, they defended them and gave them gifts. What immeasurable acts of compassion. They went beyond human altruism and practiced unmatched generosity. They demonstrated that when we open our hearts and pardon others, we are granting ourselves an inner peace. This is how we can prevent spite from suffocating our hearts, which is crucial because hatred has the ability to make us internally ill. We think that hatred is a means of revenge against those who have harmed us, but by begrudging them we are only harming ourselves. This is because our enemies will never feel our anger, and they live contently as we suffer. When we forgive others, it brings relief to our souls because it is a kind of liberating release. This is because when someone has upset us, they have a power over us because we allowed them to do so.
From suhaibwebb.com. Forgiveness and tolerance in Islam
Assalam 3aleykoum Sister Lisa
There are days when I am so forgiving toward him and then there are days that I hurt so bad and just cant seem to forgive him. Thank you for sharing that. Its a beautiful reminder of the benefits of forgiveness.
JazakaAllah
Sister Zahriya
Believe me, I totally understand what you are going through. Every time I feel that way, I plead to Allah swt to ease my pain and reward me with something better. This last year has been a whirlwind of emotions for me. But I can't blame anyone for my pain and suffering but myself; cause I went against Allah swt warnings and quranic advice.
The brother had me looped in the belief that he was going to marry me. But I agree with you. I blame myself the most because I participated in it and did not handle the relationship from an Islamic perspective. Not a day goes by without asking for Tauba. I pray that we all find ease and may Allah SWT forgive us for our weaknesses and faults. Ameen.
Ameen.
Hi María M,
What a thoughtful and wise reply.
Out of respect for myself I will not be contacting him - he did try his lies again by saying he needs me in his live, but I've blocked his number and look the other way when I see him (normally we are both in the car driving so I just ignore him).
I am cross with him, but hope one day he will learn his lession - it's not my job to do this as I need to concentrate on sorting my life out and doing positive things instead of negative ones like him.
Thanks again,
Miss S
Peace be with you,
Masha´Allah, thank you for who you are.
May Allah(swt) bless you. Ameen.
Love,
María M
Assalam alaikum,
Sister,
Men and women lie, cheat, hurt and much more. Of course it was wrong of him to lie to you, use you, speak to you out of disrespect, but the good news is that you do have the power to now allow that to happen.
Sister, respect yourself first before you expect others to. Do not cross the boundaries of Allah swt by talking privately with a non-Mahram man. It is that simple. Hopefully you have learnt the lesson that is deserving of being learnt - stay within the Islamic boundaries when associating with the opposite gender.
1. Immediately change your number and online contact information. Block him on the social media sites that he may possibly try to contact you through.
2. Change yourself, heal yourself, find peace and contentment in the remembrance of Allah swt. Ask Allah to forgive you, guide you. Be grateful that you found out before it got worse than this. You know now that your approach was wrong and what it could lead to in the future.
3. Immerse yourself in busy tasks and be productive. Do not cry another tear for him, but instead, if you must cry, cry to Allah for forgiveness and guidance. We all need Allah and it is ultimately Allah that can help us out of such pain - even if we ourselves were the cause of it.
May Allah grant you sabr. Ameen.
Beautiful advise and constructive steps to take. MashaAllah.
Thank you Saba,
I am trying my best to keep busy.
I have managed to stay away from him so far despite his pleading. I deserve better. It's very disappointing that I let someone like this into my life in the first place.
Hopefully Allah will send someone decent in my direction on day.
All the best,
Miss S
Dear Miss S,
I am glad you have stayed away with him--keep it up.
Protect yourself and by setting boundaries and don't let anyone tell you otherwise with pretty words and hollow promises. I pray that Allah grants you a spouse that will be loving, understanding and pious, Ameen. Whatever you do, really stick to having your brother or father involved in anyone that approaches you for marriage--when a non-Mahram man knows he has to talk to a responsible man associated with the girl he is pursuing--either he will run if he is playing games OR he will act like a real man and won't back down when talking to your Wali.
All the best to you, inn shaa Allah.
Salaam sister, stay away from social media, stay in the REAL world its the only place that Islam and reality work. A
Thanks for this advice: We all need Allah and it is ultimately Allah that can help us out of such pain - even if we ourselves were the cause of it. But sometimes the pain is so excruciating because of dreams shattered, and loss of a love one, that I become so paralyzed with sadness and heartache, that I forget this advice.
Thanks to you Lisa. I understand what you are going through and I acknowledge your suffering. Part of the process of healing is to feel the pain to make us conscious of the depth of the damage done, once we know it, it is time to look for tools to continue the process of healing. Here I will tell you some, that insha´Allah will help.
There is a way to keep Allah subhana wa tala, if He wills, always present within your Heart consciously and it is taking the habit or reciting prayers, little, big prayers, I like to call them, because they are little in words but big in content,...To mention and remember God, with Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Insha´Allah, La hawla wala qwata illa billah, Hasbinallahu wa ni´amal wakeel, ... , and so many more prayers that we can feel at heart and take us closer to Him, and this during the day, working, walking,,... if you begin to do it consciously, when you feel lost the prayer will come along to you and will comfort you, insha´Allah.
This is an exercise to help you to overcome sadness and emptyness when hits you hard.
When you feel too much negativity around pray the last three surahs of the Quran and try to learn them by heart as well as ayat al kursi, this can be done in the morning and at night.
If you feel physically weak, surah Al- Fatiha.
There are lots of more dua but I like to concentrate on a few that I can feel deep, but this is just my personal opinion, you can choose anyone you feel closer to your Heart and make you feel more peaceful.
Make some exercise, eat balanced and to drink in the morning a cup of Melissa officinalis tea will help insha´Allah.
Count your blessings everyday, something to be grateful for, insha´Allah, you will discover many reasons to be thankful everyday and this insha´Allah will bring Peace to your Heart..
God knows best.
May God help you to heal your wounds and guide you to be your best. Ameen.
My unconditional love and Peace from Heart,
María M
Thank you so much. Inshallah I will try this to lift the heaviness from my chest and to receive serenity again. Jazakallah.
Poor you and his poor wife! (Not sarcasm) i'm sick and tired of stupid men doing stupid things and then the woman involved getting the blame like they should've known this idiot has been lying to them all this time. You should expose this cheat to his wife, b/c who knows you might be one of many women he had strung along behind his wife's back and if you're worried about breaking up his family and his daughter, well he should've thought about them before lying to you and his family! You handles the situation well!
- Alea
Hi Alea,
His wife deserves to know what this scumbag is like, but it's not my place to tell her. I don't want the additional bad karma of hurting someone and her children like he hurt me. One day he will get discovered and if he doesn't, that's Allah's will.
He might pray and keep all his fasts, but this behaviour outside of Ramadan is unacceptable. I don't understand why people behave like this and can only hope that one day they will realise their sins and follow the righteous path before its too late.
Thanks for not slamming my character like some of the people on here have.
Peace be upon you,
Miss S
Hello.
I am glad you took action. So many men lead us on in hope that we follow blindly. If something seems "off" it usually is. I have posted several times over the years of my issues with a married man who was seeking me to become his 2nd wife. I am now moved on, after lots of soul seeking and tears. I have no more aching in my gut and heart wrenching feelings. I am a happy person now. I hope the same for you and anyone who goes through the disaster of being sought out by a married man. And think of his wife. She is already married to the man who is cheating on her. If she does not fulfill her role, he will stray. That does not mean it is ok, but everyone has the right to seek happiness and joy. Only some of us are brave enough to actually do something about it!!
For you single women, there are plenty of men- maybe not so flirty, not so handsome, not so wealthy, that will love you and treat you well, because YOU are their joy. Keep looking.
Peace and Blessings to you.
Jenn
Thank you Jenn,
I don't think he was looking for a second wife.
Since this happened, I've seen his wife in the shops twice and she was on the phone to him - happily talking away. As soon as the conversation ended, he was calling me, saying he needed me. Obviously, his number is blocked now. I can't believe how low people are.
I feel so stupid.
I hope someone decent finds me soon too.
Peace and Blessings to you too,
Sonia
Have you seen him who takes his own lusts (vain desires) as his ilaah (god), and Allaah knowing (him as such), left him astray, and sealed his hearing and his heart, and put a cover on his sight. Who then will guide him after Allaah? Will you not then remember?
— Al Jathiyah - 45:23
(via albosnawee-deactivated20121008)
Beautiful narration. It reminds me that the best of judges is Allah SWT who sees what is in our hearts. For I was fooled not knowing what was going on in his mind/heart. Not knowing his intentions. Thank you Sister Lisa.
Thanks Lisa,
Peace be upon you,
Miss S
Miss S,
how have things been for you since this? i hope you have managed to move and find peace from all the heartache.