Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marrying a converted Muslim

prayer beads

Assalamualaikum!!

My issue is that I have known a guy for some time. He is showing very serious interest in me, and wants to marry me.  He has been very serious about the relationship since day one, but the problem here is that he is a converted Muslim. Well, he is not recently converted- it's been like 10, 15 years. But his family background is christian.  He left his family because of his change of religion.

Now this thing is making me so confused and stressing me out so much. On one hand, seeing his sincerity and his love for me, I also wanna marry him; but I don't know how to take a stand in front of my family. I don't know to convince them that he is the right choice for me. They will obviously raise the question about his religion.

I also tried leaving him because I don't find myself courageous enough to take a stand for him,  but he is not leaving me. I am stuck and don't know what to do.  Please someone, help me out!

-Ammz


Tagged as: , , , ,

10 Responses »

  1. Realy?
    Will you just leave a man who loves you and presumably you love him just because he made a right decision and he had courage enough to leave his family because of his Believe?

    What do you expect more? Spiderman or Superman?

    I have just one concern. Subconsciously you have less physical attraction to this man than he has to you and you need a real (spiritual) reason to dump him for your conscious to be relieved.

    I recommend you to have the same courage as him. If you are not attracted to him say it honestly and let him find another one who can make him happy but if you like him enough to marry him, marry him!

    Considering his history he seems nice guy.

    The last choice is yours of course...

    Note: Does he pray 5 times in a day?

  2. he converted 10-15 years ago and left his family to follow his faith... and ur family will question his religion???!!! u seriously cant find anything positive to say about that to ur family??!!... sounds like ur making some excuse not to even tell them. dont waste this guys time...

  3. Sis, please speak the truth to this man.
    He is having true feelings for you and you wish not to break his heart by telling him you dont have the same love.

    So, its pretty obvious what you need to do.

  4. I understand it's hard taking a stand to your family, it was hard for me because I married a convert as well and I can tell you it did not go down as well, especially my mother. But you have to understand parents' views on marriage is more cultural than religious and you need to figure out the Islamic way to go about this. Make Istikhara, if you want to marry him then tell your parents and bring an Imam over to explain the Shariah about intercultural marriage if they are stubborn. If you still choose to marry him then have it Islamically done, don't keep talking to him and dating him... this is just going to hurt you both in the long run.

    Converts usually are better Muslims than being raised as a Muslim because they learn the Deen from the book. Not by culture and being taught you have no choice. So from an Islamic point of view if he practices his religion, complete your half of the Deen.

    However, I get the feeling you're unsure about whether or not you want to marrry him ? If it's just because of your parents being stubborn then sister let me tell you, if you do what is Islamically right, keep praying and making Duaa they will come around. It might take a couple years, like mine, but they will, Inshallah. So worry about yourself, your Deen and how to become a better Muslim in this life and let Allah SWT take care of the rest. Trust in Him and you will never be failed.

    Can I ask what type of relationship you've had with this man? How long you've known him for ? And how you plan on telling your parents you want to marry?

  5. SA

    No offence, but you are being a selfish coward. This guy was DISOWNED by his family for the deen, and you're not even willing to BRING THE ISSUE UP to your family?! I mean wow, come on.

    The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

    “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment (deen) and attitude (akhlaq) pleases you, then marry him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.”

    If you don't at least try for this guy, I definitely won't shed a tear for you in a few years when you post complaining about how you can't find a husband.

  6. Assalam alaikum Sister,

    I am sorry for what you are going through. It is understandable because in many cultures, where Muslim families happen to exist, they tend to follow the culture strictly giving no voice to their girls. Some parents can't even imagine that their daughter is ready for marriage and are horrified at the thought of her bringing it up. It is a very big issue in many families and it is extremely naive to think otherwise. There are so many brothers, who don't even need a wali, who can't even stand up for themselves after being in an intimate relationship with a girl and will marry the first girl who their mothers choose for them--so I can understand why you feel the way you do.

    Having said all of this, you really have to think of what the worse thing that could happen? Your parents may say that they will disown you -- but it may be a bluff in order for you to comply with their wishes. You won't know and you have to try.

    I think you should approach your parents and tell them this man is interested in you and you are in him. If the issue comes up regarding his conversion, tell them that Umar bin Khattab was someone who set out to kill our beloved Prophet SAWS, and instead, accepted Islam. Tell them, that one after the other, the Sahabas accepted Islam--they also had converted. Tell them that you have given thought of it and we are not here to question the Emaan of someone who has been a Muslim for the last 10 years anymore than we should question the Emaan of someone who was born a Muslim. This, once discussed openly, should be a non-issue.

    Whatever fear you have, inn shaa Allah, will only be overcome with courage, so find courage in yourself. If it is not this test, another test will come to try your patience again in perhaps a different matter. I truly believe that when we succumb to our fears, with time, we are only tested again and again to remove those fears and make us better people. So do not be afraid if you are doing the right thing and standing up for yourself.

    Read this Du'a before speaking to your parents: Al-Quran [20:25-28]

    [Moses] said, "My Lord, expand for me my breast [with assurance]
    And ease for me my task
    And untie the knot from my tongue
    That they may understand my speech.

    May Allah make it easy for you and make what happens what is best for you, Ameen.

  7. Salaams,

    Although I can agree with everyone's view that this sister should go forward and marry this man if he is indeed a suitable muslim in every other way, and should be confident in his character before her parents, I think that some of the scathing, caustic, and sarcastic remarks in saying so are COMPLETELY out of line. I would like to remind EVERYONE to mind their adab and speak in such a way that shows empathy and care. Prophet SAWS wouldn't even say things in this way even if someone was attacking him.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Assalam alaikum Sr. Amy,

      I have to say that I agree with you in the latter part of your comment as I too noted some hurtful remarks--and I decided to address this in general (to avoid confrontation) in my post by talking about culture and what may be the reason for the OP's hesitation in approaching her parents. Being a girl, it can be difficult.

      The only part that concerned me was when you said for everyone to mind their adab -- if I spoke out of line to the OP, I am not aware and in fact I tried to empathize with her situation.

  8. My gf just left me I did everything for her I'm a great muslim n a great man just hurts that I did everything right n it wasn't enough. If you think his worth it prays 5 times n has the deen in his heart why not take a chance she didn't. If you really don't love him end it now no reason to tag someone along if nothing going to happen.

    • Sevendust, I deleted a portion of your comment. If you want to register and write about your experience in a separate post, you can do that. And watch the bad language. We don't allow that here.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

Leave a Response