IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Assalamu alaykum,

I have been going through some hard times with my mother.

To give a bit of background, I'm from a single parent family and am the eldest daughter.

My mother will not allow me to look for a spouse until I'm 25. When I was 19-20, it was a different story, she was helping me search but suddenly, changed her mind when I was 21. She says that she needs me at home for financial reasons (I work and pay rent etc.)

She then said I was allowed to marry only a Pakistani and so righteous people from different ethnicities have all been rejected by her. Prior to this, again she was a lot more open and was considering revert brothers for me as I'd be 'better settled'.

Now she's saying I'm not allowed to marry anyone who lives too far away (i.e. I must reside in the same city, even though for Islamic educational purposes, I wanted to move closer to the capital where classes/ opportunities are better). But because of the conditions placed, there are very few people around! She doesn't understand and has called me every name under the sun and claims that I'm cold, unloving am going to abandon her, don't care etc.

I hear all these accusations every day and it's causing a strain on our relationship. She doesn't understand that though and thinks she's in the right and I'm always in the wrong.

I have told her to have tawakkul, that I'll still be able to have a meaningful relationship with her, that I'll be able to come and stay like so many other daughters do once married, that I'll find someone who will help her financially so she's not burdened as much. But everything is being thrown back in my face.

She's refusing to settle down and is instead placing the burdens of a husband upon her daughter and to be honest, I find that really unfair.

When she was my age, she ran away from home and abandoned her own mother when her mother was placing stringent conditions on her and was forcing her into a situation she didn't want to be in- yet she is committing the same kind of oppression upon her own daughter without worry or fear.

In every conversation, I'm made out to be the bad person, the cold one and it's becoming a point where living in this house is becoming very difficult.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Humble request for duas