My husband demands that I have an abortion
My husband and I have been married for a year now. Both of us came into this marriage after previous marriages, myself bringing a 3 year old son and him a 4 year old daughter.
Before we got married, he told me he wanted a large family and was seeking a partner who felt the same. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family and I also seeked the same in a partner.
I just found out that I. am pregnant. But my husband for some reason or another, is forcing me to have an abortion. I do not believe in abortions. I know that some in Islam do believe in abortion if it is before "life is breathed into the fetus". I however, do not believe that, as many other Muslims do. It seems as everyone interprets the Holy Quran the way they want.
My husband will divorce me and deny this child if I continue with the pregnancy. I am a teacher at an Islamic school. . . I can not afford to raise an infant on my own and my three year old. But at the same time, the thought of abortion makes me sick. . ..
What do I do?
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Asslam-o-Alaikum sister,
Yes you are right that abortion is not halal unless the woman's life is really threatened by it.You should talk to your husband and try to find out what is the reason behind his demand.There surely might be a reason at which you two could have a debate.Ask Allah for help and guidance.
May Allah bless you and your children.
Why would any man want his child aborted? That is a horrible thing to even think about doing, It was meant to be or you wud not have been gifted w/ the child in the first place. Keep the baby! Good Luck!
asalamu alaikum,
hi how are you? hope you are doing well, after reading your question i would like to apologise for the hard time you are goin through. in islam abortion is not allowed in, a hadith which i cant remember the narration but it says who ever has an abortion its as if tho you have killed the child, so you see it is a big sin. have you asked him why he wants you to have an abortion? is he worried about providein for the child? if so tell him rizq comes from allah, if he still insist on the abortion and wants to divorce you then i suggest you divorce him.
sister now you gotta take a stand, if you want to do that which is right an get a reward for it or be with your husband and commit a big sin? i know its hard but now your faith, imaan comes in, if you truly believe in allah then have tawakkul in allah, surely he will make things easy. im positive that there are other good brothers out there who will take care of you. sister i will pray for you hope things work out inshallah
ma salama
Sister, AoA -
Just one thing - DONT even dream of having the abortion just to satisfy ur husband. Obedience to the husband comes AFTER obedience to ALLAH. So - dont pls dont commit this sin, to make him happy. Talk to him.. try and find a way out. And if nothing else works, apply for khula. As for bringing up ur children alone - ALLAH will bring them up - so have no worries on that account Inshallah. Trust in ALLAH.
May ALLAH bless you and reward you.
your sister in Islam.
Assalam Aleikum wa Ra7ma tulla wa Barakatu;
Dear Sister,
I am in the same situation. Recently married, my husband wants children after two years. Now I am
pregnant one month. My husband insists I get an abortion and thinks it is acceptable because of the viewpoint that the sould isn't breathed into it.
I feel awful, I don't know what to do and I feel that he may be immature but we can raise a child. We have
good jobs and my mother will be happy to help out.
I feel so disappointed.
Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
I see this is an older question, but with the update by Sarah today, I feel I should comment on this.
Musicbby and Sarah, you are in a very difficult position and you are being pressured by your husbands, the men who are supposed to be the Khalifahs of the household, to do something that is forbidden in Islam. Regardless of the stage of pregnancy, abortion without a valid reason is forbidden in Islam, and allowing it to be done would lead to a lifetime of regret, anger, and resentment, and would in many cases cause a marriage to be completely broken.
Every soul that comes into the world does so with the knowledge and permission of Allah. If your timing for fertility was off, or your birth control failed, then you have to be content with Allah's Qadir, His Divine Decree, and lovingly accept this child into your lives.
It is very difficult to not be emotional about this situation. Sadness at having what is supposed to be a happy situation being sad, shock at your husband's response, anger at his insistance on this sin, all make it very easy to respond with anger and hot words to any discussion about the baby. Sarah, your situation is very immediate; the original poster now would be far enough along, inshAllah, that any talk of abortion has been ruled out. For you I would counsel you to hold in your anger, and talk reasonably and kindly to your husband. Tell him that abortion in this case would be a sin, and you have no intention of killing the baby you two have made. Be gentle but firm, and do not waver. If, ishAllah, he is basically a good guy who simply panicked at the idea of becoming a father, inshAllah he will reconcile himself to the idea and feel ashamed of what he had proposed. If that is the case, then you should forgive him and not bring up his past words and try to make him feel guilty once the baby is born, inshAllah.
If, Allah forbid, he were to threaten you or try to hurt you, of course you must protect yourself and your unborn child. I pray that he is not the kind of man to do that. In such a case you would need to leave to go to a safe place.
Try to maintain a good frame of mind, as stress will affect you and the baby. Seek refuge in Allah, pray and make dhikr as much as you can, surround yourself with strong Muslim women who can help support you (without sharing secrets of the marriage or gossiping about your life), and do your best to be strong. We Muslim women have great strength that we don't even realize. Please both of you do keep us updated on your situations and know that you are in our prayers and du'as.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Sisters,
Your husband is not God. God is.
You must do what you feel is right.
A dear friend of mine was in the same situation. He husband even wanted her to get pregnant, and then when it happened, he changed his mind - demanded an abortion and told her he would not stay if she went through with it.
She had the child. And she has never been happier in all her life, that child brings her joy and laughter every single day and she would not change him for the world. As for the husband - he did a disappearing act for a short while - but that tiny ittle face smiling at him soon softened his heart and he is back home with them.
In short - the only decisions you can live wth are the ones you make for yourself, and if you want your child, then sister - have your child. God knows that husbands are good, bad, ugly, long term and short term - but your children are with you forever and they make us happy even when they are not the best of children.
Even if he does leave you - you have rights, and you will be looked after - Maryam, the poor thing, was living rough and rejected whilst she carried Isa (pbuh)
Moreover, love yourself and your own body: abortion is violence on your body - painful, with consquences. How many abortions is he going to ask of your sister?
Ultimately, you know haram from halal - but deeper than that is your own feelings of self worth and your own ability to make good decisions for yourself and your family and to have confidence that you really can look after yourself and others - even with a little bit o money. You dont NEED this man - he needs you more,so dont fear desertion and make your own decisions.
Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
MashAllah, Jasmine, very well put. Jazaak Allah Khair for your good comments.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah
Alhamdullilah, what strong advice for such a difficult situation.
I would like to give everyone an update. I will have to say that this week has been one of the most difficult in my whole life. My husband left for a few days after I refused to get an abortion. Yet, he did the right thing and sought religious advice. He spoke with four Imams I believe and they all advised him that abortion is wrong and that is was "shaytan" whispering for him to consider abortion. Also, that it is the will of Allah to allow you a child and not everyone is so blessed.
Since then he had returned home and he apologized and went with me to a sonogram yesterday. At 6 and 1/2 weeks we saw the baby's heart beat. Even though it is only the size of a bean!
I agree with Jasmine, Allah is before your husband. What is right always stands before you in your gut. Even before it became 100% clear to me it was 7aram I felt it definitely was not right. I think being patient and researching an issue is far better than acting fast because of fear and pressure.
Inshalla Kheir!
Salam sisters..
I am in a difficult situation. I married my bf 2 years ago fearing Allah that having relation with bf in islam is haram. My family is against my marriage before my graduation and they live in different county. My father was diagnosed with cancer so I couldnt have the courage to tell him that I have married my bf.
I had to hide it from my father till I graduate when my father finally agreed to get us married Islamic way. Now the wedding is in 6 months and I just found out I am pregnant.
My father just recovered from cancer but again he just had an heart attack so I fear this news will break him too much to recover at this time. my husband wants me to abort it because to this society this child is Haram whereas my child is not haram. My husband is worried about the social humiliation our family going to face.
I do not want to abort my child.. even if they say my child is not formed properly and its early stage. to me I am a mother and I have married fearing Allah but situation is driving me crazy.
I just dont know what I should do...
Sami, normally I would ask that you log in and write your question as a separate post, and I would delete your comment. But your situation sounds desperate and time-sensitive, so I will let it stand.
But you would be more likely to get a response if you write it as a separate post.
I am always against abortion because it is a sin to kill an innocent child.";`
Fahim,
What a rude and unintelligent attitude you have shown here. Firstly you have called this woman 'bonkers and selfish'. And secondly, you are arguing that she should have an abortion for 'no valid reason' which is totally haraam.
A husband is not 'God' and does not have to be obeyed even when he is clearly wrong. Yes the wife should show compassion and try to understand him, but she needs to be reminded that she is a Muslim first, then she is his wife - hence obedience to Allah first. If a husband pushes his wife to abort a pregnancy, she is better off without him. Abortion is haraam unless the mother's life is in danger, or unless the pregnancy is a result of rape.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I am pregnant and my first baby is still 4months old and i live alone with my husband so am not able to work my household things and take care of my baby i always feel tiredness,nausea...its being difficult for me to carry this baby and am weak too so can i do abortion'...pls reply
Shaila, abortion is forbidden in Islam, although an exception can be made if the pregnancy threatens the life of the mother. You said that you are are weak, but it's not clear if your weakness makes you incapable of carrying to term and giving birth. You need to consult with a physician who can advise you on this matter.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
i had a talk with the physician she tld me to abort the baby am still 1mnth preg
I don't believe this doc advice of course you will feel sick and week because your first child is only 4m that means you still didn't recovery from the stress and hard work and again you are pregnant. Be strong sister for god sake do not abort this gift from Allah. You don't know look around you if you get chance there are lots of sister dying to have baby but their fortunate is not like ours who can have child. Get some help from in laws or mother or relatives. In your womb there is one little heart growing do not let it go sister. To be honest if you were not prepare for this early then you should have taken pill which women have after having baby then they stop the pill when they are ready... Sorry for my rude reply sister but trust me I am feeling so sad on your choice....
Asw,
I am 29 and my husband is 50. I am pregnant by 8 weeks. We alread have son 4 and half year old. Masha Allah lovely boy. Now my husband asked ne several times to get it aborted as he is too old to look aftet the 2bd child. We are not poor at all. Even he stop working tommorow we can live decently. He had his x wife he have 2 other kids also nd he has done 4 abortion with her also. I tried to convienve him so many times how its wrong but he is not agree. I am not keeping well coz of pregnency and have to take care of my other son also. I m so depress he is suppose to b happy and help me and he is doing this. What should I do?
Ayesha, you should keep your child. Frankly your husband is still relatively young and Insha'Allah will have many years left. And you are young. There is no excuse or reason to abort the child. This is a gift of a life that Allah has given you, and He will provide for it. Tell your husband flatly that you will not abort the child, and to accept it as a blessing.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam walakum
I married my bf 3 years ago he's my husband he married me secretly only his side family no not mine he won't let me tell my family I'm single according to family he wont come to my house and ask for marriage he says not yet sum wer in October I'm nearly 2 months pregnant n he wants me to do abortion he saying it's not Wright time yet. I'm just getting really depress I feel very siuicidle I'm being strong front of family I don't no what to do who to turn to what is Wright should I tell my parents I'm scared of their reaction
Assalaamu Alaykum,
It would be wrong for you to abort the baby because of your husband's cowardice. And that's exactly what it is, cowardice. I think you should tell your family about the marriage whether he wants you to or not. There is a chance this marriage isn't even valid, if your wali (presumably father) was not a part of it. They need to know, especially as you will need their support with the baby and during pregnancy.
Your parents may be shocked, but in shaa Allah their love and concern will soon overtake that. Your husband is not being a real man about any of this. He seems very immature and probably wasn't ready for the responsibilities of marriage from the beginning. At this point, the choices you both made are fixed, and you have to go forward with what you have and be honorable for the baby's sake and your own. So go back, be honest with your family, and let them help you with whatever needs to happen with the marriage from this point.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamoalaikum,
Kindly email me before taking any decision.. Hopefully i ll help ..
Faiza, if you have advice for the sister please post it here. We do not allow the exchange of private contact info.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salaam Alaykum
I've been married for a year. Before my husband and I got married we both knew we wanted children but we never really spoke about it. Having financial problems the idea of a child was on hold. I recently found out I am pregnant and my husband wants a divorce now because of it. He wants me to have an abortion. I know the act of killing a child is haram but I fear him treated the baby bad because he doesn't want it. As a new convert and my 2 sisters also converting after me it saddens me that I married a Muslim man that treats me horriblly .My family never wanted me to be Muslim or marry a Muslim man and now I'm faced with the embarrassment that my parents are right. Please someone help me I don't know what to do?
Assalaamualaikam
Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy and may Allah bless you with a happy and healthy child, inshaAllah. Whatever you do, don't abort your child - he or she is a blessing from Allah. The Quran states that we should never kill a child, especially not because of financial worries, as Allah will provide - see Surah Al-Anaam (6:151) and Surah Al-Isra (17:31) (I apologise if my references are wrong).
Your husband may be panicking about the situation as he's scared, and he may realise what a stupid and haraam thing he's suggesting doing. It may be worth asking him to read those ayats and to think again about the issue. But ultimately, if he's behaving like this, he's not behaving in accordance with Islam, and he's proving himself to be not much of a husband or a man - if that's the case, you and your child don't need him.
As a fellow revert, I can empathise with the worry that goes along with having family who question our faith while we face our own tests. Trust in your own faith in Islam, and trust in Allah that He will guide you through this. InshaAllah your family will support you.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Aoa sister, kindly email me at ****************. Please dont even think about an option of abortion.u just need moral support, u can talk to me anytime u want, can email me or u can talk to me on phone.
Please do not post your contact info. We do not allow it.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I have been married for 5years now....
Maryam, please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
AOA, Sister I was in the same situation when I was pregnant the third time, my husband and I had a huge fight over it and I said to him that I will not abort the baby to make him happy and if he wants to leave me then he can as Allah gives rizq and also He does not burden one beyond their capability. Things were rough between us for a while but Alhamdulillah now our baby is almost 7 months and he loves the baby a lot! Stay strong, pray to Allah SWT and pray that he soften your husbands heart, Ameen!
I was 9 weeks pregnant and i begged my husband that i dont want to undergo an abortion .instead he picked a quarell with me and peace at my home was disturbed . My two gals started wondering and seemed scared at the situation.One is 6 and the other being just 1 yr..i dint want further issues at home so finally surrendered to my husbands order..its been a week since i underwent a medical abortion and the pain n agony is eating me day by day..I dint pray or eat ..or cry before it was done.Now i feel like im not alive.I love kids..I m asking for forgiveness to Allah on behalf of my husband..i understand what you r going thru why men r like this..pray to Allah no point in talking to him..
Assalaamu alaikum wr wb,
I reverted to Islam when i was 18 y/o. i was a very much practicing , very strong in my deen muslimah and wore the hijab during a time when even i myself as an american was persecuted and judged for being Muslim ( right after 9/11 the twin towers, i was infact there)
Over the years my deen has fluctuated quite drastically for many different reasons.
As it decreased my behaviors resorted back to ways that are not flattering nor in line with the religion. but i still believe in Islam even though admittedly i am not currently practicing for quite some time.
My husband is struggling with much of my haram behavior..NO infidelity, it has been drinking and other shameful substance related things. What he believes is lying, when truly it has been a few lies that now shapes everything i say so now everything is a lie and he has made up stories then recites them as if it rally happened!!
We found out i was pregnant very late..
And as our issues have grown and the baby has grown his horrible accusations , threats , and demanding of an abortion has increased. he points and calls my stomach "IT", "that", "this"
i am very conflicted as our life is hard and difficult and i never believed in having a baby for it to suffer with us or in any way.
but i have felt "her" move, seen her in my dreams. so even thought i could i feel like i cant. and quite honestly i feel my son should have a full blooded sibling to walk this earth with. i dont romanticize it, but i would have wished for myself.
thank you
Aaliyah, the two of you should see a marriage counselor who can help you rebuild trust and communicate in healthy ways.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum sisters, I have a similar situation, I am Pregnant right now, and my husband ask me for abortion. We are married for almost 3 years,before married he told me he didn't want a baby. He has 3 kids from his first wife. I always want to have baby,but I never told him. I got pregnant, and now has been 7 weeks. When I found out I am pregnant, I left the house without telling my husband, and went to my mom house. I was too scared to tell him , because I know he would ask me for abortion. He was so mad on me, and told me he will divorce me if I keep the baby. After sometime he changed his mind and Now he told me he will accept the baby if it s a boy, if it s a girl he ask me to abort. He also say he will divorce me if I keep baby girl. I told him I m ready for divorce, and I ll never do abortion. It s a big sin, to kill a baby. And he keep treating me as a wife I did big sin because didn't respect the husband request. My concern is, is it the sin I disobey what my husband request me? And I left the house because I want to protect my baby, will Allah forgive me for what I have done.
If he will divorce me because this reason, do I make the right decision in front of Allah?