My husband is a good man but he ignores me, doesn’t share anything and is always silent
Assalam O Alaikum,
I have been married for a year now and my husband has never sat down to actual talk to me. Before we got married we never spoke to each other beyond salams.
I know now that might have been a mistake but I trusted what people said about him and what he brought forth everyone in my community said he is an amazing brother shy and truly religious that proved true.
When we did our nikah my mother & I paid for everything because he did not have anything and did not offer to help. He did not take me to a house of my own rather I lived with my family he never spoke to me never told me things on his mind or what he planned to do with me being his wife he never planned with me how we were to move in together or when he was getting a job. At first I passed it off as shyness, I told myself he will get comfortable & start sharing things with you.
However I soon became pregnant under my fathers roof and that made me feel so wrong so cheap. He didnt provide for me at all while I was pregnant. Never showed me mercy it got to a point where I couldn't take it any more after trying to talk even under the stress of being pregnant and the firing hormones.
I tried to stay stable minded enough to communicate my feelings. I cried at his feet he even made me write him an email because he claimed "he didn't get what my problem was". I was confused and hurt and still pregnant in my father's house which in my community is shameful.
I decided that knowing the deen is not enough if one doesn't act on it or show mercy because the deen of Allah is rahma. I decided I wanted a divorce and he gave it to me, divorced me while I was 6 months pregnant. I went to all the sheiks in my community and they agreed with my decision however because of pressure from family and friends I decided to give our marriage another try for the sake of my unborn child.
So, we got back together and moved in together when I was 9 months.
We have been living together for a month now and he is still as silent as ever. He makes me feel like nothing. I have sat him down I have cried to him I have asked him why he refuses to speak to me but I never get an answer.
My husband is very religious all he does is read Quran, he has a beard that shows the sunnah and only wears pants to work other times he is dressed in his khamis which is doing a lot in the United States. He isn't violent he is shy and jolly, he jokes a lot we can joke but never actually talk. We are more like roommates then a married couple.
I am not saying he is a bad person but he refuses to change or even take responsibility for his errors for the sake of our marriage. I am tired of this cycle we have first we are joking and everything seems nice from the outside but then that's all we are doing joking without showing each other the emotions of love and respect a wife and husband are suppose to be sharing.
My greatest fear is having another child with this man because I know the hell I went through. I can't be in a relationship where I don't know anything about my husband he doesn't even tell me if he is sick. What can I do now because if this goes on I am afraid for my mental health and I am tired of begging and crying and being ignored.
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