Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband is addicted to online porn

Man staring at computer

Internet porn addiction can destroy a marriage

Assalam Alaikum,

First of all this topic is so hard for me to discuss, but I have no one to talk to, no one to advise me.  I can only ask Allah to keep me from going crazy.

Well, I am a revert, Alhamdouillah, I married my husband almost three years ago, while he was still in his country in North Africa. He joined me in USA in 2010.

I knew he watched porn off and on while single, but he promised that once we are together he will not need that anymore.

When he came to USA, it lasted only about 2-3 months, and he was back at it. It was convenient, I was at work from 3-11pm, he was alone, and no job.

I found out and of course, we had a disagreement about it. As far as I know that did not stop anything, and I trusted him. Meanwhile we moved to a house, he found a job, I continued my job.

We decided to put anti-porn, which, if any sites accessed would take pics of sites and the addresses. (I do have to say, I was checking "behind his back", and may Allah forgive me for it). What made me do it? every time I came from work, he would be in bed, hardly talking, and pretending to sleep. I found what I was looking for and then we had another big argument.

An argument means in my marriage, I get upset and talk and say things I would not say, but maybe because of him not making a big deal out of it. To him it was just a movie......an entertainment. I was just there, just a woman who cleans, cooks, works, pays bills (at least that's how I felt and still feeling).

His employment lasted only 2 months, and then it was all up to me again (and still is). We had good days and good nights, Alhamdouillah. Only Allah knows how much I love this men, and would do anything to be with him and to make him happy(anything but pornography).

As of now, he's been unemployed since 2011, I work, and go to school to advance my nursing. I lost three pregnancies last year. In addition to this there is house work, yard work....all he does is watches movies till 3-4 Am, then sleeps till 2-3PM. No help around the house from him. He will cook occasionally (he is a wonderful cook). How many times I come home late and there is nothing to eat because he just woke up or he is sitting at the computer......but I can tolerate this, even though it is not right and not many women would do.

This is not the end of the story, that was only a prelude.

I finally put opendns on our computer, after when I found out he was watching porn last month. He cannot download porn movies, but the problem is google where he google pictures and masturbates to it. I found it again two weeks ago, and of course big argument about it. His excuses, as every other men "ohh its just a pic, does not mean anything, I am with you, I wanted to get hot before you come from work, that's why I did not do anything by myself.....these women are worthless, they mean nothing....." How more hurtful can this be? that means, I do not excite him anymore....he needs to look at other naked women who are diseased, used, and fake in order to be intimate with me???? SubhanAllah.

Yes, in our argument I called him names like: porn watcher, pervert, I told him that he misses salat just to watch that, if he has the urge, he could listen to the Quran, he can go outside, I told him he is lazy, does not do anything around the house, just sits and clicks......

After that he moved to the other bedroom. I thought about it, and apologized....I do not want to hurt anyone. It did not work for a week. I do not want secrets, I do not want sneaking behind his back to check what sites he went to (he is very good with covering the traces). I decided to unblock opendns downloads, just left pornography, adult content, nudity. I wanted to trust him again.

The first thing he did was download porn movie, came to the bedroom and needed to get hot watching it in order to be intimate with me. I turned it off. After a few minutes he wanted to watch it again, I told him no, that it makes me sick. He told me " if you do not want it, I will watch it myself and I will masturbate". He turned and went to sleep.

I was so upset, I went to the computer, and found out that he downloaded a software for storing files and it could only be opened with a password. I was furious and deleted it.

The next afternoon, after he got up, he was looking for it and got upset that I did that. I told him, we are married, I do not want to have secrets anymore, and we need to stop. He did not have a right to do that on our computer.

Last night I told him that I need my husband to be with me in bed (I was not asking to be intimate), it is not normal for him to lock himself in the bedroom. Then after a few minutes he came and tried to get intimate, I asked him if he brought a pillow? He said no, and that he is not sleeping with me. That he is finished, that he can talk and do things with me but he will not sleep with me. I told him that I will not have a "drive thru sex". He left, I tried to talk to him and explain my point, but he did not even want to listen. He told me that I called him pervert and a porn watcher and he will not forgive me.

I told him that I want everything to be back to normal, inshaAllah (if any of it was ever normal and true). I feel lonely, undervalued, used, unattractive, unclean....all the feelings any woman in this situation has.

I told him, if he wants to live separate lives being married, I will not do that. I want our marriage to be saved, inshaAllah. I pray and hope, he says, he is done. He even mentioned that when he will get a job he will move out. He is not even looking for a job. I am the one who sends applications for him.

I love him, I do not know if I can ever be without him?

Any advise? If no advise, please, brothers and sisters make a duaa to save my marriage, inshaAllah.

~Love


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31 Responses »

  1. Love,

    Disconnect your internet service in your home...period. He has no job or money and he cannot pay for it. If you need internet service for your studies, go to your public library. Sorry to say Love but your husband is taking advantage of your kindness and has absolutely no respect for you at all. It sounds as though you opened up your heart and home for this man and he has no regards to your feelings or your marriage. I pray you find solutions to your situation and peace soon.

    Salam

    • Disconnect your internet service in your home.
      Disconnect your internet service in your home.
      Disconnect your internet service in your home.

      Alhadulillah, Subhan'allah, Masha'allah!

      Asalaam alaikum,

      Like any addict, you have to cut off his supply. If wants to be a bum and he's ready to "move out" without a job no less, then he shouldn't be mooching or leeching off of you. Islamically, he is already failing his duties to support you, he masturbating (a sin), not being modest or protecting his chastity (more sins).

      While name calling is a good thing, how is it that watching porn is, in his mind? How is trying to introduce his wife to the scenes of sinful people committing sin, of any value?! And how does he reject his breathing, living, loving wife over pixels on a screen?! How does he do this? Because he is pervert!

      He needs to stop making excuses and should start being a man who supports his wife, makes her happy and pleases her over and over, and yes, that includes sexually. By using porn, he is avoiding doing any of the aforementioned acts of a noble husband. I can't imagine what you call a man that prefers his hand to his wife. Does he think that his sin is greater than the womanly creation that was made by Allah (swt)? Preposterous.

      Sister, your husband needs to get a "wake up" call about what's going on. If you need to use a computer at home, then either you can use your phone plan for only your cell phone to give you access or use a portable wireless card/USB that plugs into your laptop so that you can surf, but disconnect it once you are done. Also, if you have cable tv, it's time to shut that off or program it to cut off any suspicious channels with the proper and secret code. If he finds a way to abuse it, then just cut it off completely.

      You actually can control this aspect of your life right now.

      The other part is that you must know that if he cannot control his lusts before and now, then he will have a problem in the future. He needs to disconnect himself from porn or your sex life together will suffer, as has already happened.

      Essentially you need to decide to tell him this:

      "Look, you can have me whenever you want me to fulfill our pleasures together, but you must treat me with love, affection and compassion. I can give you all the pleasure you will ever need, but I need the same attention, the same faithfulness and the same pleasure in return.

      You can have a screen that never talks to you or a wife that whispers to you all her secrets and desires. You can have the whirl of a computer or the warm breath of your wife. You can click a plastic mouse or touch my naked body all over. You can a pitiful orgasm all by your lonesome, or feel like a REAL MAN having incredible pleasure for as long as we can do it. We can have a fantastic sex life together, a great marriage and hold each other in worship till we enter Heaven.

      Or you can leave me and give me up for something that will never look into your eyes and say, "I love you, give me more."

      Insha'allah, that strikes at the center of his manhood and his heart.

      • typo: While name calling is not a good thing,

      • Salaams sisters may Allah make life easier for you I bookmarked this and every time I read brings tears because of the suffering you and other women go through because of some of us men in this world.

    • Every time you recite LA Holla walla quwata illa billa AL aliulazeem
      inshallah Allaha will help you only

  2. I agree with najah cut off your Internet and your husband has to much time in his hands to do that you should make him go work 2 jobs so he can stop because this is haram and nasty to do, just till him how you really feel about this talk to him. Km married too I would be piss off if my husband does that. I'm sorry you going throw this I wish you the best insallah.

  3. Assalamalaikum-
    THERE ARE WAYS TO TACKLE THIS MATTER PL NOTE......FROM A MALES ANGLE
    1]Three duaas are such in which there is no doubt of their acceptance:
    1)Father's duaa
    2)Traveler's duaa
    3)Duaa of the oppressed".[Tirmizi, Ibne Majah]

    2]FEAR ISTHE KEY SHOW HIM WAHT ALLAH DID WITH THE PEOPLE OF THE PORN-
    http://xeniagreekmuslimah.wordpress.com/2009/10/17/adultery-and-gods-punishment/
    The Qur'an tells us in the following verses that there is no change in Allah's laws;
    They swore their strongest oaths by Allah that if a warner came to them, they would follow his guidance better than any (other) of the Peoples: But when a warner came to them, it has only increased their flight (from righteousness) - On account of their arrogance in the land and their plotting of Evil, but the plotting of Evil will hem in only the authors thereof. Now are they but looking for the way the ancients were dealt with? But no change wilt thou find in Allah's way (of dealing): no turning off wilt thou find in Allah's way (of dealing). (Surat al-Fatir: 42-43)
    It was no more than a single mighty Blast, and behold! they were (like ashes) quenched and silent.
    In the 31st verse of Surat al-Qamar, again the "instantaneous annihilation" is emphasised when the destruction of Thamud is recounted;For We sent against them a single Mighty Blast, and they became like the dry stubble used by one who pens cattle.
    The death of the people of Pompeii took place instantaneously as just as the events recounted in the above verses.
    Despite all these, things have not changed much where Pompeii once stood. The districts of Naples where debauchery prevails do not fall short of those licentious districts of Pompeii. The Island of Capri is a base where homosexuals and nudists reside. The Island of Capri is represented as a "Homosexual paradise" in tourist commercials. Not only on Capri and in Italy, but in nearly all the world, a similar moral degeneration is at work and people insist on not learning from the awful experiences of past peoples.

    3]WIN HIM WITH YOUR INTIMACY WHICH MUST BE MORE THAN WHAT YOU DOING NOW-

    YOUR HUSBAND AFTER SEEING THE SCENES HIS LEVEL OF SATISFACTION HAS REACHED HIGHER IN INTIMACY LIKE A PERSON CANT BE CURED WITH MILD 250 MG ANTIBIOTIC THE DOCTOR GIVES 500MG STRONG DOSE AND THEN IT WILL MATCH THE DISEASE AND OVER COME IT.
    4]THIS STAGE IS DANGEROUS .......[That he is finished, that he can talk and do things with me but he will not sleep with me. I told him that I will not have a "drive thru sex". He left, I tried to talk to him and explain my point, but he did not even want to listen. He told me that I called him pervert and a porn watcher and he will not forgive me].AS HE WILL COME ACROSS SOMEONE WHO WILL GIVE HER THAT TEA HE IS NOT GETTING FROM YOU AT HOME [HIGH SEXUAL SATISFACTION]

    ITS HIGH TIME YOU MADE HIM YOUR GHULAM A SLAVE IN BED AND SEE HOW HE WILL YEARN FOR YOUR COMPANY AND IF YOU DO THIS AT THIS STAGE YOUR MARRIAGE WILL BE SAVED OR ELSE ONCE ANOTHER OPPOSITE PARTY ENTERS HIS LIFE AND WINS HIM IN BED HE WILL NOT COME BACK TO YOU.

    HOPE THIS WILL BE HELPFUL ....
    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF

    • Asalaam alaikum brother Ali,

      I respectfully disagree with your last two points because what has been shown in studies is that the man who masturbates and watches porn, becomes a lazy lover. His porn addiction makes him unable to create the situation of sensual foreplay, endurance in love making and giving his wife her pleasure. These men become impotent to the actual bodies of their wives because they only know how to "click" the next video or picture, while being unable to recognize that true love making requires the consent, happiness and willingness of another live human being who has her own desires, wants and needs. By replacing her with his hand, he is unable to physically stimulate her, in turn. He relies on his hands, while she needs his whole body to "work it," pardon the phrase.

      His increase in watching more graphic videos is only because, like drug addiction, his escalation in the videos makes him desensitized to it. In fact, if he did encounter a woman who could perform some of the most vile acts in pornography, he would probably experience impotency, as well. So what he needs is a cleansing of his body and a reset of his mind away from porn to gain the ability to make real love to his wife. In this instance, if he refuses to stop watching porn, it will only cause him decreased sexual performance, an inability to make his wife achieve her pleasure and will lead to the destruction of their marriage. This is signified by the fact that he doesn't want to share in the "afterglow" of intimacy which is a time of great love and compassion, especially for a wife. By refusing this moment, he is thus signalling the impotence of his heart and love even further.

      In fact, in many studies of porn addictions and even on this very site, women have stated and wrote that even after performing some of the vile porn acts, their husband would only watch them while he masturbated. These men were unable to satisfy their own self or their wife because their addiction has spoiled their mindset, through no fault of their wives. In several cases, the husband requested for the wife to be with other men. God forbid! Such was the depravity of his mind and impotency. Much like the animal pig, these men can turn into cuckolds!

      Therefore, the wife doesn't need to perform the vile acts of porn. Though she may need to incorporate some of the more adventurous escapades of the bedroom, she should never do anything that lowers her dignity, her pleasure or makes her feel hurt, used or cheap.

      One of the reasons why he masturbates frequently is due to laziness, but also because he is not exhausting himself with his wife. His pleasure in front of the computer screen does nothing to satiate his true desire or his need to be sexually drained by his wife, excuse the pun. As I said, he has become a lazy lover testified by the sister here who said he needs porn for arousal. What this also indicates is that he has lost "touch" sensitivity and the recognition of the importance of foreplay, too.

      So t's not that he is a sexual lion, but more like a wet noodle when it comes to pleasing a woman. Like any addict, he dead on the inside and is unable to be stimulated by the real world around him.

      I cannot imagine the coldness of a husband who doesn't want to sleep with his wife. So many people out there cry every night to Allah (swt) for a spouse to hold, cuddle with and love every night. It is a shame that this husband refuses to worship Allah (swt) by making love to his wife, holding her and sleeping with her.

      Surely this is husband has lost his way!

  4. Assalamualaykum Sister,

    The other day i was listening to these scholars at masjid, and they were specifically talking about pornography and its effects. How it has entered among youth and adults with in our muslim community. They were saying how can a person afford to spend straight 3-4 hours watching private parts of opposite sex? Are we sent in this world to spend our precious time in this way? And it is not that easy for a person to give up on pornography. Many people would come to them and talk about their private problems to find a solution. And to their surprise they found people who comes to salath(prayer) on a regular basis are indulged in to this sin. Effect of watching pornography is so deep, that a person wouldn't know how weak he/she will become spiritually.

    So my dear sister, it is not easy for a person watching pornography to give up so easily. It will not just days, but may be weeks or months or years. Person needs lot of effort , taqwa within himself/herself to over come this. Do not buy any books, magazines or movies which allows a person to be intimate. And sometimes a person tries to watch news, good youtube videos or pictures but would end up watching porn. Like above readers mentioned, if possible disconnect your internet. If it is giving you so much problems better use it in library and make a precise use of it. Keep your machine right in the living room so Shaitan doesn't get enough opportunity to encourage him. Cuz a person feels like doing sin when no one is around or if the screen is not visible to anyone. Take him to halaqa's, local masjid where he can atleast spend his time doing some volunteer work instead of staying home. Make yourself and him to listen to Quran, read atleast one hadith per day and try to follow them. You cannot force a person to stop from doing sin, it is only through the fear of Allah. And i understand in this day it is very easy for a person to fall into these sins but only taqwa and fear of Allah can put him back on track. I hope iA he will return with a good faith, make lots of dua for yourself and him.

    But don't try to force him, coz it is of no use. He might be good in front of you and would do things on your back like how he is doing now. Make an environment so he doesn't go back to this sin and try to adopt sunnah as much as possible and you will see the results inshaAllah.

    Brother.

  5. ProfessorX
    I have seen confrontation is the worst tool between a husband and wife.
    but also because he is not exhausting himself with his wife.
    Thanks for yr deep study of the problem
    I was in the impression that man needs his wife more than masturbating.
    the natural pleasure which Allah has made for man and woman he lost touch of.
    So i reminded HER TO BRING HIM BACK TO THE NATURAL FIELD....
    rather than the artificial one which he has adopted.
    After all Allah has made the most powerful thing called sex of man and woman.
    From the time of Adam till date the world is whirling around it and many kingdom fell many
    rulers changed for this thing called LOVE AND SEX many times went by but the power of natural
    sex is the most powerful one.
    Give hard try and see the result definitely,he will think after all a wife is a wife only and the passing scenes are just a conjecture on the screen comes and goes away but the wife is physically there loving caring for him.
    I KNOW THAT POWER WILL WORK BUT THE EFFORT MUST BE FOR A GOOD LONG SESSIONS 2/3 TIMES A WEEK SO THAT HE BECOMES ADDICT OF HER NOT THE FALSE PLEASURE.

    With all the DIGNITY AND EFFORT she has to lure him to keep him close it is like helping him also come out of this disease and become a good man,husband, father and a responsible muslim.

    In india we call it jadu ki Jhappi to keep close to him BECAUSE SHE TOLD SHE CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT HIM AND SHE HAS NO OTHER OPTION BUT TO OVER COME HIM AND OVERTAKE HIS WEAK POINT.

    HOPE I AM NOT VERY OPEN IN THE EXPLANATION.IF NAY THING IS OVER DOSE PL EXCUSE.

    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF.

    • Alhamdulillah brother Ali, we agree.

      I just wanted to clarify the problem, as well. I think that in a healthy marriage, 2/3 times per week is actually on the small scale, however. If both the wife and husband are able to, I think that 5/7 times a week of intimate play and mutual pleasure is possible, if not more. This requires a hearty disposition of course, but as you said, when the focus goes back to each other, then the energies only for each other will be there in abundance.

  6. I am appalled knowing a man like him exists, but I shall pray for you. Incidentally, i'm leaving for Makkah in a while. I have your family in my mind. Barakallahu fee.

    • salam brother if u cud make dua for me aswell..that inshaAllah my husband will stop doing the same and forget of getting another wife when he cant even afford looking after me and our 3 kids..he is jobless and were on kids benefit..i just gve birth and gonna try to find a work soon inshaAllah..im doing everything to save our marriage and inshaAllah may Allah swt make us success ameen..

      sister ill include u in my prayer and dua..this men are so selfish just thinking of this worldly life not thinking of the akhira..if only we can see hell Astagfirullah..may Allah protect us all from this fitna..from tribulation of life and death..we should all lower our gaze and guard our private parts and have taqwa..

      sister my husband worst before,he use to watch porn,chatting to women,asking women for marriage infront of me and give me slap,call me bitch prostitute whenevr i told him not to get another wife..he cant even afford to provide our needs and my mum use to help us financially plus the benefit hes getting from our kid..i deal everything patiently..try to pray tahajud as much as u can and ask Allah for help..He Allah swt alone can help us and those dua and prayer of our muslim brothers and sisters..i recently start practicing my religion..i was brought up in a chinese family..alhamdulillah and i start learning a lot about islam now,i do my prayer,i do wear niqab,i tried everything to be a good wife,a good mum,a good daughter in-law and yet its not enough..But Allah is the all-knower,all-hearer,all-seer,and the most just inshaAllah Allah will make things easy for you just keep praying and do things that pleases Allah..tell ur husband f he really respect u,his mum,his sister if he have one,he should stop watching porn..surely there is wrath of Allah and all our deeds we will get either reward or punishment..

      • I can understand your pain sisters n I will do dua for you all suffering there I have been through this but my case is bit different its been 6years I m married n have 3 kids n a very active sexual life with my husband sometimes even 3 times a day but still my husband is addicted to porn I m trying to help him get rid of it he apologies whenever he got caught but never gives up watching porn I know he is fascinated by blondes n very pretty girls n I m just an average looking girl I even allows him to marry the girl of his heart if that helps him to get rid of pornography but he says he loves me I don't believe it if he really loves me he won't need that garbage ( porn) I feels very bad when he comes to me after watching porn it makes me feel like I m just been used as a sex toy don't know how to stop him I love him a lot n he is a good person and a good father but this only habit of watching porn is not going from our life if any one could help me it would be highly appreciated may Allah bless us all

  7. Yahdibikumullah, FIRST WE SHOULD PONDER WHY MANY FALL INTO THIS SIN BECAUSE ITS THE EASIEST TRICK USED BY SHAITAN AND VERY EASY TO FELL IN THIS PIT BUT IT CARRIES ENORMOUS,GRIEVOUS PUNISHMENT .Indeed fawahish(PORNOGRAPHY,NUDITY) is a great sin do not even proceed near to it. Allah has said many times in quran .First and FOREMOST U HAVE TO CUT OUT THE ROOTS. AND YOU KNOW BEST WHAT ARE THE ROOTS.

    2) Ask him to be concerned about his forgiveness rather forgiving you for nagging and calling names.

    You should know, may Allah (Azzawajal) have mercy upon you and me, that Allah (Azzawajal), glorified be He, has made repentance obligatory saying: "O you that have believed, turn to your Lord in a goodly way." (Al-Tahrim:8), and has granted us time to repent until the Scribes register the sin in our names. The prophet has said: "The Scribe on the left hand delays registering the sin of a Muslim for six hours. If he repents (within these six hours), and seeks Allah's forgiveness, they drop if off. If he doesn't, they write is down as a single sin." That is the first respite.

    The second respite, even if it is registered, is until the appearance of death before our eyes. (If a man repents sincerely before that hour, it is taken off the records then).

    Conditions for the acceptance of repentance

    The word tauba which is rendered as repentance in English, is not a simple term as most people believe. It is very rich in meaning and implication, and is not simply a word of mouth after which the sinner continues in his sins therefore, that repentance should have, as the scholars have stated, conditions attached to it for its acceptance. They are as follows:

    # First: Giving up of the sin itself.
    # Second: Remorse over what has been committed.
    # Third: A resolve not to repeat it, and,
    Fourth: Compensating those who have been wronged or obtaining their forgiveness.(INDEED HE IS NOT GIVING YOUR RIGHT AND NOT BEING INTIMATE WITH YOU BECAUSE OF THIS PORN)

    SO the whole excerpt is this that you should INVOKE HIS IMAN (FAITH) in him make him realise that slowly and steadily the sins are making him away from allah swt and his blessings and DUE TO THIS HE IS ALSO OBVIOUSLY MISSING SALAH AND THOSE WHO MISS SALAH INTENTIONALLY ARE NOT MUSLIMS!

    SO BASICALLY HIS EXISTENCE AS BEING A MUSLIM IS CHALLENGED WITH THIS HABIT. AND ALSO BE STRICT WITH HIM AS THE STEPS PRESCRIBED IN SURAH NISA!!

  8. As salam walae kum brothers and sistes,

    I have been sufferring from the same.

    (I have deleted the rest of your question. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

  9. Dear sister! im learning programming and im telling u the secret of blocking these nude sites on internet,
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  10. Salaam. I feel for you sister, it is so sad what we women have to go through. I myself thought i was happily married until yesterday...my husband doesnt work, has never taken me out, never bought me anything, never complemented me but ive still been happy thinking "atleast he loves me, atleast i can call him my own"...but a few days ago while i was out shopping for food, looking for cheap clothing for my kids, walking in the rain...i came back to finding my husband watching teen porn and young blondes. im never going to be a teenager again, im not beautiful infact im fat and ugly. may be i should be grateful that hes married tome...hes said sorry, it took him five hours to apologise. i cant seem to forgive or forget, i loved my husband with all my heart but i feel like my heart has been ripped out. Why did god punish me? i can never trust him again. after being caught the following day he was watching porn again....according to him he was trying to delete the porn homepage which was saved on the computer...nothing in the history indicated he was trying to delete anything....infact he was just following one porn link to the next!. i cant and i wont forgive him, i feel crushed, i can never trust him again. it makes me think for the last six years hes always watched porn...each time i have gone away to pakistan now i know what hes been doing. i have two children i do not wish to take them away from their father but at the same time i cant live with him any longer, i pray to allah that my children do not turn out like their dad. i thought my marriage was for ever....and that after death i will be together with my husband hereafter..... but even when i die and the world is ended i do not want to see my husband. in islam they say a good wife will be with her husband in heaven....can somebody please tell me what to pray so that when im dead....im called by my fathers name and not my husbands name. i know if i was to divorce my husband maybe i wont be reunited with him in jannat... but whether he gives me a divorce or not on this earth....the relationship that i had with him..the feelings the love the respect...everything has gone now. i pray to allah to make me strong, to me pornogrophy is harram it is cheating. my husband has never hurt his mum or his sister so why did he hurt me? i hope his mother and sister both suffer and get hurt maybe then he will realise the damage he has done to me. i used to worship the ground he walked on i tried to fulfill all his needs but i cant change whats in his head...the blondes, threesomes, teenagers will always remain in his head and heart. please will somebody help me, tell me what to pray, how do i get him out of my life before he hurts me again. i would kill myself this second but i have to live for my children, my husband has probably already got another wife planned after i die. how could i be so wrong...and by the way im 12 years older then my husband.........so you can imagine theres only pain ahead for me, when i be 50 hell want the teenagers then. i dont trust him, please god help me, give me a direction, make this man go away from my life. i was always there for him, he used to drink before marriage which he hid from me, but then i made him stop, and then he never drank....i felt proud that i was helping him be a better muslim, but this time i dont want to help him, i was always too good for him, atleast i know whats right and wrong, i would never hurt a fly let alone hurt my husband..i hate him with all my heart and i want allah to keep that hate in my heart so that i never be with him again.

    • Assalamuaalaikum wr wb.

      I saw your post today. I feel sorry, pained and dead guilty. I wish to inquire about your well being. How has it been in the past 5 years?

      Your Brother in Islam

  11. Salaam Aleykum to all my muslim brothers and sisters.

    My sisters in Islam sister LOVE, and sister Shaz Iam deeply sorry for the situations you are facing and I ask Allah to heal your wounds and give you tranquility.. What your husbands did is wrong and there is no excuse that will make their actions right, but as a sister who is married with children i will give you one advice. My dear sisters in Islam, i know you hurting and you are shattered, but please go make a wudu and pray two raka'ah cry in your sujud as only Allah can help all of us. Tell Allah all your problems and ask him for help, insha Allah after your prayer make a lot of Du'aa for your husbands and ask Allah to turn their hearts away from this evil habit and ask Allah to fill their hearts with Emaan and taqwa. My sisters that i love please don't misunderstan me all i want is to help you, Du'aa is the weapon of the muminuun please use your weapon. I ask Allah to help you and all of us, and please keep doing the du'aa untill you get answers from Allah.

    please note sisters: remember the braves, and the just, and the amirul muminun has been a kaafir and Allah turned his heart and made him the great muslim we all know, please sisters believe in the du'a.

  12. Well, it seems, the main reason why he does that is because of idleness.. try and get him another job to keep him busy and during off hours you can go for an exercise or jogging together. Wish success

  13. salam I'm married and with a kid..its been 6 years that we got married..well my problem is my husband also addick to porn he doesn't like to have sex with me..we only have sex once or twice per month..he enjoy lot through porn even during Ramadan he used to watch..I advised him lot but not seems to listen..now he watch porn secretly..also he doesn't like to have anymore children what shall I do this I'm frustrated please help me..any duas please tell me

  14. divorce this miserable excuse for humanity and get someone you truly deserve!

    you don't deserve this miserable idiot?

  15. My respectable sister, I read ur story. Firstly I pray for ur family. of course this is a very dirty habit (i.e. pornography) my recommendation is to bring ur husband in some job. make him busy in some activity. Also cut the internet connection in consultation with ur husband. Realize him the state of distress in the happy life due to this. give maximum time to him.

    • Please do NOT write your email address as part of your name when you comment (I already deleted it). We do not allow the posting of private contact info.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  16. Salam,

    Its good u have thrown ur steam out but honestly love, he doesn't deserve u and the pain he is putting u through...n the sort u are, u deserve much better. free him already. you'l find a much better one.
    Allah is just.

    • I pray for ur happy life. if ur husband is still involved in that bad habit, please donot leave him. Give him maximum company. In ur absence depute some other people who r friendly with u as well as ur husband, to take care of him and do not leave him alone. INSHA ALLAH he wil get rid from pornograohy shortly.

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