My husband looks at other women
Shouldn't my husband control his gaze?
I wanted to know what Islam says about a husband looking at other women.
I am concerned as my husband is always looking at other women whether we are outside together or it's nude pictures of other women.
I've told him how it makes me feel but he won't stop, it makes me feel sick to my stomach that he does this, I don't look at other men, please provide some feedback on this.
- ahuss
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Assalam Mulakim, sister
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever seeks to be chaste, Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks to be independent of means, Allaah will make him independent of means, and whoever strives to be patient, Allaah will make him patient…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1400)
– Avoiding places where a person feels he will be exposed to the temptation of looking, if he can manage to avoid them, such as going to marketplaces or malls, and sitting in the street. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of sitting in the street.” They said, “We have no alternative; that is where we sit and talk.” He said, “If you insist on sitting there, then give the street its rights.” They said, “What are the rights of the street?” He said, “Lowering the gaze and refraining from causing offence…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2333; Muslim, 2121).
– You should realize that you have no choice in this matter, regardless of what the circumstances are and no matter how great the temptation or motive to do evil, and no matter what emotions and overwhelming desires stir in your heart. You must lower your gaze and refrain from looking at haraam things in all places and at all times. You cannot use excuses such as the environment being corrupt or justify your mistakes by saying that there is a lot of temptation around. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error”
[al-Ahzaab 33:36]
– Doing a lot of naafil acts of worship, because doing a lot of them whilst also regularly doing obligatory acts of worship is a means of protecting one's physical faculties. According to a hadeeth qudsi, Allaah said: “… and My slave continues to draw close to Me with supererogatory (naafil) works so that I shall love him. And when I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.” (al-Bukhaari, 6137
– Remembering that the earth on which sin is committed will bear witness. Allaah says:
“That Day it will declare its information (about all that happened over it of good or evil)”
[al-Zalzalah 99:4]
– Remembering the angels who are recording your deeds. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“But verily, over you (are appointed angels in charge of mankind) to watch you,
Kiraaman (Honourable) Kaatibeen —writing down (your deeds),
They know all that you do”
[al-Infitaar 82:10-12]
– Bearing in mind some of the texts which forbid letting the gaze wander freely, such as the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)”
[al-Noor 24:30]
– Avoiding looking unnecessarily, so that you only look at what you need to look at, and you do not let your gaze wander right and left so that it falls upon something the effects and fitnah of which cannot be got rid of quickly.
– Marriage, which is one of the most effective remedies. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1806; Muslim, 1400).
– Fasting – because of the hadeeth quoted above.
– Doing obligatory acts of worship as Allaah has commanded, such as prayer. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahshaa’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)”
[al-‘Ankaboot 29:45]
– Remembering al-hoor al-‘ayn, which will give you a motive to be patient in avoiding that which Allaah has forbidden, hoping to get al-hoor al-‘ayn. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Companions of Equal Age ”
[al-Naba’ 78:33]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “… If a woman of the people of Paradise were to look out over the people of this earth, it would light up everything in between and fill it with fragrance, and the veil of her head is better than this world and everything in it.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2643).
– Bearing in mind the shortcomings of the one who is looked at and the filth and waste material they carry in their gut.
– Being ambitious and focusing on nobler things.
– Checking on yourself from time to time and striving to make yourself lower your gaze whilst realizing that everyone makes mistakes.
– Thinking of the pain and regret that will result from this looking, and the effects of letting one’s gaze wander.
– Understanding the benefits of lowering one's gaze, as mentioned above.
– Bringing up this topic in meetings and gatherings, and explaining its dangers.
– Advising your relatives, telling them not to wear clothes that attract attention and show their attractions, such as how they dress, wearing bright colours, how they walk, speaking too softly, etc.
– Warding off passing thoughts and whispers from the Shaytaan before they take hold and are acted upon. Whoever lowers his gaze after the first glance will be saved from innumerable problems, but if he keeps looking he cannot be certain that seeds that will be difficult to remove will not be planted in his heart.
– Being afraid of a bad end, and of feeling regret at the point of death.
– Keeping company with good people, because you are naturally affected by the characteristics of the people you mix with, and a person will follow the way of his close friend, and a friend will pull you to follow his way.
– Knowing that the zina of the eye is looking, and that should be sufficient to put you off.
Adapted from an essay entitled Ghadd al-Basr (Lowering the Gaze) by a student of sharee’ah.
And Allaah knows best.
It is clear that deliberately looking at a non-mahram woman and continuing to look after a first accidental glance is haraam. It is forbidden to look at any part of her body, whether you think she is beautiful or not, whether it provokes sexual desire or not, whether it is accompanied by evil thoughts or not, and whether it leads to immoral deeds or not. Tell your husband it is absolutely haram to glance at other women except you. If it still doesn't work you could try to threaten him with a divorce. Threatening him with a divorce is the "LAST" thing you should do. I hope this helps sister.
We ask Allaah to protect you and us from all haraam deeds. Allaah is the One Who guides to the Straight Path
Allah says in the quraan "la taqrabu zina" meaning And do not come close to zina.otherwise look ur a muslim who should be focussing on ur imaan and not let some wrongdoer distract u just make dua and u said u told him how u felt and he keeps doing it the prophet s.a.w said something to this effect if u cannot stop something bad with ur hands then stop it with ur tongue if not then with ur hands if not then with ur heart u tried he didnt so u continue doing good and leave or else ull push him to go sleep with d woman.ALLAH sees everything so chill Allah will deal with him.
Salaams Sister,
My estranged husband would do the same. He would do this more so when he saw how upset I became. I then expressed my fears that his actions of committing zina with the eyes would lead him to commit adultery. The more I revealed how upset I was, I ended up presenting myself as very insecure. My husband played on my insecurity and things became much worse. I'm not exactly saying this is your husbands intention but anyhow he ought to realise as well as this being haraam, he is being disrespectful to you by doing this.
I recommend that you do not reveal your insecurites. Present yourself in a confident manner. You should present all evidence from Qur'an and authentic hadith that explains that his actions are wrongful. Suggest that you both attend some form of Islamic counselling, as maybe he won't listen to you but may realise when this is coming from someone else. If that fails to make him see the errors of his ways then as advised above, suggest a divorce.
At the end of the day, we alone cannot change a person. It is up to that person if Allah wills it. Surah Ar' Rad, verse 11 says;
...Verily never will Allah change the condition of a people until they change it themselves with their own souls...
It is hard and hurtful, but don't let this overtake you, otherwise you will cause yourself to suffer unnecessarily. Do what is right by Allah and pray for help, guidance and forgiveness. Make dua that your husband will realise but if he fails to realise, pray to Allah to make you strong enough to deal with the aftermath.
At the end of the day, marriage is a blessing and so on. However, each of us have our own journey back to Allah. Thus whatever testing times come our way, we have to try to deal with them rationally, never falter and of course be patient.
Take care,
Hopeful
It is truly forbidden to to look at a non-mahram with the intention of lust and desire. The Qu'ran tells
man and women to lower their gazes and at the time of our holy prophet s.a.v.s. many Jewish and
Christian women weren't veiled, so this applies to unveiled women as well. The fact that everyone
around us is half-naked is often brought as an excuse, but it is in fact unislamic. It is forbidden to
look at non-mahram , full stop. However, you should ask yourself a few questions: Did he feel
attracted to you from the beginning? Does he get sex as often as he needs it? Is he frustrated?
Please, my sister, don't misunderstand me, it's just that men have a different fitra compared to
women and different urges, inclinations and desires than women. There is one hadith of our
holy prophet, when he said: If a husband and a wife aren't together for one night, the angels
are going to curse both of them. This shows how important this issue is.
A woman doesn't show weakness by telling her husband that he shouldn't look at other women. A woman
denies her fitra by pretending that she doesn't care. Love in Islam is protected by the private harim
Allah subhanahu va taala chose for us. Love needs to be protected, otherwise it' s not going to stay.
Taking advantage of the weakness of the partner is childish and mean, would he like you to flirt with
other men?????? Surely not and if u love someone, you care, about him, his feelings, his looks.
Again, the question if you married out of faith has to be asked, for if a person of faith would never behave
like this.
Salaam my Sister,
I am sorry for the frustration and anxiety you are feeling over this. A wandering eye is not a habit that any husband or wife can tolerate.
"Verily Allah gets jealous and the believer gets jealous and the jealousy of Allah is to see a believer doing unlawful acts." [Bukhari #4925, & Muslim #2761]
The problem that I feel I have identified is that your husband is not hearing what you are saying. There are types of listening and the one we want from people is called active listening - when the person you are speaking to hears your words, understands and responds to them. Your husband is not hearing you - and if he is hearing you, he is definitely not hearing that he must respond or change his ways.
Because I have not heard your voice, seen you speak or witnessed any conversation between you and your husband upon this topic I am going to broadly cover some usual mistakes and their solutions.
Usual mistakes are grumbling under one's breath, bringing up the topic "gently", or "carefully", pleading, using a complaining voice, crying, whining, speaking about the important topic when there are distractions / people there / public places, shouting, having a tantrum, emotional outburst, explaining from the point of view of "why are you doing this?!". If there is any emotion in your voice at all, your husband will dismiss it as a burst of feeling rather than the sustained and sincere request that it is. Another massive mistake that people make is to issue threats in a burst of anger "if I see you on that computer one more time I am going to break it" that they have no intention of following through and then the person they have spoken with learns that threats are empty and unlikely to be fulfilled. Another mistake is to give up the conversation entirely when the person we are speaking to displays a strong or emotional reaction.
Don't quit trying to get your message through until you are 100% that it has got through.
Whatever we say at the height of emotion is immediately disabled due to the fleeting nature of emotions. Anger subsides, grief heals, frustration wanes....always deliver important things in a state of calm and logic when you are at your most sane.
The best way to communicate firmly with your husband is to sit down with him and tell him firmly that there is something important you have to say and that he must listen to you. Make sure the TV is off, that he is looking at you and that he appears to be listening.
Then, in a firm tone (and by that I mean a tone that is devoid of emotion or manipulation) you tell him very clearly: "looking at other women is 100% unacceptable to me and when you do it: I don't like you at that point and I am not happy at that point, I am very serious about this and you need to hear what I am saying because I don't want to repeat it".
He may react in a myriad of ways ranging from denial, to anger to explanation. Ignore this process completely and stay on task. Say it again and ask him "did you hear what I said?" and make sure that he has heard you. DO NOT lose focus and get into an argument,. or fight - do not let your emotions take over, do not cry, do not falter. Hold your ground. If he says "sorry, I won't do it again" don't believe him immediately, take a real and proper oath: make sure he is genuine and not just trying to end the conversation.
Once you are sure that he has heard you, tell him that you don't consider him a child that needs to be taught and disciplined - and that understanding should be enough. Tell him clearly that you are not threatening him: you are simply telling him the truth and it is up to him to solve this problem. This is not just an issue of marriage and showing respect to his wife, but an issue of religion also.
If, after you have done this process, then you will need to repeat this conversation. I would say a maximum of 5 times is enough to accelerate your talking to the next level - which is to issue the threat of a consequence to his actions which is really up to you what that consequence is. The consequence really depends on how seriously you take this and how much you are willing to give up to not have to deal with this. You must follow through on every single thing that you say without any fear or worry, and you must continue like this to the end.
People respond to what we say when our voice and language conveys honesty, and the absolute willingness and determination to achieve our objective.
You have every right to tell your husband he cannot look at other women, naked or clothed and I fully support you in this.
Peace,
Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers
since hes intentially lookin at other women, i suggest you poke his eyes out. but seriously if he loves you then he would have put your feelings in consideration.
peace.................
hello i feel the same way my husband look at non muslim women on tv, its not nice m0ake u feel are u not good enough, but he actually siad it to me (why do u have a problem if i look at other women) i told him i feel its wrong for u to look at other women on tv have naked drinking and behaving very badly in quran you have to put your wife first, i feel so said i cry so many and he knows my weakness now, so he keeps saying your always sad and stress, but im always doing everything good i dont look to other men in a flirtation way because i love my husband, but he always make me feel like im the problem like i make him stress. please help me sisters i dont want to loose him but i have to tell him how i feel aswell otherwise he think i am boring and dont tell my feelings
salam'alaikum
i have similar issue. my husband likes to chat with women online. i found out he's members of many social networking websites. he chats, flirts and sometime he asks the woman to meet face to face. i asked him about his and he denied it. he said it was his friends doing it. i've tried to talk to him many times. i remind him that this is not good. he should lower his gaze. but he wont listen. he always defends himself. so i prefer to be silent to avoid fight though my heart hurts. i make dua to Allah to bring him back to Islam's way. and hopefuly i can be sabr and strong to go through this. however i need support and advice to me act calmly.
Walaykum as salam, Ayma,
Through my experience I learnt that we cannot change others, but we change while observing others behaviours, the best it is when that change happens consciously directed to the Straight Way, with this I mean praying to Allah(swt) from the depths of our Heart, telling Him everything even knowing He is the All-Knowing, but you know, when we do this we go to Him every prayer looking for the Unconditional Love that we long for, He is always there waiting for us, Patience, Loving, Merciful, Respecful, Compassionate. May Allah(swt) bless your Soft Heart and help you in this tough times.
All my Unconditional Love and Respect,
María.
Assalam-alaekum,
Sister ayma, I can understand your pain and I think behavior of your husband is completely wrong. But again I am pretty 'conservative' and think that people should not meet before marriage except in presence of Wali.
While we are at it I just want to ask that what is wrong for a married man to meet new woman as prospective spouses, 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife. I mean in west US,UK EU people following Islam do not mind meeting their prospective spouse online or face to face before marriage, and this kind of behavior is considered 'sweet' and 'romantic' by many sisters, than why is it bad to repeat it after the first marriage?
Either this behavior is totally wrong and should not be followed by muslims in the first marriage, if its allowed to follow than it should be followed for 2nd,3rd and 4th marriages. And essentially this gives an open license to any muslim man to not lower down his gaze as he'll be looking for potential spouse until he dies or reaches the limit of four.
regards,
Assalamu Alaikum!
I'm in a very similar situation right now. My husband watches porn on teh internet. I caught him do this and spoke to him about it. He promised me that it won't happen again. I was three months pregnant then. Today, a year has passed and we have a six month old baby girl. I am a full fledge mother and I'm loving every moment of it. I thot we were the luckiest family in teh whole world and then i caught him do it again. i am shattered. I've lost trust in him altogether. I am holding on only in hope of Alla's reward for my patience and for my innocent daughter.
I hate men.
Muslimah, as-salamu alaykum. Don't condemn your husband utterly. He has a problem and needs help. Others have given good advice on this website about how to deal with pornography addiction. Try to steer him in that direction. And continue loving him. Your marriage is not over.
But then I'm a man, so perhaps you don't want advice from me?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Walaykum as salam Muslimah,
First of all congratulations for your motherhood, ... I know I am going to ask you something hard for you right now, because you are extremely hurt, but try to be patience with him, and please love him more now than before he needs you more than ever, and let him know about all your feelings, both of you have created a family, do everything you have in your hand to mantain your family.Please give him, yourself and the family a chance to improve, you can do it, insha´Allah. Have you talked to him about it after the last time? Have you said to him how much it hurts you?
Many times, men feel that they are not so important when waiting for a baby and the baby is born, they feel someway in a second place, and being a mother is a 24 hours day and 365 days a year, and this is a huge change, before you were his wife, now you are mother and his wife...don´t hate men accept him as different from women, that is all. And related to watch porn, talk to him to see how deep is the problem and act in consequence, make him to feel comfortable to tell you the truth, if he is scare of you he will hide it and you don´t want that, you want to get out of that, insha´Allah.
Both of you can go over it, I agree with every word that Wael said, if he recognizes it is a problem and he needs help, go for it, you are a team, you can do it together, insha´Allah.
You are a woman and a mother, you are a strong woman, do your best to talk to your husband and to solve this situation, now you have the opportunity to learn to love your husband as a human being with good and not so good, none of us are perfect please don´t judge him, don´t look back, it is time to act loving and wisely, and look for solutions, insha´Allah. May Allah (swt)guide your steps to get out of this situation, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Love and Respect,
María
As Salam Alaykum sister i hope everything is ok with you please try not to stress i know its hard for you, i understand i was in the same situation and im still in the same situation, but we cant change peoples minds and hearts, only they can and with Allah blessings, i have learn to be strong and not show him my insecurities because really thats the worst thing we women can do is show our insecurites because our husbands will take advantage of that and make problem for you so please sister just be strong and make duaa to Allah to help make you strong and to make duaa for your husband for him to change and to realise what he is doing is wrong. My husband i didnt do much bad too me but sometimes he will flick through the channels on tv if im sitting beside him if there is programmes on tv like America Next Top Model, he would slowly change the channel but its wrong he should not think or go slow changing the channel becuase its only women and they half naked on tv so he should lower his gauzes but really im tired of asking him to change and another thing since i met him he never said he loves me and i was wondering to my self why he dont say it too me i just want to feel special hmmmmm maybe i expect too much from him . But i said it too my husband why u dont say you love me: he siad because i dont want i dont like, im so confused i mean he is good to me too be honest he is always at home with me only sometime he go too friends but he treats me good Ill Hamdu Allah please sisters can ye give me some advice for he is my first man in my life that i love and dont want to loose,
Aslaam alaikum
I feel like im in the same boat as you sisters.My husband started wachin porn on d internet when i was pregnant.The thing that made me angry was that he used to watch it behind my back ,so even he knew he was doing some thing wrong.
One day i just could'nt take it any more and i snapped.However he said he was sorry.
Two years on and he is still doing it.Its now come to a point where i have seperated my bed from him because i told him he cant have both its either a halaal relationship with me or its the haraam porn.
I tried eveything in these two years he started reading namaz after wachin me read,i felt that would change him but NO.
So ive given up is there anyone whose husband has stopped wachin porn for good please let me know as i would love to know.
salam alaykum sisters, may allah make ye strong and relaxed, i feel hurt that ye sisters had to suffer like this i was in the same situation but Ill Hamdu Allah the relationship is much stronger now Ill Hamdu Allah, sometimes i feel a bit lost and worry if he love me enough i hope so plz Allah sometimes he talk about his friends wifes, he say oh there nice, hmmmm ok but why is he telling me this its strange why he say like this if there nice good but i shouldn't have to have my husband to tell me this about his friends wife it makes me wonder does he go to his friends house just to see what there wives are like, maybe im weird or really insecure but hehe i never felt like this plz sisters help me i dont like feeling second best or jealous because its not good in Islam plz give me advice.
As salamu alaykum Rita,
Alhamdulillah, it is nice to hear that you are doing much better in your marriage, be strong and remember he is married to you, he knows you are jealous maybe instead of your own insecurity you should realized he is insecure too, he may feel you love him for your jealousy of him talking about other women, ... try to leave all this insecurities on a side, insha´Allah.
Keep praying to Allah(swt) , He will give you Peace, insha´Allah.
All my unconditional Love and Respect,
María
In this society it is a huge problem of fitnah without a doubt. But as Muslims we must seek to emulate the best of behaviors as the Prophet Muhammad pbuh taught us by his examples mash Allah.
This is what I have said to other sisters, brothers, ex, uncles and even fathers regarding this issue. And Alhamdulilah.. what Im about to share with you.. has made them.. if not forced them to Fear Allah swt and put an active stop to this kind of behavior as best as they can, and Allah swt Knows best.
Whether this person has children yet or not is not the issue. But if he were blessed with a daughter then it will hit home like a spear insha'Allah.
Have his wife ask him if he acknowledges the fact that Allah swt Promises the "tayabeen to the tayabat" ~ the good for the good and the bad for the bad. He will of course acknowledge this as it is in the Quran. Then if he has a daughter then to ask if he loves her? And of course he will say yes. She must then cleverly proceed in informing that for every good that he does.. his daughter will see it.. and for every evil that he does against OTHER WOMEN... so too will his own daughter see it. How..??
Ask...
Is it his right in front of Allah swt to gaze and look at non mahram women? of course not. So then he has violated her rights, even if she is not a Muslimah. Allah swt has ordered the GOOD MEN to LOWER THEIR GAZE, and that he has provide for them their women partners (wives) as a source to fulfill all their pleasures. Why then is he going outside of what Allah swt has blessed him with halal sources? What will be his excuse in front of Allah swt on the Day of Judgement? He can't say it was a fitnah for me,..im sorry! Otherwise Allah swt would not have ordered them to Lower Their Gaze.
Then have her ask him, if he wouldn't mind someone then gazing and looking at his own daughter in such a way or even worse - Allah Forbid!! (THIS will make him boil at the thought! and may ask you to stop!) If he treats this issue lightly still by his comments, THEN ASK him if he can guarantee that he will always be around her to protect her from their gazes and their thoughts (which he understands very well)...?? Of course not.
So then how can he doubt that what he is doing... blatantly in front of Allah swt, when Allah swt has bestowed so much beauty and halal for him in his own life (his beautiful wife).... will not be returned to him on his OWN DAUGHTER when she is grown into a beautiful ripe "fruit ready to be eaten", that she will be? Does he want others to taste of her freely like he is doing now? And do NOT think that a jilbaab and hijaab will protect her from his gaze and thoughts, those who want to gaze will.. and all that he does WILL be returned!! (example : many stories of pious fathers who make dua for the protection of their daughters with good husbands in their absence because he knows he may die before she is married...)
If this brother does not yet have a daughter.. then advise his wife to use the example of his younger/older beloved sister or even his mother! ..and it doesnt matter if they are in a different country or not.... Allah swt is All Seeing and All Knowing ~ so it doesnt matter if the wife sees this happening or not...she should show that she is now relaxed and has asked Allah swt to be her Best Witness!!
If he has all three options (daughter, sister, and mother) then advise the sister to use them tentatively and more aggressively if the behavior does not stop by mentioning only one more each time. Meaning build it up... as needed only... add the family members for a harder punch.. a harder reminder when needed.. if the initial warning is not enough at the time.
I have found this to be an excellent source and a way of deterring this behavior that unfortunately pollutes all our men at one point in time or other.
The fact of the matter is that we live in an open society (world wide now).. and every year it becomes harder.. but jennah is not for those who think it will come to them with ease and laziness. It comes after great trials and much patience has been tested and exercised.
But insha'Allah I will wait for the shaykh's replies, which can take some time for a few, and will forward them to you as soon as I have it insha'Allah.
In the meantime.. I pray for this sister's strength and endurance and patience insha'Allah and may Allah swt Ease her worries soon insha'Allah. Ameen
Please also do not let her forget the power of her dua's... the more sincere they are.. the clearer and better they are heard from Allah swt. Ask her to continue to fulfull her duties in front of Allah swt as a practicing Muslimah.. and to always make good use of her dua's insha'Allah. And patience.
And Allah swt Knows Best,
Walaikum Assalam,
Your sister always,
y
Salaam,
I found this same problem too; only its in an ISLAMIC SCHOOL! The sisters in the office wear tight clothing and stare BLATANTLY in the face of the brother and the sister has three children of their own! My daughter came home complaining that she is staring at her father! So the fitna of the eyes is everywhere; even in Astaghfiruallah an Islamic school meant for the betterment of our children -- not for them to witness sisters staring longingly at sisters husbands and childrens fathers! I saw her do it in front of me and the brother was embraressed for her!
salams Hanan,
but its more men than woman doing it-how many woman do you see staring at men as they walk down the street , whistling at them and straining necks to see them. Thats cause men dont dress inappropriately wearing tight half naked atttractive clothing. Fine this might be an isolated case woman doing it to man but maybe this sister was giving the brother a taste of his own medicine. In the quran Allah has stated the hijab for men first than woman-the hijab of men is lowering of the gaze, you hardly get complaints from men that their wives staring and looking!i
Its fine on the day of judgement this will all be sorted out
I just don't understand one thing. I understand that the hoors are a man's potential wives. But here the asker is worried about her husband looking and probably thinking about other women, so why would anyone suggest about asking one's husband to think about the hoors. I mean she wants her husband to STOP thinking about other women, and here she is getting suggested that she should ask her husband to think about the hoors. Funny.
no its not funny actually-we are all saying men should lower their gaze and not look at other woman excpet their wives and daughter-show respect
these hoors u r talking abt--??? these woman of jannah -is that what you are talking abt-what are hoors??? this is not jannah -its not perfect world here so men look and its wrong -in jannah you get these woman as pure and your heart is pure from all evil -jannah is differnt than this world-woman get all the men they want in jannah too-its this life that counts and the good you do it-thats why Alllah has COMMANDED to lower yoru gaze
Aslaam ayaykum
I feel like im in the same boat as many sisters out there.
my husband started watchin porn on the internet when i was pregnant.He used to watch it behind my back so so even he knew he was doing something wrong.
one day i just couldnt take it anymor and i snapped i went as far as telling him to divorce me and then carry on doing what he likes best because it was hurting me that much .
Being pregnant i felt neglected and no one to share my feelings with.Then he told me how sorry he was.
Two years on and he is still doing it.Its now come to a point where i've seperated my bed from his saying that he could not have both.In these two years ive tried eveything he even started reading namaz after seeing me read, i felt this would change him but NO.
So ive given up if there is any one whose husband has gven up porn for good please let me know as i would love to know if it is possible.
I actually googled "men looking at women online" and this came up. Sadly, I am in the same boat. However, I have a husband who totally denies it. He has a beard, is always lecturing others about deen, and is so trusted by others. Ive found porn once on his ipod, he blamed a co-worker. Secondly, he would sit and watch women dance on tv and think its so normal. Yes, I do confront him..but like others said they think its an insecurity. So yesterday, after asking him to spend time with me, he sits in his room, with headphones on..I walk in the room and he doesnt know I'm in the room and he has a window open with all these pictures of woman and just staring. I finally starting talking loud enough so he can hear me, he closes the window. He starts joking with me, tries to touch me, makes jokes..and i keep quiet. I didnt say anything. Im just disgusted and hurt. Its funny cause I used to tell him he stares, and he would yell and scream at me, saying im saying something bad to me, saying that Im accusing him of being a "womanizer."
Well dear husband, you are full of it..and yes your eyes will be a witness on the Day of Judgement.
salams
yeah my friend told me all men do it-i hate it an know how you sisters feel
but there is Allah and he is watching so on the day of judgement Allah will ask each person what they eyes did and why they looked at this or that woman and if there is no reason which there isnt -he will be held accountable-i know its hard but please please b patient
talk to an imam and get the imam to bring it up in the friday juma but make sure he is there so you are not telling him maybe he will listen to someone else
or talk to your dad or get a male relative to talk to him indirectly so he wont know you said anything
i pray for all the sisters for the husbands to stop this evil
I have the same problem. And I told my husband to stop looking at women. He always tell me I dont look. He lies... Ya rb ya rb Allah yehdeah ow yehdneah. Make duaa for me and him. Thanks