Comments on: My husband looks at other women http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-husband-looks-at-other-women/ Islamic marriage advice and family advice Sun, 12 Feb 2012 02:36:31 +0000 hourly 1 By: Walala http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-husband-looks-at-other-women/comment-page-1/#comment-42710 Walala Sun, 06 Nov 2011 18:05:36 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=4841#comment-42710 I have the same problem. And I told my husband to stop looking at women. He always tell me I dont look. He lies... Ya rb ya rb Allah yehdeah ow yehdneah. Make duaa for me and him. Thanks I have the same problem. And I told my husband to stop looking at women. He always tell me I dont look. He lies... Ya rb ya rb Allah yehdeah ow yehdneah. Make duaa for me and him. Thanks

]]> By: fcf http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-husband-looks-at-other-women/comment-page-1/#comment-40456 fcf Fri, 28 Oct 2011 01:04:40 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=4841#comment-40456 salams yeah my friend told me all men do it-i hate it an know how you sisters feel but there is Allah and he is watching so on the day of judgement Allah will ask each person what they eyes did and why they looked at this or that woman and if there is no reason which there isnt -he will be held accountable-i know its hard but please please b patient talk to an imam and get the imam to bring it up in the friday juma but make sure he is there so you are not telling him maybe he will listen to someone else or talk to your dad or get a male relative to talk to him indirectly so he wont know you said anything i pray for all the sisters for the husbands to stop this evil salams
yeah my friend told me all men do it-i hate it an know how you sisters feel
but there is Allah and he is watching so on the day of judgement Allah will ask each person what they eyes did and why they looked at this or that woman and if there is no reason which there isnt -he will be held accountable-i know its hard but please please b patient

talk to an imam and get the imam to bring it up in the friday juma but make sure he is there so you are not telling him maybe he will listen to someone else
or talk to your dad or get a male relative to talk to him indirectly so he wont know you said anything
i pray for all the sisters for the husbands to stop this evil

]]> By: Muslimah2011 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-husband-looks-at-other-women/comment-page-1/#comment-40186 Muslimah2011 Wed, 26 Oct 2011 21:45:05 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=4841#comment-40186 I actually googled "men looking at women online" and this came up. Sadly, I am in the same boat. However, I have a husband who totally denies it. He has a beard, is always lecturing others about deen, and is so trusted by others. Ive found porn once on his ipod, he blamed a co-worker. Secondly, he would sit and watch women dance on tv and think its so normal. Yes, I do confront him..but like others said they think its an insecurity. So yesterday, after asking him to spend time with me, he sits in his room, with headphones on..I walk in the room and he doesnt know I'm in the room and he has a window open with all these pictures of woman and just staring. I finally starting talking loud enough so he can hear me, he closes the window. He starts joking with me, tries to touch me, makes jokes..and i keep quiet. I didnt say anything. Im just disgusted and hurt. Its funny cause I used to tell him he stares, and he would yell and scream at me, saying im saying something bad to me, saying that Im accusing him of being a "womanizer." Well dear husband, you are full of it..and yes your eyes will be a witness on the Day of Judgement. I actually googled "men looking at women online" and this came up. Sadly, I am in the same boat. However, I have a husband who totally denies it. He has a beard, is always lecturing others about deen, and is so trusted by others. Ive found porn once on his ipod, he blamed a co-worker. Secondly, he would sit and watch women dance on tv and think its so normal. Yes, I do confront him..but like others said they think its an insecurity. So yesterday, after asking him to spend time with me, he sits in his room, with headphones on..I walk in the room and he doesnt know I'm in the room and he has a window open with all these pictures of woman and just staring. I finally starting talking loud enough so he can hear me, he closes the window. He starts joking with me, tries to touch me, makes jokes..and i keep quiet. I didnt say anything. Im just disgusted and hurt. Its funny cause I used to tell him he stares, and he would yell and scream at me, saying im saying something bad to me, saying that Im accusing him of being a "womanizer."

Well dear husband, you are full of it..and yes your eyes will be a witness on the Day of Judgement.

]]> By: Aqsa http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-husband-looks-at-other-women/comment-page-1/#comment-39870 Aqsa Fri, 21 Oct 2011 20:46:55 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=4841#comment-39870 Aslaam ayaykum I feel like im in the same boat as many sisters out there. my husband started watchin porn on the internet when i was pregnant.He used to watch it behind my back so so even he knew he was doing something wrong. one day i just couldnt take it anymor and i snapped i went as far as telling him to divorce me and then carry on doing what he likes best because it was hurting me that much . Being pregnant i felt neglected and no one to share my feelings with.Then he told me how sorry he was. Two years on and he is still doing it.Its now come to a point where i've seperated my bed from his saying that he could not have both.In these two years ive tried eveything he even started reading namaz after seeing me read, i felt this would change him but NO. So ive given up if there is any one whose husband has gven up porn for good please let me know as i would love to know if it is possible. Aslaam ayaykum
I feel like im in the same boat as many sisters out there.
my husband started watchin porn on the internet when i was pregnant.He used to watch it behind my back so so even he knew he was doing something wrong.
one day i just couldnt take it anymor and i snapped i went as far as telling him to divorce me and then carry on doing what he likes best because it was hurting me that much .
Being pregnant i felt neglected and no one to share my feelings with.Then he told me how sorry he was.
Two years on and he is still doing it.Its now come to a point where i've seperated my bed from his saying that he could not have both.In these two years ive tried eveything he even started reading namaz after seeing me read, i felt this would change him but NO.
So ive given up if there is any one whose husband has gven up porn for good please let me know as i would love to know if it is possible.

]]> By: Aqsa http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-husband-looks-at-other-women/comment-page-1/#comment-39865 Aqsa Fri, 21 Oct 2011 20:21:43 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=4841#comment-39865 Aslaam alaikum I feel like im in the same boat as you sisters.My husband started wachin porn on d internet when i was pregnant.The thing that made me angry was that he used to watch it behind my back ,so even he knew he was doing some thing wrong. One day i just could'nt take it any more and i snapped.However he said he was sorry. Two years on and he is still doing it.Its now come to a point where i have seperated my bed from him because i told him he cant have both its either a halaal relationship with me or its the haraam porn. I tried eveything in these two years he started reading namaz after wachin me read,i felt that would change him but NO. So ive given up is there anyone whose husband has stopped wachin porn for good please let me know as i would love to know. Aslaam alaikum
I feel like im in the same boat as you sisters.My husband started wachin porn on d internet when i was pregnant.The thing that made me angry was that he used to watch it behind my back ,so even he knew he was doing some thing wrong.
One day i just could'nt take it any more and i snapped.However he said he was sorry.
Two years on and he is still doing it.Its now come to a point where i have seperated my bed from him because i told him he cant have both its either a halaal relationship with me or its the haraam porn.
I tried eveything in these two years he started reading namaz after wachin me read,i felt that would change him but NO.
So ive given up is there anyone whose husband has stopped wachin porn for good please let me know as i would love to know.

]]> By: fcf http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-husband-looks-at-other-women/comment-page-1/#comment-30187 fcf Sun, 12 Jun 2011 13:35:42 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=4841#comment-30187 no its not funny actually-we are all saying men should lower their gaze and not look at other woman excpet their wives and daughter-show respect these hoors u r talking abt--??? these woman of jannah -is that what you are talking abt-what are hoors??? this is not jannah -its not perfect world here so men look and its wrong -in jannah you get these woman as pure and your heart is pure from all evil -jannah is differnt than this world-woman get all the men they want in jannah too-its this life that counts and the good you do it-thats why Alllah has COMMANDED to lower yoru gaze no its not funny actually-we are all saying men should lower their gaze and not look at other woman excpet their wives and daughter-show respect
these hoors u r talking abt--??? these woman of jannah -is that what you are talking abt-what are hoors??? this is not jannah -its not perfect world here so men look and its wrong -in jannah you get these woman as pure and your heart is pure from all evil -jannah is differnt than this world-woman get all the men they want in jannah too-its this life that counts and the good you do it-thats why Alllah has COMMANDED to lower yoru gaze

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-husband-looks-at-other-women/comment-page-1/#comment-30145 Anonymous Sun, 12 Jun 2011 04:31:37 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=4841#comment-30145 I just don't understand one thing. I understand that the hoors are a man's potential wives. But here the asker is worried about her husband looking and probably thinking about other women, so why would anyone suggest about asking one's husband to think about the hoors. I mean she wants her husband to STOP thinking about other women, and here she is getting suggested that she should ask her husband to think about the hoors. Funny. I just don't understand one thing. I understand that the hoors are a man's potential wives. But here the asker is worried about her husband looking and probably thinking about other women, so why would anyone suggest about asking one's husband to think about the hoors. I mean she wants her husband to STOP thinking about other women, and here she is getting suggested that she should ask her husband to think about the hoors. Funny.

]]> By: f http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-husband-looks-at-other-women/comment-page-1/#comment-25203 f Wed, 23 Mar 2011 19:51:26 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=4841#comment-25203 salams Hanan, but its more men than woman doing it-how many woman do you see staring at men as they walk down the street , whistling at them and straining necks to see them. Thats cause men dont dress inappropriately wearing tight half naked atttractive clothing. Fine this might be an isolated case woman doing it to man but maybe this sister was giving the brother a taste of his own medicine. In the quran Allah has stated the hijab for men first than woman-the hijab of men is lowering of the gaze, you hardly get complaints from men that their wives staring and looking!i Its fine on the day of judgement this will all be sorted out salams Hanan,
but its more men than woman doing it-how many woman do you see staring at men as they walk down the street , whistling at them and straining necks to see them. Thats cause men dont dress inappropriately wearing tight half naked atttractive clothing. Fine this might be an isolated case woman doing it to man but maybe this sister was giving the brother a taste of his own medicine. In the quran Allah has stated the hijab for men first than woman-the hijab of men is lowering of the gaze, you hardly get complaints from men that their wives staring and looking!i
Its fine on the day of judgement this will all be sorted out

]]> By: Hanaan http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-husband-looks-at-other-women/comment-page-1/#comment-25137 Hanaan Tue, 22 Mar 2011 22:46:07 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=4841#comment-25137 Salaam, I found this same problem too; only its in an ISLAMIC SCHOOL! The sisters in the office wear tight clothing and stare BLATANTLY in the face of the brother and the sister has three children of their own! My daughter came home complaining that she is staring at her father! So the fitna of the eyes is everywhere; even in Astaghfiruallah an Islamic school meant for the betterment of our children -- not for them to witness sisters staring longingly at sisters husbands and childrens fathers! I saw her do it in front of me and the brother was embraressed for her! Salaam,

I found this same problem too; only its in an ISLAMIC SCHOOL! The sisters in the office wear tight clothing and stare BLATANTLY in the face of the brother and the sister has three children of their own! My daughter came home complaining that she is staring at her father! So the fitna of the eyes is everywhere; even in Astaghfiruallah an Islamic school meant for the betterment of our children -- not for them to witness sisters staring longingly at sisters husbands and childrens fathers! I saw her do it in front of me and the brother was embraressed for her!

]]> By: f http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-husband-looks-at-other-women/comment-page-1/#comment-24030 f Sun, 06 Mar 2011 01:59:34 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=4841#comment-24030 In this society it is a huge problem of fitnah without a doubt. But as Muslims we must seek to emulate the best of behaviors as the Prophet Muhammad pbuh taught us by his examples mash Allah. This is what I have said to other sisters, brothers, ex, uncles and even fathers regarding this issue. And Alhamdulilah.. what Im about to share with you.. has made them.. if not forced them to Fear Allah swt and put an active stop to this kind of behavior as best as they can, and Allah swt Knows best. Whether this person has children yet or not is not the issue. But if he were blessed with a daughter then it will hit home like a spear insha'Allah. Have his wife ask him if he acknowledges the fact that Allah swt Promises the "tayabeen to the tayabat" ~ the good for the good and the bad for the bad. He will of course acknowledge this as it is in the Quran. Then if he has a daughter then to ask if he loves her? And of course he will say yes. She must then cleverly proceed in informing that for every good that he does.. his daughter will see it.. and for every evil that he does against OTHER WOMEN... so too will his own daughter see it. How..?? Ask... Is it his right in front of Allah swt to gaze and look at non mahram women? of course not. So then he has violated her rights, even if she is not a Muslimah. Allah swt has ordered the GOOD MEN to LOWER THEIR GAZE, and that he has provide for them their women partners (wives) as a source to fulfill all their pleasures. Why then is he going outside of what Allah swt has blessed him with halal sources? What will be his excuse in front of Allah swt on the Day of Judgement? He can't say it was a fitnah for me,..im sorry! Otherwise Allah swt would not have ordered them to Lower Their Gaze. Then have her ask him, if he wouldn't mind someone then gazing and looking at his own daughter in such a way or even worse - Allah Forbid!! (THIS will make him boil at the thought! and may ask you to stop!) If he treats this issue lightly still by his comments, THEN ASK him if he can guarantee that he will always be around her to protect her from their gazes and their thoughts (which he understands very well)...?? Of course not. So then how can he doubt that what he is doing... blatantly in front of Allah swt, when Allah swt has bestowed so much beauty and halal for him in his own life (his beautiful wife).... will not be returned to him on his OWN DAUGHTER when she is grown into a beautiful ripe "fruit ready to be eaten", that she will be? Does he want others to taste of her freely like he is doing now? And do NOT think that a jilbaab and hijaab will protect her from his gaze and thoughts, those who want to gaze will.. and all that he does WILL be returned!! (example : many stories of pious fathers who make dua for the protection of their daughters with good husbands in their absence because he knows he may die before she is married...) If this brother does not yet have a daughter.. then advise his wife to use the example of his younger/older beloved sister or even his mother! ..and it doesnt matter if they are in a different country or not.... Allah swt is All Seeing and All Knowing ~ so it doesnt matter if the wife sees this happening or not...she should show that she is now relaxed and has asked Allah swt to be her Best Witness!! If he has all three options (daughter, sister, and mother) then advise the sister to use them tentatively and more aggressively if the behavior does not stop by mentioning only one more each time. Meaning build it up... as needed only... add the family members for a harder punch.. a harder reminder when needed.. if the initial warning is not enough at the time. I have found this to be an excellent source and a way of deterring this behavior that unfortunately pollutes all our men at one point in time or other. The fact of the matter is that we live in an open society (world wide now).. and every year it becomes harder.. but jennah is not for those who think it will come to them with ease and laziness. It comes after great trials and much patience has been tested and exercised. But insha'Allah I will wait for the shaykh's replies, which can take some time for a few, and will forward them to you as soon as I have it insha'Allah. In the meantime.. I pray for this sister's strength and endurance and patience insha'Allah and may Allah swt Ease her worries soon insha'Allah. Ameen Please also do not let her forget the power of her dua's... the more sincere they are.. the clearer and better they are heard from Allah swt. Ask her to continue to fulfull her duties in front of Allah swt as a practicing Muslimah.. and to always make good use of her dua's insha'Allah. And patience. And Allah swt Knows Best, Walaikum Assalam, Your sister always, y In this society it is a huge problem of fitnah without a doubt. But as Muslims we must seek to emulate the best of behaviors as the Prophet Muhammad pbuh taught us by his examples mash Allah.

This is what I have said to other sisters, brothers, ex, uncles and even fathers regarding this issue. And Alhamdulilah.. what Im about to share with you.. has made them.. if not forced them to Fear Allah swt and put an active stop to this kind of behavior as best as they can, and Allah swt Knows best.

Whether this person has children yet or not is not the issue. But if he were blessed with a daughter then it will hit home like a spear insha'Allah.

Have his wife ask him if he acknowledges the fact that Allah swt Promises the "tayabeen to the tayabat" ~ the good for the good and the bad for the bad. He will of course acknowledge this as it is in the Quran. Then if he has a daughter then to ask if he loves her? And of course he will say yes. She must then cleverly proceed in informing that for every good that he does.. his daughter will see it.. and for every evil that he does against OTHER WOMEN... so too will his own daughter see it. How..??

Ask...
Is it his right in front of Allah swt to gaze and look at non mahram women? of course not. So then he has violated her rights, even if she is not a Muslimah. Allah swt has ordered the GOOD MEN to LOWER THEIR GAZE, and that he has provide for them their women partners (wives) as a source to fulfill all their pleasures. Why then is he going outside of what Allah swt has blessed him with halal sources? What will be his excuse in front of Allah swt on the Day of Judgement? He can't say it was a fitnah for me,..im sorry! Otherwise Allah swt would not have ordered them to Lower Their Gaze.

Then have her ask him, if he wouldn't mind someone then gazing and looking at his own daughter in such a way or even worse - Allah Forbid!! (THIS will make him boil at the thought! and may ask you to stop!) If he treats this issue lightly still by his comments, THEN ASK him if he can guarantee that he will always be around her to protect her from their gazes and their thoughts (which he understands very well)...?? Of course not.

So then how can he doubt that what he is doing... blatantly in front of Allah swt, when Allah swt has bestowed so much beauty and halal for him in his own life (his beautiful wife).... will not be returned to him on his OWN DAUGHTER when she is grown into a beautiful ripe "fruit ready to be eaten", that she will be? Does he want others to taste of her freely like he is doing now? And do NOT think that a jilbaab and hijaab will protect her from his gaze and thoughts, those who want to gaze will.. and all that he does WILL be returned!! (example : many stories of pious fathers who make dua for the protection of their daughters with good husbands in their absence because he knows he may die before she is married...)

If this brother does not yet have a daughter.. then advise his wife to use the example of his younger/older beloved sister or even his mother! ..and it doesnt matter if they are in a different country or not.... Allah swt is All Seeing and All Knowing ~ so it doesnt matter if the wife sees this happening or not...she should show that she is now relaxed and has asked Allah swt to be her Best Witness!!

If he has all three options (daughter, sister, and mother) then advise the sister to use them tentatively and more aggressively if the behavior does not stop by mentioning only one more each time. Meaning build it up... as needed only... add the family members for a harder punch.. a harder reminder when needed.. if the initial warning is not enough at the time.

I have found this to be an excellent source and a way of deterring this behavior that unfortunately pollutes all our men at one point in time or other.

The fact of the matter is that we live in an open society (world wide now).. and every year it becomes harder.. but jennah is not for those who think it will come to them with ease and laziness. It comes after great trials and much patience has been tested and exercised.

But insha'Allah I will wait for the shaykh's replies, which can take some time for a few, and will forward them to you as soon as I have it insha'Allah.

In the meantime.. I pray for this sister's strength and endurance and patience insha'Allah and may Allah swt Ease her worries soon insha'Allah. Ameen

Please also do not let her forget the power of her dua's... the more sincere they are.. the clearer and better they are heard from Allah swt. Ask her to continue to fulfull her duties in front of Allah swt as a practicing Muslimah.. and to always make good use of her dua's insha'Allah. And patience.

And Allah swt Knows Best,

Walaikum Assalam,
Your sister always,
y

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