My husband resents and rejects my knowledge
Dear Islamic Answers,
Please do not reveal my name or my email as my husband knows that I consult this site.
Before marriage and during the courting period, my husband treated me with respect and admiration for my wealth of knowledge and life experience which he did not have. An example of this is that when he was trying to start a business (I am a manager of a business) he would take my advice, consult me and appreciate and value my input.
Since marriage, however, it has become very clear to me that my husband bitterly resents what knowledge I have, and rejects it even when I am 100% correct and he is wrong. If I tell him something he will disregard it - but if some random stranger tells him the same information months later - he will come and recount to me as if it is brand new information set to save his life or his venture.
I a frustrated - because I am far wealthier in knowledge in many many affairs, whilst my husband does not seek knowledge - instead relying on a few idiots who give him bad information regarding his enquiries. When I tell him that his friends have misguided him, and I give him the correct account / information / facts - again, he disregards it.
I am speaking of large scale religious matters, as well as of smaller matters lik how to use the internet, or how to write a contract, how to use the dishwasher.
Moreover, not only does he let himself be misguided by "intelligent" men who actually rarely know what they are talking about and often send him up the garden path - but he actively resents and disregards what I say to the extent where I just cannot bear it.
I have tried keeping quiet - which gets frustrating because when you see someone struggling for information... how can you not help them get to their answer? I have tried reasoning with him in a passive way and suggesting the answers to him so that he does not feel that I am telling him all of the time - no. That doesnt work.
As my husband, he wants to have the right to make decisions etc etc - but how can I be happy about this when those decisions are bad, ill informed and faulty?
I am trying hard to "love what is" but I just cannot, cannot do it. I just keep thinking that we shall have children one day and all decisions will be a fight between me and what I can back up with experience, knowledge and fact versus him with his complete lack of knowledge, lack of desire to find knowledge and reliance on people who have no expertise in the fields in which they are advising him.
- Frustrated Wife
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