Islamic marriage advice and family advice

my husband wants a second wife i can’t understand this

Aslaam a lakum

i am a married woman and i have two beautiful daughters (mashallah). i am experiencing a great dilemma at the moment as my husband wishes to take a second wife. I do not understand this but he feels it is an islamic obligation for him to do this. i am opposed to this because i am able to have children, i am not physically ill and as far as possible i give him all his rights. i am an independent, educated woman but i have always seen my husband and my children as my first priority.

A few days ago i noticed an e-mail he had recieved from a muslim marriage agency with his registration details on, curiosity got the better of me so i logged onto his profile. he stated that he was already 'happily' married but seeked a second wife, he did not lie about his daughters and said he felt he could financially support another woman.

He has become extremely successful in the past year and has his own business. i dont know if his sudden wealth gain is linked to this beahviour. he also also began practising salafism from around six months ago. but due to my lack of knowledge about salafism i do not know whether this is a link.

on his profile he stated that he wanted a second wife who was religous and was willing to have children yet he has never mentioned wanting to change me or to educate me about his salafi beliefs and he has also never expressed his desire for more children, on both counts i would be more than willing to oblige.

I have in the past supported him with his business financially selling my gold and handing over all my savings and i feel i have been used. since discovering his details on the site i do not feel i can allow him to have any physical relations with me. he has in the past mentioned a second wife and i have always been clear that the other woman would be his only wife as i feel he could never treat us equally.

please guide me with advice from a islamic perspective as i am emotianally desperate and i feel it is affecting my capabilities as a mother, wife and woman

khuda hafiz

- Sister s3

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218 Responses »

  1. i want to take this plat form to solve a verry serious issue.

    (Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - Editor)

  2. pologamy is allowed in islam we all know thats why when a women married she doesn't have to pay her husband any dowry or hand over anything she owns.

    I wouldn't give a penny of my savings to my husband.

    Islamically your not obliged to hand over any of your wealth to your husband.

    however one of your rights is to seek provisions from your husband .e.g. money food clothing.

    you don't have to pay for anything

    your husband is the maintainer and the protector.

    its his duty to pay for everything

  3. An interesting editorial I read today regarding polygamy and divorce among muslims in India:

  4. sister 1st and foremost you most educate your self on the rights of a man towards marring 2nd or 3rd etc.... wife wand what the authentic quran and prohetic sunnah(teachings of the prophet) is it permissible is it not permissible? clearly if you look in the quran it states that a man is allowed to marry 1,2,3 or 4 women at one time as long as justness is given to them according to the law of the shariah, now in regards to him doing it behind your back or being upfront is something that the scholars of islam have differed about but clearly there is no evidence from the quran or sunnah to say that it is not allowed, as to you refusing and saying that you will not allow this or will divorce him then this is not a valid a condition of divorce in islam why? because allah the all mighty and wise has allowed this so to reject this is stating that allah has made mistakes or been unjust hin his deen and that clearly can never happen, what is happening here sister is that you have been taken by shock and clearly is reason of that this practice in islam has been abandoned or left the muslim population today does not deem it realistic, but regardless of that islam approves os it and allows it.....sister do not be hasty, relax and take time out to talk to your husband and understand that allah will not burden a soul more then its capability may allah make it easy for you.

  5. Sister
    Ill say as you have his passwords delete all the messages he receives " simple."

  6. My Muslim sister I ask you to pray to Allah to help
    To understand that issue and know that Allah allowed
    Men to marry other women and you ask Him to give you a
    Strong heart that can allow your husband to marry because
    Allowing him to marry is like fighting jihad

  7. Assalaamualaikum sister,

    I'm actually in the same position. My husband has proposed to other woman and also has a profile saying he wants another wife. Its 2 years down the line and I still can't get past this?

    Can you perhaps tell me how things worked out for you?

  8. Why did I let my husband merry a another wife
    My husband is an imam and an Islamic scholar in the masjid . I learned Arabic and Islamic study also.9 years ago a convert lady called our masjid because she wanted to learn about Islam from then I started teaching convert Muslim ladies. After that 7 ladies were coming to learn about Islam. Every lady has her own story about how her life changed after conversation. They need to give up their friends, family, festivals and most of their way of life. One of my best friend converted to Islam and she left her husband because he was not a Muslim. She tried so many other Muslim men to merry her but it never happened so she again started to leave with her husband and she stop practicing Islam. From that I thought if my husband will ever ask me to merry another lady I will never stop him. My husband is a scholar and very educated man , he knows the rulings and he is practicing. 10 months ago someone asked my husband that if he can merry a divorce, new convert lady with 2 kids. My husband asked me and we both met in my house. She is very friendly and lonely. They got married after a month. Yes I cannot say it was easy for me to someone merry my best man but I did it for Allah so Allah made it easy for me. Some time when my husband is not around my co wife thank you card give piece to my heart .
    Dear sister.
    Words cannot express how much your selfless acts have affected myself and my children. I have never known anyone to be as kind, selfless and strong as you. I pray that we may continue our friendship as we are sister in Islam.
    Life after Marriage.
    Before he got married I have hundreds of wrong thoughts that what will happened after that? But now we have our days and nights. We have good friendship together. We all go out together with her kids and mine. We exchange gifts and dishes. When Prophet Mohammed(sa) married with his wife every wife learn a lot from him. With the same intention I always wanted to marry a scholar so I can learn from him. I learned a lot from my husband and I stop doing all haram. Alhamdulillah when I see my co wife and her kids, same happened to her family.

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