My husband wants a second wife because of my absence
Salam Alaykum sister and brothers.
I am a married woman for 3 years already. I got converted when me and my husband got married. Alhamdulillah my husband is supporting me with my religious activities.
Let me start from the beginning of my marriage. When we got married he didn't tell me that he is married but he and the first wife is not together anymore as they got their 1st divorce. I've waited patiently till they got divorce after 2 years. It was very difficult for me as he speaks to her secretly and he promised her many things that he will take her back and will take a house for her but he will stay with me only only.
Things become more difficult for me and my husband after our husband came out of jail. She makes too much dramas and problems. But now I am the one and only wife now of my husband as far as I know.
My husband was in jail for less than 2 years due to financial problem. I've waited for him and I have to stay in my sister's house and hide for I don't have any residence visa anymore because I choose to follow what my husband told me. To resign from my previous company where am I working and he will come out after few weeks only and he will make my visa.
Almost 2 years I am waiting for him to come out but still he didn't make my visa. Me and my husband got married by imam in his sister's house and were not able to file our papers in the court for marriage due to his problem he was been caught after 3 months after we got married. So I waited for a year and half again for me to be legal.
Last January 2013 this guy who is processing my visa under my husband's company told us that my fine in immigration is too much - it was 37,500 dirhams so he suggested to go for an amnesty which the government gave for expats who has visa/immigration issue to leave the country. And that arab guy who is fixing my visa didn't check with the immigration if we can take the amnesty and come back.
So I left the country and went back to my country to see my family and to fix my visa. When I came back to my husband's country I was been hold by immigration for 4-5 hours just only then I learned that I have life time ban because of the amnesty. So after staying in the airport lobby for 12 hours without sleep I have to fly back to my origin country. I am so devastated as well as my husband who was with me on the phone the whole night and making me calm.
Since then I got stuck in here in my origin country far from my husband. Our problems started, every week he will promise me that he will come here to see me but 3 months had passed already he still didn't come. He also promise me that he will fix my problem since all this visa problem was all because of him. For the last 2 months I am suffering emotionally. I caught my husband chatting with other woman and telling them he's single and he's looking for serious relationship. Then I asked him why he's doing this he told me he just gets bored at home alone. He says sorry and promises me he will not do it again. So I forgive him. But I don't know why every week we're having the same issue and same promises. I even use verses in Quran to make him realize that what he is doing is haram. The worst this I caught is he's making a deal with a prostitute using social networks and they even exchanges numbers and they had closed the deal that he will come on her place.
And I asked him to swear that he didn't have sex with anybody since I was away. Instead of swearing he got angry on me which is sign of being guilty. After we got married I learned he used to do the same things doing haram things - he even cheated on me on our 1st 3 months of our marriage but I gave him a chance and promise me that he will not do it again. I thought he learned his lesson already after he came out of jail. He was praying for like 6 month then he stopped. But when we were together for 1 1/2 year he is not doing any haram things as I am sitting on his head that Allah is watching. He was very good husband he really changed. I don't allow him to go out of house alone as I cannot trust him because one occasion and it was July last year when I attend the wedding of his brother's son we were not together and he didn't go the place were men where supposed to go. With all my trust I didn't think anything wrong but when we reach home he is so tired and straight he went to bathroom to take shower I check on his clothes I saw some stains. So I confronted him and I ask him to swear but he didn't and he get angry. So from that day I stop trusting him fully.
Yesterday I caught him again chatting as in on that very moment that he's chatting with a Russian lady since I have access on his account and he knew it. He asked the girl if she wants to go to His country - he will make visa for her and he will buy ticket for her and he told her also that he's not married anymore, and he even offer her to stay in his house when she'll arrive in his country.
So I called him and ask him what is this nonsense again, you told me you will stop this. Then he told me he will call me later as his friend is with him. After a minute he send me SMS telling that he will get married and that's it. I get so upset so I asked him to divorce me instead as I cannot stay with him anymore like this and I want to live a life in Islamic way. He even told me that he is allowed to marry up to 4 wives. So I told him I don't care how much wives you will have but I don't want anymore, because all of this things is affecting me and my faith... I know him he cannot deal justly having more than one wife as we've been on the same situation him having 2 wives and his not capable of supporting both emotionally, time, and material. I even told him that I know why you want to marry again it was because of sex that you cannot control. It was the 2nd time he told me he will marry again because I'm not there. In my mind how we can be together when you're not doing anything to fix your wife's problem.
So last night and today I send him email regarding having more than 1 wife. What does Quran says and what are the conditions. But I don't know if he reads it or if he understand it. He told me he loves me he says sorry it was his mistake and he promised me again that he will come this week and fix our marriage.
My heart is broken totally broken, I feel like my entire marriage life is I am waiting and being lied and cheated. I already came to the point yesterday that I didn't cry not even one drop of tears. My heart get tired of trying to understand him, to keep him reminded of what the Quran says about haram and halal, to reach out and tried to fix our marriage even though he is ignoring me and to wait for him to be true to his words.
I don't know what to do as I love him so much, if I have to give another chance when my heart is telling me to stop, when I cannot trust him anymore, or just ignore his wrong doing which I cannot because I care about him and I fear for the punishment of Allah to him and to me. I know it's my obligation to keep my husband's spiritual faith which become very difficult for me because he cannot accept the fact that I know more about Quran than him who was born Muslim. I don't really know why he wants to marry again but he wants me to keep as his first wife.
Sometimes I asked myself is it me who has a problem why my husband is doing this? Am I not a good wife? Is it because of my absence physically that make him do haram things? All of this is my fault? All i know now I'm confused between my love for my husband and love for myself. I even asked Allah why he is punishing me like this what wrong I have done, I've been faithful wife, I had changed myself. What wrong I have done?
I hope someone out there can help me as I really don't know whats going on with my life.
This is a continuation of my post... Few days back I learned from one of our employee who no longer working in my husbands office, she told me that my husband told the people in the office who knows me very well as I help my husband to establish his business again after coming out from jail. I've been supportive to my husband and everybody knows how much I worked for my husbands business, we started just me and him and now he liked terminated me as I'm out of the country.
So 3 days back I learned that he had told everybody (employees, clients, other people who knew us, as husband and wife) that we are divorce already that why he is alone now and I'm not around anymore. I send him SMS about what I learned and I really want to be out of this pain and lie. He just SMS me stop thinking rubbish, and didn't reply anymore till the next day.
This time I'm really ready to just be divorce than suffering from my husband's behavior and continue to ignore me. Our marriage is falling apart, if I didn't call him or send SMS he doesn't care at all I will not hear anything anymore but he doesn't want. He is not calling me also. So the next day before I went to sleep I SMS him telling him that he really doesn't care anymore, and ask him to give me 3talaq as I cannot bare the pain anymore but he doesn't want. Yesterday I start sending SMS trying to be the same like how we are before but it's like I'm sending SMS to a very cold husband.
I really cannot understand anymore what's going on with us, what are his plans, why his not letting me go, why he is hurting me, why he is not being true to his words, I really cannot get any answer anymore. I'm tired of being a reserve in this marriage. Please someone give me good advise as I am really lost right now. Are we divorce already as he announced to people already that we're divorce already?
Hope someone can give me good advise.
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