My parents hate me and I feel like I am cursed; but I want to live a peaceful Islamic Life
Do not Despair, After Darkness will come Light
Aslamu Alakium Brothers and Sisters,
I hope everybody's Ramadan has been going very well and that Allah will accept your hard work and all your duaa's during this blessed month insha'allah. My name is Mohamed and I am a high school student.
Other than this blessed month everything is so bad for me I believe I have been living a bad life so far. My father abandoned me, my mom hates me, my stepdad abuses me, my siblings don't respect me, wherever I go I'm disliked by people, I can't even graduate from high school this year, I have literally no rizk it's very sad.
My parent's divorced when I was 6 and for a total of 8 years all together out of the 18 I have been living I never saw my dad. My mom remarried a man without even consulting how I feel that openly abuses me. There was even a 2 year point where I haven't spoken to my dad on the phone. My mother can't stand me at all she curses me everyday even in the month of Ramadan.
It's very stressful, my intentions are always good believe me. When she curses me bad things always happen to me. Whether I'm disrespected outside or even anything. All I want to do is have a good life in this and the next. I think about Allah and pray to him everyday and things are still bad. Wherever I go I'm disrespected my aunt literally kicked me out of her house which is in another city from mine.
I can never find a job. Alhamdulilah Allah provided me with one a few weeks back but I only had it for 1 week. I feel like a cursed child. My father was cursed by his mother when he was young and it somehow was passed down to me. I always argue with my parents and I have severe anger issues so I explode and I scream and hit things and I can't control it. They get mad when that happens and curses me very badly.
Things never go my way whether it's at school or even at my old work people like me. I'm always told "nobody likes you" and I don't ever do anything bad to anybody. I have been told that multiple times whether I am in North America or even in Africa. I am always friendly and goodhearted. I could be at a different city or even half way around the world and people will dislike me and find ways to antagonize me. I can't even graduate from high school, I need 8 more credits and that's literally a full extra year of high school whereas people I know are all going to University and College.
It's very hard to cope with I never cry and I never have thoughts of suicide crossing my mind usually alhamdulilah. I just feel as if I'm alone in this world and nobody cares for me and everybody wants to see me fail. I just want to graduate from high school and go to University and one day marry a beautiful loving muslima and have a family and a great relationship with my family and so called "friends" and to go to Jannah one day.
Things never go wrong for me. My family hates me and they've openly told me that. They enjoy it when I leave the house. My mother has said so many horrible things to me hoping for my demise, laughing when bad things happen, asking Allah to give me diseases that have no cure, asking for me to burn in the Hellfire.
I don't know what to do every year is the same I am a very positive spirited boy I always hope for good every year I say this will be a good year I will get a job do well in school and have a great life. But every year nothing changes. I'm very depressed and sad about life. I'm obese and I have many health issues.
My whole life I have been bullied I have a learning disability and I was placed in a special class and everybody would call me "stupid" or "retarded". I've been called fat, been told that nobody likes me. Every name in the book throughout my 18 years I've been called. A so called 'sheikh' called me a "disgrace" to the religion because I don't know as many surats as his children.
I bet that many people would have killed themselves if they were me. I pray and make duaa everyday and nothing changes. My life is a mess. I don't know who my friends are because alot of people pretend to be my friend but destroy me verbally when I'm not around. I don't have any rizk at all. My dad doesn't care for me and my mom prays for my demise. My step dad has physically abused me my whole life, I am disliked everywhere I go by everybody being told that nobody likes me, I am cursed.
My mom told me my whole life I am a cursed child and I finally believe it. My mom told me that my father was cursed and that I am and my children will be and their children will be and on and on. Im now scared to even have children when I am older. My family doesnt understand how it is to be a teenager and all the stresses that come along with it. If I do wrong they are all over me. Every year not much has changed so far in my life I dont think much is going for me. After 18 years of being abused by life I am finally done. I want to have a good life I want to get good marks go to Uni next year and have a great social life, a great relationship with my family and to have a job and provide for myself.
So I ask of two things from you brothers and sisters. One of them is that you please think of me in your duaas inshallah I want a life that is better than mine so please do inshallah think of me in your duaas.
And two to tell me what I should do in my time of need.
May Allah reward all of you,
I just want a life thats better than I have currently.
~ BrotherMuhammad
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Brother Muhammad, As Salamualaikum,
Your story sounds surprisingly similar to one of my friends'. The only difference is that his father now lives with his mother, his mother does not hate him, and that he has been kicked out of his house.
When I see him, I see a highly pious Muslim, who loves Allah and strives to follow the true path, to the extent possible.
His parents were separated when he was too young, but they got together when he was about your age, I believe. His siblings have not spoken to him for years now, and they hate him. He does NOT find any job. Any job he finds does not last for a maximum of one month (average). He plans to learn Deen from Islamic University of Madeenah, but things are still not in his favor. May Allah accept him and may He make him a student of Knowledge at Madeenah, studying from the Kibaar (the major scholars).
My brother, you are in a better position, that you stay in your home. My friend always expresses that if he stayed in his father's home, he could learn Deen in a better way.
Rest assured that Allah will not leave you alone. Allah will not let your good deeds go in vain. BUT you should have patience and never lose hope. Because your situation is highly prone to the attack of Shaitaan, and you may even lose your faith in Allah and the last day, A'oodhu Billah.
Seek Allah's refuge from such a thing. Your intentions are noble, brother. That of every practicing Muslim. Make sure these stay alive, but do not grieve you if you can't attain them, because Allah Has Kept the Jannah for His believing servants. Would you not like to enter al Jannah? Whatever you don't get in this World, insha Allah, pray to Allah that you get something far better in the Hereafter.
My advise to you is that you have patience for some years until you become eligible enough to take care of a family. Don't worry, my friend had stability issues which did not let him stay on one job for a long time.
You have time to overcome this. Whenever you go for an interview, make sure you have no ill feeling from what has happened in your life. Keep yourself free from any ill feeling and keep yourself free from any discomfort during this time.
Make best use of whatever facilities you have, build your Taqwa, hope for Allah's Mercy, and Know that this life is nothing more than a test for the Hereafter. This World is a prison for the believes, while a paradise for a disbelieves, as a Hadith says.
Pray all 5, respect your parents, even if they treat you wrongly, control your anger, hope for good from Allah. Allah is The Most Merciful and He does not leave His believing slaves alone. And He Has prepared a perfect Jannah for ones He Loves, with anything you want in them, Hoor al 'Ayn, and what not. The most precious reward is that a person in Jannah will see Allah, just as one can see the moon in a clear night. subhanallah. May Allah make you and me of them, Aameen.
You are not cursed, brother. You need patience in the times of test, thats it. All you need to do now is prepare for securing your future life. Though you can't do what Allah Has not Destined for you, but striving is your job. And remember that you have Allah by your side. Practice Deen completely, to Please Allah and seek His Help through patience and prayers. Do Salatul Istikhaarah before you take any decision in your life whatsoever, and insha Allah, you will find what Allah Loves for you.
My brother, we are always here to help you in any manner we can. But Allah suffices for His Believing slaves.
Just have patience and seek Help from Allah with complete trust in Him. The final Abode is al Jannah, my brother. Strive to get that. Aim for al Jannah with Hope from Allah and Fear from His Punishment, because His Punishment is highly severe.
Never despair of Allah's Mercy, because it is only the ones who are astray who despair of His Mercy.
I wish you all the best, my brother
Wassalamualaikum Warahmatullah
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams,
Brother, when I read your post, the following hadith came to my mind immediately. It is from Bukhari:
Volume 8, Book 76, Number 454:
Narrated Sahl bin Sa'd As-Sa'id:
A man passed by Allah's Apostle and the Prophet asked a man sitting beside him, "What is your opinion about this (passer-by)?" He replied, "This (passer-by) is from the noble class of people. By Allah, if he should ask for a lady's hand in marriage, he ought to be given her in marriage, and if he intercedes for somebody, his intercession will be accepted. Allah's Apostle kept quiet, and then another man passed by and Allah's Apostle asked the same man (his companion) again, "What is your opinion about this (second) one?" He said, "O Allah's Apostle! This person is one of the poor Muslims. If he should ask a lady's hand in marriage, no-one will accept him, and if he intercedes for somebody, no one will accept his intercession, and if he talks, no-one will listen to his talk." Then Allah's Apostle said, "This (poor man) is better than such a large number of the first type (i.e. rich men) as to fill the earth."
This hadith describes two types of people: the first one is someone everyone loves and accepts, treats well, and has means in dunya. They might not be a bad person, but Prophet Muhammad SAWS is clear that this person does not have as much value as the second person.
The second person, on the other hand, is forsaken by everyone else. They have no friends, no one will accept their marriage proposal, and one could even add that their family has disowned them. No one asks this person for advice, or thinks anything he says matters. I've even read versions that say if this person dies, no one attends his janaza. The types of things that you've described going through are not dissimilar to what this hadith is describing.
And what's the main point of this hadith? That the poor, forsaken, and unfortunate one is better than the lauded, accepted, and affluent one. Allah tests those whom He loves, so the logic carries on that the more one is tested and must suffer in this life, the more Allah loves you. This is also alluded to in another bukhari hadith:
Volume 8, Book 76, Number 426:
Narrated 'Abdullah:
The Prophet drew a square and then drew a line in the middle of it and let it extend outside the square and then drew several small lines attached to that central line, and said, "This is the human being, and this, (the square) in his lease of life, encircles him from all sides (or has encircled him), and this (line), which is outside (the square), is his hope, and these small lines are the calamities and troubles (which may befall him), and if one misses him, an-other will snap (i.e. overtake) him, and if the other misses him, a third will snap (i.e. overtake) him."
No matter what we do to try to get away from the troubles Allah allows us to go through, there will always be more waiting. If you read Surah Yunus, verse 107, you will find the same idea:
"And if Allah afflicts you with some suffering, there is none who can remove it except Him; and if He wills good for you, there is none who can repel His munificence; He bestows it upon whomever He wills from among His bondmen; He is the Oft Forgiving, the Most Merciful."
You are 18 years old. You have been through a lot of things. There is the chance, maybe even the likelihood, that you will have much more to face in the many years (insha'Allah) you have ahead of you in life. What is important is knowing what is really going on, and who you really are. What has happened to you doesn't mean you have less value. We've already established that people who have experiences like you, are most cherished and have high esteem to Allah. You have to accept that as the truth, instead of the waswas of Shaytan that he ALWAYS tries to tell us, that we are worthless or lacking value because of having to experience these things. The truth is that who you are is not the sum of your experiences, but the fitra Allah blessed you with from before you even came to this world. For you to find the most peace, you have to try to get back to that fitra...and the way to do that is to try to draw closer to Allah through sincere ibadah.
I suggest as you go forward, try your best to bring your anger under control. Your anger is basically a reaction that gives the lies power. If you truly believed and felt that you were a beautiful, wonderful, beloved creation of Allah, someone who He has specially chosen to test and bring your best character out so that you could enjoy a close relationship with Him that serves as a light to shine to others to draw them to Islam, would you have anything to be angry about? Of course not. Yet, this IS the truth. You ARE that person, and everything you're going through proves it. You have to believe things are the opposite of what they seem, and begin showing Allah gratitude for giving you so many blessings. If you can work on understanding things as they REALLY are, instead of the illusion that they appear in, you will find your faith growing and your peace increasing. It really will happen, but you have to start seeing things in a different light.
That being said, instead of making choices that will benefit you in this life, make decisions and plans for your life that will increase your iman and benefit you in the next. You have nothing to lose. I think it would be good for you to distance yourself from the people who are mistreating you the most, and choose a place to live that has a good spiritual community to help you grow stronger in the truth. Perhaps even take a hajj or spend some time in Medina, trying to connect with Allah by being close to the Kaabah and the grave of Prophet Muhammad SAWS. I promise you, even if you have nothing in this life, if you strive toward Him you will have more than you dreamed of in the next.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam bro,
After reading your story it has sadden me deeply. I pray to Allah that he gives you strength and brings happiness. Dear brother have faith in Allah, that's what I have been doing since my parents spit at a youth age. I haven't seen my father and non I'm I in communication with my mother.
Every Eid I feel sad all I think and believe that Allah is there for me.
Just have your heart for Allah it will help.
W.Salaam brother.
salaam
brother you should not stay in the past look to the future and look at the positive things in your life and before you say it there are positive things in your life you just have to look more deeply look with in yourself and your eeman and allah will guide you and i am not saying this lightly i have had a tough childhood so i know where you are comming from set yourself a target for something you want to achive and you will strive to find ways and suolutions of getting there gets some help to deal with the issues that cause your anger and then look at ways of dealing with those look up The Lateef Project give them a call they helped me and they could help you
eid mubarek
hudafiz
you were very young when your father left .. Do you miss him? Do you have good memories if him? Have you tried to get in contact with him? I'm going through a divorce with a child as young as you were when you were divorced so it hurts to see what your going through... Sometimes situations become as such that they are beyond our control .. Mashallah you sound like an intelligent wise child.. Don't lose hope in Allah (swa) your not a curse .. Don't worry surely your mom says this negative stuff in anger.. It's not so nice I now it's painful bit be strong & remember she's still you mom & in Islam mothers have a Hugh status.. Inshallah you've been through tests & still are.. If you deal with them patiently inshallah you will be rewarded.. I do dua inshallah you have a beautiful wife & gorgeous children & a life filled with lobe & happiness (Amin) your not alone . We all go through that kind of a feeling .. I do aswell.. It's natural to feel this way.. Bit Allah (swa) is with you inshallah forget everything bad that has happened to you for Allah (swa) & start your relationships fresh with your mother & everyone .. your angry because you've been through alot .. try & sort your anger probs out not healthy for you future neither.. read about how to deal with anger probs.. Try & attend courses in the area or even meet a Muslim councllr inshallah prepare yourself to be a better person.. Start fresh with you employment search & motivate yourself inshallah you'll be successful.. remember to love yourself & treat yourself good when everyone around you sees the happy you the positive you I'm
Sure people will look up to you inshallah .. God bless you & best wishes for the new you ..
assalamualaikum, sorry i feelt so bad for you and i have no time to read much of what you say, but one thing i will is i dont which wat but which ever way mandatory you most get read of you anger most and stop arguine with any body be it your yourger once or elders b'cos is an insrument of shaitan argument one strong thing shaitan use in distroying marriage, as for if you are curse as far as your mother is alive if you are curse insha allah you can alway regain back your blessings from her by been obedient to her ask her for forgiveness and be patient i dont how pour out my mind b.cos i feel i gad not much time, i feel like crying for you,atlease thank Allah you search anwser to what ever thought you have about your self from the quran and sunnah insha Allah through the internet you will find how to behave to people as a muslim and to parent and how to ask for forgiveness from parent, brother you can never be a good muslim if can deal with anger and always have patient aswell youcan never gain Allahs fevour, the holy prophet muhammad sallallahu alaihimwassallam sai those who are not respectfull to our elders and kind to our yourger once are not with us, which is you may probably can be a muslim if can possess this quality character and also there are insha allah severall verses in the quran that say Allah is not with those are patient or who always allow there anger to take control over them as a muslim a good muslim who indeed seek the pleasure of his lord must be able to deal with state of anger most importantly in the case where it has to do with doing the right thing or taking correction, i will have said much but no time, i can assure you whatever problem you have you can deal with it if only you look for the solution from the quran and sunnah insha Allah, dearest brother what tell us who we are and give us through identity show us how to behave as human is the quran even though you may probably not race properly by your parence through parental hood seek the way to be the right person through the quran here is a great site that contains great prayer from the quran and sunnah please do well to visite this site insha Allah you can alway reach me
(email address removed - please do not post personal contact information on this website. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)
as i was reading this, i could see myself in it in quite a few places. really sad to hear that ur distressed 🙁 and i have made dua for u and im sure many others would have too, and will do so in shaa Allaah, after all we r one!! the ummah is like one body, if one brother/sister is in pain, the rest of the body should be able to feel it too.
with time i have been getting quite tearful and slightly aggressive too, but we must control it, because anger will just mess things up more brother. here r some tips for controlling anger:
* change position, what i mean is that if u r sitting down when getting angry, stand up, and if u were standing up when getting angry then sit down
* drink water when angry
* vent ur emotions out in a diary (LOL i knw its hard to do, i have 2 diaries yet i dont write in them 😉 coz sometimes i just cant be bothered, but it can help u to understand urself more, and ur strengths, vent ur anger and sadness in the diary but also think positively and write about the positive things too 🙂 i like to write poems, write poems if u like them, its a good creative hobby to pick up, or just take on another hobby it can help u to destress in shaa Allaah )
* buy a squeezy ball, something to squeeze and that, my cousin uses that, it helps her to take the anger on that and cool down
i know brother how hard everything must seem to u, i really wish everything gets better for u soon, just keep on trying to do what is best.
here is a site http://www.fanarinstitute.com/opencampus/ in shaa Allaah u can do FREE ONLINE COURSES, who knows u may turn out to be the next Dr Zakir Naik 😉 just keep on striving brother.
i too want to go to uni, but because of certain issues, im finding it really hard to focus and my grades havent been too great, my dream of going to uni seems like its fading away, but im still hopeful, and im looking at it from a positive angle too and prayin for the best. Dont worry brother, if ur grades are suffering or that u cant get hold of a job and so on, problems come and go, what matters the most is how we deal with them; we should deal with problems with patience and just keep on trying to get close to Allaah, after all, it is Allaah who can get us out of problems in shaa Allaah and will reward us for our patience and good deeds in shaa Allaah. and remember to respect ur mom at all times, even if she upsets u at times.
i hope this would help u and has made u feel bit better. we all love u, do get back in touch whenever u need to. take care brother 🙂 wasalam
Hello I am trying to live and make a living and trying to be a good Muslim . I have so much trouble always parents you can't find a job in another state or country . I pray everyday .
Thanks
Salam
After reading your story I can relate my self to it not the whole story just that your mother's abusive behaviour people being total rude with you torturing you with their words and hurting you leaving you alone crying my mother do this to me every day she torture me mentally and sometimes she hit me hard too make me believe I am cursed like she usually say because she hates me so much she always tell me how much she hates me sometimes I ask Allah why is he not doing anything why is he not punishing her how much she make me cry she say that I am embarrassment to her and I don't understand why because i am not ugly I have fine face she don't want me to go to family gatherings she don't like me having anything good she just want my elder sister to have everything every good thing she just pray hard the my sis get everything no matter how expensive it is she get everything she wants believe me everything...and if I ask for even the half of it she yell at me for hours that how dare I ask for it than i cant even tell you the most sad things happen to me everyday you may get shocked and think my mother is crazy it will take me so long to write those.but she never understand one thing whenever she do something like this to me the same bad happen to my elder sister because Allah Is watching...he is always watching no matter if we want it or not if ge want it he do it....everyday i believe more and more that Allah is watching me i am not alone he is with me ...be patient my brother you will get your turn and one day Allah will make your mother realise how wrong she is
amna: It is possible your mother was treated like this by her parents. She definitely has psychological/emotional problems. How does your father treat your mother. Whatever is happening to you is not your fault. A good parent is supposed to help kids become better human being. Many parents have too much on their mind and are unable to become positive role models.
I hope you are getting good education so that you can have a good job and earn enough money to buy whatever you want.
W'Salam
bro
How do you do these days?
God bless you. pray for me
A few days ago, I was being an extremely bad daughter. I cam home from school in a very bad mood and began to argue with my siblings. I began to raise my voice because they wouldn't listen to me although I told them like 5 times!! It was really frustrating because they kept ignoring me. I started raising my voice at them and yelling, and my mom came and said, "Stop yelling! Why are you mad?!" and I told her, why do you always have to get in my business and she said I was very rude and all I am good at is b**ching people out. I was very hurt, my mom has gotten mad at me many times before but never used such words to curse me, I am still a little shocked and upset, I am still trying to get over it :/
I know that just sounded immature of me, but really she is never like this at all. The worst part is she did not even tell me she was sorry and just went on with the day giving me the cold shoulder.
The day before, I was also being a bad kid and I lied about taking only one cookie when really I took two, and when I finally confessed that I lied, she said, "May Allah punish you, inshAllah!"
How can I undo both of these curses she put on me? I really gave her a hard time and put her over the edge and I do not want to be sent to Hell because of this
🙁 if you want to talk I'm hear to listen
I can understand your issue.
And may Allah bless you brother.
Will always remember you in dua.
Assalamu alaikum brother
Just do your duty in this world
For the sake of allah .
Pray for them
Love them
Obey them
Help them
Then leave it to allah azzawajal.
Brother firstly you have such a blessed name. To be treated in such a manner n having such a beautiful name is the greatest sin of all. You should be treasured. Allah tests those he loves.You are not cursed.its just the negativity around that causes the disruptions in your life. wake up for Tahujjid n ask Allah to help you. even if u dnt see a difference still carry on reading. We owe Allah everything.
poster,,,how is ur life now,,,any positivity,,,,must reply