My parents wont agree to my marriage!!!
Salaam,
I am 25 year old muslim girl who is wanting to marry a guy he is a practicing muslim male and my parents wont agree to the marriage because we live in Rawal Pindi and he lives in Mirpur.
I have been going through the same problem for 5 years now and have been hit and disowned by my parents they have even told me to leave the house but I have cried and refused to because of the respect of my family and people are going to talk wrongly about me.
With the whole situation I am very hurt and suffering in a bad state where I just stay in my room all day and night. My brothers and sisters agree to the one I want to marry but know one helps me get it through to my parents.
Please can you give me advise I am too old to get hit I cant live up to it.
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Dear sister,
You are no longer a girl...you are a grown woman. The fact that you live in one place and he another should have no bearing on whether he is a suitable husband for you. Even if you were to marry a man who lives near your family, that does not mean you will never move from your city. What if a good job opportunity came along and he wanted to take it? What if he had to take a job half way around the world? You then still would not be in the same city.
You are too old to have to accept being beaten and stay within your room all day long. Sister...that is not a life for anyone. Do you believe there may be another reason why your parents do not want you to marry this man? If he is a good man who fears Allah and prays and would be a good husband to you, I cannot understand why they would not want to see you happy and married. It's so sad.
May Allah guide you and keep you safe...amin.
Salam
What i have missed in adding is that the reason why my parent aint agreeing is because his family are from mirpur and mine are from Rawal Pindi they say thats the reason in my eyes that is no valid answer i love my parents to bit but will never be happy marrying else where
but yet both of our famiys live in the UK we are both bought up in the UK they say traditions clash
Thank you sister for your response May Allah SWT keep you happy inshallah
Salam can u tell how i can agree my father for my marriage....
So anyone know what the sister did
Salsabila, I echo everything Najah said. No one has a right to treat you the way you are being treated. And there is nothing wrong with marrying someone from a different region. My own parents married in Egypt and later emigrated to the United States. When a man and woman marry, they become an independent family unit and they have a right to live anywhere they like.
With that said, let me give you two practical alternatives:
1. Go ahead and marry the man without your parents' consent, if he is willing to do that, and live with him in Mirpur. If you choose this option then you had better be sure that this man is right for you, can support you, and will treat you well, because you will be cutting your bridges with your own parents and you may have no support and nowhere to return if your marriage does not work out.
OR,
2. Cut off your contact with that man. I am sure this is the source of your parents' anger, that you continue to have a relationship with this man for five years even after they have told you no. I'm not saying that their behavior is justified. But from a practical standpoint, if you stop your contact with him, I would guess that your parents' behavior toward you will improve.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Jazkallah for you time i am more in contact with his parents and family to tell them about the situation. my parents aint happy because they originate from mirpur and its lower class than pindi thats the reson they go if the back ground was fro else where they would have accepted in
ASSALAM ALIKUM,
Never cheat your parents, they will find better life partner because they are experienced and you are not dont be over smart. All these things have no meaning in life, you people are copying what is happening in movies. These things are just for entertainment and no need to do such stupid things one day you will marry some one. If you want to love some one, then love allah and prophet ( s.a.w.) and follow the right path since you are definitely diverting from it. How can you betray your family just for other person to whom you know just from 4-5 years..... so be clear
khuda hafiz
I am a girl like you i was in a relationship with a boy with last 10 years. Yes 10 years Long time.
Whatever i have done i will give you advise that you should not do that.
Whatever is in your heart tell to your parents.
Try to convince them. make lot of dua pray salah and pray tahajjud.
Pray istekhara. Allah knows well what is good for you so pray istekhara to find the answer that that boy is good for you or not.
I was in the same situation but now he is no more. may Allah grant him jannah Ameen
sister i have told my parent the up most truth they just tend to ignore it thinking i was going to change my ways
Let me add to you comment firstly my parents aint agreeing because of the mans parents being mirpuri we both lie in the uk for all our lives and so have our parents for most of there lives i am not cheating my parents i have told them everything very clearly the reason i added a post was from wisdom talk not for individuals like yourself who claim its being overly smart and most of all its not about what goes on in movies and lastly dont judge me as a muslim and comment "If you want to love some one, then love allah and prophet ( s.a.w.) and follow the right path since you are definitely diverting from it." you dnt know me i wil like to finish it off.
Oh please talk some sense. There is no harm in liking someone and wanting to marry him. Time has changed interactions with the opposite sex cannot be easily avoided now. Do you have no knowledge how much importance a girl's consent in a marriage is given in Islam. Can't you understand the wisdom in it?
It's not just about leaving your parents for someone you know for 4-5 yrs. Its the right given to her by religion. She has made a choice that is not unacceptable by religion then who are we or even her parents to hit her or deprive her of her very legitimate right!
Salaam sis,
I am in exactly the same position as you, I am 20 years old and the past week everything has erupted in the household. I have been living eating everyhting in my bedroom and mother has hit me because I am from mirpur and the guy is from lahore. My dad claims I have broken his heart by wanting to marry against there choice and mother wishes i was never born. The only thng getting me thorugh is Islam and knowing that it is my birthright to choose my own husband, and am going to have to be patient like you inshallah our parents see the the light, good luck x
Asselaam aleykum my dear sister,
I have also been brought up in Europe and even though my parents have the traditional cultural thinking.
They tell us that islam is the right path (which it absolutely is, i love Allah swt and his messenger).
But then they mix the culture. And this is something i have been seeing a lot in the pakistani community.
Casts and zaat is always a trouble. So i agree with you that the reason is not valid.
But then i want you to think about having faith in Allah. If you have faith in Allah and you leave things for the sake of Allah, Allah will definetely give you better. Well now i know you would say, like all girls would..i dont want better. He is amazing this and that...If he really is my dear sister, then please keep havin faith in Allah swt. You should love Allah and make a lot of zikr of Allah. Pray and love Allah. You will insha'Allah get your faith and patience back. I have seen sisters leaving their parents for some guy, belive me just dont do that. You will never be happy.
Never ever disobey your parents, even if you think they are wrong. Remember you have Allah swt. And what more do you need? If you have imaan, patience and do righteous, then Allah will insha'Allah accept your dua. Or even give you better.Do you refuse to take that what Allah wants to give you? Arent you happy with that what Allah wants to give you?
"And your Rubb has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: `My Rubb! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.''' (17:23,24)
336. Abu Bakrah Nufai` bin Al-Harith (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the major sins?'' Messenger of Allah (PBUH) asked this question thrice. We said, "Yes, O Messenger of Allah. (Please inform us.)". He said, "Ascribing partners to Allah, and to be undutiful to your parents". Messenger of Allah (PBUH) sat up from his reclining position and said, "And I warn you against giving forged statement and a false testimony; I warn you against giving forged statement and a false testimony". Messenger of Allah (PBUH) kept on repeating that warning till we wished he would stop.
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
Have patience my sis, trust Allah. May he guide you.
Asalam alaikum sister,
I am 20 and i am in the same situation as you. my parents found out about the guy i loved and wanted to marry him. My dad didn't really say much in this but other members of the family got involved like my uncles and aunties, as my rishta was already given away to my uncles son. They said the guy isn't right for me because he is of a different cast and he also had a 2 year old child but was divorced from his first wife. Months went by nearly coming to 6 months now and my parents have still not decided if they will let me marry that guy. i agree with one of the sisters that mixing culture with islam doesn't always turn out right. first thing parents think about is their reputation among the society. I never did anything extreme towards my parents, i cried in front of them and told them thats the guy i want to marry and all they said was they need time to think. but over the months instead they started doing taveez on me. my mum used to give me some kind of water and a taveez to wear round my neck. this was to separate me and my boyfreind. I think that parents don't always make the right decision and they don't go the right way about doing things. giving people a chance in life is important and understanding that if my daughter/son will be happier marrying of their own choice should be given a thought. i am still with the guy i want to marry today and just hoping that one day soon my parents will decide to give me away. I no hurting our parents doesn't make us succesful in life well not always but no one should judge that as one doesn't know what allah has in store for us.
Did you finally marry him? I'm in the same situation as you today. Im 21, parents are disagreeing due to caste and that he's using me to stay in this country as he's an international student.. Which I know he's not. And he said, he's gonna try his hardest to prove to my parents that he's not with me for stay.. My sister is also against me. Im so confused. I've been praying, don't istikara and making dua.. Just so confused.
I am in the same situation also. I am 20 and my parents will not agree to let me marry the guy I want to marry because he speaks a different language to me. It is upsetting and frustrating as my 2 brothers have married girls who speak a different language and one even being an african who reverted to Islam. Why am I being treated differently because I am a girl? I have support from my friends and the guys family as they all say it is not a good enough reason for my parents to decline the proposal. I know that if I leave this house ad marry him in time my parents will forgive me and talk to me but i love them so much I can't see them so hurt. I feel it is unfair that I don't get the choice my brothers had. They even restricted me from going to university when my brothers were allowed.
Salaam sister
This is a very hard situation.. I am in a very similar situation.. But now I am married to the man I wanted to marry. My family were perfect with everything to do with this man before I married him. But it was his family that didn't want him to marry me. His father passed away but it was his sisters and mum that didn't like me for no proper reason. We persuaded his mum for several years in the end she finally agreed and we had an enagagement. But she changed after the engagement and refused to plan the wedding because she wanted to wait for her daughter to get married as she was 2 years older but my mum didn't want me to have a long engagement. Anyway we tried to explain we wanted a short engagement but they wouldn't understand. Anyway they kicked him out and In the end my dad said to do a nikka so he could live with us. So I had my nikka done in january. We are having a proper wedding in june and this is when I will live with him as he has his own house..
His family do speak to me and his mum welcomes me to her home but she doesn't want to be part of the wedding. We are upset about this.. But am thankful to allah for my parents who have supported us throughout.
My advice would be to marry him but only with a mehnram so a blooded male in ur family who you cannot marry to be with you in your nikka.. But sister always love your parents never ever ever cut off links even if they kick you out u go again and ask for forgiveness beg them kiss them everytime you see them... IA they will come round. At the end of the day they are your parents.
Takecare sister
Salam,,
I am 20 yrs old and hav the same problem like the many girls above. I want to marry the guy I love, however he is from a different caste ( in their eyes he is lower than us). he is a really close family friend in Pakistan but becoz he is from a diff caste they will not allow me to marry him.This has been going on for 1 1/2 yrs,, my parents are NOT talking to me properly as they say that I have put shame on the family,, however I am not yet married to him but really want to marry him. His family is really supportive and they say that whatever happens we will get you through it even it means you leave your parents, however i do not want to leave my parents and run away coz there will no izat for me or them. I have tried to make them understand but they just wont, all my family has become like that aunties uncles etc, it feels lik i am so alone in this situation, like every1 is on one side and I am on the other. I have also been beaten and was nearly going to get chucked out,, but now they have come to this that I can go get married to him but none of my family is going to be there, I have been told to ask the guy to come and collect me and then get married to him and they also said will lose contact with my entire family,, however i donot want this to happen.
Please can any1 help me,,
Can anyone giv me a dua to read so that my parents agree..
please anyone out there help me 🙁
JZKallah
There is no such dua' as you are asking for. You must make a choice. Marry him and accept the consequences, or break it off. If you need more advice, please log in and write your question as a separate post.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
a.o.a i m a 21year old girl living in khi from k.s.a and in love with guy who is a punjabi.
(I deleted the rest of your comment. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)
I am a 28year old Muslim. MY PARENTS WONt allow me to marry the brother I have known for years. my family know his family and vice versa! recently his mother came my house as he had told her that he wants to marry me etc but my mum has shown no interest!
his parents have been down and they won't allow me to marry him at first they were ok until my brothers brain washed them saying that the brother is like this and that although it is rumours. my brothers have caused major problems and now no one is allowing it to happen . recently his mum rang my mum and my mum said we are not giving our daughter to you etc. I'm soo stressed please help I don't know what to do I'm getting old my mother treats me like I'm a teen! I'm a qualified lawyer I don't need this
maz, please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam to everyone who is in this dire situation
I am a Muslim brother just reflecting on what I have read and sunhanallah look at the Pakistani community
It's tragic honestly , how can people claim to be Muslims this that and the other yet put culture over religion !!!
Caste has nothing to do with islam absolutely nothing !!! It is beyond ridiculous how parents come up with this that and the other about different castes at the end of the day the last time I checked we were Muslims !!! All of us !!!
Caste shouldn't define who you are ! But character should and if that person is a good practicing Muslim who would treat the other with love respect and be able to support them then what issue is their !? Why destroy peoples lives over a stupid caste system that was Invented by Indians and holds no place in our beautiful religion !!!!!!!!
The only advice Is just don't give up sisters and brothers keep fighting against this cultural rubbish , discuss with your parents where in islam is caste mentioned what right does caste have over another person in islam ! They know this cast thing is ridiculous but I feel so many parents are more worried about what others will think of them if they let their son/ daughter marry into a so called lower caste !!!
People look at caste to determine how good a person Is how well they will treat their son/ daughter but won't even consider their knowledge of islam or how good of a muslim they are !
It's so sad , don't give up , this is such a Pakistani thing and is so bad so wrong , we are one ummah!! Caste nation ethnicity should NOT matter ! Religion matters !!!
Make dua everyone , inshAllah !!!
Dont forget the brothers and sisters in Syria in your duas at this time of need don't forget all the brothers and sisters in the world who are struggling in your duas
And remember me in your duas 🙂
Salaam
I couldnt agree more. Im glad somebody understands:) You give me hope
Salam
My name is Kowthar and I’ve just turned 18. This time one year ago I wasn’t a practicing Muslim and still have a long way to go but I thank Allah I’m starting to see the light. I want to get married because no matter what anybody says about my age I do consider myself ready and I would very much like to get rid of the fear of me committing sin through the so called pretences of love . I haven’t really met anyone but I would very much like an arranged marriage to a kind and devoted brother however i really do not know how to broach this subject with my mother. I’m literally terrified of what she’ll say and how she will react. My mother doesn’t want me or my sisters to be dependent on a man (husband or no husband) because she doesn’t want us to be in a vulnerable position because of her and her sisters past experiences. I would say that my mother’s thoughts on marriage are completely wrong and all sprang from the aftermath of undesirable marriages. My mother and most of my aunts all married for money and/or just to get by and so in my opinion I would say she really doesn’t understand what a REAL marriage is like. She thinks all men are unfaithful parasites and doesn’t see any good in any of them. What do I say ? and how do I bring this subject about? I know I’m as ready now as I’ll ever be and I’d just love to speed the process along. If there is one thing I want its children, I want to have kids more than anything else in this whole world and I mean LOTS of them 😀 I really don’t care about these western pretences of a so called ‘full life’. I think a full life is worshipping Allah SWT, fulfilling half your Deen by marriage and raising the future generations of Islam. That’s honestly all I want but I know my family would just see me as a stupid little girl who doesn’t have a clue what she’s talking about. Please tell me what I can do to bring this subject about. I’m honestly not happy with the life I’m living now. I feel like there is so much more out there and I’m wasting my time. The happiness I feel when I imagine holding my child for the first time or looking in my future spouses eyes with love in my heart is worth more to me than any falsely promised fame or riches beyond compare. I know I’m sure about what I want in life. I just need a way to make it happen.
Kowthar, please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam aleikum.
I'm a 23 year old girl from Norway with similar sitiuation.
I'm engaged to a man from another country than mine, and my parents don't know about it because if my father finds out, he will kill me and my family (so he says). He does not approve of anybody who is not from the same country as mine, and it has alot to do with pride, honour and racial matters. My mother is not this way, but unfortunately, she has no say in it.
I've been together with him secretly for 5 years now and he is the one I want to marry. We're both muslims. However I don't know if what I am doing is right because being with him means that we have to hide all the time, we can't go out in public, I have to lie to my family about where I am, who i'm with and so on.. and its exhausting.
I fear that my father will spy on me, which is something he has done before, and catch us off guard.
As long as my father lives, its not possible for us to have a normal life. We can't even plan things like moving in together or having children. Our only option is to move to some other country and live a secret life there, but it's not exactly realistic either.
I am so depressed because of this. I want to leave him for the sake and peace of my family, but i havent had the strength to do it. Just the thought of being without him is unbearable. I dont know what to do. I just want to die. I feel so alone, have nobody to talk to and just lock myself in my room and cry everyday. I dont ask much of life. My only wish is to be with him. It is so unfair, my father doesnt understand that he is destroying my life, and for what, culture reasons. He's reputation/culture is more important to him than his daughter's life and happiness. And please dont judge me because i do want to leave him for my parents sake, but i just dont know how. I am to weak. And i'm afraid that if i do leave him, i will end up alone, which is my biggest fear. What if i never meet somebody again, what if i dont fall in love with somebody else, what if i never get over him? I know in my heart that he is the one for me, in this life and the next inshallah. But I'm so afraid of making the wrong choice. I just wish i knew to some degree what Allah wants me to do. Why did Allah send him to me if it was never meant to be? I dont understand. I just don't know, and all the decisions are on top of my head but i cant make any. It's not easy for my fiance either, it has made him very depressed as well.
What should we do?
Should we continue our relationship and wait for some miracle to happen and rely our faith in Allah, or should we just end it?
(I hope you don't say the last one because I really can't be without him)
What does Islam say about these kind of situations and what should we do?
because the guilt of having to lie to my mother, having anxiety, risking my familys life as well as my fionces life is too much to bear.
Please help. Im desperate, I cant take it much more
Bina, please log in and submit a post, let us know when you have done so (by commenting here) and we will move it to the front of the queue. You can simply copy and paste it.
Once you have your own post we can offer you more help InshaAllah.
This book may be of use to you: Reclaim your heart by Yasmin Mogahed. My short answer is that I advise you to not resume contact with this guy at the very least for your own safety.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you
I think i've done so now
OK, I cant find your post, what is the name of it?
Bina,
Has this man you speak of ever come to your home to ask for your hand in a proper manner? What about his mother...is she around to come to your home for tea and to sit with your mother? They could talk and his mother could inquire about you. Rather than having to sneak around like you are, wouldn't it be better if you took this route?
I too am married to a man like your father. I have two daughters right now...one is 23 and the other 18. My husband like your father has this mentality that the girls will only marry from his country, blah, blah, blah. But...what happens if an amazing brother comes to ask for them and he's not from my husbands country? Two years ago I had a woman come and ask for my daughter for her son. She was lovely and brought her daughters too. We all clicked and she loved my daughter. Unfortunately, my husband would not let our daughter meet this brother. Why? Because of his nationality. So stupid. This is not Islam...this is ignorance and stupidity. The mother continued to call me even when I told her it was a no. My daughter was denied the opportunity to meet a brother who might very well be the most amazing man to come into her life! He was well educated and an engineer at that. It's hard for a Muslim girl to meet a brother in a halal way and as her mother, it just makes me sad and disgusted at the same time. My daughter doesn't even care anymore whether a brother comes or not. She feels way too much emphasis is placed on a bother of the "right" nationality. So lame.
So...I ask you...has this brother come to your home to ask for you in a halal way? Let your father feel what he feels, he isn't going to change his views. What does this brother that you care for have to offer you? I ask you that as a mother and much like your parents will. Is he in school? Does he have a job? Can he support you? If he is truly someone you care for and someone you want to spend your life with, quit hiding it. If his mother is local, let her call your mother to have tea and let it begin there. Sometimes in life, we have to fight for what we want and even then...all is by the will of Allah. If this man you care for has not come to ask for your hand, the clock is ticking...let him come.
Salam
Think of Islamic point of view first. Think of what Allah's reaction is and then think about your family. That 'fiance' is not really important now.
To make it short.
Firstly, Stop communicating with your "fiance", it is forbidden in Islam.
Secondly, You cannot get married without your fathers permission in Islam. Your marriage would be invalid if you go ahead with it.
Thirdly, If there happens to be a problem between you and your 'husband to be' later on or if he divorces you, where will you go?
Therefore, obey your parents. Give your family and yourself peace of mind.
Thank you for your reply, but im not sure i agree. Just because he is my father doesn't mean he is right. Why should i put my fathers words over Allahs. And how can i follow his request when he occasionally beats my mom and has made our lives difficult, thats not the example i want to follow. He doesnt even consider himself fully muslim. My father is not thinking of what is best for me, (although he thinks so), but what is best for him. I cannot make peace with the idea that we should just obey our parents even if they are wrong. I dont believe that is what Allah wants. Im not doing anything wrong here. I just want to marry a muslim man. When did that became wrong in islam?
I understand the consequences. If there happens to be a problem, where will i go. But thats life, there are no guarantees.
I've never said that you have to follow each and every word of your father even if he is wrong. Infact, i've used the word 'father' only once and that is regarding his permission. You misunderstood many things it seems. You have to obey your parents unless they tell you to do somthing which is haram in Islam. Infact, you're already doing somthing haram yourself (pre-marital relationship). Parents are the key to paradise, therefore hold on to it.
Secondly, you said and I quote "I cannot make peace with the idea that we should just obey our parents even if they are wrong. I dont believe that is what Allah wants. Im not doing anything wrong here. I just want to marry a muslim man. When did that became wrong in islam?"
Your parents may/may not be wrong, but you are certainly wrong in the sight of Allah. You've dated your 'bf' b4 your "engagement" which is forbidden by Allah. You've secretly communicated or stayed or etc with a non-mahram male for 5 years which is forbidden by Allah. You are not following the halal way of marriage taught to us by Allah's messenger thus Allah is displeased. The list goes on. Therefore, I believe you are aware by now of how and why you are wrong. I apologize if you think I was harsh, i only gave you Islamic facts.
You have to let your 'bf' propose to you through his family by approaching your family. If your family deny him with valid Islamic reason, then you have to obey your family for that is their rights. If your family deny him with no good reason, then your guradian shifts to the next elder male member after your father. As basically, there is no marriage without guardian's permission.
Life have guarantees if you plan properly. Do not be desperate or hasten to marry him. first think of all the positives and negatives that can happen and back up a plan.
I'll answer your question in detail in your own post insha'Allah.
Thank you, but you don't know the whole story. Maybe it is wrong maybe not, only Allah can judge me, but since I haven't had the opportunity to present this man to my father so he could ask for my hand, we had to find other ways. And he did propose to me at the very beginning. I know that me and my fiance have not done things properly, but we have gotten married in the sight of Allah. Don't you think I would have married him properly from the beginning with the blessing of my parents if my father wasn't such a racist? Yes that is what he is, a big racist.
I don't mean to come off as aggressive to you, but who are you to judge me, telling me what I am doing haram and what not? If this is your way to give advice, I don't want it. I'm human, and I make mistakes just like everybody else. And I am sure you have done your mistakes as well, but you dont see me telling you what you are doing is haram. I don't know and I wouldnt judge you either way because that is not my job, that Allahs job. I came here asking for advice, but instead i find myself getting irritated. I expected people to tell me to leave him for security reasons and etc, which is fine considering my situation even though those are things I don't want to hear, but I wasn't expecting being judged.
And besides, how is one suppose to propose to another without even knowing them. One doesn't just pick a bestfriend without getting to know them first, that's just foolish.
My fiance's family has asked me several times to speak with my father, but I haven't let them because I know my father and he will go insane. He has no valid islamic reason for not approving us, his reasons are purely based on culture and nationalism. He doesn't even consider himself fully muslim.
I understand that i have to leave my fiance at some point or another considering the risks. But it is easier said than done. I tried once before and I got very sick and had no motivation to live or go on with my life. I just dont know what to do anymore. It is an awful place to be in, and noone will understand unless they are in the same situation. I know I have to leave him in order to keep peace in my family, however I'm afraid of what will happen when I do. Not only for myself, but for my fiance as well. I hope they're just words, but when he cries and begs me not to leave him and that he will end his life if he loses me, it breaks my heart. How am i suppose to cope with that. Not only will i crush my world, but his also. I believe Allah has a plan for everyone and that everything happens for a reason. But i dont know how I will survive this if this is what he wants me to do. I'm not a strong person. I keep looking for answers everywhere but I keep getting more and more confused. I feel myself giving up, like whatever happens happens. And it is not fair to anyone. My brain tells me I have to leave, but my heart tells me that there is hope and that i have to stay and fight for my future with my fiance. One minute I feel strong and tell myself I can do this, and the next minute i'm a trainwreck just by the idea of not ever being able to see or hold my fiance again. It has come to the point where i just want to diasppear, hoping that a car will run me over or something. I understand how foolish and weak this may sound to people, but i cant help it. This man, my fiance brought me closer to Allah, and now I have to leave him. Nothing makes sense. All i know is that I cant function if i know i have to end things with him. I hope i get stronger eventually, but right now i can''t end it. If i do, nor him or i will be able to finish our studies at school, or anything else. I want him to at least have something to fall back on when we break things off. If i end things now, both of us will most likely quit our educations and make things even worse. Plus he struggles with bipolar and depression so if he loses me now on top of verything, I'm afraid of what he will do. He doesn't deserve it.
Btw, I dont know how to open my own post
You seem to refuse to understand. You wouldn't have commented in such a way if you know much about Islam. First of all, your in this depressed situation because you've breached the shariah law.
Oh not again. Whats with this moto ' Don't judge me ' ? Many muslims are already using this moto immaturely/naively. Well ofcourse Allah is the final judge, the just judge etc. But we muslim should tell others of whats right and wrong by the given information.
Allah told,
"So remind, if the reminder should benefit; He who fears [ Allah ] will be reminded. But the wretched one will avoid it Who will enter the Great Fire, In which they will then neither die nor live" (87:9-13)
"You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind. You enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and believe in Allah.." (3:110)
Prophet Muhammad (sallalhu alaihi wasallam) said "If you see a munkar (unislamic act), you change it with your hand; and if you cannot do that, then change it with your mouth (speak out against it); and if you cannot do that, then forbid it in your heart; and that is the least of belief." (sahih Muslim)
You get it ? Encouraging good, enjoining good, preventing vice, advising against going in the wrong/evil path is the duty of All muslims. Wheter the other person heed to the advise or not, is upto Allah. If he/she did heed, they are the best person, if they refuse to take heed, they are the wretched one who will enter the great fire according to Allah as was promised in surah 87.
So basically, no on is judging no one, I just wanted to correct the mistakes by showing you your error. Now don't ask me how do I know what your errors are ?, because I comment only by the information you gave and in that information, I've seen unIslamic acts and therefore I correct it. Simple. If we know a sin, and don't prevent others from doing it, we are all responsible of answering to Allah on the Day of Judgement.
If saying 'Dont Judge Me' is your way of expressing "If I commit a sin, it is between me and Allah; so stay out of my business!", then may Allah guide you.
" And indeed the devils avert humans from the way of guidance while they think that they are rightly guided. The worst that the companion or the devilish companion would do is to avert someone from the truth. And not allow human to wake up to find out the truth, rather deceives human and makes them think that they are on the right path until painful fate and destiny takes him by surprise " (Az-Zukhruf: 37)
By saying this, are you hinting to justify 'pre-marital relationship' ? Are you trying to justify 'dating' ? You want the kuffar system of ' getting to know each other' before marriage be permissible in Islam isn't it ? Since you've done the above acts, you'd obviously love that it be available in Islam. Well I don't want to say anything more. Just I'll pray that Allah will guide you and have mercy on you. Ameen.
"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appearthereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty.." (24:31)
“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, itis a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)”
(al-Isra’ 17:32)
"He (Satan) promises them and arouses desire in them, but Satan doesn't promise them except delusions" (An-Nisa’: 120)
"O Mankind indeed the promise of Allah is the truth so let not worldly life delude you and be not deceived about Allah by the deceiver (Satan). Indeed Satan is an enemy to you so take him asan enemy. He only invites hisparty to be among the companions of the blaze" (Fatir: 5-6 )
"And do not follow the footsteps of Satan, indeed he is to you a clear enemy. He only orders you to evil and immorality.." ( Al-Baqarah : 168-169 )
"Allah knows of (the tricks) that deceive with your eyes, and all that the hearts conceal." (40:19)
I did not intend to be aggressive. Just clearying some false ideas.
It seems to me like you are sitting on your high horse pointing your finger. You get hung up on what I do wrong instead of offering advice and solutions." Stop communicating with your fiance" is not the way to give advice. If it was that easy, don't you think I would have done so a long time ago?! I know where I am wrong, and like I said I know I haven't done things properly, but obvioustly with you there is no room for forgiveness. I could go on and on commenting every negative loaded comment of yours which you have turned it into being something it's not, but it is not going to lead anywhere. We don't see eye to eye and let's just leave it at that. There are plenty of others who can give advice without judging, because that is exactly what you are doing. Maybe you come from a sincerely good place trying to help, and maybe I have really taken everything the wrong way. However perception is reality and I have felt more attacked by you than you trying to help. So forgive me if I am wrong (if that's even possible with you), but until further due, I don't wish for your hurtful comments anymore. Thank you for your time.
Assalam'alaykum,
Actually the norm is that, we have to make people aware of the despicable sins they've committed and admitted and then explain the graveness of it and what it'll lead to and then explaining its prohibition in ISLAM and then offering sound advise and suggestions and then calling them back to the straight path. Furthure more, if the someone brings up false ideas about Islam etc, its our duty to correct them once again.
I don't bother saying anything unless I know what I'm saying is factually correct. Talking in Islamic point of view is always a fact and somtimes bitter and so therefore if you can suggest me somthing which I haven't already considered, then there is no reason to agree to your opinion.
Secondly, I do offer advice and suggestions, for example:
1) In Islamic point of view, I said earlier,
2) I explained a way of how to marry your 'fiance' in a halal way, when I said earlier,
3) I actually thought of your future safety and protection when I said earlier,
4) I advised you to have patience and think of all the pros and cons and then make a final decision when I said earlier,
etc, and these are all sound Islamic advises. Whats wrong with it ? I do not like to give unislamic advise like " marry him as you wish " or " ignore your parents and follow your heart " or " let your marriage be secret " or " yolo so do as you wish " etc etc. Allah is my witness, He knows my intention. I wish good for my fellow muslims as I wish good for myself.
Thirdly,
I believe that IS the way to advise. Here's the explanation, we both can agree of the grave sins forbidden in Islam. For instance, if I see someone consuming alcohol in large quantity, my advise would be ' stop driking alcohol right away and fear Allah '. I obviously wouldn't advise him to reduce his intake, then to a glass and then a mini cup and then stop it completely, would this be a sound advise ? What if death takes him before he can even stop drinking ? Therefore we have to think all islamic perspective and advise. Similarly, if someone is a womanizer, if that person likes to commit fornication or aldultery, I wouldn't advise him to make it less and then stop. I would certainly advise him to stop immediately. Infact Islam wants that person to be stoned to death. In your case, I will have to advise stop communicating with him instead of giving you a leeway to continue little more. Yes, its not easy but this is what Allah wants. He wants to be obeyed. He doesn't want his slave to do the things He forbid, therefore fear Allah.
Fourthly,
There actually is, but first the graveness and punishments of the sins has to be acknowledged and then forgiveness comes from Allah. For eample, you blamed me for being to harsh by picking on your wrong-doings instead of advising. I've done both thoguh. Infact Allah would have strike extreme fear in our hearts and then give good tidings for the righteous slaves. Example,
The Mujrimun (polytheists, criminals, sinners, etc.) will be known by their marks (black faces), and they will be seized by their forelocks and their feet. This is Hell which the Mujrimun (polytheists, criminals, sinners, etc.) denied. They will go between it (Hell) and the boiling hot water! But for him who performs all the duties ordained by Allah and His Messenger Muhammad , and keeps away from all kinds of sin and evil deeds prohibited in Islam and fears the standing before his Lord, there will be two Gardens (i.e. in Paradise). Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both deny? (55:41,43,44,46,47)
Finaly, no one is stoping you from marrying him seriously. If you parents deny him with absurd reason then ask your grandfather or uncle or other male relatives be your guardian. If they all are against him for rubbish reasons, then get an Imam and go ahead with the marriage. If you're already married to him, then submit to Allah and insha'Allah everything turn out good.
I dont have enmity towards you wallah. Forgive me.
Be regular in prayers inshAllah
Asalamualaikum sister. I'm 28 and going throug similar infact more painful times. I've been in a desire to marry a guy from 2 years now, but my family are against sayin we're from different castes. They even sent a proposal then only but it wasnt taken even though they said these people are good in deen but we have to follow what our society says. Now, after havin been brutally tortured, imprisoned at times, beaten and abused for long by my mother, father and brother when my father found out, they seem to have startede thinkin that by keepin quiet i would've forgotf it. My father and bro doesnt talk to me. I'm sufferin, that boy and his ill mother is in pain. Its so difficult. I have tried not t ashens retaliate on most occasions even while i was bruised and broken. May Allah make things easier for us ameen. Do make dua for me as well.
I am 23 years old girl and i have never disobeyed my parents im any religious ways. I have always been their favouit child uptill now but problem started when there were proposals for me but my father used to reject them saying that my girl is not mature enough. One of my aunts also proposed for his son but i dnt want to marry this cousin because he used to flirt with my younger sister. Elders of the family dont know this ofcourse. My father amd my grandfather wishes me to marry him but before my rejection even my father and uncles said no to them. Then there is a guy who contacted me thru my friend and asked me from the very first day to send his parents for proposal. I didnt know him personaly but from the way he talked, he was quite mature and respectful. He had heard about me from my clasmates who happende to be their relatives and thot of proposing me but before that he just wanted to ask me if i had no problem with it. I told him it is ok. His mother came for proposal then but they had some family issues going on so he sai that he told me to give him some time because his uncles wanted him to get married inside the family. He belongs to a respectable clutural family who had always arranged marriages inside the family.. I was okey to wait for him because he was trying to convince his parents. In the meanwhile there were two more proposals whom i rejected but my father didnt object because he still wantd me to marry his nephew. After a year his father somehow agreed and called my father. We had shifted to italy so i told them ask out my father for adress and then come he for propsl bcs i didnt want to upset my father by having to receive unknown guests in europe. But my father found out that i was interstd here so he started to react and insulted them on phone and refused to meet them in person. I tried to talk to him and told him
Myself that if u meet these people you will find no harm in this prposal but no luck.. Now even the boy 's parents have backed out because they had been insulted and the boy is still trying to convince my father. He even came to meet my father but he says he wants me to get married to my cousin whom i dont like at all. He says it is a sin to disobey your parents but i havr never disobeyed him. I just asked him this once to respect my choice. Now i am stuck in this situation. I cant say yes to any other proposal becase this person is really important for me. He is a good practicing muslim and he has been very respectful to me and my family and my father is just trying a way to reject him with some reason.. Please do not say that i should listen to what my parents want because my mother has been very abusive since then. She beats aabuse and taunt me every second day and my father now does not talk to me much. I really want to marry this person as i see him very compatible for me. Even if want to give up and stay away from him, he still tries to convince my father
hi. i m going through a great trouble. my parents are rejecting the man i love just because he does not have his own home n that he lives in a rented house 🙁 what should i do? 🙁
As long he got a place is fine...that's an unacceptable reason for them to deny it..the only reason they could deny him is if he is not a Muslim
Salaam to all, i am also in a similar situation to alot of the sister above i am a 20 year old female wanting to marry the guy i love .. I have known him for roughly 5 years and truly from my heart love him.. My mum knew i spoke to him and at first was fine about it but then now she dislikes him for the simple fact he knows a lot about my family due to being friends with people who know my family and we dont know much about his but my mum has never made the effort to get to know him. His mum and sisters get on really well with me and he is willing to ask my mum for forgivness if has wronged but my mum is just refusing and argues every time i try and speak to her about it like an adult. I love my mun with all my heart and dont want to hurt her but i really truly from my heart love this guy and want to settle with him. I feel helpless :(.. Please remember me in your duas brothers and sister
U can ask other family member if they agree...if they do then u don't need your parents to agree...if I was in your situation.. I would just get married
I am 19 years old. (remainder of comment deleted by editor)
Salaams,
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-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
ASLAM ALAIKUM . i want a solution ofor my problem . problem is that if a girl wants to marry a man by her choice