Need solution to masturbation before it’s too late
Assalamualaikum. I am new to this and I don't know how to appropriately address myself or the situation I am in. I would like to apologize in advance if into this question have I made mistakes or ambiguous statements. I hope the content in this text is taken to heart because I sincerely mean all of this.
I am 15 turning 16, a Malaysian Muslim girl. I face a serious problem i.e. masturbation. I haven't told or made it obvious to anyone because i feel too embarrassed and revolted, as one should. I know it is very shameful and degrading of me. A girl my age should never have to experience this. I am so very, incredibly sorry and I am terrified of Allah and His Wrath.
It started when I was 14 and was mostly provoked by curiosity. Ever since, it has been an incessant cycle of heavy repentance and so much crying -then repeating the sin once again. I know its normal amongst non-muslims but in Islam it is Haram and significantly sinful. And this knowledge has gravely effected my self regard and approach in life I repeat this sin every 2 months or so. The longest i have been without masturbating was maybe nearly half a year. Sometimes its just this one thought that triggers the disgusting down-spiral and cycle.
I have many aspirations for the future because when i grow up, i want to be successful (in whatever it is that i do) and i want to be a muslim activist after achieving a stable working career.It is far fetched but Allah has made all things very achievable for good Muslims. I want to help free Palestine and Syria but InsyaAllah by then the atrocities have ended. I also need to take care of my beautiful family as they have me and wholeheartedly, I want to enter Jannah.
But i dont feel worthy because I am too filthy.
Masturbation has instilled hate, sorrow and stolen most of my confidence in my ambitious pursuits in life. But ever so mostly, I want to be forgiven by Allah.
I am sorry if this have evoked disappointment and disgust in you as i am still young and a girl. Please help.
To whoever reading, thank you plenty for managing this platform. May Allah bless and guide you & your family in His Hidayah. And May He bring you and your family into Jannah. Amin.
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You sound like a very good sister, masha Allah. Do not feel ashamed.....because just as whatever you do is between Allah and yourself, the same goes for other people. We are human, it's in our nature to mess up and make mistakes. If we were perfect, we'd be angels, but we're not. Your heart is in the right place, all we need is to see what we can do to nurture the iman in it as well as your talents.
As you might have noticed, our world has become extremely full of temptations and stuff. In my part of the world modesty is considered almost non-existent and even taboo. And our families grew up in a society, a world where things were much better.
I remember reading that bad or repetitive habits like bingeing happen when there is a void in life. Do you feel lonely? Do you find that you cannot find anything to occupy your time with? Are you having family problems? Are you struggling in school?
Once you find out, try to address it. Remember to read Qur'an and Islamic books, it's so interesting.....and when you feel the urge to masturbation, go outside or take a walk, or go to the kitchen and help mom out. Or listen to a lecture on Youtube, or just go where there are people. This helps a lot. The thing about masturbation, porn and stuff, is....a shaykh who was advising youth was saying that unlike drugs or bingeing, you can actually stop it cold turkey...instead of doing less gradually.
And in Surat Zumar, Allah says "O my slaves who have transgressed against their souls, do not despair of the mercy of Allah, indeed He is the Forgiving, the Merciful."
Occupying your time is key. And tons of dua, especially in the middle of the night. You are a beautiful sister in Islam, and I know being 16 is very confusing and troubling. I don't know a single person who hasn't had to go through a problem at that age.
Insha allah, things will get better. I have tons of faith in you, sister. We do need people like you who are willing to serve the Ummah. The Muslim Ummah needs you, so don't put yourself down with sadness, and if you ever have any other problems, we're here to help.
Your sister in Islam,
Noor767
As-salamu alaykum sister. There is no need to be so hard on yourself. You're at an age where you are experiencing sexual hormones for the first time, and it's natural to feel a strong sexual urge.
Furthermore, not all the scholars consider masturbation haram. See this article on Zawaj.com:
Masturbation: Answer from Islam Online and Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi
I agree with the opinion that it is not haram. It is your own body, and it is a natural urge. As long as you are not viewing pornography or engaging in any haram acts, and as long as it does not affect your ibadah or daily life, I think you need not feel ashamed. And Allah knows best.
If you do wish to quit, we have published many posts on the subject. Please search our archives.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
This is a bad answer. Nowhere does Yusuf al qaradawi says it's okay to masturbate. He is saying majority consider it haram. The minority permit it in case you are going to fall into adultery or fornication. They don't allow you to masturbate unconditionally for pleasure. And telling the sister not to feel ashamed for committing a sin is seriously messed up. Every time a person commits a sin, he should feel ashamed and try to repent for what he is doing.
I agree with the minority who permit it in case of fear of zinaa, or inability to marriage, which basically includes almost any unmarried person. If it is permitted in that case, then it is not a sin, and there is nothing to feel ashamed of.
Frankly, it makes no sense to interpret the Quranic command to guard one's sexual organs in a way that includes touching oneself. It is clearly a prohibition against zinaa. Apparently some of the Sahabah felt this same way, according to this article:
Masturbation: Comments by the Sahabah
In opinion, the real danger with masturbation in the modern era is that it is often accompanies by viewing pornography, engaging in sex chat, or other haram acts. These are corrupting activities that must be avoided. Also, some young people might engage in masturbation compulsively, to the point that it interferes in their daily lives.
For the most part, however - based on the comments and questions we receive here - it's usually just a young person who does it occasionally to relieve sexual pressure. In that case, in my opinion, there is no harm and nothing to feel guilty about.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I really do not agree with this answer. I mean just logically think about it.when does Islam allow Muslims to break a rule.ONLY WHEN IT IS EMERGENCY OR ITS EXTREME, so much so that you will die. Just think about pork, it's allowed only when u r about to die and that too u should not eat it in abundance u should only eat it that much that can keep u alive. Typically ulema say that u should have not found anything to eat for a min of 3 days before that.
I have found quite a few people who say its allowed based on these ulema. But most of them forget to mention that they have said its allowed only to prevent u from zina. Which I think in normal circumstances you wouldn't do. It's like when you are completely out of control and just cannot stop it.most of the times it can be stopped. I am saying this because I was a regular doer of this but when a friend of mine said that it was haram and worse than zina.I stopped it for quite a long time.I fell for it again and I consider that as my fault completely. This was also because I was spending more time with non Muslims. But all in all I could stop my self for a good 6-8 months.and That was a great thing considering my self as a regular doer.
People (non-muslims) say that its good and u have to do it once in a while (for men) because it is continuously produced in men and you need to get rid of it. But even that gets taken care of. I mean if you don't do it at all u get wet dreams and those aren't haram coz u r not doing it intentionally. So why so much of fuss ? All u need to do is control the urge.
Mostly we tend to follow the things which are accepted by most of the ulema like they way we do salah or when we should celebrate eid etc.But coming to the things which are against our opinions we tend to find easy way outs. We follow those ulema who allow us to do these things. I mean why double standards in these cases. And just because a very few ulema have allowed it in extreme cases u just can't think that u have got a green ticket to do it as and when u please. U just simply cannot.
And brother believe me most of the times you can control it. Its just the shaitan's temptation that we don't have to give into.
May Allah bless us all with proper knowledge and understanding..
Eating pork is clearly prohibited in the Quran. Masturbation is not. In fact there is no specific prohibition of masturbation anywhere in the Quran or Sunnah. Since Allah does not overlook things, and since the rule in Islam is that all things are halal unless prohibited by Allah and His Messenger (sws), I side with the opinions that say it is permissible.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum if someone unintentionally prayed for years without 'wudu' or ablution because of the above mentioned 'Issue' or Act' when he /she didnt know it was 'haram' act & it breaks 'gusl' .Does he need to re-read all his 'Salahs' again ?? Does he need to read ' Qaza' of these Salahs ? Because he didnt knw its a 'wrong & haram act and it breaks ghusl at the time of his ignorance years Reply ASAP
I asked the same question on another post comment but didnt get any reply please admins & other knowledgeable bro/sis about this whole matter solve my query replyyyy ASAP
I am not learned enough to supplicate my answers with correct Quranic verses or hadees but what i have heard from my own elders is that you can not make up for the salaah you have missed. There is nothing like 'umra qaza' or anything. so what i think would be correct is that leave the judgment of your earlier salaah on Allah. He knows best and leave it to Him to accept them or not. You can only pray that He accepts them. I dont think you can make up for them. Please forgive me if i am wrong.
What you can do now is be careful with your prayers. Make correct wuzu and ghusul whenever necessary and if you must stop certain acts do so. You can offfer more nafal prayers which will be counted if the count of your farz prayers are lacking (this i beleive is an authentic hadees)
I hope I was able to help in some way.
I am just curious though thst even if you didnt know ghusul was necessary in such a sitauation. You must have known that no prayer is valid without wudu. You must have performed a wudu before your sallah, no?
Yes i had performed wudu before every salah..but was not aware of the fact this 'Act' breaks ghusl !