New husband has ignored me from day one, is it our stars?
Inattentive husband
Aoa,
I got married on 4 April with a guy whom I never met and never spoke. It was totally arranged marriage but I did not had any issue with it.
I was happy just after my marriage I realised that he have a very reserved personality or he was acting as if he was very reserved anyways I was same reacting like I normally does. It was 4 or 5 day that he did not speak to me for two days I didn't know why then I asked him he said there is somethings I dont like I asked him and told him I would take care of things you don't like but day by day I noticed that he is getting reserved he never praised my beauty nor anything else.
He never spoke to me as a husband does neither respected my family though it was starting of my new life but I never felt as if he needs me he used to ignore me as much as he can. Neither talk or take me out and I always used to take care what he like and dislikes.
One day I found some text msgs on his phone of a girl and also some whatsapp chat where he was talking over frankly that means he is not a reserved personality person. When I asked him about that he got so confused that was not able to explain me, he was giving different reasons and I also told him that you are physically involved with that girl so he didn't reacted much over it that means its true. It was just over a month of period passed when I catched his msgs, I avoided it all and thought he will leave her but even after that he was ignoring me and even ignoring to coming close to me.
One day he spoke some unethical language for my mom and we had an argument over it, it was sehar of 19 ramadan he left the house I called his sisters and told them about his behavior so instead of saying he was wrong they were continuously blaming me and his mom was again n agin saying go and sit at your home meanwhile my father came to resolve the issues and my mother in law spoke the same language in front of him. despite that my father took permission from my sister in law and brought me back home. Same day my mother called and asked her about my husband so she replied he is saying he does not want to stay with her anymore.
Since that day I am trying to go back but they are not allowing me to come even I went to their house but they never opened the door. While I was knocking the door my husband was out somewhere and came back at the very moment as he saw me standing at the door he reversed his car and ran away to his sister's place that was quite disgusting. We followed him till there I went in there but they did not allow me to meet my husband and he was hiding in a room.
Now I am very confused whether I should go or file for khula as they are not even asking for divorce. I asked many people for istakhara who ask our names and mothers' name and do ishtakhara they say that my and mine husband's stars are totally opposite. Does stars have any importance in our religion? On which I should take any decision? Please help me or tell me anyone who can help me taking any decision. I am very depressed since 1 and a half month. Thanks
-Sana25
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Dear, ofcourse you ask for Khula. He was never married to you in the first place. I wouldn't consider you married. He was forced, or scammed or something.
Just make sure you talk to an Imaam about the procedure and make sure official papers are also as divorced.
no one is allowed to make iistikhara for you. Never ever.please read the iistikhara section in this website. You are supposed to make a decision, and say the iistikhara prayer. That's it. The decision here is very obvious, he didn't want to be married in the first place, so I don't know what decision you are struggling with. Let the player be with his girlfriend and go live in peace.
As for the stars,....
http://islamqa.info/en/22445
Stars and astrology don't mean anything to you and your relationship. That's shirk to look at star signs, please don't consult these people who do this kind of work or pay them a penny. This is a major sin.
Allah knows what is best for us, and these people are liars and do not know the unseen. Do some reading my dear about astrology and islam.
Hope that helps.
Please ignore this scam artist, I would report him but I don't know how!
Where are Admins ? Why his personal ID is getting displayed ?
I suggest you people to put auto filter to email IDs .
Just divorce this idiot !!!first of all arrange marriages are unIslamis Prophet Muhammad never taught this. In some cases they might of worked out but it is senceless.when i went to see my wife only met her 3 times before we accepted to get married.In those 3 short visits she had a list of questions and i did too.Now after 11yrs of marriege are love has grown stronger all although we face challenges we solve them too because Allah will always test you in all matters and conditions so be prepared. My advice sister you have to buils your faith tell your parents how you feel and at the same time learn some field of education so you can be indepentant and strong . Just look at The prophet Muhammads wife khadijah. A strong buissness lady.
He seemed like he was forced to get married. Why didn't you want to get to know him before getting married. It's not haram to talk to guys. Didn't you want to know if your personality match, have similar goals and lifestyle? I don't see any solutions for the marriage to work but to leave.
You can do Istikhara yourself, no need to ask other people to do it. Learn about how to do Istikhara and do it yourself. This website " zawaj.com " has good information on how to do Istikhara.
Whatever comes to your heart to do after you have done Istikhara do it, whether it is to divorce him or stay with him.
Please stop going to people who tell about your life by seeing stars. Going to them and believing in them is unislamic. There is no concept of stars or astrology in Islam. They might look like Islamic people but deciding the future based on stars in totally haraam.
And becareful of people who ask for your name and your mother's name. Most probably these are black magicians which is haraam in Islam.
May Allah ease your difficulties.
Salaam Sister,
What I have so far read is actually one side of the story and we don't yet know everything in full.Having said that, there are many reasons for a man to flee in a new marriage.If you didn't do anything wrong to him and you were ,I hope, chaste( I know of many men who desert their newly married wives upon knowing that she was not virgin in the wedding night or the following days etc),I would advise you to give both family elders/parents a chance to talk frankly talk to each other.It's hard to end up divorced within short time and it doesn't carry a good label for a woman.If this has been tried, talk to your local imaam as others have said above and seek his advice.
Finally, don't listen to those who speak about stars and other fictions.Don't regret that you have got married to him.What most people don't understand is that whatever Allah decreed for you will never miss you - no matter how hard you try to avoid.
Khula, get it now and move on with your life. Poor guy liked someone else but was forced to marry someone better. Still loves that other girl he couldn't get married to. Good to know you didn't have any kids...
Salam , sister its not about stars and not bcz of the stars its just the mismatch and azmaish from Allah. The males who even after being married cant leave their girl freinds they never leave them. So its better to get rid of an insincere relationship immediately. Allah will bless you with a sincere and faithful life patner In Shaa Allah.
Salaam sis, am so sorry that your having to go through this experience, I know it must hurt, but try to remain strong.
Obviously we don't know the full story but from what you have described it seems as though your husband never really wanted this marriage. He must have been forced into it, which is wrong.
For both of your sakes your better off leaving him and starting a fresh life. Forget he ever came into your life although I know how hard that can be, and look for someone who will love you. Another thing that I find really frustrating is when people marry without meeting or even getting to know their future spouse. Islam recommends seeing the person you are going to marry, and it's not forbidden to get to know the other person as long as you maintain your boundaries. If your really that worried, nervous etc that your going to do something wrong, then meet the person through a chaperone. Who knows, if you had actually met this guy and spoken to him before the marriage you wouldn't be in this position.
What's happened is the past now, but what this guy and his family seem to be doing now is pinning the blame on you and making you the reason to end this marriage - which shows the deficiencies in their character. Their looking for an easy way out and a cover up for their own mistakes it seems. Don't give them that chance. Think things through and when your sure send them the khulla and get rid of them.
Before making any decisions make sure you perform istikhara yourself, forget about stars etc there's no basis for that in Islam, and seek advice from someone you trust.
I pray Allah swt guides you to what is best for you in this world and the hereafter Ameen.
Also, I would suggest that you try to gather as much evidence as possible without getting caught.
If you have evidence that he was cheating on you with his girlfriend then your husband and his family won't be able to falsely accuse you of something when you ask for khula.
You can capture the screenshots of the messages, you can save the number of the girl and many other things which you think will be proof of his cheating you.
Please be safe while gathering evidence and don't get caught.