Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am not happy in life anymore.

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Dear adviser, I used to pray a lot, I stopped for a while but I returned to pray because I was commiting so much sins that I got worried so I pray at work and home I try my best to pray.

But the problem is,... I am not happy at all I swear in Allah´s name, Islam doesn't make me happy, I  feel nothing when I pray,  now they say happinesss is from worshipping Allah but it is not working for me,...I pray on time 5 prayers and  it will not work for me and now I am 29 years old I´ve been  muslim all my life,..what should I do?

I feel Allah doesn´t care about me or my happiness at all Iam sad and empty and single. I am not bless with anything in life, I am not happy, all I see is beautiful things in life like women, cars, luxury things and wealth.  I hate this life that I never asked for.

Islam says don´t look at people above you but look the ones are below you but that ain´t gonna change anything in my life I ask allah swt so many things that is halal even basic things like having a beautiful wife but still I don´t get anyting rather I pray so many times it will not make me happy my heart is so empty, I just try my best to obey him, I  am so young few people at work say why don´t you smile but when I smile,  deep in my heart it´s not real I just pretend.

I feel Allah swt is not there, I started to hate life and reality a reality that I don´t want, there is nothing here for me in this earth no path sometimes i play the lotto to win million dollars that will make me so happy and live an exotic life I just want money that can make me happy this will solve my happiness because religion that good people say is the key to happiness can´t not even put a smile in my face that is the truth of my life, my body prays but my heart is empty.

Please give me a good advise I am so sick of life going to work with stress waking everyday to earn little money I have no comfort in life & religion I am a very good person people say but still am just not happy any more Allah swt can not grant me happiness I feel he doesn´t care about my life or what I want .

 hakeem


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14 Responses »

  1. As salam e lakum

    Ask Allah Subhana Tallah and he will help you. And by the way stop the satan from coming in u r way for believing in Allah Subhana Tallah.

    Take care and Allah Hafiz.

  2. salam,

    i am very sorry that your are feeling really low at this point in your life. but i ask you to re-read everything you just wrote. you keep saying how you feel Allah is not there fore you, and you keep talking about money, being rich, cars, and luxury. religion is not about material wealth. mashallah some people are blessed in this life with material wealth, and other are blessed with other things such as good family, health, and most importantly, a close relationship with Allah. you cannot get upset when you pray to be rich and Allah doesnt make you rich. thats not how religion works. you should be close to Allah and thank him for everything, no matter how good or how bad you have it. always say alhamdulellah, because things could always be worse than they are now. also, Allah loves the patient. you may believe you are being patient because you continue to pray and such, but the feelings in your heart about how Allah doesnt care about you because of the material things you lack, thats not patient, and Allah knows what is in our hearts. I ask you to look around you and say alhamdellah for the good and bad, and inshallah Allah will give you barakah, blessings in your life. and if not this life, inshallah he will bless you in the life after, which is most important. as prophet Muhammed PBUH said, poverty was his pride. alhamdellah you have what you need in life to survive and live a modest life, dont be so hung up on material things, or lack there of.

    i am very sorry you feel very unhappy. i too have been in the position where i feel i dont want to live anymore. but instead of blaming Allah, which i could never do, i TURN TO Allah to lift me out of this hole i was in. sometimes the unhappiness is biological and your brain isnt producing enough serotonin which automatically makes you depressed, so maybe a visit to the doctor could help. of course this route wouldn't be permanent, only a couple of months inshallah. but im not a doctor, and therefore i cannot tell you whether you are depressed due to biological imbalance, or maybe you just need to change your out look on life and be thankful for good and bad, because Allah never gives us more than we can handle.

    please hakeem, change your mind set, realize material wealth is very small compared to whats really important in life, and most of all, be patient, for Allah loves the patient.

  3. Salam dear brother

    You have clearly lost focus on your religion and are following the desires of shaitan. To me personally religion has made me so much happier in life and given me strength. Money doesn't buy happiness, i guarantee you that. I can see why you have depression, its due to your little gain of wealth and the stress of work and not having a married life that has caused you to your depression. Also your ambition for wealth, has also caused you to depression. I suggest you should stop using lotto, because its a sin and its haram as its consider as gambling. You pray 5 times a day masallah, yes religion brings happiness in people but islam isnt about bringing you happiness. It seems that you pray to Allah for wealth. Your suppose to pray to allah for your love or him and worship as one a only god. You also lack in patience, dua for your happiness, the only weapon a muslim has is there dua and remain patient. You will eventually have a wife andd have children and your life will change and you will be focusing on your children. This ambition and thought you have of wealth bringing you happiness is wrong. You should be happy what you have such as; your health, a roof over your head, food and etc. You should thank allah for what he has given you. Now look at these celebrities who are rich they have tried these sinful acts and living an exotic life. But majority always turn to drugs since they have nothing to do with there wealth. THis exotic life you want will get you no where in this life and in the hereafter. Sure it may give you happiness in that moment, but you forget that what it will do to you in the future. You must think of your future not your present life. I recommend that you find a halal hobby, your young go study something so you can get a nice job if your not happy with your current job. Go to mosque, read the quran, do some islamic activities which may bring you happiness. Ask Allah's help in your issues and problems and be patient. Remember and concentrate on your prayer while praying and think you standing infront of god. Allah has saved you from your sins and is testing you hold strong and remain patient.

    Hopefully everything will work out, Hopefully other brothers and sisters give better advise
    Allah akbar

  4. Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem,

    Salam Alaikum my dear brother Hakeem.

    Brother, everyone in life experiences unhappiness, depression and heartbreak.
    These emotions are a part of life. And sometimes we look at what other people
    have and realize we don't have anything in comparison. I know the feeling.
    When you feel like you haven't accomplished anything and that life is just one
    big cycle. The truth is YOU choose weather or not you wanna be happy.
    You have the free will to choose how you wish to live your life. ISLAM is the key
    NOT only to happiness but to contentment. To self discipline. To peace of mind and
    so many other aspects. Know that ALLAH (swt) DOES care about you and
    LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOUR OWN MOTHER.

    ALLAH (swt) tests the believers as he mentions in HIS Holy Qur'an.

    “And certainly, We shall test you with a bit of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits. But give glad tidings to the patient ones who, when afflicted with a calamity, say: “Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.” They are those upon whom are the blessings, descend from their Lord, and they receive His Mercy, and it is they who are guided.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:155-157)

    Being a good Muslim takes time. Don't expect your life to change in the blink of an
    eye. ALLAH (swt) has made this life difficult for the believing Muslim for a reason.
    This dunya with all its glitz and glamour will ONLY FADE AWAY.
    Think about your akhiraat. Think about the day of judgment.
    Think about THE INEVITABLE. Your GOING TO DIE ONE DAY.
    And you will have to face ALLAH (SWT) one day no matter what.
    So know that ALLAH (SWT) has prepared Jannah for us Insha'Allah.
    I would advise you to spend some time alone. Go ponder about life.
    Go take a drive up to the mountains and marvel at the creations of ALLAH (swt).

    You will then Insha'Allah realize that ALLAH (swt) created all this beauty for us.
    Read some Holy Qur'an. NEVER give up your prayers. Always pray on time and
    concentrate on ALLAH (swt) only and know HE is watching you.
    Before you begin your salaat you have to just FORGET about this dunya for
    a few minutes. Focus on your Lord. And Insha'Allah you will not only find happiness.
    But inner peace.
    Islam takes time. And sometimes we get so caught up in this dunya that prayer becomes
    like a chore. A habitual habit that we just wanna get out of the way.
    ALWAYS look forward to your prayer. Knowing that ALLAH (swt) has prepared a
    HUGE reward for those who are CONSTANT in their prayers.

    Just don't give up brother. Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world
    for a reason. Being a Muslim takes a lot of dedication. In the end you will realize
    how small this dunya is compared to your akhiraat. May ALLAH (swt) bless you
    my brother. And please take my advice about going to a secluded area and pondering
    about life and ALLAH (swt). This will bring you closer to ALLAH (swt) Inshallah.
    Salaam Alaikum.

  5. asalamu alaikum,

    i would first like to say is continue readin you 5 daily prayer's. ive notices you said you asked allah for so many things but i still dont get anything. i want to tell you the way you treatin allah(swt) like as if he is some kind of a genie, thinkin what eva you wish for it will come to you in an instance. my brotha wake up. just cos you prayed for a wife does that mean suddenly a woman gonna be knockin at your door for marriage? that will never happen.

    instead of waitin why dont you join islamic matrimonial sites? or ask family of friends if they know of any sista's lookin for marriage? that would surely increase your chances.

    you also said you pray but your heart is empty? thats cos your mind is pre-occupied with worldly gains,. you can have all the money, tha cars, women but when you die all those worldly stuff aint gonna help you one bit.

    dont you wonder whats gonna happen when you die? tha punishment in the grave? blazin hell fire? islam is your only protection.

    so i suggest you educate yourself buy a book called seerah of the prophet muhammd(pbuh) thats a biography of our beloved prophet(pbuh) on how he lived before islam and after, how he struggled to deliver the message to mankind.

    and then you can understand what islam is all about, you will get a clear direction in what the true purpose of life is and what you need to do.

    this world is a test our goal is jannah.

    and if you think you are livin in misery? than remind yourself of all the poor people around the world who are livin in a far worse condition than you.

    im sorry about this post its kind of long.

    ma salama

  6. Asslamu alaikum warhamthallahi wrbkathuhu brother,

    I was hearing a lecture the other day about prayer. One important point that was mentioned was how do you know if Allah(swt) loves you?? Brother, he only gives Islam to those whom he loves. Other things in this duyna such as wealth, high status are given to those whom he loves or those he doesent love!! He loves you because you were born as a muslim. You're blessed with Islam in life. You've been given the chance to enter paradise wheras other non-muslims havent. Theres are 99 beautiful names of Allah(swt), one of them is Al-Mujib: Responder to the prayer so never think that he doesent care or he is never responding my duas.

    All the money, status, woman are for this dunya, of no use in the akhira. They will not take you Jannah, only the good deeds. Truly, Shaitan is at work in your mind. You say you pray 5 times a day? Why?? Do you know why we pray to Allah almighty? Why is that we fast? Have you ever read the english translation to Quran? Brother, you cannot love Allah(swt) if you do not know anything about him! your heart is empty for a reason, so that it maybe filled with words of our Lord. Dont just read the quran, act upon it, dont leave it in your mind, have it in your HEART. When you hear the recitation of the quran, endulge in Dhikr, the happiness you feel is like nothing this Dunya can offer. I would say. Remember brother "only in the rememberence of Allah do hearts find rest" Remembering Allah(swt) gives sustenance to the heart and the spirit. It drives Shaitan away, supressing him and breaking him.
    " We sent down the quran that which is a healing and a mercy for those who believe" (17:82)

    Allah(swt) is missing in your heart brother. Only them, will you feel the true happiness of being a muslim. Those who bow down to Allah(swt) can stand up to anything!!

    Inshallah, May Allah(swt) guide you in the straight path.

    Your sister in Islam.

  7. Assalaamu alaikum dear brother.
    I agree with these comments above, it is good advice MashaAllah. I just wanted to add that sometimes we spend so much time aspiring to certain things - good or bad or both - and we forget to enjoy the moment. We waste this time enjoying the small aspects of life. I will share with you - I have realised this the hard way -

    I wasted my time worrying about small things when there was really nothing to worry about - and now I am being tested so I have something to worry about. My wish is that I would have used those 2 years to be thankful for the blessings Allah gave me. Now I am trying to enjoy life as it is, and InshaAllah not waste any more time - I am young and so are you so make the intention not to waste any more time on such thoughts.

    May Allah save us from this. Ameen.

    Realise that there are benefits and drawbacks of every situation brother. Yes we all want a nice spouse and money etc. But again the grass is greener on the other side. How do we know we are ready for a nice spouse. With marriage comes responsibility. Whatever your situation, utilise it dear brother. Don't waste time wishing something for the future and missing out on the present.

    Also work to strengthen your deen in your heart. You cannot just go through the motions of salat - it has to come from the heart so work on this. Keep up with your salat and learn the meanings of what you are saying (fatihah etc). Do tasbih and dua after prayer and ask Allah to give you Yaqeen (Certainty). Increase your knowledge

    Realise that the minute you say Allahu Akbar before salat, Allah is LOOKING at you directly. Also you are aiming for dunya. So learn about the hereafter in detail.

    I understand your frustration at lack of Khushu in salat - I experience it a lot and it is disheartening but we will be tested. So read Qur'an. Wake up for tahajud, even 30 mins before fajr is good and read Qur;an at this time.

    Finally find a halal hobby you can enjoy and enjoy it. Pray outside in a field - its so peaceful. Enjoy the beauty of Allahs creation in the great outdoors. Keep busy - an idle mind is the devils playing field.

    Stop setting yourself ridicolously high targets. Try your best - and accept that you are not going to change over night - it will take time. Allah loves you and He will help you to change anything you want. Do not doubt him. Make tawbah for doubting him.

    Sorry this mail was a bit disorganised. If there is anything you need me to clarify or you need help, feel free to write on here again.

    I pray that Allah gives you contentment
    Ameen

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. as salaam alaikoum,

    dear hakeem,

    two questions for you:

    - do we have to be happy in this world? (if we believe in the afterworld.)

    - what it means to be happy for you?

    i think you should first take some time to contemplate on each single word of your sentence "i am not happy, islam does not make me happy".

    and recite the surat as-sarh as much as possible.. keep the fifth and sixth ayah in your mind, "with every difficulty, there is relief". and take the advice in the last two ayah. when you are finished with doing something, find another, and turn to Allah swt.

    May Allah remove your burden and relieve you.

    hyacinth.

    here is a translation by Dr. Mohsin:
    "(1) And removed from you your burden, (2) Which weighed down your back? (3) And have We not raised high your fame? (4) Verily, along with every hardship is relief, (5) Verily, along with hardship is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs) (6) So when you have finished (your occupation), devote yourself for Allâh's worship. (7) And to your Lord (Alone) turn (all your) intentions and hopes. (8)"

  9. salam hakeem,

    sometimes in life we hate everything thats happening with us or arround us. even if others tell us that we are so blessed ,if we cant feel being blessed than we cant really appreciate it. isnt it. people will say u should be thankful to Allah that you can see , breath, walk, eat etc but they dont realise even such bleesings go unrecognised and unthanked if ones heart is not happy.

    i will share with you what i do when i feel that way sometimes.

    frist of all i talk to Allah and tell him what iam feeling about him, that he is so unfair to me , he is not understanding me, and that if he doesnot guide me i will go stray. i tel him that i want to believe in him , so he must help me . somehow being honest with Allah helps. and you feel that some one has listened to your feelings.

    secondly i try to distract myself from very negative thoughts and engage myself in life,s of others. either by directly coming in contact with them or by reading reallife stories. you can start by reading some of the problems posted on this website. or reading good magazines like readers digest or seeing some inspirational documentaries.as a teenager someone gave me a book 'chicken soup for the teenage soul' it was sucha nice book of little stories. try to contribute your thoughts about someones situation. for instance if you write to one of the brothers struggling with homosexuality that you are straight and you also feel lonely and cant find a girl to mary etc it might make them think that they are not the only ones struggling with sharing their love and even straight men are also struggling to find companions in life.

    if you find certainthings very attractive , like you want to be rich , find out halal ways to be rich. investigate how to get there , how much hard work is required what education or training you need etc. there is no harm in trying to be rich but a looto lottery is a little silly idea. you can read experience of people who won lotto lottery and you will be amazed to see they were still not happy.

    lastly , never give up on religion , otherwise you will be left with nothing even if you get all the so called success in the world. Allah is your creator , ask him to help you with all the struggles in life , inshallah you wont be disappointed.

    may Allah make it easy for you.

  10. Salaams brother

    I hope Allah is with you always and you find a path that will get you through this. Brother I will say is keep your faith in Allah serve your right as a true Muslim brother and you must keep faith Allah will make things happen for you inshallah in time this is a sabr test we all have to obey as Muslims.

    I feel exactly the same and I understand where you are coming from brother, I am not a materialistic person or go after every best thing but at times I feel wicked evil people who have no sense of feeling for others want to hurt those around them, people who are decent, honest and kind and I always am the one picking up everyone else’s mess. I do good deeds with people and yet I am the one who gets hurt any advise how to overcome this issue. I also get very depressed and sad when people are so negative and never say alhumdiallah for what they are blessed with.

    Masallah everyone else has offered perfect advice.

  11. As salamu alaykum hakeem,

    Masha´Allah, if everyone that has given you their advice were able to send a ray of Light and Love to fill your Heart, I do believe you were shining as much as a star in a dark night, Alhamdulillah, you are loved and cared of, Alhamdulillah.

    You have opened the Heart of many to share with you to hold you tight to walk with you a bit of the Path and for sure, you are not alone anymore, you are a part of all of us, we care about you, Alhamdulillah.

    All the advices are excellent, masha´Allah, I only would like to add some links that have helped me, you may know about them already but they deserve to be written again,

    33 ways of developing khushu in salah.

    http://islamqa.com/en/ref/books/21

    There is a series about salat by Jinan Bastaki, in SuhaibWebb, that wil guide you, insha´Allah.

    http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/how-to-taste-the-sweetness-of-prayer/

    I like IslamicSunrays and I think these three articles will be deeply inspiring for you, insha´Allah.

    http://islamicsunrays.com/accept-the-life-that-is-waiting-for-you/

    http://islamicsunrays.com/knowing-who-to-believe/

    http://islamicsunrays.com/low-imaan-dont-get-discouraged/

    Just one little more thing, thank you very much for being who you are, thank you very much for being so honest and open, thank you very much for sharing to give us the opportunity to be able to help you, thank you very much for listening to us and thank you very much because posting this you are showing that you want to strive for excellence, Alhamdulillah.

    All my Unconditional Respect, from Heart to Heart,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  12. Salaams Brother

    At this time you are depressed and lonely, that is why you are having such thoughts. Sometimes things don't happen the way we want it to, however, our belief as Muslims is in taqdeer and the decisions of Allah. Many at times we feel that we are the only ones going through difficulties while everyone else seems happy, in reality this is not true. Every person in this world is tested by Allah, but each in a different way.

    The Prophet Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam has said, "The world is a prison for the believer and paradise for a disbeliever." If your life is feeling like a prison right now, then take glad tidings in the words of the prophet Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam because this is a sign of your Iman.

    It is mentioned in a narration, there was a believer and a disbeliever from the previous nations, they both left home one morning to catch some fish, the disbeliever took the name of his gods and cast his net, when he lifted it, it was full of fish. The believer took the name of Allah and cast his net, at the time of sunset he lifted his net to find only one fish, which jumped out of his net into the water. So the believer returned home empty handed while the disbeliever went home with a net full of fish. Upon seeing this, the angel that was appointed for the believer felt very sad. When he returned to the skies that evening, Allah showed him the abode of the believer in Jannah, upon seeing it the angel said, by the qasam of Allah, nothing will hurt him anymore once he reaches this Jannah, then Allah showed him the abode of the disbeliever in Jahannum, to which the angel said, by the qasam of Allah, nothing of the world will benefit him once he reaches this abode. (Tambeehul ghaafileen)

    The life of a believer is full of trials and tribulations, Allah has promised us, "Verily the patient ones will be given their rewards in full, without any reckoning." [39:10]

    The prophet Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam has told us to look at those who are less fortunate than ourselves. When you feel depressed, think of those who are worse off than yourself.

    Sometimes our prayers are not granted immediately because it is best for us, if a prayer is not answered in this world then it is kept for the hereafter, it is reported in a narration that the angels in the skies recognize the voice of a believer who supplicates to Allah continuously and, when the believer will see the rewards for the duas/ prayers thatwere unanswered, he will wish that Allah had not answered ANY of them and had kept them all for Aakhirah.

    Lastly, make sure that your life is in accordance with the commands of Allah and his prophet Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, our success lies in this alone. Affiliate yourself with the brothers in your masjid. Spend your time in the remembrance of Allah and the hereafter, this will remind you that life is just passing by, in a short time we will be standing in front of Allah.

    Sometimes we just need to change our perspective, to see life in a totally new way,

    May Allah remove all your difficulties and grant you ease, barakah and contentment, Aamin

    Rumaysa

  13. Hakeem,

    I cried my eyes out as I read your story because your heart sounds so fragile and hurt at the moment.

    Your heart is in turmoil because Allah is testing you. We are all tested, particularly in the things that we desire. In my case its marriage because marriage is a form of protection from so many evils and so I completely understand your frustration at being alone and companionless. I have been looking to marry for over 5 years now and the only man I truly feel affection for does not know it and has never hinted whether he feels anything for me....so I assume he doesnt. Im 30 whereas he is 29 and maybe more interested in pursuing younger girls for marriage. That said, Allah can do what he wants and he can bring together who he wants so im not going to draw conclusions or close the doors because I cannot deny or dumb down what I feel inside so I place all my feelings in Allah's hands because they are too great for me to deal with on my own.

    I get days when I feel rock bottom and completely disassociated from people and events.. I often cry myself to sleep after long stints of feeling completely numb by the emptiness I feel in my heart and soul through not having the marital companionship I yearn for. Some days I seldom enjoy anything whether its a good film, music, a nice meal or trip around the world...nothing compares to feeling happy in your heart. But when I sit in prayer, I know with certainty that Allah is listening to me as I spill everything in my heart. It helps to off load everything you have done, everything you regret and everything you want. You get a huge sense of relief and duas during salat are the best pick me up when you're feeling low. Try to engage the salat mentally rather than just going through the motions. If Allah is watching our every move then we may as well turn the salat into a dialogue with our creator...confess our short comings, beg for his forgiveness, ask him to guide you to what is beneficial for you and give reasons. Never stop or say Allah has not or will not answer my prayer as this would defeat the object of patience and forebearance. no one knows how long it will take Allah to respond or even in what form he will respond, we simply live in anticipation of his mercy everyday because we know he is more merciful towards us than our own mothers.

    We all want things we are perhaps not destined to have but we have to muddle through life hoping that Allah will bless us with the things we ask for everytime we pray. It will come when you least expect it. Allah loves you, he is watching you and wants you to attain success in this dunya and the next by following his guidance. Never underestimate the power of duas...its worked for me alhamdulah i.e. Allah got me through a difficult exam, which if I failed I would have failed my entire professional course. Allah helped me to source a reliable car when I really needed one and didnt know what I was looking for. I place my trust in Allah and I know that he grants blessings in his good time.

    I pray that when you reconnect with Allah through making duas to him alone you will reconnect with yourself and feel peace in your heart. amin
    I pray that you meet a sister who will love you for your deen and character. amin
    I pray that your reliance on Allah multiplies the blessings in your health and wealth. amin

    I advise myself first but be patient be patient be patient

    I will make duas for the alleviation of your burdens if you make duas for he alleviation of mine!! amin

    Take care and dont forget Allah

  14. I feel the same that everything is so hard I am a convert and I have until now not experienced true happiness in my marriage like father in law is against it and I'm tired of been alone and away from my husband and fully feeling musl support, at times I wonder if the religion is doing any real good at uniting us. I also feel isolated stricter and lonely so I have made the decision to move on to a vacation and experience just enjoyment I very much deserve and Muslims are not providing me with including my husband , if a miracle happens to better my situation if Allah wants it , I will surely come and tell You guys about the miracle

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