I have been married to a Muslim for 6 months. I was Christian and converted to Islam for him. I have had a male friend in my life for the last 15 years. We have never dated and have only ever been friends. My friend did like me in the beginning of the friendship but I made it clear to him that friendship was all I wanted. He is now engaged to another woman. I mentioned to my husband that I might want to go visit him (out of state). My husband now says he no longer wants to be with me and I have crossed the line in even bringing up the idea. He says it’s as bad as me having an affair. I have absolutely no feeling for my friend. I love my husband and want to be with him but he says now it may be too late. What is going on? What should I do? Please, any advice would be most welcome.
Thank you,
Amanda
Share This
Written by mandimoo2 on January 17th, 2008 with 7 comments.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions.
we are both 28. (husband is writing)
im in need of advice. i have been married for 4 years and have a 3 year old son together.
my wife just doesnt pay me any attention. Its driving me mad. its not i have been quiet and not told her. i have told her enough times i dont feel loved. she doesnt touch me, or pays me any attention. she argues and puts me at fault all the time which is very upsetting.
when i tell her shes not doing enough, she gets to me and says i do a lot for you. i cook, look after you, make food, iron clothes, etc. changes subject.
any husband in the world would feel the same. in the past and now, she has said so many bad things to hurt me but i have just stayed quiet. i dont know how long can i go on like this. if my son was not here i would have divorced her. i dont wana lose my son as i love him more than anything and hed be lost without me. whats best way to turn?
if we divorce, i will lose my son, my dad who is 70, will be shocked. please help!
Share This
Written by annas on January 17th, 2008 with 1 comment.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions.
I am a 44 year old practicing Catholic woman who lives in the US and met an Algerian man at a friend’s barbecue. We are both in high tech, have similar educational backgrounds, and are divorced with young daughters (his goes to Islamic school and mine to Catholic school). We also share similar values and morals like modesty and doing volunteer work. After we exchanged emails - we met for coffee in a public place and ended up talking for over two hours. That was 5 months ago and we talk daily via phone or email and we attend a lot of the same functions because our common friends are our age with young children. We are best friends and are at the stage where we just started talking about marriage. I am 100% committed to supporting his Islamic faith (I have attended prayers on Friday at Masjid, been to Eid celebrations, as well as hosted “get togethers” at my house with all of our Muslim friends. He has been very honest with me and said that his wish for me is to become a good Muslim woman. I respect him and want to make sure that I am not doing anything to jeapordize his religious convictions or mine. My experience with my church has always been positive and I cannot walk away from what I have known and been taught all my life. I would appreciate your perspective relevant to us getting married or do we cut off our friendship. Thank you for listening and may Allah bless you.
Share This
Written by pdxgirl on January 17th, 2008 with 1 comment.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions.
salam im 18yr old n i nd help big time i have commimted sooooo many sins n i dnt think allah will eva 4give me n i dnt balme him wel 1st of all i have fallen in luv n i gt pregnant i wntd 2 kp da baby bt my partner said it was 4 da best if we didnt afta tat i gt drunk twice both time regetd it i dnt knw y i do it cnt help myslf nw my partner wnts 2b m8z e said tat he dnt luv me no mre n cnt belive wat i am doing………………..i jst wnt sme1 2 show me hw 2 live wid myslf inside of me is dead y should allah s.w.t 4give me he should h8 me………….how do i ask 4 4givness??? PLZ HELP
Share This
Written by saima786 on January 17th, 2008 with 1 comment.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions and Religion.
I live in USA with my husband and we are very liberal muslims. I do not cover but recently I started Salat. I am a student and I will be in MS program soon. My husband got his MS and he is working as an adjunct teacher at a University. When we got married 5 years ago it was a love marriage and I convinced my dad. But My mom did not behave well with my in-laws which resulted in a bitter relationship between my parents and my in-laws. About 3 years ago my mother in law died in a car accident in USA. Then after 1 year my mother and brother came to visit me. That time my husband misbehaved with my mom and that resulted in a bitter relationship with him and my family. This year my dad came to visit me after 4 years and everything went well. Then last month I had some arguments with my husband and he showed hatred towards my family. Just 1 week ago he told me I can go visit my family but he will not let them come visit us. I opposed and since then he is treating me with rudeness and cruelty. I don’t have any kids. What should I do?
Share This
Written by yjahir on January 17th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions.
salam sister
i want to pose a question, i wanted to know because i have been married only recently i wanted to know if during the month of ramadan if it is permissible to have any form of sexual intercourse during the month,im aware that you can’t when you are fasting but need to know are you allowed any other time hence night.
please can you clarify this for me
shanaz
Share This
Written by begums on January 17th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions.
assalaaamualaikum
i am here to solve few of my doubts………first thing i would like to know is that…..does islam allow love??
if a boy and girl are in love…….and they get married…….is their married acceptable???
and second thing is that ….if i pray that i want to marry the girl whom i love…….will my dua be acceptable?? because i heard from few people that such kind of duas are not acceptable…….where as i heard from many people…..that if a person makes a prayer with an intention then his intention is fulfilled…..like wise if a man makes a prayer with an intention that he wants to get married with the girl he loves,he will get the girl he desired for……….is it true??
please help me out……………..ill be thankful to all of you for responding to my post:)
ALLAH HAFIZ
AND ASSALAAMUALAIKUM
Share This
Written by munna on January 17th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions.
As-salamu alaykum. I’ve been thinking for some time about giving this website a new name, rather than AskBilqis.com. Why? For the following reasons:
- Bilqis has not been writing this column for years. All the answers nowadays are by me (Wael) or other writers, so I feel the “Ask Bilqis” name is not really appropriate.
- I think that “AskBilqis.com” is hard for some people to remember or to spell. Some people spell it Balqis, or Balkis, or Belkis, or Bilkees, etc.
- I want something that will be easier for people to remember, even if they have not visited the website in a few weeks or more.
So, I need your opinions. I own a lot of Islamic domain names, so I have a few choices. Among the choices are:
- IslamicIssues.com
- IslamicQuestions.com
- MuslimLife.org
- IslamicAdvice.org
Personally, I am favoring IslamicAdvice.org, because it describes exactly what this website does. The only problem is that the domain name is a “dot org” and many people do not know or remember that not all websites are “dot coms”.
IslamicQuestions.com is also appealing, except that it doesn’t really sound like an Islamic advice site. It sounds like a site for non-Muslims who have questions about Islam, or something of that kind.
So, what’s your opinion? Between those four choices, which one do you like for this website?
Share This
Written by wael on November 20th, 2007 with 1 comment.
Read more articles on Website Announcements.
Novemer 1, 2007
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, Editor of AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage Advice, and Zawaj.com Muslim Matrimonial Service.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
Salam Alikoum,
I am a muslim Morrocan boy, it’s about 3 years that I know a Polish girl. We love each other a lot and we want to get married. Her family knows about our plan. One day I told her that after a long thinking I see that our planning to get married will not be realized if you are not a Musilm. I told her that I need a Muslim girl, who will understand my religion, to share with her everything connected with my religion, to fast Ramadan together, to celebrate Eid feasts, and other important Islamic practices.
She was shocked, because she is attached to her religion as well.
I told her I can start with you from the beginning…. but as I see she is not convinced about being a Muslim girl, and if she does agree it would only be so as not to lose me.
I really don’t know what to do.
From where can I start to introduce islam to her?
If she converts, will she really be convinced about Islam? Will she do that for Allah or only for me?
I don’t want to lose her, but my religion is before everything.
- Yassine from Morocco
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear Yassine, As-salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
It’s wonderful that your religion is the most important thing to you, and that you are seeking to build a good Islamic family. I think it’s a wise choice on your part to try to marry a Muslim woman only.
Also I want to caution you to be careful in your dealings with the Polish woman and do not get into anything haram. Always behave as a Muslim.
As far as converting the Polish woman to Islam, you must realize that no one can coerce or convince anyone else to follow any religion. You can talk to her and present to her the Islamic beliefs and ideas, but there is no guarantee that she will become Muslim. In the end it is Allah who guides a person. She will only come to Islam if it touches her heart and she chooses it.
On the other hand, if she decides to embrace Islam then you should not question her motiviations. Her belief is between her and Allah.
Start With Tawheed
In presenting Islam to a non-Muslim, any discussion or explanation must begin with Tawheed, the principle of the Oneness of Allah - in other words, that Allah is only One, with no partners.
If the girl is Polish then she is probably Catholic. That means that she believes in the Christian trinity, which is their concept that God consists of three beings, a father, a son and a “holy ghost.”
Even many Catholics have difficulty understanding this concept and even Catholic priests often refuse to explain it. Usually they just say, “It’s a mystery that we cannot understand.” One Catholic person gave me an example of an apple which has three parts, the skin, the flesh and the core, but is still one fruit. Another person actually said to me, “It’s like a candy bar which has a chocolate coating, nougat filling and nuts, but it’s still one candy bar.”
Aside from pointing out the obvious, which is that God - glory be to Allah - is not an apple or a candy bar, rather than attack or criticize the concept of the trinity, I find it more productive to emphasize the Islamic concept of the Oneness of God.
While it certainly is possible to very convincingly refute concepts such as the trinity or the divinity of Jesus (peace be upon him), I believe that such arguments are counter-productive because they often put the person on the defensive and cause him/her to stop listening.
Instead, stick to explaining Tawheed. Explain that God is not three, or ten, or a hundred, but One. That God is Eternal and Absolute, and has no need of children, and that God offers us forgiveness directly without needing any intermediary. You can explain also that God created us and gave us all the good things of the world, and that all He asks in return is that we should worship Him only with no partners.
Of course you can also discuss some of the beautiful rituals of Islam, such as the prayer, fasting in Ramadan, Hajj, etc, and you can mention the social benefits of Islam like racial equality and compassion for the poor.
Spend some time explaining these things to her, and listen to what she has to say. If she refuses to accept Islam, then perhaps you should accept that she is not the right one for you.
If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.
“(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray.”
Best regards,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!
Share This
Written by wael on November 1st, 2007 with no comments.
Read more articles on Want to Get Married and Islamic Answers 2007.
August 11, 2007
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, Editor of AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage Advice, and Zawaj.com Muslim Matrimonial Service.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis, As-Salamu Alaykum,
My husband does not like my side of the family. I had a disagreement with my brother and I was not talking to my brother for about two years. This situation made my husband very happy. Now with the help of my sisters, I am forgiving my brother for what he had said to me and I would like us to move on. When I told this to my husband, he got very upset at me.
(more…)
Share This
Written by wael on August 11th, 2007 with no comments.
Read more articles on Family and In-Laws Problems and Islamic Answers 2007.