Pakistani bengali marriage
I am a pakistani muslim girl born and brought up in the UK. For the past five years i have been in a relationship with a bengali boy also brought up here. We were at university together and he always knew it would be difficult to bring his parents round to the idea of him marryin a pakistani girl. Specially as he's the eldest, but he thought it was doable and he'd be able to sort it in the end. My family were ok.
I used to bug him bout telling them about me because I knew it would be an issue but he waited till about seven months ago to tell them. Theyve been having discussions about it but they keep saying no. The latest thing they have said is he's on his own if he marries me. I dont want that and neither does he. He says he'll keep fighting but he says realistically he cant give me any guarentees because he doesnt know what the outcome will be. So he says I should leave him to it for a while. That way he can work hard at it without my nagging as I'm afraid thats all i do now coz im so scared of losin him.
He says I should try and get on with life just in case. His parents so far dont even want to see me. My family are now gonna go round and give them a time to give us a final decision because then they want to start lookin for me. There has not been any family contact before as they disagree with the entire thing and say they dont see the point in meeting my family. I'm scared the answer will still be no and that I'll have to move on. I know I can't wait forever.
Is there any specific duas me and him to do? We don't want to disrespect his parents by running away or not having some sort of agreement from them. Because he is the eldest, he feels a strong obligation to them. He wont leave them and is trying his hardest. Without disrespecting them, can anybody suggest anything that will help???
- aliya25
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A lot has happened since then. My family visited theirs. They clearly said it cant happen. So that day i decided to accept it as even he said he cant do more. They had threatened to disown him. Anyway next day at work i was very very upset. And who turns up? His psrents. I had a chat with his dad. He said he was upset at how he said no without seein me but hes not happy with this. Too many cultural differences and the boy bein the oldest etc. He said to me to do dua for the best n the best will happen. He said he was going to talk to his family about it and i wud hav to accept ther overall decision. I was surprised. It was like finally they were givin me a chance! My family were a bit concerned they came to see me at work. They think this is building hopes up and that any contact shud have been thru family if theyd wantd to see me. So fast forward nearly six weeks. Me n the boy have tried to have no contact. If we do spk on the phone i ask him wats hapnin. Up till a week or so ago he was optimistic that it wud happen despite LOTS of problems his family were bringin up. Even his younger siblings seemed against it. Things he was bein told was ppl wud talk. Siblings wdnt be able to marry good ppl if he spoiled the family reputation etc. I used to support him say his family had concerns if they met mine they cud discuss these with my elders. He said yeah ill try get them over. Long story short last week he clearly informed me HE has changed HIS mind. He does not want to marry me any more. He says it will ruin his family. He is not willin to do it. So i fought with him sayin ur parents havnt even met mine yet!!! He said it dsnt matter anymore. Its not gna happen. So i said fine. Tell ur dad to let my family no bcz he did say hed make a decision n let us no wen he came to my work. No phone call from his dad. My brother rang him and his dad sats we havent a decision yet we will call next week. So i said to my bf fight more u still hav a chance. He said no. He even niw has said he will giv me up to his parents too. They askd him is he sure as he still has tym b4 my family is given the decision. Im very confused and frustrated. First they fill his head with problems n issues. Then they telk him its his decision. In my eyes they shud have came to my family and discussed ther issues. N he is too weak. So ive broke off all contact with him. And im waitin for the no next week from
His dad.
Good Luck Sweetheart 😐
x
I just dont no how to understand y sumone can leave u after such a long tym. N how parents can be so hurtful. I havnt been given a chance. I feel so angry n like iv wasted all my tym.
Aww, I Cant say i no how you feel, buh i can certainly understand how awful of a time you must be going through, Just keep praying to Allah (swt) to guide you the right way, whatever that maybe, Trust me knowing Allah (swt) is on your side, gives you immense Peace and Encouragement to do things you never thought you could,
Aliya have you tried performing istikhara ?
Maybe that will help you, if you need more info please write back =)
x
I have done istikhara i kept having feelings like it was right to happen but who nos maybe my wishful thinking was gettin in the way. All thruout this i have been getting closer to allah swt well i feel a lot closer. It helps a lot. But i feel betrayed used and a fool. Its my own doing i no. Thruout these four years i have neglectd my family, my religion and my dad has even passed away. I will be strong tho. Inshaalah
Any update on this story, would love to know what has become of this
I'm sorry you went through that. But a lot of that came from the history of the 1971 massacre of Bengalis by Pakistani soldiers. Whenever a Bengali family rejects a Pakistani family it is mostly due to the 1971 war and the killing of Bengalis; it weighs mostly on that. Culture difference is very minimum between Pakistanis and Bengalis. If you go to Bangladesh you can speak Urdu and the Bengalis will respond in Urdu; most of the food are the same with some differences. But yeah you started off the wrong way. You should've told your parents and he should've told his parents when you guys decided you two like each other. If the parents of both sides knew at that time then you would not be in this mess.
I dated a Pakistani girl and I'm a Bengali; everything was fine. She and I got along great but my relatives in Bangladesh were against the idea even though my parents were 50/50 on the decision because of the Bengali community's way of looking down at Bengali/Paki couples. Plus her father didn't know and her mom kept it a secret; plus her brothers would say negative things about Bengalis so I had to pull away.
Just make dua, Allah knows best.
Islam transcends all boundaries, has no colour, no race, no culture, no status, its so pure and beautiful..just look at the hajjis at hajj thousands of muslims from all over the world gethered for the sake of ALLAH SWT. Allah created humans, by discriminating we are then mocking Allah's creation. Follow the right path and marry someone who is pious and sincere do not marry someone because of his racial background.
Dear Sister Huda,
Such refreshing words and a beautiful reminder of Hajj :0)
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com, Editor
xxx
Sister z i have emailed u privately im not sure if it wud come to ur junk mail bcz that is wer urs came to. X
Lol...my email add is so junky it went straight to the bin. That made me laugh.
Anyhow, I've emailed you.
x
Huda my father was a very firm believer in wat u have just said. I no i started this relationship off wrong n that is bad on my part. But towards the middle i became very bothered bout tryin to make it right. Tryin to involve his parents. In my families eyes bengalis pakistanis we r all the same. His family have severe issues. He is a good person at heart. He has been put under immense pressure. Im torn bout how to feel bout him actually. I feel if his family have issues then they shud discuss them with us. Who nos there hearts may have softened? Or if it was a straight no they really shud not hav come to my workplace. Even now they cant giv a straight answer. X
jzk sr Z you are a true inspiration to us all:) x
How are you at the moment hun? Im soo sorry to hear about this!!! I really wish you all the best!!!! and just remeber allah sees what is happening right now and what this boy is doing to you!!! you've got a good heart and he will give you someone who you'll be very happy with inshallah!!! I know what your going through is very hard and difficult to handle but this boy isn't right for you. Please don't give up!!!
Salaam fadiya. Thanks for ur lovely comments. Altho im in love with him i see his faults. I feel he is bein weak and not standing by his promises. However as he is the eldest and he is being put under pressure n is not happy himself i dont really no how to blame him. Its easy to blame but really i shudnt hav listened to his promises i shud hav dropped the relationship and let him either tell his parents bak then or left him if he ddnt. I genuinely blieve we r both at fault and that we wer both so naive n gullible. For me it turned out my parents wer fine but for him not so fine. So i struggle to hate him or blame him. I do wish however hed find the strength to fight more x x x
Dear Sister,
I really feel for you.... As sister huda explained there is no race, culture etc.. being a Muslim is the main thing. I would like to share an insight of what i have experienced. I worked in an office with Bengali girls and they were both going out with pakistani guys. They told me that their parents refused the marriage proposals from them because they dont like pakistanis because they believe that pakistani army caused havoc when Bangaldesh was seperated. They told me that there was murders, rapes and torture of their people . I could be wrong with your situation but ths is what they told me that most bengali's believe this and that is why they dont like to marry pakistanis... Allah knows best!!
I have heard this theory b4. I think it may contribute to these ppls thinkin but i dont no how much.the things i am hearing of is she will take u away from us son, ur sisters wont be able to get married to good ppl after u spoil our families reputation etc etc. My main issue is just be straight up say no isnt it?? Dont cone to my work n promise n answer then keep it goin on forever!!
Salaam Sister Aliya25, I am very sorry about this all. But please do not worry, have strong belief in Allah. Maybe he is doing this for your own good?
To be honest Sister, I don't mean to be offensive, but don't chase after a lost cause. If he says no, then it shows how pathetic he is, for 5 years in a indirect way, he's been giving you false hopes. You should realise, that Sister you are still young. Start fresh, let your parents help you, find someone who will help YOUR DEEN.
I don't mean to be offensive, but, this would just be a minor episode in your life. If you find somebody who is better for your deen, he will keep you happy. Please don't fear, ask Allah for forgiveness and just remember, Allah does best for his servants. If he causes you so much pain, he will be responsible. Allah knows all...
Sister please don't take it offensively, but you should forget about him - in fact tell him yourself you don't want him. I am boiling inside that a 'man' can do this to you. Please sister, I'm sorry for any pain this may have caused you, but remember these 'feelings' of you wanting to go back to him is from the Shaytaan. It was from the very start.....It shows he truly doesn't care about you.
Remember Sister, now is your time to strive. Find a partner for life - who's strict observance to Islam will keep you ever so happy. Forget the Past, ask Allah for forgiveness and ask for guidance. When you make istikhara, sister, try to remove ALL feelings. I really wish you the best, remember, this life is temporary.
ALLAH SWT HAS EMPOWERED WOMEN IN ISLAM, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO TO HIM!!! You are independent MASHALLAH, so strive on sister. Make the best of this life and the hereafter, find a truly Islamic partner.
May Allah grant your heart peace, and allow you a easy way to Jannah.
Salaam. Thanks for ur opinion. Thers many valid points. However i dont believe the blame all lies with him. He is just as upset as me his family are emotionally piling on the pressure. I dont want him to leave his family n neither does he want to. That is y this is so difficult. Bcz they giv him no choice. Hes been fighting for months. But yes ur right all this will pass n it will be a minor episode in my life. One day x
A Sweet And Encouraging Reply, May Allah (Swt) Reward You For This Immensely Ameen =))
x
Salaams Sister,
It funny we're on different sides of the world but going through the same thing. But I am Bengali and he is Pakistani. My parents agreed to the marriage...well my dad agreed but my mom not sure cuz her father was killed in front of her by Pakistanis. My dad understand you can not judge a whole nation based on a few people. On the other hand his mom did not even want to hear about. He even went to Pakistan trying to get his older sister to help him talk to his mom. He is the youngest of the family and no other sibble has had a love marriage. Her reason for no was 1) she did not pick me. 2) I grew up in the U.S. and 3) I am nt pakistani. When he went to his sister wedding in Dec. 2 days before he left for the U.S. his mom informed him that he was getting engaged the next day and if he did not attend and accept what was going on then he would kill their family name His father passed away when he was 5 years old and his mom worked really hard to raise him. So her tears have a soft spot in his heart as they should. So he gave in and got engaged. Since his been back he has lost his job and unable to find a few one. He is working for his brother which he hates but he has no other way to earn money. And the is suppose to marry want to have a big Nikah knowing his job issues.
We have always talked about a small Nikah and that's is what he has always wanted. His mom too never met me. Yes I grew up in the U.S. but I'm a hijabi, I pray 5 times a day, I fast every monday and thursday and more than anything I have managed to bring her son back to the right path. Before meeting me was partying and everything. After meeting me us being friends he realized there was more to life than that Alhamduilliah. He got a better job, sent more time with his family and being more responsible. But some how his mom missed all that because she did not pick me.
It's a shame that one muslim can judge another muslim like this. I believe Allah crossed our path for a reason for us to both be better Muslims. Today he is unhappy and going through a really hard time. I'm confused to what I should pray for...besides his happiness. Sister i understand your pain and I will surely remember you in my Dua. InshAllah great things will happen to you. Keep faith that Allah never closes the door for someone without openning another door. Make dua and ask Allah with a sincere heart to bless you with what is good for you not just today but tomorrow and the hereafter.
Imam Ali (as) says: "Dua is the shield of a believer. If you keep knocking the door of Divine Mercy, it will be opened to you."
"And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the supplicant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way" Noble Qur'an (2:186)
Keep your head up and make Dua surely Allah has something great planned for you. Also remember Allah answers prayers but when he feels the time is right.
~syeda~
Salaam. Ppl often call my bf weak, but the truth is i dont think i cud even leave my family.he has been put under intense family pressure. Thanks for ur advice. The situation seems very similar in that she hasnt pikd me so it cant happen. And im not bengali and she cant take the shame .Are u still in contact with him?? U say hes unhappy. Bcz my bf is very unhappy. Refuses to marry another n is annoyd. We hav decided to stop speakin. Bcz he wants to carry on sayin he wants to marry me. But he realises i cant wait for him anymore with no guarentees. I will do duah for ur peace. U seem mashaalah a lot closer to faith than i am. I feel so far from allah now. I no its bad. And it seems ungrateful of me. I just feel numb. Keep imaginin him with another woman his wife. I cant deal with it. I dont no wat to pray for anymore either.
We talk very rarely....its usually when he just can't deal with things then he will call me to vent or needs my advise. But in recently we did get into a fight so have not talk in awhile. I can understand how hard it is I used to start my day by waking him up every morning and end my day with a phone from him. I mean it's been 6 years that we've known eachother. So now I feel empty but I fill it wilth my Faith and my love for Allah. It is hard for me to think of someone else as his wife as well. I mean we planned our life together and the thought of someone else having his kids...it hurts but I remind myself that the fault is not within me. I did everything I can do. In marriage everything has to be 50/50 he too needs to meet me half way and fight his share of the battle. I noticed you still refer to him as your boyfriend. Are you guys still together?
To be honest my faith has gotten stronger since this happen Alhamduillah. I can't really talk to my family and friends because everyone just points fingers which doesn't really help me so I talk to Allah. With him I let all my feels out. On days that I feel the most upset I sit in the masjid and somehow i always feel better Alhamduilliah. I know Allah is always there and he's watching all that is going on. Like I said ask Allah to help you with a sincere heart and he surely will inshAllah. He is the master of this world and without him nothing will be possible. Maybe this is your test of faith. When something goes wrong do you blame Allah for it and stop believing because then that is Satan making you believe that.
We should do things for the love of Allah. 6 years ago when I saw an out of control fellow Muslim I wanted to help get him back on the right path. From that feelings developed and marriage came up. At time he did state that he was unsure if his mom would be ok with it but I had faith that we were meant to be and everything would work out. But like he says this isn't a bollywood movie its real life. So never lose reason for dua. Thank Allah for blessing you such understanding parents who have supported you in this hard time mashAllah and thank Allah that he's not already engaged lol. And ask him for strength to help you get though this and pray for patients. Like I said your prayers will be answered but you have to be patient for it. If you stay in the right path then Allah will reward you 10 folds inshAllah. If not in this life then he will in the hereafter. Don't forget that this life is only a test and we're only here for a short amount of time. So don't turn your back on your faith in Allah because things are not working out in your favore. You never know what he has planned for you in the future if you go in his path. Now if you follow satan then he can't save you. Sorry i did not mean to give you a religious lecture but this is what helps me. I'm not going to lie sometime I do hope he has some miracle planned for me and things work in my favore. I guess its only human to feel that way. Be strong Sister and you'll see inshAllah things will work out for the best.
No we arent still tgether as such. His dad sent my brother a text message last week to say they cant accept me. I feel so insulted. I mean a text after four n a half years. Its a cheek. N they pride themselves on being so islamic.so we hv cme to an agreenent to phase out our talking. So no he isnt my bf as such. Not anymore.
Yes syeda i was just lyk u. Every mornin wakin him up with a cal evry nyt another call. Talked bout family, work plans kids evrythin. And ur very ryt that u cant talk to family. Cz they do point fingers. Not so much at me yet they will always say i did wrong to start and carry on this relationship. Which i totally agree with. But they think hes weak. Which i dnt accept.
I think that if i am honest with u my connection with god has got very weak. I no hw bad this is. I just feel numb. Specially since my dad died as well. N i really prayed for this marriage to happen. And it hasnt n nw im numb. I feel like i cant ask fr anythin any more. I no im wrong.
U no hw u say u still spk sumtyms? Well thats wat im afraid of. Him ringing me in future wen hes down n unhappy. Bcz i wont be able to move on. I think we need to cut all contact. Hes already not happy and has made up his mind to carry on sayin he wants to marry me. And refusing to marry anyone else. To be honest wen u stop spkin to him i think he will get a shock. Its never happened b4. Ive never left his life.
In terms of my faith i am going to inshaalah try be stronger. I am struggling with negative thoughts and questions. And i am hoping against hope he can stil convince his parents.
Could i pls ask a question. Sorry to be a pain. But u said u did al u cud do n he needed to fight his battle so u cud be fifty fifty- well do u believe he made the right decision? Do u blame him? Do u think he shud do more to win his mum round?
Awww I know your hurting and this is hard.
Its ok. I no this is the worst bit and maybe in tym itl get better. Thanks fr the advice x
I left my email address so you email me for some reason it didnt show up.
I removed it. It's not a good idea to post your email in a public place.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother Wael can u please give syeda my email address pls. Or hers to me if thats possible? I understand y u removed it but i feel i cud really do with sumones advice who can maybe help me
I have sent the two of you an email with your contact info.
Thank u
Thank you brother
Thanks syeda x
No problem I will emailed you.
Syeda did i get my mail x
Aliya25... its been a while now since you last posted... so what actually happened? It was very interesting to read your story.
Nothing has happnd. Its a year hes been fighting. They keep sayin to get out of the house if he wants to marry me.
wagwanin wid u gyal u aight yeh safe. yeh so u have dis issue. well my advice is allow it cos im paki myself and i been with bengi gyals and its all cool wen ur at uni an dat but then when u cum home reality bites. bengis just wont marry pakis its as simple as that. it goes back to the wars when we did something wrong or sum shit and they still aint got ova it jus like the goreh and the frogs. anyways sis good luck yeh theres loads a decent paki boys inshaalah u fall into 1 of der arms. use this experience as 1 dat was fun an dat and u learned a lot about yourself and the opposite sex but dats it. i do dua for you.
Problem is theres not many decent pakistani boys u come across as it is. N yeah theres history with bengs n paks but god nos y ppl keep there head in history.
i am in exactually the same situation, im a pakistani girl and my boyfriend is a bengali, a few months ago i had met his mother and she seemed to take a real liking to me, she phones me about a month ago explaingin to me that she would accept our marriage but only when the time is right, as its too early for us to be getting married, but the hard part is comfronting my family about this matter, the best advice i can give you is to just wait and be patient, inshallah everything will work out for you, your in my duas sister.
Well they are still saying no. Telling him to leave if he wants to be with me. I cant imagine myself with another
I seriously understand were your coming from; but if you really love him and he feels the same way and both want to be together you'll both have to say to your families "if you don't like this matter than well leave together" and a few months down the line they will accept trust me 🙂 I wish you all the best in whatever you choose to do..
He wont do that. N i dont believ its the right way to start married life x
i been involve with this Bengali girl since last 4 years. I never knew it will be that hard. I was just thinking that i am practicing muslim and so does she and i always kept the things halal in my life and so did she. I do not know where to start from, so many things happen in last 2 years that i can write a book to cover every thing. The day her father find out that his daughter likes some Pakistani guy he did everything legally and illegally to take her out of my life and he succeeded in it. Now she's in Bangladesh struggling for her life. While she was in USA her father forcefully locked her up for multiple days in someone's else home, she was drugged by her on sister to take her out of USA. I end up calling State Dept. for that... so many other things which i sometimes dont even believe that its really happening, but in the end i am just hoping that Allah will bring the best out of it, Inshallah. Sometimes i think that its over but than i get some waves of hopes and i am hoping for the best. I hope things will get better in your life and Allah always have better plans for us. Wish you good luck.
Aamir, if you want to log in and write your question as a separate post, we could try to give you some advice for your specific situation.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Aliyah, what happened in the end??? I am bengali, in love with a pakistani guy... Same situation as yourself. My family have disagreed, his family have accepted me. But I could get disowned..
We broke up. Putting it quite simply. At least his parents accept u. U have to make a choice about how to convince urs
Hi aliyah
What happened?
Hi Im Sameera Khan
Im 22 years old &ive been togeva with a bengali boy for 6years.
(Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)
i think you should listen to your parents and keep away from pakistani culture 😀
I am in the exact same situation. I'm bengali and he's pakistani. We are both 20 ,and still young. We both agreed when the time was right we will talk to our parents. I have casually brought up to my parents what their opinion on Pakistani people were. My dad was okay, but my mom wasn't. However after meeting some of my Pakistani friends (not him) her opinion completely changed. So, with this I have been hopeful that we can get through this. However, all of a sudden he just gave up. He doesn't even want to introduce me to his family. I broke it off with him because I said I couldn't be with someone who doesn't even want to try. I don't get what changed his mind. He knew from the beginning his parents were against Bengalis. He mentioned to his oldest brother about me, and his older brother said I have good credentials and that they will try to convince his parents. We have been good influences on each other, encouraging to pray more, study more, and etc. But, now he doesn't even want to try. It hurts me that he promised me he would try. A part of me still doesn't want to give up on us. I feel like maybe the break up will be good for us because we wont be sinning or lying to our parents. We can focus on college more. But, I dont want to move on from him. I feel like we can work this out. Am I being to naive?
Assalaam brothers and dear sisters
We are all Muslims by names that's why we have a lot of problems, we should not follow culture and follow the beautiful religion of al Islam which was given to us by allah all mighty, if we follow Islam and the footstep of the prophet s.a.w we will gain success in this world and the hearafter, we should look back in history when the prophet s.a.w got sahabas married from different culture and castes, which we as Muslims should reflect on, and I think this is why we Muslims don't have that unity that prophet s.a.w and the sahabas had, if we follow the Quran and sunnah we will never be misguided. May Allah bestow his mercy on the Muslim ummah and unite us ameen
Salam. I am a Bangladeshi guy in my 20s. I find this disturbing not just because I think Muslims should marry each other based on iman, education, ability to provide (and not nationalities), but that Bangladeshis and Pakistanis culturally are extremely similar. My family is in fact so open about us marrying Indian Muslims and Pakistanis, that we subconsciously think they are just as 'Bangladeshis' as us. One of the reasons could be that although we are Bangalis some of my relatives have married into Bangladeshi families of Muhajir (north indian) background. and I know many many families in Bangladesh who are like that. I had a classmate in my school life in Bangladesh who was Bengali but his second cousins are mixed Bengali-Punjabi living in Pakistan. So I find this story by sister Aliya about this nationalistic and ethnic discord rather surprising. i wsh them all the best, Allah hafiz
Salam, I am facing great problem. I have a girl friend , she is non muslim and want to marries her but she doesn't want to marries . She want to continue relationship without married but as a muslim i can not want such kind of relationship . So i ask a question , any specific dua in our religion book have to change her mind about get married . I am waiting for replay.Thanks
Motin, you need to end your relationship with her and seek a good Muslim woman. It's fruitless to try to change someone to be what you want them to be. Rather, try to find someone who already has the qualities you seek.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salam brothers and sisters,
brothers and sisters need to realise that Allah has created someone for us 50 ,000 years before we was born. its all written down for us. our life is a blessing. why worry about something that is out of our control.
i got married to my gf who is bengali just like me. i assumed coz we was both bengali we wouldn't have issues but their was complications and problems. imagine if one of us was pakistani or indian. i doubt we wud be together now unless dats what Allah planned for us. all we can do is except what Allah has planned for us.
this dunya is temporary. nothing will matter when judgement day arrives. please dont take my comment in a negative way as its not my intention to upset anyone. majority of bengali families have the same reaction even when its their own people comin with propasals.
i make dua for all the muslims around the world who are having difficulties in their lives whatever it may be.
kamran
kamran, your understanding of Qadar is a little bit flawed. The fact that something is written does not mean it is out of our control. We human beings were created with free will. We can choose to do good or evil, and we can make life choices for ourselves, including the choice of whom to marry.
Thank you otherwise for your broad perspective and your dua'.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalamu alaikum guys,
Am a 18 year old bengali boy and I have been dating this Pakistani well Kashmiri sister for the last 2years. She wants toget married as soon as possible. In her culture they encourage early marriage. Her parents accepted me. I am lucky in the sense she s beautiful , has a good personality and most definitely practising her deen. However the problem is as I am only 18 and really young. Bengali boys usually marry at 25 plus I got to complete my education and get a stable Job before I can think of supporting a family. But I do understand that getting married would keep me away from sinning. I have told my parents, as I am not scared and believe if your gong to make a promise you should keep it. My mum and dad both seem upset. They by wanted me to marry a Bengali girl. However my dad seems ok now. My mum really doesn't. But at least I know my parents know now and is gives me the comfidence to take things further. But not yet maybe when am 21 inshallah.
P.s I'll keep you guys updated.
Jazak Allah
Salafi, I'm not sure what you mean by "dating". You need to be careful that you do not cross any Islamic boundaries of propriety. You should not be alone with the girl, and should not have any physical contact.
I think it's good that you informed your parents, and are planning on a marriage date, even if it's a few years away Insha'Allah. You might consider getting married to the girl (having a nikah) but continuing to live with your parents for now, so that you can finish school.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
You are very lucky bro, and you may not think you are. Do one thing in life and marry that girl because if you let go of her then you will make a huge mistake. Trust me I am saying this out if my own experience.
Whoops wrong person, I was meant to send this comment to Salafi
The root of sister Aliya's trouble is i think most "Bengalis" or more appropriately Bangladeshis in UK are Sylhetis. Some Sylhetis not only have problems marrying Indian Muslims or Pakistanis, they also have problems with Bangladeshis outside Sylhet. this of course does not apply to all Sylhetis and good thing about Sylhetis is that they are generally parhezgar and proud of peer-aulia of their region but i just don't get this part of some not marrying outside Sylhet
Salaam...
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Very touching indeed. I feel sorry for those sisters who are struggling to marry the guy they love but not being able due to cultural barriers. It is really hard to find a decent brother out there, I know. I don't blame anyone.
I been through a hard time in my life and still am. Not just my family are too judgemental towards other cultures, I actually despite being everything a girl wanted me to be apart from having a good job, haven't found anyone. It is a struggle when you are single and people normally say single people are lucky. I was one of the most sweetest guy ever when I was with my gf but she left me after one week.
When you are single then you have no one to talk to and wherever you go, people will always rub it in. Trust me I've been through suicide moments where I thought to myself life is not worth living anymore because I'm facing too much loneliness and hardships.
My advice is to everyone out there who are struggling to meet someone is be patient towards Allah and then good will come out of it.
I can too write a book about my life and hardships I been through with all this.
You should marry each other.If he says no then he is a traitor,lair,coward,half-lady.Do not think about the rest of world.If he marrys you then his parents become angry on him but after a few days they forget it and forgives you.So be courage.I am a bengali too.
I say move on it will never work... I have been there hun, and trust me, these men are weak, he'll waste your time hanging on to you. Since leaving my ex i have met lots of people and you know what i'm glad i left him. We were never physical with eachother, but we cared for each other very much, however his family didnt want it. I'm saying to you now, stick with a pakistani. I'm here if you want to talk.
I get it. But there are too many Bengali women going out with Paki men and not the other way around. It pisses me off as a Bengali guy. We always loose out.
I need help could you email me please
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Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor