Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents wont let me marry the person I love because they fear what others will say

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I been in love with this guy for 4 years, and I know it was wrong that i talked to him, but i never did anything but talk to him, and i have stopped now. He has asked for my hand many times, but peoples opinons would get to my parents head, cause they say his family are not very good and have many problems and over that are very poor.

And i know his family may be like that but he is a gud man, and people know that, but my parents do care what people say and they said even if the guy is gud, still his family is not good, and family is importand cause i will be part of them. I tried to convince them but they wont let me, everyone in my family dont because of his families reputation.

He is in Deep love with me and so am I, I cant imagine my life without him and he is going crazy that he cant have me, Since he asked for me many times, I dont know if i should let go and listen to my parents, or keep fighting but i feel so helpless and feel that they will never let me have him, even though i dont think i will never feel happy without him. He is also a good guy, and has faith and prays everyday. Please help to give me advice!

-Leena


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42 Responses »

  1. Follow as per your parents wish.

    • well since your an adult its her choice who she wnna marry like dude marrige is meant for a couple who truly love eachother like you and your guy and you are an adult so its your decision,just sit your parents down and talk to them and tell them that marrige is meant for true love and that you are old enough to make your own decisions but you still respects them and also ask them if they care what people will say or for their daughter's happiness,i know it hurts when your parents wont let you marry someone you love even though you are an adult i told my parents i love this guy and that im old enough to make my own decisions but they never listened then one day i sat them down and told them kindly and they thought about it and on that same day i brought my guy home,he respected my famliy and soon they said that they want to get to know him well and when they did they saw what a great guy he was and let me marry him,but they didnt want me to marry him in the beginning cause they were over protective and thought that since i secretly dated him he might of being using me but soon they found out he was great so we married when i was 19,still in uni but its k anyway many people marry at 19-20 even most of my friends married at that age ,we married when i was 19 but birthday in 1 month so i was basicly almost 20 not so much difference and then i was pregnant and had a beautiful baby boy @ 20 ,life is amazing but sometimes us girls have to fight for our rights,in my house my parents used to let my brovs out wiv friends only so i lied to them and went out with friends and at teenage age i used to wear really slutty clothes for like one year when i was 16 secretly but then realized my parents were right becoz all the guys only wanted me for my body but wen i stopped i got mr.right so yh i think she shud stick up for her rights

  2. Assalamualaikum,

    Sister, first of all, your relationship with this man is Haraam. Talking of love with a non Mahram is Haraam in itself.
    Your parents are not totally wrong. They want the best for their daughter. They think he wouldn't be able to take care of you. If he intends to marry you, the only solution is that the man comes to your Wali who happens to be your father, and asks for you in Marriage, convincing him that he will take good care of you and he will keep you away from his family.
    And you should cut all contact with him. If your father agrees, Alhamdulillah. If he doesn't, still Alhamdulillah. Maybe he will choose a better person for you.
    Know that there is nothing in Islam like saying "I can't do without him" concerning a non Mahram.
    If your father disagrees, then take your time, keep yourself busy in Allah's Worship, cut contact with the man, and develop some taqwa, and insha Allah, you'll find every solution in it. Then, you can ask your father to choose a righteous person for you. And remember, you are not being forced. You have full right to accept or reject a man in marriage. And also remember that Nikaah is invalid without the approval of the Wali.

    [Do not forget to offer Salatul Istikhaarah first]

    May Allah give you the best match possible
    Aameen
    Wassalamualaikum
    Muhammad Waseem

    • This is complete crap. So you're saying that she isn't able to speak to someone about "love" unless she is supervised? That's basically imprisonment. I wouldn't let the man I love be cut off from my life because my father disapproves. I'm actually in that situation, and I'm the one who has to be with whoever I marry...not my parents. If my parents don't approve then they don't have to be in my life...because it's MY life...not theirs. This way of thinking is backwards and stuck in the stone-age...oh yeah...one of the many reasons I left this religion...and I hope Leena didn't follow this advice. Leena...be with who you love no matter what..because what you have is a precious gift and don't let religious dogma take it away from you.

      • I 100 % agree. Islam gives us right to choose a groom for us. No stupid fellow can deny this fact. Why this is compulsory to get the consent of the bride at the time of nikah?? because it is order and will of Allah. We the females should stand against the illogical, irreligious dominance of stupid men. Allah taala' surah nisa main kia fermatay hain?? Men se kehtay hain keh agar tum insaf kar sako to 2, 3, 4 nikah karo, lekin yeh (Insaf karna) asan nahin iss liye behtar hai aik per qanaat karo. please read Quran and follow on it. You are right BTMH, it is girl who has to be with who ever she marries, not her parent. Choosing husband is our right, we should fight for this right.

  3. MAK, advice from a movie? I think the sister is seeking an Islamic advise. And the love you speak about is Haraam. Any relationship with a non Mahram is disapproved in Islam.

    Wassalamualaikum
    Muhammad Waseem

    • The girl is seeking for marriage , if she wouldnt know that the relationship she is having is haram she wouldnt seek for marriage in the first place. She wants halal and parents don't let her have halal , she is attracted to the person so she wants marriage. Saying that she is doing something that's haram is not helpful.

      • She loves some one and wants to marry her
        In order to have a halal n pure relationship.
        I have the same problem n i can feel her.
        I cant stop loving him and the thing my parents are
        Doing just puts me in more sins. Isnt that haram to
        Love a person n marry an other person? I myself want
        To be in Nikah with him. But if my parents wont let,
        Obviouly it would harm me n put me in more sins

  4. Salam sister Leena,

    Have you met the brother? If yes, and during these course of four years you have not seen or noticed anything wrong in him then your parent's should not be a barrier to the liking of marriage of your choice to this brother. Not all five fingers are the same. You have the right to marry someone of your choice.

    If your parents, are not going to agree at all, try to get your trusted uncles/aunties involved. They may speak on your behalf, but if they are also against it or some other reason, then you can make the imam of your masjid your wali. Make sure if you take the last option, you still need to inform your parents of your decision, because secret marriage is not allowed in Islam.

    However, if you do not wish to go against your parents wishes, then yes, you need to continue with your stop by not talking to the brother again and break all contacts with him- you move on and let him move on with life too.

    My end advise is, if you are 100% sure of this brother's emaan and character, as well as if you feel ready for marriage responsibilities, then try to get married to this brother in most respectable and Islamic manner possible.

    Also, do estekhara. InshaAllah, Allah (swt) may guide you to one of your most important decision in your life.

    May Allah (swt) make your struggle easy for you, ameen.

    Your sister, Parveen.
    -x-

  5. Assalamu Alaikum Sister

    I am also in the same position as you. My parents won't let me marry the man I have chosen and want to marry for a few reasons but those reasons are not good enough in an Islamic point of view. All I can say is do Istikhara, have faith in Allah (swt) keep praying and reading Quran too. This is what I am doing. Insha'Allah your parents will understand and realise soon. I will do dua for you please do dua for me too.

  6. Dear Muslimah As-salaam-alaikum,

    Islam is like a deep ocean and what knowledge you get from it is just a handful of water!

    Islam is the same which it was 1400 years ago during the time of prophet Mohammad(P.B.U.H), din in islam has the most fazilat over any other affairs and relationships.

    Islam has given all the rights to women to choose their life partner but in the islamic way e.g Hazrat Khadija (R.A) sent the marriage proposal to prophet Mohammad(P.B.U.H) at the age 40 when prophet Mohammad(P.B.U.H) was just 25 before he got prophecy because he was the most influential personality on the earth(So here Hazrat Khadija selected a right person for her).

    Islam says if you get marriage proposal from a man whose who is noble and has good taqwa then you should accept the proposal or else there will be fitna on earth.

    So my dear sister ... if the guy has good islamic values then your parents should accept this proposal, but again your father is a door for heaven so use the right keys to open the door, never go against the decision of your parents as there is no success for those who dis-obey their parents on earth and in the life after death.

    As-salaam-alaikum

  7. The Prophet – Sallallahu alaihi was Salam said: “If there comes to you one whom you are pleased with his religion and his character then marry him, if you do not do so, there will be fitna in the earth and widespread corruption”

    If this guy is a good person, you love each other, it is fitna to stop the marriage taking place.

    Their is the evil of forced marriage, and then their is the evil of forcing two people of apart.

    So long as you are both Muslims then you should marry.

    If you two were to run away together and fornicate - the fault will be shared by the parents - they are making the halal (nikah) difficult (impossible) on you both.

    A "wali" is an agent, a wakeel, he works on behalf of the woman, and can only object with a valid Islamic reason. This does not allow him to make-up things, use "cultural" baggage, or exaggerate minor issues.

    If the reasons are not Islamic... then find another Wali. Appoint someone else as your wakeel.

    • Salaam,

      I have the almost the same issue. I have accepted Islam with complete faith. Not because i am in love with her. I have faith in Allah. I Love him.

      The girl's parents (neither dad or mom or any other relative) is accepting me. I am a good guy, I earn well, my family is good. However they want their child to marry only in their community, so that everyone in their community is happy. Without thinking about their daughter's happiness. I need a Wali and there is no one, I am not sure whether an Imam would help or not.

      I need to know whether I can take any of her friend or her cousin sister as her Wali, and in case neither one helps, can I ask Imam to be her Wali. As i have recently accepted Islam even my parents won't accept my decision. Hence can i bring two of my muslim friends as my witness for our nikah to be valid in Islam.

  8. exactly agreed with ISLAM.. and for those who are saying that love is haraam, then sorry to use the words but islam is not ur property, if u dnt have knowldge then atleast dnt misguide people.. haraam are those relations which are now a days common in the name of love.. but love actually and truly is a pure and noble feelings.. so pray to ALLAH for ur love .. if ur prayers are made as they should b then absolutely u will meet ur love and INSHA ALLAH will live a happy and peacefull life.. And dnt worry for those people who say u r a girl and wt will people think.. keep in mind that the marriage proposal to HAZRAT MUHAMMAD PBUH was sent by HAZRAT KHADIJA herself .. so pray to ALLAH whole heartedly and with complete beleif .. MAY UR NOBLE DESIRES COME true.. AAMEEEN.

    • Dear Fareeha,

      I appreciate the response you gave. It made me feel relief that somebody was speaking in a way that makes a human feel like they are not crazy or evil for experiencing normal human emotions. And thank you for clarifying that feelings are not evil themselves. Acting on them and passing the barriers of Islam, is haram, but love itself is not haram... That is why our Noble Messenger peace and blessings be upon him said that the the best thing for two people in love is marriage. "But the love feelings should be properly directed, meaning, no touching, no sex before marriage - keep it within limits."

      "Dont worry about two people in love as long as they keep it halal but you should worry about some satanic people who dont like two people in love to be happy with their marriage life, these people try very hard to break it by making up stories, by instigating issues so they fight, argue and lead to crisis..."

      May Allah reward you immensely in this life and the next Fareeha, for explaining it so simply. and in such a way that people can breathe a sigh of relief and have a flicker of hope in the heart - for the halal and that which is pleasing to Allah, the Most High, the Most Merciful.

      • My Pleasure dear :) .. and do pray for me too.. i am also facing some critical situations because my parents r not willing to marry now.. and his parents are forcing him to marry somewhere else.. :( .. plzz pray fr me .. May ALLAH put mercy in my parents hearts.. and they undrstand my emotions and love.. aameen .. :'(

  9. salaam

    we have to get one thing straight love IS allowed in islam the prophet himself fell in love. and he had wifes that are all outside his family. we should educate our families and make them realise that they are going against teaching of islam by prolonging marriage without islamic reason.

    im in the same position after 5 years of my relationship and fighting for getting married im just frustrated and having to cope with university studies at the same time. hes a good guy he prays he works hard and comes from a good family. he's spoken to my family twice and my parents are taking their time. i know we're good together we made it 5 years happily.

    they are getting gunah aswel for prolonging my marriage. i'm 22 years old and have needs life gets difficult without a mehram or spouse to take me to interviews or even shopping even islamic events where i need a mehram to go with me. i want to have a married life and not be in secrecy anymore. im sure this girl is doing the right thing by telling her parents and not hiding behind their back as im sure most girls do. now its the parents job to act upon and give an appropriate yes or no answer with an islamic reason.

    my parents are basically saying to wait after university studies which is fine but i want to be attached so that rishtas from pakistan can stop which my parents say no to anyway. its like they dont want me to get married at all.

    inshallah ill be finishing my degree in 7 months lets see where life takes us. Allah knows best.

    • a.khaliq, I think it is a disrespect towards the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam to say that he fell in love and got married. The reasons he got married to his wives were different.

      Additionally "love", "infactuation", "attraction" are different from "a pre marital relationship". If someone likes a person from the opposite sex to be his or her spouse, the following Hadith applies:

      "Nothing is better for those in love than marriage". [ Transmitted on the authority of Ibn Abbas, Ibn Majah (1847); Al-Hakim and corrected on Muslim's term 2/160, agreed upon by Al-Dhahaby and Al-Baihaqi 7/78; Al-Tabrany, Tammam and others. It is mentioned by Al-Albany in the "authentic ones" (624).]

      Muhammad Waseem
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • I didn't say if he fell in love either before or after marriage the fact is he felt love towards all his wives. I'm sorry if I Made a mistake Allah knows best.
        My problem is that some traditional Pakistani families think love is not real and not allowed.

    • You did gunnah for 5 years aswell. And Allah knows best.

      • The reason it's been 5 years is due to my parents not allowing us to get married and prolonging it. Ill let u know that we have stayed in our limits. If it were my daughter saying she wants to get married I would not let her live in sin and talk to the families for marriage preparations. This is the Islamic way to go about it, not prolonging it and making it hard for us,

        • agreed .. making hard any halaal thing and prolonging it is not right.. if they even thing that love before marriage is sin then should arrange the marriage to avoid sin.. not ruin the lives of childeren and getting sin on their own heads as well..

  10. You have one opportunity to live your life. Don't let your parents live your life for you. Make your own decisions. I was in the same position and followed my heart. I have been happily married for 3 years and I am enjoying life. Family is not family if they emotionally destroy you for making a decision they do not agree with.

  11. dear leena,
    please marry this guy!!!!!!! dont let your parents live your life.. Not many find love. You are very lucky. Embrace it and love him and he will love you and get married =) once you do that trust me your parents will never stop loving you. You do what you gotta do !!! Follow your heart

  12. Asalamu Alikum

    I'm also in a similar situation as you sister Lenaa. I met someone on the internet and he loved me, and he asked my parents for me. But, my Dad thought that it's impossible, and that this guy wanted information obout our family to get us. That's because we come from Syria, and you know what's happining in Syria right now. So, my dad thought that this guy is with Assad regim and want to find out where we are so they can kill us. But, we are not in syria at all. He asked for my hand if we can just be ingajed on the internet baskicly, so we can talk to each other and it would be halal. But my dad said that I'm too young and that this guy is stupid to think about me not knowing how i even look like. I know I have a weard story, but yes we fell in love on the internet and we never saw each other.

    I'm waiting to grow up hahah, I will be 18 soon !!!

    This guy that i talked to you about is actully islamic studies teacher, and he been teaching for three years. He's almost 26 , not old for me in my cultur it's normal.

    But I try not to talk to him now days, we are just going to wait for things to get better in my country Syria. Please pray for them. The only reason i want to keep talking to him is to know if he's alive or not, and to know more about what's going on there.

    Sister Linaa, love is love, and i know it, it's not impossible to leave, but it's very very hard. I think your parents premition is very important, but again it will be your life. I convinced my mother, and she promised me to convince my dad to let us get married when things get better. I think you should do the same. Try to convince your mother that this guy is a good guy for you and that you don't wont anybody else, and let her convince your dad. If they both are not on your side, than leave him but tell them i won't ever get married. If they see how bad you really feel, they will be on your side. If that didn't work, than leave him and think of other things to keep you away from thinking of him. Don't lose your family for the guy, because your family should come first. Sister, love comes and goes, but family is only going to be once. The best thing to do is to let someone else inter your life, but ofcourse in a halal way. Don't make the same mistake again. Love is not harram itself, but talking to a guy with no ingajmet or marriage in between is haram. May Allah forgive me and you and all of muslims. I know that life have changed and now days it's almost imposible to not be in any relations with people from your oppiset sex, but thier is always red lines that we shouldn't cross. I'm in a kufar country and it's hard for me not. Alhamdulilah I don't get involved with any patucular guy ever in college. But, i don't remember how i met this guy on the internet and we got in love. I know it's a mistake, and thats why i wanted to fix it by marriag. But, they said i'm too young because i really was (16). So now waiting for the right time. May Allah guid me and you and all muslims to make the right discations.

    I never felt the diffrence between our ages, because even though i'm young people think i'm in my late 20s because of the way i speak and act. Age, culture, family issues, could be factors to your marriage, but they are not the most important ones. Wha't important is Deen, and maners. Just like The Prophet – Sallallahu alaihi wasalam said: “If there comes to you one whom you are pleased with his religion and his character then marry him, if you do not do so, there will be fitna in the earth and widespread corruption” (this Hadith is telling the parents to allow to allow thier kids to marry who comes with good relation and character, not to the kids themselfs - I speak arabic and memorize this hadith and in english it's hard to see to whom is the prophet talking to, but in arabic it's clear.)

    but again don't let your marriage from this guy create fitna between you and your family. Meaning problems. So ask yourself who's more important and who really care more for you. And who stayed beside you for a longer time. Try in all your might to convince your parents to let you marry him, but if you couldn't do it. Than find a halal love that your parents will excpt, and believe me you will forget him and move on.

    sorry that i wrote alot, I hope i helped you

    May Allah pick what's best for you and me and all our muslim brothers and sisters, and make us live happily with it.

    Asalamu alikum :)

    • Wa'alykumsalam,

      Just incase you're unaware, this you should know.

      I met someone on the internet and he loved me
      we fell in love on the internet and we never saw each other.

      This is NOT ' LOVE '. This is infatuation or in my place they call it ' immature ' and ' desperate ' . I don't know if you think its true love or not, but TRUE LOVE (With divine blessings) comes only after marriage, everything before it, is shaytan's tricks and deception basically false desires.

      Allah wanred us when " shaytan said: “I will take of your servants a portion marked off; I will mislead them, and I will create in them false desires.." Whoever, forsaking God, takes Satan for a friend, hath of a surety suffered a loss that is manifest. Satan makes them promises, and creates in them false desires; but Satan’s promises are nothing but deception. (4: 117–20)

      This guy that i talked to you about is actully islamic studies teacher, and he been teaching for three years.

      This above statement is ridiculous. Because, Islam doesn't teach this:-

      He asked for my hand if we can just be ingajed on the internet baskicly, so we can talk to each other and it would be halal.

      Engagement doesn't make anything halal in islam. Marriage does. That man is trying to deceive you by making up a lie that he is Islamic teacher and fooling you into believing that engagement makes relationship halal. Even if its true that he is a Islamic teacher, he's behaviour is of a hypocrite.

      Umar mentioned the hadith of the Prophet (SAW): "The thing from which I fear for you the most is the knowledgeable hypocrite." Umar was then asked: "How can a hypocrite be knowledgeable?" To which Umar answered: "He speaks with wisdom but acts with injustice."

      “Verily, the hypocrites will be in the lowest depth (grade) of the Fire; no helper will you find for them" [al-Nisaa’ 4:145]

      So basically, It is forbidden to have pre-marital relationship/ gf-bf in islam. Whether online or offline, it is equally haram. You've got to stop it right away and repent. That man online is playing and fooling you, you are very young (only 16) and he might be taking an advantage of your ignorance or maybe visa or whatever. Being in this illegal online relationship will only make Allah angry and severe consequences will befall you. Take heed. You havn't seen that man, your dad maybe right. Very dangerous game you are playing, with fire indeed.

      "And do not approach zina. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil way." [ Surat Al-'Isrā' 17:32 ]

      “The zina of the eyes is looking , the zina of the ears is listening, the zina of the tongue is speaking, the zina of the hand is touching, and the zina of the foot is walking. The heartwishes and longs and the private part confirms that or denies it.” Muslim, 2657

      but talking to a guy with no ingajmet or marriage in between is haram

      Talking to a guy with NO marriage is HARAAM. Being engaged doesn't justify a lawful relationship. Being engaged, both of you are still strangers towards each other. Being engaged doesn't give you the right to talk like how a lawful husband and wife talks. So, Stop communicating with that man in Syria. By continuing it, you'll only let that false 'love' grow between you both which will make the shaytan very happy. Fear Allah for His punishment is severe.

      For now, be dutiful towards Allah. Pray the daily prayers, obey Allah and fear Him. Understand what are the islamic teachings and limits by reading the Quran. Make lots of tawbah and insha'Allah Allah will forgive you. May He guide you. ameen

  13. My parents and family do not treat me the same or equally and I cannot trust my father to find me somebody go marry as he comes across that he doesn't care who I get married to as long as he chooses.
    I know it is haram but I admit being in a relationship with somebody who is very close to me but I know it will be very hard for me to marry him in the future as my family will not accept as he is not Bengali. He is muslim and he is one of the nicest men you will ever meet with such a kind heart but my parents especially my father will not want to know. We want to get married to each other eventually but my parents are very strict upon culture more than religion I feel guilty for lying and going behind their backs so I cut all connection with him and its been months and I am very unhappy I cry myself to sleep because I know he cares and loves me more than any one in my family does.

    • If you're Sylheti, then most certainly your family and relatives wouldn't accept anyone outside the town. Unfortunately this is the culture. Whatever the case is, its great that you've cut all contacts because you might've saved yourself from Allah's wrath and punishment. You obviously knew that your relationship is haram and haram will only lead to troubles and punishments, therefore be firm in ceasing this relationship. Have patience, pray, repent and try to forget him. If he wants to marry you, let him and his family approach your family and ask. If he can't do that, then he should leave you as you'll be another man's wife. Your feelings for him will vanish in time,

      • I've tried forgetting him but he is always in my mind no matter what i do as well as that he said he wants to marry me and wants a future with me nobody else but we still have to sort our education out first. He is scared of my parents and family but he is willing to go through so much, even if i got married to a bengali i know my heart will always be for him and I will be unhappy as I never wanted to marry someone from sylhet or anyone bangladeshi.
        I cry every night because this guy isnt any other guy to me he is my best friend.

  14. Evn d problem wit me is same i luv a girl but i m of 18 nw and she is just 6 months smaller den me v both luv each othr vry much and her parents knows abt us & dey r forcing her to get marry to some one else plzz hlp me my brothers wat should i do

    • Salaams,

      Brother, if you log in and write your question as a separate post with more detail, in shaa Allah we will be able to advise you in turn.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • I am from India, mumbai. The rule to get married in india for a girl is 21 yrs. Check what is the legal age for her and then tell her to make police call so that her parents stop child marriage. Once you both are of legal age, do a nikah and then court marriage.

      As-salaam-alaikum
      Your Brother Ali.

  15. Listen...if you really love this Muslim man, marry him .... There is nothing wrong if you marry a Muslim man....Don't disobey Allah by marrying a Non-Muslim ....But if the man you love is a Muslim, by all means, fight with all your spirit to make your union halal through marriage ....if you do not marry the man you love, then you will feel miserable your whole life ....Listen, sister, if you do not marry this man in this Dunya, then you will lose him in the Hereafter...the husband and wife in this Dunya will also be husband and wife in the Hereafter .... If this union is not halal, then go and make it halal ... Go marry the man you love ...if you love him for Allah's sake...please go marry him ...Allah is the all-knowing ...He knows what is in your Heart ....He know you love him ...He knows that you desire to marry him ...that you want him as a lawfully wedded husband ....It depends on the will of Allah ///but you have to take the iniative to make it happen ...Tie the camel and have faith in Allah .... Allah has given you Free Will ...You must decide to marry the man you love or the man your parents have chosen for you ... Anyone who tells you that this is "false love" doesn't know what he is talking about ... whoever says that this is "false love" doesn't know what love is ....he is living a lie .... Listen if your goal is the hereafter ...then you must marry the man you LOVE ....Always ask Allah to grant you the man you love as your lawfully wedded husband BOTH in this Dunya and in the Hereafter ....

  16. Salam

    It saddens me to read so many people are going through this sort of pain.
    I hope inshallah some one can give me guidence too. Ive pretty much got a similar problem to most of the girls on this thread and really just need some one to confide in pain as I dont really have many friends that understamd it.

    (remainder of the comment has been deleted)

    • Wa Alaikum as Salam,

      Please login and submit your question separately. Thank you.

      Abu Abdul Bari
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  17. I am 26. I am facing the same situation :'(. Follow your heart. Marry the one you love otherwise you cant enjoy your life. You will die everyday because true love lives within you. You cant overcome it. I also talked to my mother and she said NO. And also warned me not to talk about this to my father. And she asked me to cut off with him. How could I? I couldn't. Pray for me as well.

  18. Friend I am passing from same issues and chaos from last 7 years.Caste Discrimination,Racism.But if you both have good job,independence,stability,own house,then please move further because people will say 2 days and forget the matter,its your life that will finish.So,its better you both get married parents say everything just like they don't accept,we must also reject their certain decisions.

  19. Assalamualaikum,

    Remember, by your parents holding you back, especially if you are older then 21, your chances of fornication are increasing every day, and this sin will not be on them (unkess theynare FORCEFULLY holding you back) the sin will only be on you because you are old enough to make your own decisions, right? If that is true then is it not true that you are also old enough to make your own decision on marrying this guy?

    I am 25 and in the same situation. I would have left and married him long ago if it was not out of respect for my elder sister, who is finally getting married soon. I love my parents, but their excuses are only that my beloved is poor and has no college education, and comes fom a small village back in the country, and his mom, who is a single mom, works outside the house, so has gained a bad reputation by devilish men in our small Muslim community here in the States. What my parents are blinf to is the fact that we are also poor, they have no education, we are on food stamps and medicaid, also from a small village back home but managed to make a little money and move to the "big city", the only difference is we managed to take a mortgage out and buy a nice house here in the states with interest money, mind you I also had to take out a loan to go to College here. My love is a good man, we all make mistakes in our life, and i am not perfect neither is he. I dont have money either, neither do I have some fabulous degree, ive spent 8 years in College and have just recently found my career path in Nursing, Alhumdullilah.

    Believe me when I say there is absolutely no logic in my parents dissagreing to our marriage other then the fact that they are unfortunately obsessed with looking like they have money to gain respect, and have Pride, too much pride.
    I love my parents very much but I only hold off my marriage to my love for my elder sisters sake. I respect her and wanted her to have a smooth wedding to the one she has loved for so long, who they fortunately aggreed to because of his financial status and cultural reputation...and he is very nice. But inshaAllah now that she is soon to be married, I will take the step in marrying my love with or without them by my side.

    I am not an innocent young girl, age 16, I am 26 have made mistakes, gone out and ventured into this world, worked, been in college, so I have the right to make my own decisions. I have had many jobs, helping my family financially as well. I have bought everything for myself since I was 21, so believe me when I say I earned that right. I cook and clean and already have "womanly" duties., it makes absolutely no sense. There is no logic to it, other then the do as i say jahliyah logic, which is not the way of our beloved Nabi, I assure you. Our beloved Nabi taught us to think for ourselves, notto just believe any person and what they say, but to use your own brain and come up with your own decisions by seeking knowlege, and trust and love our Rabbil Aalameen enough that we will always be guided

    My advise is,if you are not innocent, have had a life outside of your family, then you are not one who needs their Mahram. As our Mother the Beloved Khadijah peace and blessings upon her always, was independent, not an innocent, so she was entitled to choose her own Husband.

    Those who need Mahrams are younger ladies, who have no experience in life and are truly innocent. They need the wise advise of their parents at that age because they have not attained wisdom themselves.
    If you wish to marry this man and are young and innocent devoid of worldly experinces, and mistakes, then have sabr and remain innocent, but at least become independent financially and mentally, see the world as much as you can within boundaries, and inshaAllah your luck will change for the better. Either you will have this man as your husband based on your own wise decision,or your wisdom will prove that he is not for you as your parents say. Have patience, it is key. If you are over 21 and your parents have not tried themselves to even get you married for whatever excuse, then do not feel guilt over going against what they say, please.
    Allah AlRahman AlRaheem made for Adam allaihisalaam a Wife, not a parent or child or friend or sibling.....
    The Marriage relationship has more ayats in iur Quran then those of our Parents. Allah created in pairs everything, Allah AlRahman mentions this many time. Allah AlWudood mentions peace and comfort between man and wife, also tests. It is the most important relationship between human beings... Read the Quran inshaAllah your answers will be seen because they are all there. Fast, pray, make dhikr, especially in the last part of the night, be kind, sincere, patient, and loving.

  20. I am 22 now..I was 17 and he 24 when we first started talking .. He is my family friend & lives in another city

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