Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Planning an inter-faith wedding

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Hi, Everyone!

A wonderful Muslim family gave birth to a beautiful boy. Later that year my fantastic Catholic daughter was born. Years passed.  They never dated (she has never dated anyone for sure...and pretty certain about him,too), but they did become "best friends" and talked over the  phone and in the presence of the families at public events.

This is not considered " normal" around these parts.

They get teased a lot.

We felt they would drift apart. They didn't.

Then they fell in love.

Families are fine with it. (Seems his great-grandma was a Christian.?)

He Popped the Question.

But she said "not yet."

She said he owed it to his religion to check out the Muslim girls.

He said he had and  that she was the only one for him.

she said he hadn't met enough Muslim girls yet in this one-horse town and to take another  year in college as a free man and meet some more.

He did.

Came back with the same feeling.

Asked her again and she said yes.

What happens next?

I don't think it's like a Catholic wedding! (Don't want to appear too ignorant in front of my future in-laws. What does the bride's family do? If culture plays into this, he's Arab-American .)

thanks for helping!

SeaBreeze


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5 Responses »

  1. Other than the nikah, the Wedding should be the least of your concerns. The couple should spend time thinking about how they will raise their children given the two religions that will be in the household, and to what extent Islam will play a role in the family life and to what extent Christianity will play a role in the family life. Those are going to be the real challenges to this couple.

  2. Hi,

    For a moment, I thought your post is only a novel about two lovers, and then I saw the question at the end. 🙂

    I'm not sure whether the wedding is taking place at your area or in the arab world, however, I'd suggest that you visit a local mosque and talk to some Muslim sisters or Imam over there about it.

    May Allah bless the wedding and bless them with wonderful and fantastic children. Ameen!!!

    Peace.

  3. Muslims have very different cultural backgrounds and therefore also very different wedding traditions. It's hard to guide you when you have not stated which culture the man belongs to.

  4. Salaams,

    Arab American can mean a lot of things. He could be an Egyptian Arab-American, or a Saudi one, or a Yemeni one, to name a few. Not all Arab cultures are the same.

    But they SHOULD be the same when it comes to the nuts and bolts of an Islamic wedding, which is called nikkah. If she has accepted his proposal, he must offer her a dowry (mahr) that she should be willing to accept as well. A mahr can be anything from a sum of money, to jewelry, clothing, or anything the groom feels confident to offer her. The bride can accept or reject the proposed mahr. Receiving a mahr at the time of the nikkah is mandatory.

    If she agrees to it, then they set the date for the nikkah. If your daughter's father (presumably your husband) is not a Muslim, she will need a Muslim guardian called a 'wali' to represent her interests at the nikkah. This is also mandatory. If she has no male blood relatives who are muslim, the officiant (called an 'imam') can act as her wali.

    Another mandatory requirement for the nikkah to be valid and complete is the presence of two male muslim witnesses to the ceremony. Presumably the groom will have some relatives or friends in mind for this. Of course there can be other guests present; as many as the couple likes.

    During the nikkah itself, usually the imam says a prayer (dua), reads some verses (ayahs) of Quran- the Islamic Holy Book, and gives a short speech called khutbah by some. The readings and prayers/khutba may be offered in both English and Arabic. Usually following this, the imam asks the bride if she accepts the groom's proposal, and his mahr. If she accepts, he will then most likey give his verbal consent if he is acting as her wali as well. Then he will ask the groom if he accepts your daughter as a wife. Some brief closing remarks will be made.

    Following the nikkah (either direclty like in the west, or on a separate day altogether) there is what's called a 'walimah', which is conventionally the same thing as a wedding reception. Here is where culture comes in: no alcohol or pork will be served at an Islamic walimah. There is neither any dancing or music. There is feasting and visiting, but generally the men and women are segregated from one another. The bride's family may ask all female non-muslim attendees to wear a headscarf (hijab) out of respect. The food will likely be halal (which is similar to kosher for Muslims).

    Generally the majority of the cost of the wedding expenses is borne by the groom and his family, but some cultures do it differently. If you want more specific details of the plans his family has in mind, then it's best to get to know him and his family and ask them direct questions. You can also clarify with them what the expectatations will be for your daughter's side of the family and her guests.

    One final aspect about the wedding itself, Muslims will not consent to a second "catholic" wedding. If your daughter wants a western style wedding dress and nice cake, she can still have those in the nikkah and walimah, God willing. But having a ceremony with a Catholic priest, communion, and all the other rituals of a Catholic wedding would be prohibited to a Muslim.

    However I would like to emphasize what was said above, that it's not about the wedding/nikkah, but how they will function as an inter-religious AND inter-cultural married couple. Both families need to offer extensive and consistent support for the marriage to find success.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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