Pregnant and not heard from my Saudi Boyfriend
Editors note: Two posts from this author combined here to provide more information to help us advise
1. Pregnant and not heard from my Saudi Boyfriend
Hi all, I wish I can receive good advice about the problem I have. I met my "boyfriend" two years ago in U.S. both were study in college and from the moment we met we fell in love, after 3 months we moved in together, in our apartment there were living with two of his cousins . For sure my family knows about him but as is expected his family doesn't know about me, but he says that an uncle and his sisters know about the relationship we have. I'm from Latin America, I want to convert to Islam not because he demanded, and also is not because I'm deeply in love of him, is just because I've been learning about islam and I want to be an example for my child. On the other hand, he is from Saudi Arabia-Riyadh city, from a wealthy and very known family from all the people in Saudi Arabia and Middle East, and he says he loves me more than everything. Also he has an student visa.
However, 6 months ago I got pregnant and this news change everything because this is not legal in Islam and worse in his country. Now I'm in U.S. and he is in SA because the Eid but until now I don't get any good news from him, also its seems he disappears for days and then he just write to me message but until now he didn't call me. My family, specially my father give me his back, I don't have any support from them because he said "you decide to moved together and you were sure about the love he has for you". When he was here he said we are going to get married but not now, and if he doesn't want to be responsible for the baby he will run away long time ago, but his attitude now is showing me other things. I'm wondering if we can get married even if he doesn't have the 35 years old that his government required to marry a foreigner? For sure I want to give a home to my child with his father, but if the things doesn't change with him, what I have to do? resign myself to lose him and having my son without a father (because he is the love of my life) or be with him until he go back to SA in 3 years?
I hope to receive answers to solve my problem. Thank you a lot, Allah bless you all.
Saudi name for my baby and information about my options because her father run away (2 weeks later)
Salam Alaikum all,
I'm going to have a beautiful baby Saudi girl, and I wish to name her with a name from her origins but her father left us, so I need to chose by myself the name of my daughter. If you can provide me beautiful names with a lovely meaning I will appreciate... Even if my beloved daughter is out of wedlock is the product of a "great and pure love" at least the one I had for his father ...
This man and I were living together long time ago, and he just left to SA with the excuse of the Eid but he never come back again, the earth eat him. So, also I have been searching for help to get a child support for my daughter but so far I have not found anything, I don't know if the Saudi government can help me to find the father of my daughter or what I have to do. I'm just so worry and scare of the future of my baby because a child without father spend a harsh time in life, and many of my Muslim friends said that is not allow to leave your child alone.
Please help me because I'm desperate.
Thanks for read.
Ma'a as-salaama
-maria-us
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Maria,
I am very sorry to hear of your predicament and even sadder that you are going to be left to raise your child on your own. The Saudi Government does not require your boy friend to be 35 years old in order to marry you, this is a blatant lie on his part. No such law exists. The laws that do exist make it virtually impossible for him to marry you...period.
Contact the Saudi Arabian Embassy in Washington, DC. Inform them of your situation and provide them with the name of your boyfriend. The more information you can provide them with, the better. The Saudi Embassy gets calls every single day from women who are pregnant by Saudi men. I do not know what they will tell you or what you are supposed to do but make that call. You did not make this child by yourself and if this man is in fact the father, he should not be allowed to walk away as if you and this child do not exist.
This is your child and as such, it is your responsibility to follow through on this and do whatever you can for the sake of your child.
The best of luck to you
Couldn't have said it better. The danger though is if he was some sort of crown prince that the Saudi government won't do anything. I wonder what they can also do on the American side, maybe deny an entry/student visa for this animal on his way back.
Did you decide to keep the child? If so make sure to have full custody of him since his father is not taking responsibility. Asthugfirullah
He is not a prince but his family is very known and wealthy in his country... They have a very important bank and companies in SA and around the Middle East. So i'm wondering if they really can help me or won't do anything because the importance of his family.
I decide to keep my daughter with me, no matter what, Inshallah!!!...
Salam,
I finally got the contact of his family but I don't know what exactly I should say to them and in which way i should write or talk.... If you can advice me I'll appreciate.
what are the laws that make impossible to marry him?... I'm going to contact the Embassy but i'm afraid to do it because i knwo for them the child belong to the father and is not fair that he leave me alone and then take my child when he doesn't even care. Do you think they can really help me?
I have been trying to contact him in many different ways but sometimes he replied and sometimes he just ignore me.
Thanks for your response.
Maria,
The laws have always been a bit tight regarding marrying of foreigners but even more so since the new laws regarding marrying foreign women have been in effect. I believe the government is making it virtually impossible to marry outside due to the number of men marrying abroad thus leaving many Saudi women unwed. If your Saudi friend told you he had to be 35 to marry you, he was lying through his teeth. Pretty much everyone knows the rules and he is no exception.
Do not be afraid to pick up the phone and call the Saudi Embassy. They might tell you they cannot help you at all but then again...what do you have to lose? Your boyfriend it seems has walked away, only to pretend the little girl he has fathered is not his problem. It is your duty to your daughter to try to locate him if you can. Maybe the Embassy will direct you to someone within their office who deals with this.
It is very possible that he has transferred to another city or state but that won't matter. The Saudi Embassy has a file on him and they will know everything there is to know about him except that he is a dead beat father. See if they will help you and if not, you can ask them how they might direct you. As I told you earlier, every single day, many women call the Saudi Embassy whom are pregnant by Saudi men. God willing they have someone there who will listen to you and help guide you to what you need to do to make him accountable.
Make that call and good luck to you
Thank you so much for your advices! I really appreciate... I'll make the call and see what they can do for me. And thanks to open my eyes to this huge lie!
Well if he's family is well known... then indeed he might be a prince... Naja and Normal poster are right... Pray to Allah to guide you... You should also consider that something did happen to him... either they're not allowing to go back to US by his parents... So pray to Allah...
and if its not much to ask...
help me with my problem too... ask anyone to answer my question... really need an answer for my question.. Jazzakallahu-khair
Hi Shenya,
He is not a prince, he just belong to a rich family in SA. At the beginning i was wondering if something happens to him but that is not the case, he is just enjoying to much SA... Yesterday I was talking to him to solve the situation but he just doesn't want to have an arrangement just for the child, its seems that he doesn't care about her... What is your problem, could you link your question, please?
Salaam,
I think Sister Najah is right in what she is saying...you need to try to locate this man, for the sake of your child. Even if he doesn't want to be a part of your and his childs life, you need to do this so that atleast when your child grows up, you can tell them that you tried..and of course so that you atleast can track her father. It would be even more difficult for your child to grow up into an adult and spend life wihtout knowing what the father was like, who he is, what he is doing, where is he , etc.
You cant force him to be a part of his daughters life..he has that freedom as a human being to do the right or wrong thing and clearly here he has chosen the wrong, however, he doesn't have to get away from it the way he is doing. Your child has a right to know who her father is and where he is so try to get information on him if you can for the future of your child. Atleast get his full name, address and whos child he is, etc if you dont know this currently. One day your child will ask and want to know - let him then answer for himself to his child.
As for names, there are many muslim names online sister. Just google it and you will have a whole load pop up 🙂
There are also muslim name books in Islamic bookstores so you can check them out.
May Allah swt guide you towards his light and make this easy for you, Ameen. Dont let the sin of this Muslim man affect your view of Islam - know that what he did- islamically- was wrong in every single way.
Was salaam
Thanks for your replied... I'm just doing all this for my daughter and i already contact the mosque in my country to meet them when i get there. Thanks for your advice and inshallah i will be alright with my baby.
Salam, I feel really angry about how irresponsible this man is, and how easily he has just walked away to let you deal with everything on your own!! He should not be allowed to get away with it so easily, and if I was in your position I would definetly try my utmost best to track him down. Also Najah has given excellent and relevant advice about contacting the saudi embassy to see what help they can provide.
I pray sincerely that everything works out well for both you and your child, and this man realises his responsibilties!
Thank you so much to be so emphatic with my situation. These days have been so difficult for me because i really trust him. I'm going to contact the Saudi Embassy to know what they can do for me.
Maria,
Have you had a moment to contact the Saudi Embassy? If not, you really need to do so. It is imperative that you address this issue whilst it is fresh and this mans file is current and in the system.
You should not be afraid to do so. This man thinks he can live with you and get you pregnant and simply hop on a plane and pretend absolutely nothing is going on. You will be doing an injustice to your daughter and to yourself by not contacting the Saudi Embassy. If anything, they will be informed that this man has fathered a child and is a dead beat dad.
His family will do nothing about this except sweep it way under the rug. No one is to ever know about this...no one. Don't do him any favors and make it easy on him. At the very least, contact the Saudi Embassy and let everyone know that "so and so" has fathered a child. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Good luck to you
Hi Najah,
Thank you very much for your advice. I've been spending complications in my health but Alhamdulillah my daughter is fine. Also i've been trying to reach the Embassy since 4 days and no one answer the number i should call, I asked the secretary and she transferred me to one office, then that office to other office, and at the very end no one helps. I will keep trying until I get something with this issue even if I'm still afraid because there are too many stories but Allah will help me, Inshallah.
May Allah bless u with courage. Just wondering some are childless and they cry to get a child and when Allah himself is blessing with a baby girl if m not wrong - ( girl child as first baby is assumed to be a blessing from Allah ) a barakat from Allah and he is running away from this .
Offer your prayers to Allah and ask for help and forgiveness from him . Things are always a bit complicated in GCC. And saudi is more complicated. My prayers with you .
Thanks for your words and your prays. I didn't know that a baby girl as first child is assumed to be a blessing 🙂 Could you explain to me more, it's so interesting and i'm kind of new in Islam. I tried everything to let him know about the progress of our daughter, even if he doesn't shows any interest on that, but i think i'm doing the right thing to let him know everything about her. She is a blessing for me, and even i'm spending a harsh time i'm praying to Allah to give me courage to give her the best.
Maria speak to the Saudi Embassy and let them know the situation. I don't know much about US laws regarding divorce, custody withotu marriage, etc, but surely US authorities will stop this scumbag from attaining a visit visa, if he doesn't pick up the responsibility of his child.
If you do talk to him again, be STRAIGHTFORWARD, remind him of his ISLAMIC duty to raise HIS child, to take responsibility to him and his family to acknowledge and PROVIDE for his child and remind him to fear Allah= ITAQI ALLAH (in ARABIC) because he will have to answer for his daughter on the day of judgment! Tell him that him someone who is born and calls himself MUSLIM has left you, a convert, to care for a single CHILD. Remind him that Allah SWT tests him and he will be answerable to Allah SWT and his punishment on the day of judgement INSHALLAH
Thanks for your words...I'll do it, also i've been doing that writing to him e-mails to let him know about the progress of our daughter. I said to him that i don't know too much about Islam but i know that our child don't have to pay for our mistakes, and she deserve all the good things the child need (love, and basic needs). I really don't know what else can i do to show him that he is wrong and he has to think of the innocent child that will born soon.
Allah bless you.
WS Maria, as someone who has had 4 years of Catholic Jesuit education, I am familiar with Catholicism, which I am sure is the background you are coming from as a Hispanic. There is NO concept of ORIGINAL SIN in al-Islam. Sex, procreation, is something that is enjoyed, encouraged and blessed between a couple who are in a halal/permissible relationship (ie marriage). There is no SIN on the child, even if parents had the kid out of wedlock. We believe all children are born sinless and Muslim, it is society/parents that makes them otherwise. So for instance, say a child dies in childbirth, no matter what the religion of their parents are, the infant is given Jannah (heaven).
Going back to the embassy situation, make sure you know who the initial person who forwards you call is, get a name and give your name. If it is the same person sitting there during all the weekdays, and it usually is, you can address her directly and make sure shes gets the call to the appropriate place.
If they are ignoring you intentionally, and you are not in the geographical vicinity of the embassy, look for a Saudi consulate in your state. SCHEDULE an in person appointment with whichever counsel (ie the counsel general) who would handle the situation and take care of it in person.
Also how is your health? You said there are some complications? Who is taking care of you? Most of all Please please PLEASE this is an extremely stressful time, take care of yourself. Excercise and eat well. Do something to take your mind of your situation sister, watch your occasional tv show, take a 40 minute cat nap during the day (put the alarm on your phone) if the baby is waking you up in the middle of the night. MAY ALLAH SWT Give him Hidaya (guidance) and give you Sabr (patience) and Barakah REWARD in this life and the Life after for raising a beautiful daughter.
Remind him of his duties again. This situation reminds me of an Surah in the Quran Surah Takwir in the Surah, God gives signs for the day of judgment and one of the questions that girls who were buried alive (referring to infanticide) will ask is "for what sin was I buried." You're health is not well, Allah SWT knows how you will be, Allah SWT alone knows what istuation your child will be raised in, but let your husband know that if he allows his daughter to be abandoned and face the possibility of a life without a provider and a husband, how different will he be from those who abandoned their daughter before they even had a life? Maybe this is getting too complicated, but in short, keep reminding him of his duty as a father and as a person, from name at least, who calls himself a Muslim.
If he is a good Muslim he should show the loyalty and steadfastness in raising your daughter, and I would even say, to you as a wife.
You are right, I'm "Catholic" because my parents decided that but as many people in our countries we don't follow very well our religion. So, I've been learning about Islam because i feel it inside my heart. Also i'm planning my daughter to follow the Islam but in my country there are about 2,000 people who follow this religion, so I think it will be difficult to keep up, but it In sha Allah we'll be on the right path.
Tomorrow I'm going to keep calling the Embassy to talk with them about the situation and also I check that in my State there is a Consulate, so if God wills everything will be fine.
My health is not too good, I've been praying to get better soon because I have Anemia and a huge depression. During the week the doctor did some test to my child to see that everything is okay because she said i have to many emotions that may be affecting my baby. Even if i'm not strong enough i'm going to walk everyday, listen classic music, and talking a lot to her, because i want her feel she is a beloved girl. Also I read the Qur'an to her every evening and pray to God to give me the good way to raise her.
About him you are more that right, this story is being more complicated every single day. I've been sending e-mails about the progress of our child, and keep him aware about everything... the last day was two days ago, i said about the test and that i need to fill out the acknowledgment of paternity that is required in U.S. to get the birth certificate before she born to make more easy to register her and get her passport faster to take her to my hometown and raise her there (because there is all my family and she will be with more people), and he replied that he don't think he is going to give her his name because he don't want the child since the beginning (he asked me to abort at the first but i refused) and that she is my decision. So imagine if he are not able to do a simple thing he won't be a provider for her. Then he added "if you don't want her I'm ready to keep her, she will have a great life and great education, but she won't know about what her mother was and you never gonna have contact with her." I was so sad after that chatting because he said so many hurting things.
I'm really grateful with you and with your support. Your replies are helping me a lot.
May Allah bless you every day on your life.
WS Maria I didn't see your reply until today! I hope you are doing well. How is your anemia, how severe is it, is it being treated with transfusions? Who is helping taking care of the baby during your treatment? Please take care of yourself!
For the embassy, I still can't gouge how they are treating the case, it doesn't seem too seriously. But again, I would file a local police complaint and one with the embassy (again in person, so that you could retain a copy of the complaint if they issue one), they should have his passport number on file according to this article http://archive.arabnews.com/?page=1§ion=0&article=124605&d=16&m=7&y=2009
As for this stupid man, at the end of the day, I don't know how anyone could say "I will take care of the kid, but you will have to get lost!" What an imbicible and a selfish fool! Our hearts ache for you sister. He said he didn't want her from the beginning? He should have made that choice when he committed zina (unlawful intercourse) and asked you to KILL the baby, a sin for both of you!
Instead of letting him, with his unbelievable immaturity, take the girl, probably tell his relatives that the mother ran away/died, and have the pain of sacrificing everything. Don't play games, give this man an ULTIMATUM and a time limit to respond to it, so that you can move on with your life and take care of YOURSELF: Either you are part of this girl's life, or you will answer Allah SWT on the Day of Judgement. I promise you, he will feel/show his grief, not immediately, outwardly, but he will but every waking moment for the rest of his life, not a moment will escape him that he has a daughter in this world. And every moment he walks closer to death will be the realization he will be answerable for abandoning this girl. There is no worse punishment. He will suffer in this world and the next.
Wa salam my sister in Islam
Assalamu Alaikum Sister,
Thanks for asking about my health. I've been suffering for a strong anemia, everything in my body is bleeding, but the doctor already gave me treatment. My baby doesn't born yet, she will born in few months, so i keep taking care of her, the best as i can.
This Embassy is not serious at all, i think they are used to do that, and they can't help at all. I have been trying to call every single day more than 30 times per day and no answer, also I sent an e-mail to required the contact name and the phone number but he doesn't replied, so i sent other e-mail to told them that and the secretary said "give me your number and I'll ask him to call you", so until now I'm still waiting for that call. I called the consulate in my state and they referred me to the Embassy, so they are playing. The Embassy have all the information of all the Saudi's because he showed me once a page where they have to fill their information every 6 months or so, so if they want to help me they have a way but i think they just don't want to do nothing.
About him, i already make it clear to him that I'm going to keep my baby with me, because what they are going to do is put her in an orphanage or something like that and she don't need to go through that just for the stupidity of her father. I already end my "love story" with him, because he disappointed me in many different ways, and i don't think he deserve my love.... I'm praying to Allah to give me peace, to let me be a good mother for my baby, and provide me with health to give all my baby will need in her life. I know Allah is merciful and He will asking him about everything he has done in the day of Judgement.
Jazzak Allah Khair sister.
Salam Maria,I read your story and could not help but feelvery touched. I have also been let down by a man recently but I am not pregnant and cannot imagine how painful it might be in your situation. At the same time I think Allah blessed you with a gift, a beautiful daughter which will not compensate a man's love but will possibly give you much more in life. Sometimes we do not see the faults in those people we love, but I think that this man has crossed the line, considering that you have been even too kind to him compared to what other women would have done. But I know that you did it mostly for the baby and I can see you are an amazing mum already! Are you all alone in this or do you have any family, friends or acquaintances supporting you?
At the moment Allah is my only true friend because he only knows what is in our heart without judging but hopefully making the path to happiness as close as possible every day.
Also may I ask if you converted to Islam?
I wish you all the best for you and your daughter.
Dear Aisha,
I'm sorry to heard about your lost but as you said Allah knows very well our heart and he has a purpose for everything and he will give you the right man who will appreciate you as you deserve.
Thanks for every word you wrote here, i really appreciate that. I already found the name for my baby, while i was reading the Qur'an (“For each (person), there are angels in succession, before and behind him. They guard him by the Command of Allah." ). I'm agree with you, I've been so kind with this man, i send him massage to make him aware of every single thing happened with our daughter and trying to do the things in the best way, but he is stubborn to push me to make the things in a bad way for him because he will have a lot of troubles, but as you said all i have been doing is for my daughter, and I pray to Allah to make me wise to raise my daughter and be a great mom for her. Sometimes I got mad and I thing he has to pay but the I remember that he will pay in front of Allah in the day of Judgment, and pray to Allah to give peace to my heart.
About your questions, I'm alone in this situation. All my family is far away for me, I'm in U.S. and they are in my country, and i really wish to have them close to me. My mom die long time ago, and my father is kind of mad at me because i always defended this man even if he advice me to don't trust a lot (so i receive little help from him), and my siblings are busy with their life. Most of my "friends" were his friends as well and they are Saudi's as well, so you can imagine they "speak to me to advice me and support me" but they still cover him, and my other friends are in my country, so i don't have a lot of contact with them. So i lose a lot just to leave my whole life for "love" but i gain a greatest blessing, my daughter. And about if I convert to Islam, not in a formal way... while i was with this man i listen a lot about Islam, and he gave me a Qur'an, i always asked a lot of questions to my Muslim friends so i was always learning more and more... when he left me (exactly today is 2 months of that) i begin to read every day the Qur'an, read the hadiths, and pray the best as i can because i don't know a lot about it. Also I contact the Muslim community in my country, which is a little population, because i want to raise my child as a Muslim. May I ask you why you ask if i convert to Islam? (I just curious to know, jajaja)
May Allah bless you.
Maria us, i ve been following up ur comment and atimes i feel like ties coming from my eyes when i read about this betrayal you suffered from this caword boyfriend of yours.. With all these pains you are going through, yet you are alone in the US catering and taking care of your self.. You are really a brave woman and you should know that Allah is always there for you, He will never let you down sister because He is seeing the pains you are going through and also the innocent and precious baby in your tommy.... However the decision you took about bringing up your daughter in islamic way is a very good option and who knows maybe this intention of your will be a source for you earning Allah's mercy to stay and enjoy jannah (paradise) for all eternity.... Now my sister, what am more concerned about is you... It is in this world that we are going to strive for the eternal life in the hereafter.. Some people will be blessed with jannah/paradise for all eternity because of there good deeds, while others will be purnished in hell fire for all eternity because of there evil deeds... Allah really loves you and he has guided you to His path sister.. Show gratitude to Him and try to go closer to Him, strive had to become a pious muslima, do your salat prayers, always be good and kind to people, repel evil with good and heaven/jannah is for you.... Another thing is the day you which to make d shahada open, u can say it in front of two muslim witnesses, or you can go to a masjid/mosque and procliam it in front of the imaam or u can even take the shahada through the mobile phone... The most important thing is for u to say and accept it from the bottom of your heart.... I would have suggested you take the shahada today or tomorrow or latest this week... May Allah be with you my sister.
Dear Mohd,
I appreciate your empathy and your advices. Every day and every night i thanks Allah for everything he had gave me, even if sometimes i don't understand it, but I knows that everything he does is for a reason and he is all wise. I'm going to the mosque on Friday because is far way from my home but i'll do the shahada.
May Allah bless you.
Dear Mohd,
Finally I got the contact of his family but i'm so confuse about what I should I say to them and in which way because this kind of news will be surprising for everyone. I want to do it in a right way, probably they will be mad or something like that, so I want you to advice me about what i should say, and how to do it in a way they just listen and keep it in secret, do you understand what i mean?
Dear maria us.. Before my humble advice comes in, i want you to answer the following questions., how is he responding to your calls or emails now?? Does he show any concern for you and the baby now?? Does he show any care and love for the baby?? Now that he is in the USA, did he care to come and check your well being and also the unborn baby??, is he ready to settle things with you and with his family?? Infact what is the situation btw you and him right now???, i really want answers to this questions in details, so that i can give you the proper advice, in other not to do anything rash.
How is he responding to your calls or emails now??
To be honest with you we don't have a lot of communication, most of the time we communicat by text message because when I called him he never answer, just sometimes after he had drink. However, when he arrived here he was the one who send to me the text to letting me now, but until now he always says "you will get your explanations soon" when I asking him why he do that to me.
Does he show any concern for you and the baby now??
I'm not sure because if I don't contact him he probably won't do it. Once I said to him "why if I dont talk to you you don't ask how I am or how the baby is?" and he changed the topic. But if I texting him most of the time he replies.
Does he show any care and love for the baby??
Well, this is more complicated because everytime we talk about the baby we end with a big arguing. He always says that "he will care about him, that he will give him all he want but the only thing he won't give him is his last name" when I asked him why he said "because he is not legal and my family will know if i do that." After what he said I told him that was the last day I say something about or baby because I want to see if he cares, but until know he doesn't answer about him directly. However, he was the one who chose the name of our baby.
Now that he is in the USA, did he care to come and check your well being and also the unborn baby??
We are in different states and he told me that he is going to visit me but that doesn't mean that we are going to be a couple again. That he do loves me but we don't mean to be together.
is he ready to settle things with you and with his family??
No, he doesn't want to get involve his family, this is "our secret" because he don't have the courage to tell his family about us and moreover about our baby.
Until now he didn't talk about solve something, he just says "pray to good and believe me we will be good." So, his words are contradictory because one day he says that w are not going to be a couple again and then he says that we will be good.
Infact what is the situation btw you and him right now???
Our situation is so complicated. Once we were talking and I stopped him and said "In all this there is just YOU; YOU; YOU; YOU, where is me in your story?" and he replied "You still have the same place in my life but without the child." That words hurted me a lot... Sometimes, he gets drunk and he send love message to me, and says that my kid will be so beautiful, and lucky because he will has a great mom. Also he always says he won't love any one as he loves me, that I'm the love of his life, that the happiness we lived together he never gonna spend it again, etc, etc, etc., but even all his feeling he don't want to tell his family about our situation.
As You see, this is so complicated!!! and I don't know what should I do, because I do lov him after all he has done for me, but I love more my baby.
Also can you explain to me this statement, please?
"Islam doesnt taint the children nor does Islam state that the children are lesser in some way but it does say that babies born out of wedlock are for the mother. The man has no sin on him for not supporting the child because there is a greater sin of zina. If he has made tawba then he can move on but I believe that he should help with the child if for no reason but a sense of honor."
This make me think a lot.
May Allah bless you for all your help!
Maria,
your story is touching me a lot. I see some of me in you. I asked because you seem a Muslim already. I am also thinking of converting to Islam but I have not come to this decision yet as it is very delicate. A part of me is sure that it would be hard at first, but it could shape my life in a possibly a better way. My ex boyfriend was a Muslim and we had many fights and break-ups for the religion, he is not very practising but he is religious and he wanted me to get to know Islam better. I was influenced by my mental confusion, by the media and many things and we were always debating. Eventually after breaking up twice I started to learn and understand our values were very similar, especially because I have never practised any religion but I have always firmly believed in God. Now he left me again but this time for other reasons and i have so much pain inside....and again, the only person I feel like can support me is Allah and I am reading about Islam again as I feel already a Muslim inside.
As your situation is certainly more delicate and complex than mine, I am also alone in all this. After years of dedicating my life to this man, he left me heartbroken (and not for the first time) and alone in London. Not many friends around, living on my own and divorced mum and dad back in my country of origin where I do not want to go back. It is hard on your own, feeling lonely and lost, without people around supporting and they all seem so happy with their life. He disappeared knowing that he was my family, friend and boyfriend here but at least he gave me a good thing "Islam"....
I feel these women's pain and anger deeply. I have a 2 year old amazing son with a Saudi student who convinced me to become Muslim . When I became pregnant he did say it was my choice to keep the child .....I obviously chose life.Easy choice right? Flash forward to now and dear Daddy denies his existence to everyone even hints that he has a child. To me he says " You didn't have the abortion I wanted so its not my responsibility". Seriously I want to know what kind of Muslim man says that? This was said to me after he lived in my house for a year rent free, while I cooked his food washed his clothes and did his schoolwork. I stopped doing these things for him and Poof he went and found a girl 9 yrs younger than him 12 yrs younger than me. This poor girl truly believes all his LIES and Bull-Crap I want to hate her but I honestly feel bad for her, she has no idea what a user he is. As for our son (who looks like a little mini-me version of daddy) he gets nothing but empty promises lies and threats. I beg him for help ..just a few dollars to buy pull ups he gets so angry and says things like ' Fine you want me to help him let me have him and take him to Saudi Arabia that is the only way I will be in his life at all' or things like ' If you push me to much I know people who can come take him in the middle of the night in an airplane and no one would know until it was too late'. My all time personal favorite response to me the mother of his child when I threatened to contact the embassy for help ...this Muslim man said " They will only think of you as a whore"..........I was floored !!! I contacted the embassy yesterday, we will see how it goes fingers crossed 😉
Dear Jennifer,
We both are in the same situation but don't think that Muslim people are just like them, I was talking to him once and i said "and you call yourself a Muslim?" and he replied "this is not about my religion this is about me"... and after i realized his words i discovered he was right because the Islam teach them how to be good with people not to be like this.
Did the Embassy answer your call? what did they said? please keep me inform, maybe i'll find a way through you... I think we are ton of woman in this situation and we together can find out a solution.
Let me know what's going on, ok?
Oh I forgot, about his desires to keep the child.. that are just sayings... my ex said the same for me "she is your decision not mine, and if you don't want to take her i'm ready to keep it with me. She'll has the best education and best life but without knows who her mother was"... and Imagine my answer to him.
Please don't believe that muslim men are like this. A muslim man who feared allah would never get you pregnant then leave you to fend for your own. I was with a saudi man in the past and i wanted marriage not a haram relationship and when i would ask him about marriage and the future sometimes he would make promises and sometimes he would tell that he wasnt sure about our future. In the end i couldn't stay with this man.. He didn't respect me, women or islam. I kept praying to allah to help me because the saudi man put me through hell and hamdellah allah has bought me a muslim man who introduced me to his family from the begining, will not lay a hand on me because im not his wife yet and has proposed marriage. My point of this is that please do not give up on islam and allah. Keep praying to him, he will help you. We go through difficult points in our life because our faith is being tested. You can get through this. You seem like an amazing women please don't give up!!
hello everyone, I am a mother of two twin dauthers from a saudi man from riyadh and he has also left us when he found out i was pregnat and this is a year ago , now i been told to contact the saudi embassy but i also been told they wont help me at all i am original from peru latin america but i lived in usa since im 15. if someone has imformation about the saudy embassy please let me know thank you
Hi Alessandra,
I've been trying to reach that Embassy since long time and they just not take this kind of situation serious, a girl give me a contact name and number in the embassy but he just not answer his phone, if you want you can try. Also there is a foundation call AWASSER (saudi), the mission is to "help Saudi children left behind" but when I contact them they replied that i should contact the Saudi Embassy and they will give the information to them, also they skip this situation. I think the only way to receive help from them is to go directly to the embassy and don't leave until you talk to some one. I also contact the Islamic society in U.S. and they advice my to publish the new in a local newspaper, and in Arabic newspaper as well, because they said, Islamically is not the way to do the things, and they should learn to do the right things.
In my case my ex boyfriend come from a huge and very known family around all the middle-east, not just in Saudi Arabia, I know all his information (name, father and mothers name and last names, and key information to find him). Do you have this kind of information about him???
I'm also from Latin America, and my ex boyfriend is from Riyadh as well.... But I don't think is a good way to run away without any help. If you get information please let me know and I'll do the same if i got something.
I wish the best for you and your twins 🙂 and God will help us, there is nothing behind him and he will punish them for their behavior. As I told you if you need something let me know and i'll try to continue searching for the information.
thank you , if you have the numbers let me know so i can contact them my ex bofriend run away after the job family service in here decided to take him to court for child support and dna test but i been told from my lawer that i should contact them or take him to any muslin contry and keep their pasport with me at all times bc he could take them away but since now you have try i will try too
thank you , if you have the numbers let me know so i can contact them my ex bofriend run away after the job family service in here decided to take him to court for child support and dna test but i been told from my lawer that i should contact them or take him to any muslin contry and keep their pasport with me at all times bc he could take them away but since now you have try i will try too and i think maybe a facebook or twitter something in a public page should be made so people knows and take it serious
This is the message i got from the secretary i guess,
"Mr.Fahad Al-Rawaf he’s a lower of the Embassy at 202-342-3800 extinction 2155."
Keep trying and let me inform about what happens with you and your twins.
hi maria and jeniffer i found this online and i though you might want to read it ..
http://arabnews.com/saudiarabia/article520846.ece
Here is a Facebook page I joined might come in handy 😉 Called Saudi-Children Left Behind
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003077308787
I join the group, hope to see you both there.
Hello jeniffer... Am really mind blocked to say any thing on your situation.. Ur boyfriend was man enough to sex you and bear a child, but he cannot man up and take his responsibily to father the child. As far as am concerned, this is cawordness... Am pretty sure you know that islam conderm and forbid what he did.... My main concern is in regards to your deen (islam).. How far have you gone in going closer to Allah your creator?? are you striving to become a pious muslima so as to amend ur sins?? How about you salah prayer, do you observe them regularly?? What dicision ve u taken on ur child?, are u making plans on how to raise him as a good muslim??? I would like to here from you, may Allah bless you.
Maria,
Send a certified letter to:
Ambassador Adel A Al-Jubeir
Royal Embassy of Saudi Arabia
601 New Hampshire Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20037
Inform the Ambassador of your situation and give him the full name and any information you have regarding this man (like where he lived and what University he attended). I do not know if he can be of any help but, God willing he will read your letter and you never know what can happen.
Don't give up...keep trying. Guys like him don't think twice about walking away from a situation such as this. If he didn't want a child, then he should have never taken the risk and slept with you.
It is unfair to put all of this on you and let you deal with this on your own.
Salam
Thank you very much.... I appreciate your help... May Allah give you more blessings 🙂
I keep trying to get some help for my daughter.
Thanks again sister.
Dear Sister Maria
I couldnt continue reading your posts without reaching out to you, your story made me cry.
First of all, welcome to Islam you are a very good woman to enter islam for yourself not just for the sake of this man. You are doing the right thing by making sure the girl is raised in the religion of her birth right. May Allah bless & reward you abundantly.
I pray that inshallah this man will get over the shock of HIS ACTIONS and be man enough and MUSLIM enough to marry you and make sure his daughter is raised in his home between father and mother.
I am guessing he is from Alrajhi...his family are known for charitable work, denying their flesh and blood, and a girl no less is a BIG HUGE HARAM. Many saudi men marry loads of foriegn women, its no big deal and the women are welcomed into the saudi society and family, this is the true meaning of islam.
If he doesnt, then it is his problem in the eyes of Allah, know that you will be fine just keep seeking Allah for you and your baby girl.
If you must send pictures of the baby with DNA results to his family and remind them that she is their blood & abandoning her is haram in islam.
Lastly im happy you didnt abort your baby.
Almost 5 month ago i aborted mine....my ex husband forced me 2. ebcause his family wouldnt aproove of our marriage and us being together (which is why we married in secret) , even though im from the same social backgroud and country, just because im divorced from a previous marriage his family didnt see me as being worthy of being their sons wife, according to them they want a virgin
...and our baby our innocent girl was killed because of their lack of Islam. I regret it every day.
Im appaled at how some men from our countrues behave, i think it is because our decadence and money has afforded us a false pride and arrogance.
There is a God Allah and any of these horrible men & their arrogant unislamic families will have to face Allah with their sins of arrogance.
If your man, like my ex husband didnt want a pregnancy they should have taken precautions.
They both ran away. Mine divorced me in a text and only i cry for our dead baby.
So please Maria, be strong for your babys sake and please raise her muslim
your baby is from a big famly , they are a good family and she has the right to be proud and be proud of them.
Maria raise your daughter in the right way and show them how the child of a latin american can practice islam better than them. Not because of a challenge because the arrogance we have in our region even amongst ourselves is uncalled for and essentially haram.
I wish you all of Allahs protection and care on your journey into islam and motherhood.
Id suggest names like
Amna (means safe)
Aisha (wife of the prophet pbuh)
Noor (light)
Iman (faith)
Mariam (Mary like your name)
Shareefa (honouable)
These names will appeal to his family
When you register her name do it the Gulf (Saudi ) way by enetering her fathers name
i.e. Mariam bint ???? bin ??? Al-?????
Mary - daughter of - her fathers name, son of??, Al-family name
Bint is daughter of
Bin is son of
When you do the DNA send the birth certificate written like that and I can give you a few ayas from the Quran to add to the doccuments and babys picture and have it delivered to his mother
and a copy to his father
Add your picture also at the mosque. Inshalah if his family are good muslims his family will bring you to join their family and marry you to their son your babys father
Ummkawthar
Note to Jennifer, allesandra & Maria
The only thing that will work is NAME AND SHAME
I strongly suggest you all chip in to get the clevereist human rights lawyer (one who love the media spot light) or any lawyer that feels for your situation and you have the NAMES of your babies fathers & DNA samples and pictures of the babies AND THE FATHERS
and get it on the media and news
Im wiling to bet you that the saudi government will respond to your babies rights as soon as possible.
Plus and more importantly it will be a lesson to the next barrage of over sexed men who use your women with lies of love, empregnante you and leave.
By islamic law your children have rights to their fathers name, nationality, child support and most of all their fathers love.
Sadly the love comes after you beat them on the head with law suits.
Your doing it for your kids
Dear sister,
I truly sad about the situation you gone through, and I'll pray to Allah to give you peace and forgive you for what you did. Could you explain me why you guess he is from that family??? .... In fact, he comes from this family, although I do not know his parents, he always talked a lot about them. I didn't get this "his family are known for charitable work, denying their flesh and blood, and a girl no less is a BIG HUGE HARAM." Could you explain me again please. About the DNA test is hard to get it because i need him to do it and he won't do it 🙁 and also I don't have his address in SA, so where can I send it??
I really want to register my daughter in a proper way (her name+her father name+her last name) but It's just impossible to do it, because they ask for The Acknowledgment of Paternity sign by him and he won't do that... the only way i have is to write bint + father name`+his last name in the middle name and my last name... so her name will be Malak bint S... bin A... Alrajhi + my last name... (too long) but i don't know if this is acceptable...
Could you give me the ayas from the Quran to add ? and i've been trying to contact the Saudi Embassy to help me but they just not replied any e-mail or phone call. I'm wondering if i can do something from SA, but I don't know no one there, just his friends and two cousin which won't help me to make him in trouble.
May Allah bless you every day of your life.
Sister maria and other sisters I'm really sorry and feel very terrible about ur situation , coz by so called name sake muslim.
I was always proud about my muslim ppl in general around the world , but bcoz of ppl like these I'm feeling utterly disgusting for what these muslim are doing
These are just parasites , and not real muslim
Ppl anyone who has been hurt by so called namesake muslim plz don't generalize the entire muslim population for behaviour of just a few
People like him will sure deserve what they deserve in this world and definitely in the hereafter that is extreme torment
I don't generalize all the Muslim or Saudi's because I know there is good and bad people in the entire world....
Salam, Maria:
I feel sorry for what this guy has done to you, but you can do something about it, contact his family, reach out and let them know AL RAJHI is a very well know Bank & Family, they should be held accountable for their son's act. A baby opens any heart even the must stubborn ...they will get mad a first but them the baby will melt their heart. If you contact them and they dont do anything for you then contact the Saudi media and talk about it in the newspapers, that will give them SHAME of their son and they will make him take care of your baby. Here are some newspapers you can write to and see if someone gets interested in your story...That way also it will prevent it to happen to other girls....Good luck and I will be praying for you and your daughter...
Salam Aima,
Thanks for your post.. i know this family is very known in SA but i just don't know where to contact them or write to them... I swear i'm not doing this because of the money this family have, i'm doing all this because i'm searching for the emotional stability of my daughter. Also i'm trying to search a way to tell other girls about this situation and what can happens to them because just here are 4 woman in the same situation, imagine around the world.... I'm just trying to find a way because i feel i'm running in circles without seeing the exit.
Thanks for your praying i'll appreciate 🙂 and for the newspapers contact.
i figured out he was al rajhi when you mentioned he was a big banking family
As for charitable work its also known in the region.
I will look for aya's to use for you inshallah.
You dont need his permission to get the DNA by law once your claim is set you can force him to supply it, you can challenge him by getting your DNA and the babys taken and openly challenge him to submit his
this will show you are sure of yourself.
Best to do it in the news and also make sure you make the statement that you dont want money from him.
Say that you just want his involvement in his childs life and say this with determination.
Make a stand that you have reverted to islam regardless of him being in your life and you will raise this child a muslim and say that anyone who doubts that may Allah curse them because the Quran says
inna ba'ath al dhan ithim - some suspicions are sinful
Say that you are upholding your daughers family name and honour and will raise her accordingly
when people hit you with accusations of you wanting money and they will, mind you, say what you say is unislamic, say if you worship money in your world this is unislamic
tell them "kull shay fany ila wajh Allah" everything will perish except the face of Allah
and say that as per islam if a woman raises her daughter right she, the mother is promised paradise
and add that your prize is paradise
These are the kind of things a muslima will say and live by
you must belive in this and stand by it and do eveything to prove it to Allah and his family.
It will humble any muslim.
But please study islam and live by what ive advised you..Please Maria let your daugter be your passport to paradise.
Salam Sister,
I meant to be able to do the DNA is necessary that he go to the place to give a sample or send the sample to them, and I really do not think that he is willing to do that. He knows is his daughter because he not even questioned or have a doubt about that, because he knows everything that we lived together, but if it's necessary I have no objection or refusal to do the DNA test, I'll be happy to make to show that I do not lie to say that my daughter is his biological daughter as well.
I really have the desire to write to the newspapers and let the people know that are many women have to go through my same situation because of these unconscious men that fill us with a false love, but I do not know how to start the news, much less if the Saudi press would be willing to published my story because the popularity of his family and the delicate issue.
Of course sister, Wallah I do not want money from him, the only thing that I want are love for my daughter (the father love that all girl desire to have in their life because the first love of any girl is her father), that he be involved in her life, and my daughter did not grow up with a lot of issues because of the sins and mistakes of her parents. I asked him to give his last name to her, not because i want to do something to him or something like that, i just did that because I read a verse in the Quran that said that in the Judgement Day we will be called by the name of our fathers, and I'm afraid that he close the doors of paradise to his own daughter just because he is so coward to face his family. To him, to the embassy, and to the entire world I have show that i do not want a one dollar from him or his family (because I love him with all my heart before knowing where exactly he come from and without knowing about the richest of his family), and I have shown this, because I'm the one who have seen how to prove food, medical care, and the basic need for my daughter without any help for him or no one.
I do believe in Islam, and read the Qur'an every day, and even read it to my daughter. I am convinced that my daughter has to grow as a good Muslim.
And about his family, I have a lot of fear to them. He told me that if I do not want to keep her with me he is ready to do it, but my daughter would have the best education and life, but she never going to know who was her mother. I do not want my daughter taken away from me, I've been carrying her in my womb for all this time, I have been loving and caring about her and it is unfair that for his ambition I have to resign myself to losing my daughter.
And dear sister, please forgive everyone who hurt you, Allah will take care to punish all those who harmed you. I understand how bad you feel about the loss of your baby and for trusting a man that does not deserve it. Ask Allah to give you strength to move on, to give you peace in your heart and mind, and you already repentance for what you have done, remember that Allah is all merciful.
May Allah bless you and put joy in your heart.
WS "I'm afraid that he close the doors of paradise to his own daughter just because he is so coward to face his family. " I don't think you understood what I said before. A child is born sinless, an infant or child with little or no sense up until puberty aren't really accountable for their sins (Allah Knows best though) because they often do not have the rationale to understand the difference between right and wrong. That's the job of the parent to teach them at this time.
Allah SWT knows everyone and will call her by her father's name, it is not up to her father to respond, because Allah SWT KNOWS who her father is. The child will get jannah if she strives for it. Her father's actions have nothing to do with her receiving Jannah or not. If anything, I would imagine Allah SWT would make her a guidance unto her family and friends and community, that she would become such a good person despite not having a father became a good Muslim. There is more baraqah to her life in that way.
Long story short. Stop letting this man toy with your heart. If he doesn't man up, cut off all relations with him, give him an ultimatum, keep records, and start taking care of yourself and your baby girl and move on with your life. He is selfish and a child is no walk in the park.
Trust me it is such a blessing to have a girl. I know because I've wanted one for some time too, and I still do and look forward to the day where I will get to spoil my baby daughter!
Thanks for your words and clarify me. I'm not in contact with him any more, i'm trying to focus in my daughter even if sometimes i feel sad.
I wish for you the best, and I'll pray to Allah to accomplish your desire to have a baby girl.
Also it's the second or third time i read that a baby girl is a big blessing, there is something difference about having a girl or a boy?
May Allah bless you 🙂
Do you know if is any way to contact his family? I've been searching to get his parents phone's or address to speak with them but until now i'm not lucky.
i said that it is haram (sinful) that his family deny thier sons child..they must be more concerned because she is a girl and carries the family honour
this is why they must raise her in their family WITH YOU and have her marry into her society
if they are good people they will consider this
May ALlah put mercy and humility in their hearts
i come from this region and sadly we are muslims in name....our societys true God is money
May it be the the fuell that burns them in akhera
ill never forgive them for my baby...she is supposed to be born in two months
but they killed because of their arrogance, they did this to me and i am one of them!
Had she lived i would have named my girl Aisha. The pain doesnt heal i just bury it inside me
How are you doing sister? i'm praying for you.
As salaam alaikum brothers and sisters in Islam
I recently found this website and have been reading the different problems that people are posting. This is my first time to comment on anything on this website and I had to do it because I am so happy and touched by the strength of my Muslim Sisters. SubhanAllah, it is absolutely amazing to look at your lives from where I am sitting because in your own life you feel like you have so many problems and it's very hard ( I know it is!) but at the same time Allah has given you so much strength and patience. If you think about it, the men have been cheap and disgusting and such a shame but at the same time, through the same difficulty my sisters have found strength and peace in Islam. I know your struggle is real but take a deep breath and look at the bigger picture. You've come this far - Allah has helped you to find resources and fellow Muslims that you don't even know from different parts of the world to take care of you. This is not just conincidence; this is His Mercy upon you (and on us as well). As difficult as it seems, He's shown you the path that is best for you in this world and the next InshAllah. So please hang in there, pray to Him because He always listens.
There are several verses from the Quran that I can't remember right now...but they mean something like even though we think it's bad things that are happening to us, Allah knows what is better for us. And it's the bad things that are sometimes best for us. That's what I was thinking of when I read all the comments and stories. It's like little children...sometimes they really want candy but you have to tell them they can't have it - they wont be happy but will come to realize one day that that's what was best for them.
Sister Maria I'm not sure if you have already taken the Shahada but please don't delay it. InshAllah Allah will guide you through it and I am sure there will be many good Muslims in the mosque who will help you. Our job as humans is to do what is the right thing according to the Quran and Sunnah - the rest Allah takes care of always. Maybe we don't see the result right away or maybe we don't see it at all in this dunya but He does take care of things and He does in things in ways better than what we can understand.
I've written too much but I pray that my words will help you in some good way. Also I wanted to mention, if you stayed with him for a while, maybe you have pictures together as proof? Maybe you can blur out your face and send it to his family as proof. Maybe you have pictures of him from the university or your city or apartment or something? You also mentioned that a lot of his friends are also your friends...maybe they have his phone number? Maybe somehow you can get it from them (or directly from their phone??)? Take care of your health first of all and next write down the steps you can take to have the baby's father take responsibility. Write down the things you have already tried or information you received and write down what other steps you can take. Don't be afraid to fight for your daughter's rights - may Allah give her a long and healthy life. Try your best to find him (you've done a lot already, I know) and if it gives you too much stress then just focus on your own health and your baby - that is what is most important right now. Inshallah, Allah will guide him and he will understand he needs to take care of his baby.
Even if you have already decided you will not contact him anymore, I hope that you will still try to raise awareness about this problem (newspaper, mosque etc) so other women are not suffering the same problem. May Allah continue to give you strength and good health. (Ameen). Please keep giving us updates whenever you can.
Take care.
- Muslimah
As salaam alaikum brother,
Thanks for take the time to comment in this post. As you said all the people have problems but Allah always guide us in his right path and he is the most merciful. About the attitude of this guys is shame the way they act, the lies they made, and to broke their promises, but more shameful is to abandon their children without feeling guilty but at the end Allah will punish them in this life or in the day of judgment.
About the Shahada i already took it, and also i've been in touch with an Imam in my country who has been so helpful with me, he gave me advices and guide me through Islam to learn more every day. InshaAllah my daughter and I will be a good Muslims and we will get all the best in this life.
I have more thousands of pictures with my ex, we were together for long time but I don't have the contact of his parents. Also our mutual friends never gonna put me before him because they are also Saudis. And I have his cellphone back home but the problem is that he just not replied at all, just few mails when i asked him about some medical history or something related to the health of our daughter, so at least he help me to know about that kind of issues to let the doctor knows about his history and to practice the right test to my child. To being honest with you I feel so frustrate because i try to hard to get the right for my daughter but i think the embassy think that girls like me just want the "money" of his Saudi citizens but is not true, they are selfish and they don't stop to think about the pain of the children, but as the Imam and most of you said "don't give up" so i will continue try my best and at the end will see what happens and if nothing work at least i can say i try everything.
Salaamu alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatu sister maria us.. May the blessings and mercies of Allah be upon you.. May your sufferness (dat u are going through) never be in vain.. May your sweet daughter be a source of light and blessing to you in this world and in the next world... Am very happy for you that you have said the shahada., there is something you must know, the very instance you took the shahada, Allah has wiped away all your past sins and you are now as sinless as a new born baby.. This is your very first step of your success in this world and in the hereafter,.. the next thing now is to follow up your shahada with roughtous good deeds that would lead you to jannah (ie garden of paradise).. The first obligation you owe to Allah is the 5 compulsory sallah prayers. Allah said '''AND SEEK HELP IN PATIENCE AND SALAT (the 5 prayers) AND TRULY IT IS EXTREMELY HEAVY AND HARD EXCEPT FOR AL-KHASHI'UN (ie the true beleivers in Allah-- those who obey Allah with full submission, fear much from His punishment, and believe in his promise {ie paradise} and in His warnings {hell fire}).''' koran2:45 ie the holy koran chapter 2 verse 45... Then fasting during the month of ramadan, then giving charity, then pilgrimage to makkah {if u have the means}... ALLAH has also ordained for you to be good and dutiful to your parent {except if they want you to disobey Allah, then in this case you must not obey them}, to be good and kind to your kins and everyone arround you... I will also urge to read the following verses in the koran . . . . It will enlighten you on qualities of real muslims..... Koran23:1-20,, koran23:57-63 koran25:58-77,,, ,,, koran70:19-35,,, koran 51:55-60.... These are just few i can least for now.. NB each surah in the koran mean a chapter
Thanks for everything and i'll read the verses in the Qur'an. Actually i've been reading to my daughter the Qur'an every day.
May Allah Bless you
Dear Maria,
What can I say, I found your website by hasard and your story touches me a lot, as it reminds me of my own story , I am in love with a saudi guy who can't marry me because I'm not a saudi woman and because of his family reputation. The problem my dear Maria is not islam as you said as I am myself born muslim and he can't be with me. Saudi have an important culture and traditions it is hard for them to face their family with a foreign wife so imagine with a baby and not married! Sometimes I hate them and sometimes I say to myself maybe it's a test from Allah and I pray everyday to forget him and forget the way he left me after our strong love story I feel betrayed and I can't beleive they are muslim!!! I'm so angry of all the pain they do to us "non saudi girls" we beleive them and then we realise that all was wrong.
I can't imagine how it must be hard for you with your baby girl. Be strong for your baby girl she deserves all the best raise her as a muslim and don't worry allah will punish him and punish all this saudis who makes fun of innocent girls who beleived them !! Allah is big and he knows best than everyone what is better for us.
Remember that you are not the only one in this case.
Regarding arabic names I can give you some I like: Eman (which means faith it can be good for your baby girl as she will be raised as muslim), Noor (which means Light she can be the light of your life as god brang her to you) this is my two favorit otherwise here some saudi name: Maha, Nada, Reem, Suaad, Nahad, Noora....
Sister Reem,
I think there is a misunderstood here, because i never said Islam is the problem. Because i learn a lot about this beautiful religion through him and this problem. However, I never gonna understand why if they know about their traditions and cultural issues why they still trying to play as they can do many things and they really don't, or moreover they don't have the courage to face their family and said that they really love someone, I know in SA the honor of reputation of the family means a lot to them but if they know that they should stop playing with us. I don't hate him (until now) i just trying to figure out and understand everything that he had done to me, when i begin to have bad feeling to him i remember that Allah is aware of everything we've done, and in the end Allah will give them what they deserve for their good and bad deeds. I'm thankful with Allah to give me such a blessing (my daughter) even if will be hard to raise her a lot, i always pray to him to give me the guide to do it in the best way, and i'm sure that even if he ran away he always gonna remember that he had a daughter before his other children, and he will carry that pain inside him.
Thanks for sharing with me your story and to give me some names, i was confuse between noor and malak, but ant the end i choose the second one because Allah send angels to all of us, and she will be my angel.
Ladies - why are we converting for these guys who impregnate us and leave? Are they setting some great example? We would we consider adopting these fellows' religion. They aren't treating us with kindness, respect or grace.
Let's focus on our children here. The children need us obviously more then they do. They are on with their spoiled lives not giving us a second thought.
These men obviously have no concept how to support a woman and child, let alone follow their religion.
Hi Shannon,
Do you have a child of a Saudi guy? .... Well, actually i didn't convert because of him i convert because i want to, no one pushing me to do that and was just my decision. I don't think they left us because their religion, it's because of them... As any religion in the world there are good and bad followers, good and bad deeds, and different ways of living. I do believe that Islam, Christianity, Catholicism, Jews, or whatever religion is the cause of bad deeds of a person.
And for sure the most important thing in this issue are the children.
Dear Maria,
No I do not have a child by a Saudi man. I did; however, have a similar experience in that I had a relation with one who returned to his country. I thought he would be returning, but he didn’t. What I didn’t foresee is how he ceased communication with me. What broke my heart was the thought that I was disposable.
Through my work, I know this culture very well for many years and should have known better. I’m old enough believe me, but I’m naïve in thinking that people will do their best by one another. He was a true gentleman until he left. I think he lacked maturity with regard to a relationship and took the cowardly route.
For me, a faith has to have some role models for it to have an appeal. I have had some glimpses, but for the most part, through the majority of Saudi’s I’ve known, I am in no way attracted to their faith. Interested yes, but compelled no.
May I ask if you were Catholic? I am thinking you would like nothing more than to be reunited with him? I understand this. You do know that you would have very few rights as a mother if you were to move to KSA. His family could keep your child if, for some reason, you decided to return to your country. Then there is the question of family pride and shame. This possibility wouldn’t even be a reality.
You need friends and family support and I hope you can receive it. Raising children is hard work. I do have children. Hang in there and I wish you much strength and courage.
Dear Shannon,
I'm sorry to heard your story. I do understand all the things that you are saying. As you I’m naive thinking that people will do their best by one another, actually he always said to me "you have to understand that not all people have a white heart and are not good as you."
Yes, i grew up as Catholic but i never practice the religion, i grew up in a school were the things were obligated and I never like that. As I've mention before if i convert wasn't because of him, i've many Muslim friends and i think the problem with the Saudies is that they mix their culture with religion and that's why it's seems bad to belief in the same as they believe. Also, I'm aware of the way of living in KSA, I spent long time with him and i learned a lot of thing. However, he wasn't like other Saudies, he was a real gentlemen that treat me with respect, and some me his love, but i think he doesn't have the courage to face his family and culture. there is no reason for me to move to KSA and for any reason i would put on risk my daughter just for the love that I feel for him.
I appreciate your advice and your words, and fortunately you will find a man who gonna loves you as you deserve.
Dear Maria,
I have stumbled across your situation in hopes of finding answers for my own. I am a 20 year old Canada who had a brief relationship with a Saudi boy who went to the university in my city. This brief relationship has now led to a pregnancy scare. I'm very confused, and very upset, especially because he made me test too early, and then immediately broke up with me even though he knows it could have been a false negative. I am now 12 days late on my monthly... and have not heard from him since. He was supposed to leave to go back to Saudi Arabia the day after he broke up with me, but he is still in the city. I am desperately trying to figure out what is going on with my body, but once I do find out and if I am pregnant... What do you think I should do? This is all very shocking and scary for me and I just don't know what to do. If you have any advice or an opinion, could you please help me? I have already decided to keep the baby and raise it as a Muslim if I am pregnant... as I have been considering converting for some time now. Please help! And regarding your situation... Has anything changed? I am very interested to hear how your life is going.
Thank you so much for your time.
Dear MightBeBaby,
Sorry for the delay but I have not felt very well lately. First of all, thank you for sharing your story with me, I'm not sure if I'm the right person to give good advice to you but I promise I will do my best and I'll speak in the depths of my heart. I just 5 years older than you, I'm from Latin America and live in the United States. While I was attending to college I met the person who until this day I still thinking that he is the love of my life, although he left.
The first thing you must do is go to buy a urine test or go directly to a doctor to get a pregnancy test. If you are pregnant CONGRATULATIONS is a wonderful experience, even though the circumstances are not what you want or what you desire.When you get the results let him know about it and also about your decision, at least he'll be aware of that. I truly believe that your decision to keep the baby it's right. I sincerely believe that the barriers between Saudi Arabia and the world are many, especially the way of living, their beliefs, their traditions, their family honor and moreover the freedom they find in other countries, clearly there is not reason to justify their behavior but the easy way to avoid the problem is just run away to their country and living forgetting their past. I think you want him back (I still do) but for any reason beg him love, remember God knows what's the best for us and maybe your ex-boyfriend was not the right person for you. And don't think your world end because he's not with you and you are going to have a child (if God wills). Just KEEP GOING! 🙂 Really when my ex left i thought was the end of the world and i would die, but I'm still here.
In my case have been very few changes, I think my daughter's father struggled with his family or something that don't allow him to be with us (or maybe it's the excuse that I created myself for not thinking he's a bad man). We have not broken completely the communication, so far, even if it is only by messages or by mail, but last week he called me to talked about our daughter, he says he wants to have communication with her that she'll know him and knows he is her father, but to be honest I don't think it's going to happened (I hope to be wrong) because he will never have the courage to dishonor his family and tell them the truth about her first child. Also he says that he loves me, miss me, and he never gonna live the happiness that we lived together and he won't love someone like he loves me, so he's confusing me.
If you are pregnant the best advice I can give you is, take care of yourself (I'm sick of anemia and is increasing), don't cry because of him (I've spent three months crying and my baby is suffering the consequences) because for sure you'll miss him, try to think more about your future child than in your ex because at the end you don't know if your ex boyfriend will be with you. And don't expect to much from him because probably he's scare and will say many bad and stupid thing to you.
Now, what is the reason why you considered convert to Islam? is because it comes from your heart or because your ex boyfriend? (I'm sorry to ask this question)... Honestly I am very happy with my choice, but I never did this because of him, well he never pushed to do it or even mention this. I become interested in Islam and secretly I started reading the Qur'an, I did researches , and every day I was feeling that everything filled me. When I was 100% sure that was what I wanted in my life I convert without any pressure.
The greatest advice I can give you is don't accumulate bad feelings in your heart, if you are pregnant never speak bad things of the father of your child, raise him/her with love and even without him the child will be happy. And don't worry God will punish them and be accountable to them in the Day of Judgement, and believe me they won't live peacefully knowing that they left children behind, so eventually they will return.
PLEASE, Let me know what happens to you, don't lose contact with me, and if you need anything don't hesitate to communicate with me. May God bless you and guide you.
Dear Might Be Baby.
First off sweetie go to the DR. and find out they can draw blood. Then if you are pregnant make sure you take good care of yourself and get tons of rest (you will need it). Now if you aren't pregnant sweetie count your self lucky being pregnant and single it a tough tough job.
Hi Maria,
Sorry for my delay. My friend too was a true gentleman. He was super respectful and tried to take care of me. He did not come from a wealthy family.
I agree with you that he lacks courage to stand up to his family. Saudi's think in a tribal fashion. They are not independant thinkers, for the most part. When push comes to shove, they will chose their family's wishes over their own passion.
I ask you (and myself) - how does it serve me to hang onto this guy, this notion of a possible relationship. It doesn't serve me at all. I can allow myself to grief, but I have to get on with being a better person and serving God's plan for me.
What lesson have I learned from this. When these people show us who they are, believe them. Let's not make excuses for their behaviour. They know how to behave, but they chose not to. You can be sure they treat their mothers with paramount respect. Just not us.
I appreciate talking with you. Hang in there my friend.
Hi Shannon,
Don't worry for your delay, actually i wasn't able to replied quick because i wasn't feeling well these past days. I'm agree with you in many thing that you had said and completely understand your opinion because i went through almost the same situation, also i still have Saudi friends. As I mentioned before I'm just wondering about the future of my baby girl, because all has change in just three months, we always talked about getting marriage, having a family, and all that stuff, actually we both wanted to have a girl as first children and we got it, but unfortunately or fortunately we don't have a way to be together. Sometimes i don't understand the reason why we can't be together, but i learned to put everything in God's hands and he will take care of me and my daughter and he will give us what is the best for us.
Best wishes friend, and God bless you.
AS Maria you have gotten my advice about an ultimatum and setting a deadline for this person to follow. I think reading both your's and Shannon's posts, you both might pause for a moment of reflection. I am not sure if Shannon is Muslim, but I am confused as to why there is still a strong sense of longing and hope for a future with these 'men.' As Muslims what you have/are experiencing is not 'love' but LUST. The difference between the two is one is a feeling anyone can harbor, the other is something we choose to act on when we make the COMMITMENT and show LOYALTY to becoming a SPOUSE. It is beyond me on how a man could fear his family and their reputation, something he forgot when he was commiting zina, over Allah SWT. If you were my daughters I would give this man an ultiatum with a time limit to come settle down or push him out of everyone's life forever.
No point in having buried ghouls coming out later in life.
Salam,
I already gave him a deadline to solve this situation, for sure he got mad and he told me "if you want to fight I'm ready for that", as i told him there is not reason to argue and make more problems about this, we are old enough to take responsibility of our actions. Also I said the same that you just said, why he is so worry about the reputation, honor, and consequences for his family if he doesn0t think about them while he spent so many years with me. Hopefully everything will solve soon, Inshallah.
Blessings.
Dear Maria,
Thank you kindly for your response, I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me.
I have been in contact with my Doctor, and I have taken two blood tests... And am going to get another one tomorrow. The previous tests said negative, but my Doctor firmly believes something is wrong because of the symptoms I have suffering... especially because my period is now 16 days late with no sign of showing up anytime soon. I am sure that she will send me for an ultrasound, because she explained that sometimes women do not produce enough HCG in their pregnancies to show a positive result. Sometimes I feel in my heart that I am pregnant, and sometimes I think it's all just in my head... However, there are things happening to my body that do not lie to me. I'm very in tune with my body, and the things happening warn me that something is very different. If there is a baby, I'm still firm on keeping it.
I believe that the Saudis in my city only want to play... I thought this boy was serious about me. He told his sisters, met my parents, grandparents and siblings...He treated me very well at first. Unfortunately, we started having problems before the pregnancy scare happened and the whole situation was just the icing on the cake. I truly believe that his friends had a huge part in the problems that we had... (ignoring me, being mad at me for no reason, etc). The problem with him is that he is very childish, which I didn't realize until it was too late. I am lucky because our relationship was short.. and even though it hurts that he would leave me in such a vulnerable state, it hurts more because I trusted him to be a man, and he couldn't be farther away from a man. I am glad that I learned about his true face sooner rather than later, and I truly believe that if I am pregnant, he gave me the best part of himself.
I have found out from a mutual friend of ours that he is no longer going to leave the city, and I also discovered the true range of his lies. So now, I believe that maybe he was never going to go in the first place... who knows. But it is beneficial to me because now I can relax and I don't feel like I'm rushing my body in to telling me what I want to know before it is ready. I'm no longer on a time limit to tell him whether I am pregnant or not.
He should have been a man and faced this challenge, but I have learned that he does nothing but sleep, eat and play video games. This stress is affecting me greatly... And I may get kicked out of school or lose my student loan because of lack of attendance (I am in Massage Therapy). I feel like I do not know what to do or where to turn and I struggle with the "would've", "should've", and "could've" 's.
Fortunately or maybe unfortunately, I don't expect a lot from him. I don't believe that he will ever be the man me and my might be baby needs.
For your situation, I am glad to hear that he has contacted you but I am sad to hear that you have been sick. I wish nothing more for your health and happiness as well for your baby.
I have wanted to convert to Islam since before I even knew him. I have plenty of Muslim friends and they have tried to guide me for a year or so now... and I have been deeply considering it with my heart. I'm just very confused right now about what I want, need, or can even do as I haven't spoken to my ex boyfriend for three weeks..
Our mutual friend told me that he brought me up in front of him and his other friend. Apparently my ex pretended he was deaf, so I don't know what to think.. I just wish I could look into his mind and figure out if he even cares about this situation... There's so much more I could tell you about his words to me the night he broke up with me, but I think I don't want to overwhelm you with information or jump around a lot. Lol.
Thank you so much for your reply, I truly appreciate your kind words... They have given me courage.
And Jenniffer, thank you as well for your advice, I appreciate you taking the time to offer it to me!
Thank you all again,
MBB
Dear MBB,
I wish everything goes fine with you, just try to calm down because sometimes you put to much pressure on your mind and your body react. What your family says about the situation? Also there is something you should know about the Saudi culture, there is no way a Saudi put first other friend than a Saudi friend, they are to loyal to each other even if they know is bad what they had done. I still have communication with our common friends and his cousins but they don't add any comment about the conversation. So don't expect to much things from them, maybe some of them will feel bad about your situation but they are not going to help you, because first is his friend.
About me, even if we have few communication is not the best one, and also most of the time he is just arguing. Since three month i don't receive any help from him, either emotional or financial, even if he fill his mouth saying that he will give everything to his daughter. However, I have an advantage over many other girls in our same situation, I spent to many years with him, I know all about his family, and his family is very known in the Middle East, so he knows that's not easy to run away and just disappear. Therefore, I have him a deadline to solve everything, so hopefully soon i'll know soon what to do.
Keep me inform about your situation, and also there is a page on Facebook called "SaudiChildren Left Behind" where are other girls in the same situation.
How are you Maria?
This saudi's making these women pregnant and abandoning them are just muslim by name. They are really weak in there faith., i cant understand the reason why some guys trying to convince ladies to islam and instead of showing good example about how a muslim life should be, they end up having illegal sex with this women, showing bad example, and end up betraying these women and islam... I am not a westerner, but i have every reason to beleive that this boyfriend/girlfriend relationships and premarital sex is purely legalised in the western countries. Not only that, even homosexuality and lesbialism is being legalised in some of this countries (i wonder how do muslims leaving in these areas manage to survive with the deen)... The commandment Allah gave concerning zina (fornication-adultary) in the koran is '''and don't even come near zina, for verily zina is a very grave sin opening door way to many other evils''' ... The commandment is don't even come near zina; meaning if staying alone with an opposite sex and without a third party would make you commit zina, then dont even think of doing it.. Anything that would make you commit zina, dont even think of doing it. This is the commandment. Your saudi boyfriends know this and yet they went on commiting zina with vulnerable women and impregnanting them,, had it been this men stick to what Allah said, this issue of betrayal and this pains these women are suffering would not even come into play.. So the believe is these women converts/reverts will learn from there lesson and try to follow Allah's commandments so that they would become pious muslims and retain there dignity and integrity, and respect among people ..
Dear MBB, Maria and Others,
MBB - I'm thinking you are stressed which may explain the absence of menstruation.
What I see with many Muslims and Christians is preoccupation with the number of conversion to their faith, as if it were a team. I'm thinking if we walk humbly in our faith and try to set a good example... is that enough? Do we need to convince others to walk our walk. The reality is behind closed doors, everyone's walk has hills and falls.
I agree with Mohd that these Saudi fellows are Muslim in name. However we are engaging with them and are not free of judgement ourselves. Unfortunately many are left with broken hearts, unanswered questions, possibly children out of wedlock.
MBB you should know that many of the students have little real say as to where they will study. If their marks aren't top notch, they can't stay in preferred cities, such as Vancouver. They are sent to small towns and have little control over where they will study. Remember they are not paying for this educational opportunity. This "salary" as they call it is actually a gift, or hand-out. Even if his plan was to stay in the same city, he really can't control that.
What he can control; however, is respectful treatment of you. And you deserve to be treated respectfully.
Unfortunately you are dealing with a child. A child who has been secluded from women at the age of 12. A "love virgin" as a friend of mine calls it. Really - these men in the 20's have the mentality of young young teenagers when it comes to relationships.
Remember this is a culture that does not permit dating, even platonic dating. Wives are arranged for them. Their is no courtship, no work involved. Actually the divorce rate in the KSA is the second highest in the world, next to the USA. Wonder why???
My friend, ask yourself what is this "anguish" doing for you mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Why are you hanging onto it... Don't let it rob you of your joy, your goals, your dreams.
It has taken me 4 months to realize this. A truth I've known, but my current whirlwind has fogged my otherwise clear brain.
Love always!
Dear Shannon,
In my life I have gone through situations that were a thousand times more stressful than now.. and my menstruation was still always on time, to the day.. Almost to the hour. Ever since I was 11 years old when I first got it, it has been regular from the start. Always. I have never missed a period, and I have never been early or late for one.
However, a week before this recent period was due I experienced strange, very light spotting that lasted for 1-2 days at most, and I haven't seen anything since. I am now 16 days late.
With all due respect ma'am, I know that these boys do have a choice to come to my city, and they mostly due because their male cousins or brothers are here, and they came from other family and so on and so on. I live in a small city, the capital of Saskatchewan in Canada, and the hand out they get from their government is about 2,700 Canadian dollars (so I am told), so the Saudis here take advantage of the fact that a large number of them can rent a 4 bedroom house, pay 200 dollars each, and have the rest to go to the bars and spend it on useless things... while taking ESL, hoping to get into the University... Which they WILL because they use their friends that have been there longer to do their homework for them. Overall, they have a pretty nice setup here... They do not eat Halal, they drink alcohol, have sex and play with girls... Sometimes do drugs... I never knew any of these things until I started dating my ex boyfriend.
You're completely correct when you say they were children. I didn't realize until it was too late but my ex boyfriend couldn't take care of himself AT all. He did not cook, clean, or even stay in his OWN apartment because he didn't like to be alone. Then he would complain like a wuss that he was a man, and that he would handle everything... When he was nothing but a liar. Always lying... like a child.
I feel bitter not because he broke up with me, but because he broke up with me when I needed him the most... when I was most vulnerable.... and before that, whenever I truly needed his support, he wouldn't give it then either. That's what sent me warning flags.. and I expected to break up anyway until I suspected there might be a baby involved now... I never expected him to be such a baby himself, or to be so disrespectful towards me.
I'm so angry with him for disappointing my family and friends, making them have false expectations of him when he had no intention of following through with them. I can say that in the future I won't trust as easily. I have learnt my lesson.
I won't let anyone take my kindness as weakness, because they don't know what kind of strong person I really am, and how far I am prepared to go to fight for the respect and fair treatment that I, and my might be baby, deserve.
Thank you so much for your kind words,
Regards,
MBB
Hey MBB,
Interesting story - thank you for that. I'm on the west coast where their population is maxed out. I didn't realize they were in Sask. It's unfortunate that you met a bad "batch" of them. I appreciate your sumation of their pastime, lifestyle, etc. You know a lot about their living set-up. Now I think you know enough to know what to expect and what to not expect.
I have a Saudi friend who always claims that lying is a virus in his country. It would bring a smile to my face. I know they wrestle with the same things that westerners do. Trust me, it didn't bring a smile to my face when I was involved, but I'm good now. It is not serving me any purpose to be bitter.
Menstrual cycles can change and I'm hopeful for you. I can go for months without one and then have one for two weeks. It is normal as we age and or encounter changes in our life.
I keep reminding myself of this: when someone shows me who they are, believe them. I appreciate that you are really sane about this "gent's" character.
Stay true to yourself. I look forward to hearing from you.
I also wanted to say if there is another means of communicating, I am open to that as I can't always check this site.
Kind regards.
How are you MBB?
Did you find out if you are pregnant? what happened with your story?
Dear Maria and Shannon,
Since I had last spoke to you, a lot has happened!
First, I was indeed pregnant. However, I sadly had a miscarriage November 27th just over a month ago. My ex that was supposed to leave the day after him and I broke up, didn't leave until the beginning of December (probably after he learnt I had a miscarriage as I've been in contact with his friend). Last I've heard, he is trying to complete and ILT so he can come back to Canada and study at the university here in my city. Strangely enough, I still have him on Skype and Facebook, so I see what he is up to once in awhile... And it doesn't help that he still has a picture of him and I as his Skype profile picture (I don't understand.. but whatever).
I have dropped out of school... I figured that the career choice I made was the wrong one for me, and I wouldn't have been happy in that profession. So I am currently trying to find a full time job until this September, where I will hopefully enroll in the University to become an English teacher, as that was what I wanted to do before Massage Therapy.
I have plenty to say about the emotional trauma, and the grief I've had, but there is just not enough words for me to describe it properly.
I hope all is well with you two, and please respond back... And I would love if I could possibly exchange emails with you ladies somehow if it is allowed!
Thank you both XOXO, Talk to you soon,
No More Baby
Dear MBB,
I'm so so so sorry to heard about your situation and all you had happened. I do understand the trauma that caused a miscarriage because I had one almost two years ago (with the same guy). What you need to do is not blame yourself for what had happened, God know what is the best for you even if you don't understand it now.
Just the same as you i do have all the ways to keep in contact with him and sometimes we talk but not to much. Don't pay attention of why he still has a picture of both in his profile on Skype, you need to focus on your life and how to fulfill your dreams because what he have done to you showed you that he is not worth it. I know is easy to say but hard to do it.
I guess here we can't exchange e-mails or contact information but you can find me in this blog (i wish this is permitted) http://abandonedchildrenbytheirsaudifather.blogspot.com/ or either way in the webpage on facebook that Jenniffer post in other post http://www.facebook.com/SaudiChildrenLeftBehind.
I truly wish you the best, and if you need something please let me know.
Hi maybe baby
This must be such a difficult time for you. I had a pregnacy scare with me saudi ex and as soon as i told him i was late, he was ready to leave me. He showed his true colours!! Thats when i made up my mind that i couldnt stay with this man. Saudi men will have fun with you but not take responsibilty. Thankfully it was just a false alarm. Its a really hard situation to go through alone. Please talk to a close friend that you trust completely and please keep praying to allah to help you. This man is NO GOOD for you!! Please dont waste time with him or men like him!! In the end you will be hurt!!
salam
i found this site a few days ago and just read maria's situation . What is happening with you now? Is your health better? Is your baby girl born yet? If so is she in good health? What did the saudi guy decide to ? you leave with lots of questions? plz answer when you are well enough i would love to know.
ws
Dear sister123,
I'm waiting the expected day now that could be in any moment 🙂 My anemia it's the same but i'm taking care of it as usual and the doctors will take caution in the delivery, so Inshallah everything will be good. My little one is healthy and moving a lot.
About his father (Saudi guy) he decide to do nothing, we are still in the same situation but sometimes he confuses me because one day he said one thing and the next one he changes his mind. At this point he won't recognize my child as his daughter (because he said the baby is not "legal"), he won't tell his family, and he is living as if nothing happened.
About what can I do, i really don't know but I know Allah is going to help me and guide me to raise my baby in his path and in good way.
Hello Maria, how are you? How is your soul these days?
I am with you. xx
Hi Aisha85,
MY soul is so excited to see my baby born in few weeks 🙂 I'm focus now in this, even if I still arguing with my boyfriend, which don't want to tell his family about the situation and my baby. I got a number that Inshallah will be from them but I don't know arabic fluently, so i need someone to speak with them.
Thanks for asking and your support 🙂
Dear Maria and NMB,
I just checked my mail and saw these notifications. My heart is with both of you. Best to your both.
Maria I wish you a safe delivery and NMB I wish you relief from grief.
Love to both,
Shannon
Thanks Shannon 🙂
Salaam maria.., i saw your response and your situation is really complicated.. But dont you think you are many things more complicated by loving someone who makes it clear to you that you dont have future together??? I think this guy does not wort you love because he doesnt have care for you anymore despite the fact you have his baby in your tommy, and again he has made it clear that you dont have future together with him. So any possible relationship that you could do with him outside marriage would be considered haraam... You have to be strong and move on... Now there would always be a bond btw you and him since a child is involved.. My advice to you is; enough of all this text and calls, tell him you wish to see and talk to him urgently in person,.. if he tries anything rash,, then tell him you are really going to involve his family in this if he doesnt act properly. And if he remains adamand, then you are left with no option than to call his parents and inform them what is going on... But if he decide to meet with you, then tell him all you need is his full support for the child in every way. He needs to finantially support the child and bear the responsibility of being his father..... And tell him you wont consider any relationship with him again if marriage would not be involved... If he loves you as he said, then let him consider marrying you.. And if not, then you dont have to waste your time with someone that would just take you as his sex mate and later dumb you.. You dont have to make yourself so cheap to him... At least you are precious in the sight of Allah and other good minded people., you still have your respect, beauty and integrity in the eyes of others,, and there are many fishes in the ocean, he's not the only man in this world.. You must try to forget him and move on. Then Allah would join you with your soul mate that would love and take care of you for whom you are in this world, and inshaallah enjoy the pleasures of paradise together in the afterlife for all eternity... Hope my advice helps.
I just so your last question., but where did you got such phrase from??? Let me explain the entire cenario to you.. When a child is born out of legal marriage, although the father and the mother have full rights over their child and also have full right to support the family, the father is been given more parental rights than the mother. In this case, the child would bears the farthers name or family name, and the child have full right to inheritance of the fathers property.. If it happens that they divorced, then the father reserve the right to hold the child (if he so wish) and the decision remains final... But the situation changes if the child is born out of wedlock. Here the mother have more parental right than the father, the child would bear the mothers surname or family name, the child has no right to inheritance of the fathers property (when he die). But it is within the child's right to receive the care he needs from his father, both financially and otherwise.. And also the father shall support the mother in bringing up the child... if the father ignore this, he is going to be accountable for it on judgement day.. Also If the parent path the ways, then the mother reserve the right to hold the child and her decision remains final.. However in the case of interfaith relationship, the non muslim parent have no right to the child's religion. The child must be brought up muslim, irrespective whether he/she is a product of marraige or wedlock, irrespective whether it is the father that is a muslim or the mother ... Hope you understand the concept now.. If you have any question, feel free to ask and we shall try our best to respond. You are already part of the nation sister, and you are just like a family to every muslim.. Thank you.
Thanks for the clarification. I got it from a discussion on facebook about the Saudi children left behind, a girl posted in Susie of Arabia group about this controversial topic and one of the girls states this.
Thanks for your advice I'll do it. I already asked him to talk face to face, so if Allah wills we are going to meet to make clear all this because as you said we are always have a bond between us.
Dear Mohd,
I have a question: you are saying hell for illegal sexual relations although one is forgiven when one repents?
In the case of the man here, if by chance he really feels sorry for his sin, and perhaps it is his shame for not contacting her, but does Islam not require the sinner to go back to the original person (or party) whom he has hurt and ask for forgiveness? Just curious. For Christians it is. Not only must we repent to God, we must repent to the person against whom we have sinned.
Dear Maria,
I really hope your family is there for you. There is only so much help that online counsel can offer. Maria, chose the name of your choice.
Kind regards to both.
Dear Shannon,
Well most of my family is out of U.S. I was living with him without them, even if i keep contact with them once a week or something like that. Hopefully, I will meet them after my son born and I'll be better with their support and super happy to see my baby's face.
Regards for you
Hello Shannon,
Yes, it is the same in Islam. From what I have read, understood and had reaffirmed by scholars, you must seek forgiveness from those you have wronged, though there are certain rules. What do I mean?
When the sin, like this one of not supporting a child or the mother during her pregnancy which causes her to suffer and thereby the child to suffer in her body, then yes, the male would have to seek forgiveness from them. If he does not, he will not be permitted to enter heaven as he has not sought specific forgiveness from the wronged and cannot achieve a "pure" self. This is by God's decree. So this male would have to specifically seek Maria's forgiveness and that of the child for every instance that he fails them.
Now in another circumstance, where the person (A) wronged was holding an illegitimate grudge against a person (B) for an unforeseeable or accidental wrong, then that "grudge" would itself be a sin, because it is held for not the original sin per se, but because the wronged (A) has not been able to see beyond themselves, so to speak. You find this type of situations among siblings, mostly. The sins tends to be more minor, however.
Now say, a person X gossiped behind Y's back. In order to seek forgiveness, person X should seek to go about forgiveness in several ways. First, is to correct what had been said to whoever has heard it and if it was repeated to anyone. Also defending the person slandered (person y) whenever the issue of this certain gossip should ever arise. The second part would be to give to charity as a means of performing a good deed to ward off the bad one. Third, to seek forgiveness from Person Y. But there's a catch to this that Person X must observe.
If Person Y never knew of the gossip, then Person X should not inform them of it, if doing so would cause them hurt and pain. Instead, Person X in all humility should say to Person Y, "If ever I have done wrong by you, please forgive me. For on the Day of Judgement, I would want your forgiveness, so that I am not kept away from Heaven." This is not meant to be done as a means of deception, but in earnest to protect Person Y from more hurt and to give them control of the act of forgiveness by knowing the gravity of such.
This is why it is said that when you forgive someone, you should mean it. Forgiving someone requires much patience and awareness about it. There is no sense in forgiving someone if in the future you go back on your word.
Of course, if Person Y did know of the gossip, the forgiveness must be sought with the acknowledgment of that sin openly and specifically.
This applies to most, if not all sins. And God knows best.
Thank you Professor for your concise answers.
I think there needs to be a manual on this subject and regular quizzes and mid-terms.
You know why it gets complicated? It's a deterrent to NOT to go around and hurt people. That's why it is always better to be kind and gentle to those who love you, since it's just simpler. God makes things easy, mankind makes it difficult.
🙂
Hang in there Maria. I wish you a safe delivery and a healthy baby and mother at the outcome.
God bless.
Shannon
Thanks Shannon, God bless you too 🙂
Hi Maria,
You are worth so much more than what he is giving you. This fellow is too much of an immature coward to expect anything. In my observation, Saudi's can behave like sheep. It is too challenging for them to live outside of their cultural box.
Regarding parental rights, all this discussion is so dogmatic, it is making my head spin. I don't care what Islam or Christianity says, we are talking about a baby. With or without a marriage, both parents SHOULD be responsible for the welfare of the child.
How are you doing Maria? Do you have support in place? Do you have family and or friends to help you?
Take care of yourself girlfriend.
Shannon
You are right, my biggest concern is my baby boy... I want the best for him and that's why I'm trying to get involve his father because for sure sooner or later he is going to ask about him. You know something when you mentioned the sheep and the behavior i laughed a lot, because the Saudi's sometimes call themselves as "Sheep" (for sure in Arabic) because they do what other people tell them to do. For example, my ex friends always said to him that he was a sheep because he was always following me and what i said.
I'm doing well, just with 3 weeks left to see my little boy 🙂 and I'm so excited. Unfortunately, I don't have my family with me.
Hello maria,, how are you and the baby. Very happy enough you are going to have a bouncing handsome baby boy inshaallah.. You have to thank Allah because this in it self is a big blessing... I would have appreaciate it if you name the boy 'mohammad Auwal'.. Though it sound dry and boring but that my name. lol!.. Its an islamic as well as arabic name lol!.... .... I just wanted to shear an important hadith with you and hope you might find them interesting because i know you are stock learning more about islam ... Pls read this with full understanding and tell me what conclusion you can draw.... Narrated ibn abbas: The prophet (muhammad pbuh) narrating about his lord (ie Allah) said, ''ALLAH ordered (the appointed angels over you) that the good and the bad deeds be written, and He then showed (the way) how (to write). If someone intends to do a good deed and he does not do it, then Allah would write for him a full good deed (in his account with HIM). And if he intend to do a good deed and actually does it, then Allah will write for him (in his account) with Him (its reward equal) from ten to seven hundred times, to many more times; and if somebody intends to do a bad thing and he does not do it, then Allah will write a full good deed (in his account) with HIM (just because he gave up the evil deed for the sake of Allah) , and if he intend to do it (a bad deed) and actually does it, then Allah will write one bad deed (in his account).'' (sahih bukhari, vol. 8, hadith no. 498). And speaking about some few (out of many) major sins,, Allah also said ''AND (among the faithful beleivers- muslims are) THOSE WHO INVOKE NOT ANY OTHER god ALONG WITH ALLAH-GOD, NOR KILL SUCH PERSON AS ALLAH HAS FORBIDDEN, EXCEPT FOR A JUST COURSE, NOR COMMIT ILLEGAL SEXUAL INTERCOUSE - AND WHOEVER DOES THIS SHALL RECIEVE THE PUNISHMENT (of hell fire). ''THE TORMENT WOULD BE DOUBLED TO HIM ON THE DAY OF RESURRECTION, AND HE WOULD ABIDE THEREIN IN DISGRACE; ''EXCEPT THOSE WHO REPENT AND BELIEVE (in islamic monotheism), AND DO RIGHTEOUS DEEDS; FOR THOSE, ALLAH (will not only forgive their sins but) WILL (also) CHANGE THEIR SINS INTO GOOD DEEDS (in his/her account), AND ALLAH IS EVER OFT- FORGIVEN, MOST MERCIFUL..'' koran25:68-70.. repentance/tawba has it conditions. Someone must be remorseful of the sins he commited, and someone must have full intention never to commit such sin again.. Scroll up and click on the link 'tawba in islam' for more details...
Hi Mohd,
I'm extremely excited to have this baby inside my arms, to kiss him, hugs him, and love him every single day of my life. Also I'm so thankful to Allah for such a big blessing.
About the first hadith, I guess is about Allah knows everything we do in our life, rather is good or bad deeds, and in the day of Judgement he is going to take that list out and arrange accounts with us. I appreciate your help, because it's helping me to know more about islam.
The above hadhth and verses of the koran i qouted is refering to both genders (ie both males and females). It is not refering to only males)..... And of course someone must seek forgiveness from someone he/she hurts or cheat and if not, then on judgement day, Allah would judge between the two persons and the person that was hurt would be compensated with some of the 'good deeds/reward' of the person that hurts him/her... You know in islam, when you hurt/cheat someone, you are sinning against God-ALLAH (because you are hurting HIS creatures), and at the sametime you are hurting that parson... And in this case you must ask forgiveness from God first, and then you ask the person you hurt to forgive you... But i want to ask you shannon,, do you really need any repentance in christianity??? Because i know according to the christian dogma, your god (jesus) have already died for your sins. Your sins are already in the cross. And this implies your god have already paid the price of your sins, and you can do whatever you like and to leave your life however it pleases you... It is also within the christians believe that they are already given ticket to heaven since (according to there dogma), they beleive and accept that jesus has already died for there sins..
Dear Mo,
Of course Christians and Catholics alike need to repent. Yes Jesus paid the price for our sin, and we have free will, but that doesn’t mean we no longer sin. We may be born innocent, but sin creeps into our lives. We constantly need to ask for forgiveness.
The same holds true in Christianity – sinning against your fellow man is sinning against God. We need to love our fellowman and acknowledge that he/she is a creation of the Almighty.
I’m not here to argue one religion over the other. In fact I despise the movements behind the conversion numbers. It isn’t about the numbers, it is about the faith and the freedom to chose it. If we want to see more conversions to faith so we can see the numbers (on Youtube for example: how many Christians converted to Islam (or vice versa)) we need to see more fine examples of the faith. Quite frankly, the examples I personally have seen of Islam would not encourage me. I know this is a bias as I mainly work with Saudi or UAE.
Nevertheless, I appreciate this dialogue and thank you.
Dear Maria,
it's great to hear from you. your an inspiration to the rest of us you should be so proud of yourself. the fact that you have single handily got through pregnancy and considering your situation it's amazing.Allah swt is truly with you. I'm sure when the baby is born all of this pain will melt away for you and it will be worth it. Try to be with some family when the baby is born you both deserve to be with loved ones.And if the saudi guy is meant for you then Allah will bring him to you and if he is not then allah has someone much better in store for you.Allah does what's best for us we only realize later on.
Also baby names pick one yourself and ask your close family for ideas that's what happens in my family anyway that keeps everyone happy. a few of my suggestions would be Yusuf, Ibrahim, Ismail, Muhammad, Suleiman, umar, Uthman ,Jaffar , Hamza .The first lot are my personal favorite prophets names and the other few are our prophet peace be upon him companions. just a few ideas for you.
make sure you let me know what names you kept.
i am making dua for you.make dua for me too and whole of the ummah
best wishes
sister12
i'm rooting for u!
Dear Sister 123,
Thanks for your kindly words. I've trying to manage all this situation in the best way possible, even if sometimes have been so painful, but I'm doing that because Allah blessed me with my baby boy. I'm sure everything happens for a reason, sometimes people don't understand why I still love him and why I want to be with him, but everyday I ask good what are you saying "if the Saudi guy is meant for you then Allah will bring him to you and if he is not then Allah has someone much better in store for you," and Allah knows best. Also i'm going to meet my family in few months, Inshallah, I'm planning to be with them a long season.
My baby already has his name, his father and I chose it together... and you know what is the funny thing? inside your suggestions there is the name of my Saudi.
I appreciate your praying, and I'll make Dua for you as well.
Actually i was just joking when i told maria to name her child with the name many people (including me) bear... I really dont mean it, i was just joking... Its her right to choose whatever name seem best and fit for her... Hope the controversy is ended
hahaha... I know you was kidding because my boy already has his name. Actually his father and I chose it together.
I would like you to help me to further undestand the Muslim religion and quran pleade.Thank You
Karen, there are many web-based resources for learning about Islam. You could start, for example, at IslamiCity.com. We do not allow the exchange of private contact information on our forum.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hello,
I did not read everything, but read your initial story. That is very sad. I live in Saudi and I know that he cannot marry you whatever the situation. Moreover, in Saudi they have just set a penalty "around $35k" law on those who get married from a non Saudi girl without proper permission from the government that, itself, will not give. I am 100% sure that every time he promised you with marriage that he was lying, cuz these laws are known to everybody here. You & him might had some real times of love, but at the same time he knew that this cannot continue. He had to tell you that, not to lie.
That is one side. The other side he knows that your relation to him outside marriage agreement is a major SIN and not from Islam anyway. And, if the relation is a SIN, therefore your coming birth cannot be related to him. So, that boy or girl cannot get him as a father name and that is the law in Saudi Arabia.
I advise you just to forget about him, he might be cheating another girl right now, and think about yourself and your new family.
What is nice in your story is that you discovered Islam. And what I advise you is to study Islam more and get in touch with your sisters & brothers in any near Islamic center.
May Allah bless you and guide you to the best.
Hi RAG,
Thanks for your response and advice. Unfortunately i didn't know about this Saudi rules before, I just knew many things lately. As you said he had lie to me more than once. I'm trying to move on and i will, inshallah.
May Allah bless you path 🙂
salam maria
how are you doing? any good news? is the baby here yet?
best wishes
Hi sister123,
I'm doing good and expecting my baby in every moment 🙂 About my boyfriend we have some communication that Ishallah will get to solve our things in a right and best way for us and our baby. He said that we have to have faith. So may Allah guide us in the right path.
Best wishes for you too 🙂 May Allah bless you
hi maria
great to hear your good and great to hear your boyfriend is talking to you.
yeah he's right have faith and inshallah everything will fall into place.
every thing will work out for you, you have all already shown your son he has a mother to be proud of.
hope the next message from you will be of the arrival of your angel
take care
Hi Sister123,
I didn't read your message before.... Well as you said next message is to tell you that my son is in this world, healthy and beautiful, Mashallah 🙂
As salam alaikum!
Hey Maria! i'm saudi women lives in Riyadh My name is Loubna.
How you doing? i hope you doing great, inshallah!! does your baby boy born yet?
i'm waiting to hear a great news from you. don't worry at all because of your bf leave you alone in this situation all of us with you as our prophet pbuh said: "The Believers in mercy and compassion and their mutual love is like one body if he complained of it is collapsed, the rest of the body to ensure a fever").
i wanna be in touch with you private as you can to get you more helps in your problem because i know many of Alrajhi's people and to learning you islamic stuffs and saudi' language.
i hope you accept my friendship and my help.
** Say as much as you can "Astaghfiru allah" and you'll see wonders of Allah's power!
Allah be with you and protects you & your child<3
Salam.
HI Loubna,
As salam alaikum!
I just read you message now.... Allah is helping me sending to me people who is willing to help me... I will love to be in contact with you. My son is just born few weeks ago and his father is near us in the same country but not showing any respect to us. I think though this page is not allow to write directly my e-mail but you can reach me at this blog http://abandonedchildrenbytheirsaudifather.blogspot.com/ there is the contact information. I will look forward to get news from you in there because at this point i'm so confused 🙁 but happy with my son even if he looks exactly like his father.
May Allah bless you... thanks for your kindness and friendship.
the contact information is from me.... if you send me a message i will be the one reading and replying to you. I hope to get in touch with you soon.
i hope i hear anything about you soon, inshallah!!
I am very happy your son is born and healthy, congratulations Maria. How is the situation with your ex now?
Lots of love from London
HI Aisha,
My son and i are doing great... his fathers is still in the same position and i took some decision, also i opened a blog to help other girls in my same situation, and also you can check how bad is my situation with him... this is the link if you would like to check http://abandonedchildrenbytheirsaudifather.blogspot.com/. Is not that i don't like to tell you how is my situation with him but is very long haha and there is all he have done to me.
Blessings 🙂
Saudi culture is very complicated; they can love you till the moon and back though that does not mean they will take responsibility. Also, the misogynistic traditions allow them to rationalize leaving 'love children' behind in order to preserve their family's 'honor'. My recommendation to all women with Saudi children left behind is to publish the names of the disreputable fathers on the internet (first, middle and last names) with the request of child support.
At least with this, future Saudis will think three times before using and abusing women in foreign countries. Have you heard of the 'student and business trip marriages'? I hate to say this, though this has been an ongoing problem for decades. These men have been getting away with this behavior and go back home to marry a 'cousin' that has her face veiled and her hymen sealed. Love does not have its place in such a culture, though all the poetry that he will quote you may lead you to believe otherwise.
It has to do with their culture, no one can understand it unless you actually live through it. The blatant hypocrisies and inequality between men and women is encouraged by the society. Also, don't expect much from the Saudi embassy - they come from the same culture.....
I absolutely agree with publishing the names in full of the father when reporting the birth of the child. Saudi's are big on reading the newspapers and from someone who lived there, that is a great place to put an ad. Here is a link for Saudi newspapers for anyone who is interested:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_newspapers_in_Saudi_Arabia
Sad to say, even though I have previously published the contact information for the Saudi Embassy...they will not act at all. I have recently talked to a woman who has a child from a Saudi who has run away from his responsibilities. This woman has called the Saudi Embassy on several occasions and has yet to establish anything. They play games on the phone and pass her around like a plate of doughnuts. The reality is, no one cares...no one wants to help. They know full and well the name of the student and where he lives and studies but they just don't care enough to do anything at all about it. It's really sad to say the least.
Salam
@maria_us - what is your situation now. did u speak with his parents ?
I want to tell you that when you reverted to Islam all your previous sins were forgiven. alhamdulillah.
__________________
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu. *
I am really sorry to hear this. However, I would advise you to go to the Saudi Embassy and explain your situation to. You have to know that the official there would demand for some proofs and would certainly do whatever to reserve your rights. Calling his family is a very good idea so go ahead with it and try to speak only with his father. With the description you stated about his family I am pretty sure that there would br two scenarios. One is that, they would deny their son's fatherhood of the child but guess what with the DNA there is no escape. Two is that, they would try to welcome you to the family, or offer you a conpensation because if things like thing went public, the family reputation would be ruined for good. The other thing is that Remember that every single edict like the one preventing Saudi males from marrying non-Saudi can be manipulate and there are centain cases where marraiges of such kind do happen. In Islam the father should be held responsible for his child and the mother of the his child.
PS: as a Saudi I would recommed American girls not to get involved with Saudi males as most of them if not all are not reliable. In short, they would do whatever to get to your cherries. 🙂
I'm so sorry
Hello , I came across this looking for answers to my situation as it’s similar. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and he’s from Saudi as well. He just graduated college and figured out I am pregnant , he chose to go back to visit his family and I’m 6 months along now and he’s almost lost contact with me completely. He’s not blocked me on anything but he’s just stopped responding and I was just looking for insight on why after 7 years he’s just decided to stop contacting me , I’m trying to just be patient and give him the benefit of the doubt but it’s getting closer to delivering our daughter and I’m scared because I’ve done it alone before with my 9 year old daughter but this will be the second time of having to raise another daughter alone and I just don’t know wether to give up trying to figure out if he’s coming back to us or not..