Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Question about Intercourse in marriage, Rights & Penis Size

marriage islam nikah purpose of

"And among His(swt) Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts

Salam, I am very concerned about my Sexual Health and my penis. It has average length but it is very thin. I have had sexual intercourse (Which i Regret and am REPENTING to Allah for that).

I am trying my best to pray 5 times now and asking Allah for forgiveness and become a good muslim. I will be getting married soon and am worried that i will not be able to satisfy my future wife because of my lack of thickness and also ejaculation. Even if the wife is dissapointed but to be nice she says that she is OK with my penis size i know that i will NOT be able to get satisfaction.

Doctors also say that they cannot do anything to increase the penis size without dangerous surgery. I DON'T want to risk surgery. I have also searched alot on the internet regarding penis size etc...

If I sincerly and with true heart make dua to Allah for a bigger penis and good health will HE grant my wishes BEFORE my marraige so that we both stay very happy with our sex lives in marraige?
I will be getting married next year......

SEX IS NOT JUST ABOUT BEING LONG ENOUGH TO ENTER THE VAGINA AND IMPREGNATE THE WIFE...I DO UNDERSTAND THAT FOREPLAY AND ORAL SEX ARE ALSO VERY IMPORTANT....BUT I'm Talking about PENETRATION AND FEELINGS OF FULLNESS ETC...

Allah gave Prophet Ibraheem and Prophet Zakeria children in such old age, He also gave 'Virgin Mary' a son (Prophet ISA) without any male intervention....Surely Allah is the all knowing and all powerfull

IS THERE ANY SPECIAL DUA OR THING I NEED TO DO SO THAT ALLAH HAS MERCY ON ME AND GRANTS MY WISHES (apart from Praying and avoiding ALL SINS)?

KINDLY READ THE QUESTION VERY CAREFULLY AND PUT YOURSELF IN MY PLACE AND THEN TELL ME OF YOUR OPINIONS AND EXPERIENCES..

Please forgive me for any mistakes and pray for me aswell
Thank you

-johnmarston (NOT REAL NAME)


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99 Responses »

  1. Brother John, the problem is not your penis. The problem is in your head. I say this sincerely and kindly, not as a taunt or criticism. What you need is psychological counseling to help you deal with your feelings of inadequacy. A lot of men struggle with these feelings of inadequacy, but in your case it has become an obsession and is affecting your mental health.

    As you recall you mentioned this issue in a comment some time back, and you got several responses. I will reprint them here:

    From Wael:

    ahmed, the kind of insecurities you are expressing are common among men. Most likely you are completely within the range of normal size. Women care about your character as a husband and a man, not about such things.

    From Soul:

    It's not about the size ahmed , Its the way you use it and besides most females don't even orgasm by intercourse only .... I don't want to start a sex class over here but I would advise you to search about this matter on internet .

    Internet is full of this stuff

    From Jannah:

    Dear Brother Ahmed,

    Soul is right. The size of the male genital doesn't play a role and women don't reach a vaginal orgasm

    anyway. So rely on the dexterity of your hands and lips.......

    Astaghfirullah..... I hope I could help you

    ***

    As sister Jannah said, most women do not orgasm through intercourse anyway. They require stimulation to the clitoris for orgasm. Also do not forget all the other erogenous zones of a woman's body. Making love should be a full body experience. One of the biggest complaints of women is that men focus too much on vaginal penetration and ignore other aspects of love making. Consider that women who are lesbians are just as sexually satisfied as straight women. Of course lesbianism is haram, but my point is that they achieve satisfaction without a penis involved.

    These are all issues for you to keep in mind when you get married, Insha'Allah. Make tawbah for your past actions, and save yourself for your future wife Insha'Allah.

    Also, as I said previously, beware of pornography, as it will give you an unrealistic and perverted view of the sexual relationship, and from what I understand it often leads to the kinds of insecurities you are expressing.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Wasalam brother John,
    I agree with every thing that brother Wael said and you should take everything he said seriously. I understand what you are going through, it is normal bro. Most men go through these kind of things at least once or sometimes always think about these issues. Brother, marriage is not all about sex and since you are a brother; I would like to say that woman don't look for these things which you are talking about but they look for love, care, affection, character and how nice you are with them in your day to day dealings as husband. This doesn't mean that they don't desire good intimate relationship with their husbands but things you are concerned about are totally irrelevant.
    I would request you that please consider the following as these points are results of surveys conducted on these issues, science and what other people experienced once they got married who had similar thoughts before marriage.

    1- Average size for a man is between 4.75 to 6.75 in length and 3.75 to 4.75 for thickness/girth etc.

    2- 4" male genetal is required to impregnate the woman and remember anything above average is not always pleasureable for your partner. If a man is above average; his wife may not enjoy certain position as this could hurt her.

    3- The only purpose of us getting aroused and having erection is to penetrate the female genetals and that's about it. Off course more time we can stay erect; more pleasure but remember average timing for the first time is between 3 to 5 minutes.

    4- You said that you suffer from pre-mature ejaculation and erection problems. Brother there are exercise out their which can help you with maintaining erection; increasing your time and getting rid of pre-mature ejaculation. The best exercise which both men and women can benefit from is Kegals and reverse Kegals. Type into google and Insha Allah you will find out how to do it and correct procedure. It is so easy that you don't need any aid and perform it while sitting, standing, driving, working on computer or even walking or lying.

    5- Other exercises to look at are "Balooning" "Edging" and "stop/start" techiniques. There is so much material out there that you will definitely improve Insha Allah. What ever you choose to do remember; PATIENCE IS THE KEY TO SEE THE RESULTS, NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE OVER NIGHT.

    6- An other important thing is that please see the doctore first because sometimes problems like pre-mature ejaculation, impotence, or erectile dysfuntion are result of heart-diseases or diabetes but it's very unlikely as you are young Insha Allah.

    7- Brother, you already know that surgery is not an option and it is very risky. So, stay away from this. Eat healthy food like dry fruits, cut coffee/tea and replace them with green tea whenever you can. Avoid spicy, oily food altogether or reduce their intake as they are not going to help rather they will make it worst.

    8- Remember, when you get married, your timing and all these problems will improve insha Allah as it is a matter of "practice makes a man perfect" unless as I mentioned before if you have any heart related disease or suffer from diabetes.

    9- Exercise regularly physically especially your lower body, including cardio and work on your abs, take swimming and running seriously.

    10- After you get married, make sure about a few things;

    A- Whatever time you choose to be intimate with your wife; make sure that you take it lightly and better if you don't take it to much on yourself.

    B- Eat less (but don't starve yourself) before you plan to be intimate or make sure you are not stuffed as this also effects the quality, timing as well.

    C- This point might sound funny but brother wear loose dresses as often as possible because research has shown that men wearing tight dresses reported not only in decrease in size but poor sperm quality as well (source: health magzine). Subhan Allah brother, see this is another reason why men are advised to wear loose dresses.

    D- Sexual position matters a lot in this case. Chose the one which is not very difficult for you but at the same time enjoyable for both of you.

    E- Remember brother, satisfaction doesn't come only from penetration as said above; use other means to satisfy your partners. For instance G-spot and clitoral stimulation and there are several toys you can use but remember to use the ones made of environmentaly friendly material (as toys made of other material can cause some health problems in childrens).

    F- Again, make sure that you eat healthy food and now what are the nutrtionals values in the food that you eat. Take some exercises, eat dry fruits and reduce or cut your intake of coffee/tea, spicy/oily foods. Increase the intake of dry fruits rich in Zinc, magnesium and iron for instance; brizil nuts have proven very beneficial for men.

    I hope all this has helped you Insha Allah and remember brother try to use your time positively and stay away from bad material. Concentrate on your prayers and make your connection with Allah (swt) more strong and ask him to bless you with a pious/practising spouse who will be a source of happiness and peace for you and vice versa. It's unfortunate to see that how so many brothers and sisters are caught up so much in these issues of personal appearance WHICH LITTERALLY DON'T MATTER AT ALL.
    I hope I helped you but if you need further help, please write back and Insha Allah other editors will try their best to help you as much as possible with our limited knowledge. And sorry for the too detailed answer as I thought it was necessary to discuss your issues in details with realities.

    May Allah (swt) help you work on these issues (which really aren't issues honestly) and to learn what is more important in a relationship and to perfect yourself in those areas. (Amin)

    Wasalam,
    Your brother in Islam,
    Muhammad1982:)

    Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

    • Ma-sha-Allah what an excellent response with so much good advice.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Thanks brother Wael:)
        There is so much I can write here with facts and proofs that brother will count his blessing for being average but time doesn't permit me.

        wasalam,
        Muhammad1982.

        Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

    • Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe,

      Quote: E- Remember brother, satisfaction doesn't come only from penetration as said above; use other means to satisfy your partners. For instance G-spot and clitoral stimulation and there are several toys you can use but remember to use the ones made of environmentaly friendly material (as toys made of other material can cause some health problems in childrens).

      Brother could you explain the toy and childrens part..I do not understand it, if you could elaborate yourself and explain what you mean InshAllah...and G - Spot, Wasn't that a fathom or something ?

      wassalaam.

      • From what I understand, using sexual devices to stimulate the sexual organs for copulation (sex) is forbidden in Islam.

        • Jazak Allah Professor X for the correction as I found out later that some of the eminent scholars are actually against using the sex toys on one's partner and ruled it haram.

          @Brother Raja, you can search online for your queries as I can't write them in more detail on this forum. I hope you understand.

          Wasalam,
          Muhammad1982:).

          Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

          • Ofcourse I understand. Im just confused about the childrens part. Maybe im reading it wrong or I just can't understand it ? Ignore the other questions. Just explain to me please what you mean with children its bugging me to be honest. Health problem for children how come ? If people used such thing im assuming the kids are surely not allowed anywhere near it ?..you dont have to say anything if you don't wish too. Im just confused and bugged now I read that sentence.

    • Slam brother, i'm having problem about sexual matters

      (Remainder of comment has been deleted. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

  3. Assalamu alaykum Brother Questioner,

    You may like to read this post as well: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/unable-to-have-intercourse/

    Take it easy. Do not feel stressfull else you won't be happy.

    Be light in the mind, take certain things lightly in life.

    Salaam,
    Your brother.

  4. Salaam John Marsden,

    I am sorry that you have this terrible feeling about such an important part of your body.

    The size is not important. For a female to feel sexual pleasure she needs to be emotionally engaged with the husband, and she needs to be held and there must be a sensation or environment of being loved for it to work for her. Also, it is not the width, but the moment and how the movement stimulates the body that makes the difference.

    In order to have good intimate relations with your wife, I would advise the following:

    1. Create a feeling of love and be slow in progressing from the beginning to the end - do not rush for the goal
    2. Hold as much of her body close to you as possible so that she feels like she is being held, and that she is safe
    3. Imagine you are drawing giant shapes with your hips - a square, a circle, a figure 8 - do not just pump. That will not work for a female.

    Follow these guidelines and your partner will be satisfied regardless of size. Disregard them, and she will be unsatisfied, regardless of size.

    Now having said all of that, I must go on to the female size of things. If your partner is not being stimulated by your body parts, then she needs to do pelvic floor exercise, (more commonly known as Kegel exercises). These exercises are designed to condition the ladies inner walls, son as to create a stronger, and less stretched area.

    These exercises are usually encountered by women after they have a child, however these exercises help all women who are having issue with sensation. If she cannot feel you adequately, then conditioning her body through these exercises will solve the problem completely, to such an extent that she will feel like it is the first time.

    So, I hope I have assisted you hear. The man's size is not responsible - it is his skill. The man's size is also not responsible, because it could be that the woman needs to condition her body to bring it closer to it's original state.

    Peace,

    Leyla
    Editor, Islamic Answers

  5. While we are on the topic, what is the Islamic opinion on increasing penis size? and using devices to achieve such sizes?

  6. It's a male thing, always wanting more, although I am sceptical about the techniques working- but I am no human biology expert to know enough.

  7. Salaam,
    I will be getting Married in a few months Ishallah... Thanks all for trying to help.....
    I need some serious Answers + Opinions about few things related to my initial question, and to be VERY CLEAR I AM NOT JUDGIING THE WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE OF ALLAH SWT and His Messengers
    (maybe I'm just too confused and worried)

    Kindly Please explain me this:
    * When Allah says that it is best that you (Male+Femle) should not commit Adultery or sex e.g haraam things before, during and after marriage then why is it that whichover website i open regarding Sexual Issue in Islam I see that most people complain about these main things

    Erectile Dysfunction + Premature Ejaculation:
    When a "Muslim Man" decides to get married (including Me) I believe that among many others factors he does this to satisfy his sexual needs in a halaal manner for the sake of Allah, so then why is that that if he is physically OK to do other things that right on the First Night or for many Months even Years he suffers from these things.
    I know he should consult a doctor etc to check if everything is alright, but the question is why does Allah not help him from the very start. Some might say that maybe he is Nervous or too Excited or His Past etc....etc... but whatever his past good or bad, now that person has decided to follow the Right Path,

    WHY DOES ALLAH NOT HELP OR CURE HIS ILLNESSES FROM THE VERY FIRT NIGHT, SO THAT HE MAY BE MUCH MORE THANKFULL FOR ENJOYING SEXUAL RELATIONS IN A HALAAL WAY.

    *If that man prays to allah and asks for Good Health and Forgiveness for any type of sin and NOW he wants to start a new life living the Halaal way, why does allah have to test him or his wife in such and embarassing way and weird method

    1: NO or WEAK Erections mean bad sex life = (Divisions betwen spouses)
    2: Premature Ejaculation means mostly no Satisfaction for one or both = (Divisions)
    3: I know and have read all about importance of kind behaviours manners, Foreplay etc and even after doing proper foreplay IF the Intercourse is not Satisfacory due to being very very short in Timing then it well most definetly lead to = DIVISIONS

    (I HAVE SEARCHED ENDLESSLY ABOUT HOW TO TRY AND FIX THESE ABOVE PROBLEMS e.g start/stop, squeeze, kegels, medications etc...........AND THEY DO NOT WORK FOR OR HELP EVERBODY)

    IF THE HUSBAND OR WIFE IS NOT SATISFIED THEY MAY BE TEMPTED OR EVEN START COMMITING ADULTERY

    When Allah swt already knows where all this May and Will lead to, why does He leave it open to Shaytaan to exploit and cause more and more DIVISIONS

    WE ALL KNOW THE THESE KINDS OF DIVISIONS CAN LEAD TO DIVORCE, WHICH IS MUCH HATED BY ALLAH

    WHY DOES ALLAH NOT HELP US IN THE MATTER BEFOREHAND BY ACCEPTING THE DUA's OF ALREADY MARRIED OR SOON TO BE HUSBAND/WIFE's SO TO SAVE US FROM EMBARISSMENTS, DIVISIONS AND DIVORCE

    SORRY to all for typing to much..........JUST WANT THE BEST FOR ME AND MY SOON TO BE WIFE,

    INSHALLAH

    PLEASE READ + UNDERSTAND AND DON'T JUSTJUMP TO CONCLUSIONS QUICKLY AND START GIVING ANSWERS ABOUT TECHNIQUES, DOCTORS ONLY

    Last thing.....WHY IS IT THE KAAFIRS (black or whites) who commit adultery proudly are mostly happy with their organ's sizes and sex lifes and muslims face the most hardship when in fact they might wanna do all this for the ALMIGHTY ALLAH swt

    • Walikum assalaam brother,

      It seems like you haven't really payed heed to all the advices that you have received above. As you claim, yes you still seem extremely worried and feel inaquate. You need to SERIOUSLY, and I mean SERIOUSLY realise that women are NOT fussed about how many inches he is. Our brain does not function like that of a man; women do not fantasize about a mans parts and marry in the hope of it being a certain size or width. Especially if your wife to be was never married before and a chaste virgin, she wont know any better than what she gets anyway!

      "Kindly Please explain me this:
      * When Allah says that it is best that you (Male+Femle) should not commit Adultery or sex e.g haraam things before, during and after marriage then why is it that whichover website i open regarding Sexual Issue in Islam I see that most people complain about these main things
      "

      Because those who are free of this sin, happily married and dont have sexual issues do not usually visit websites that talk of sexual issues. It is like it is in this website; yes you can see the bulk of what is here talks of prohibited actions but this is because the thousands of couples who are doing the halaal and happily married dont need to come here..They have no issues. Only those with a problem would come to seek help and be forced to narrate their stories of adultery/zina etc. Its a bit pointless of someone to come and say "Hello, I never committed zina, i dont do adultery, and I am happily married. I'm also having a fantastic halaal sexual life with my wife/husband. Goodbye." lol : )
      Plus even if every Muslim was to commit adultery or Zina, that would not make it halaal. The fact that people have these problems is because of disobedience and breaking the boundaries set by Allah, not because what Allah has ordered us is impractical. He (Swt) never burdens us beyond what we can cope.

      The bulk of your second point, regarding WHY OH WHY Allah swt does not just accept the Dua and miraculously heal someone of whatever problem they have - firstly, what EXACTLY is the problem?> Premature ejaculation, the size or what? Because the remedy would differ depending on what the problem is.
      But one thing that will remain the same is this - Allah help's those who help themselves. Dua can do wonders indeed but with dua, if we can, we should take actions towards achieving that which we desire. If you understand Urdu then know that - Harakat mein barakat hoti hain.
      If your problem is premature ejaculation, that too known to be caused due to a bad sexual life (excessive masturbation for example) before married life, then as much as you dont want us to advice you this - you need to take the advice of doctors in this. If its the worry over your size, being thin etc, then you need to accept it that its psychological, nothing else. There isn't a perfect size and learn to accept and love your body, which you cant change, and how it is, instead of praying to Allah to change something that wouldn't be classified as 'abnormal.'

      If you are sure that you are having sexual problems becaues of mistakes in your past life, then it is wrong of you to blame Allah for that.
      That is the thing in life brother...we can repent, and Allah swt will forgive us..however, the bad consequences of our actions do not always dissapear along with the sin noted down.
      It is like someone who commits zinaa, and a child is conceived through it. You may repent, and Allah may very well forgive you, but the consequence cannot be deleted - the child. Of if someone commits zinaa and as a result catches an STI. God may forgive you but that is not MIRACULOUSLY going to get rid of your STI, is it? Life doesnt work like that, and this is exactly the reason why we should be wary of our actions, not cross boundaries set by Allah, because although Allah swt may forgive us and all "spiritual/non material" damage may heal, the "physical and material" damages don't. Sometimes they do, but that is another mercy of God and an extra favour of His to be thankful for, not something we should question Him about if it were not to happen. Because ultimately, its OUR fault, not His.

      Big changes can and do happen in life, miracles that defy the law of science, however..if we want to be receiving them, we have to be giving something back in return. If we want Allah swt to do wonders in our life and accept our duas overnight, then we should ask ourself - What have I done for Allah? How am I leading my life? Is every breath of mine for His sake or do I go the extra mile just to please my Lord? How similar is my life to his whom Allah chose as his beloved and as our role model: Muhammad (Saw) ?

      As for your last point:

      "WHY IS IT THE KAAFIRS (black or whites) who commit adultery proudly are mostly happy with their organ's sizes and sex lifes and muslims face the most hardship when in fact they might wanna do all this for the ALMIGHTY ALLAH swt"

      How many Mulims, out of the 2 billion, have you heard who complain about their organ sizes and sex life? Even if the kaafirs that you are talking about talk of muslim as sex fanatics because of the image they have of Muslims and their sexuality!
      What can possibly tell you of how happy kaafirs are with their size and sex life? The only thing that I can think of, because of which you may think this is porn. And if my guess is right- then you need to realise that porn is FAKE. Pornography is UNREALISTIC and perverted. It's aim is to distort the mind and created unrealistic expectations in order to acheive higher and higher levels of sexual satisfaction. It thrives on innovation - it is not satisfied with an ordinary man having sex with an ordinary woman in an ordinary fashion. The audience demands more so with time, the sick industry has evolved too, and in an attempt to innovate, gotten more and more sick. That is why in today's world more people generally (not muslims) are not satisfied with their sexual life. If you bring a man from the eastern world who has kept away from all forms of shamelessness and indecency, he gets turned on at the mere thought of being alone with a very ordinary woman, and he wouldn't sit and worry about how big he "should" be because his vision was never corrupted. He would be extremely satisfied with his wife and the sexual life presented after marriage. Whereas men in the west who are constantly exposed to shamelessness and who also do not keep away from all form of indecency, and watch porn, they find themself in trouble many a times once married and not so satisfied!

      Pornography makes one immune to the ordinary, and not only makes you reply on extraordinary for arousal but unrealistic measures due to which you will never find satisfaction in the real world you live in.

      You know about the kuffar who are having happy sex lives because they are very open about it. Muslims have been forbidden from expressing their sexual life in public and details of how happy they are of its occurence or their size..this is why you don't hear about it. Im sure there are enough Muslims who are happy of their sex life but they dont need to express this. Hayaa is very important for a Muslim (atleast should be).

      Was salaam

      • Excellent response sister Faith.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • OMG are u a psychologist.... I could relate to your comments,bare in mind I grew up around half naked women in tiny tops and belts(often mistakenly called mini skirts)so the cause was overexposure socially and on TV. I have been through desensitization to the extent that a naked women would have no impact on me I would not see her nakedness as sexual...in a way i was grateful for this...because consequently the desire to have sex was not there because the stimulus had lost its effect, hilarious I know...accordingly with sharia...btw that made me a man in front of whom women do not need to cover up ....

        The only way I over came this was to lower my gaze 24-7 at the sight of any female, cut off TV- that was easy since I was too busy anyway, and simply cut out anything from my life that would involve the exposure of female flesh.....it must have taken about 6-7 months...I hadn't seen any female body part uncovered or in tight clothing, I had seen nothing normally sexually stimulating to a man....and after this period it became this behavior became second nature...it cured desensitization, to the extent that ...well this is embarrassing perhaps extreme but you start see beauty in every part of a womens body, ultimately that makes you more appreciative.

        That is my embarrassing addition, it might help someone.

        • men in porn movies are on drugs, soon as the drugs wear off, erm well it's impossible for them to get erect, they don't feel aroused its more of a process or a chore, not something beautiful or involving any emotional process, mostly they feel very little pleasure too.

          And to increase size...they have fat injections, apparently they only last 30days a time its a bit like botox...you need to constantly have it done...or you look like your bits might fall off. After having fat injections if you don't continue to have them regularly, due to the side effects, ie excess skin...you may need to get circumcised again...

          well since this Q about porn stars, sex, size performance keeps coming up so might as well settle it.

          oh and for the sisters, may Allah never make you think of doing so, but I know may do, think of implants, unless you want bullet proof breasts, don't go there.

          may Allah give us all Hidayat...so we may focus on increasing our imaan not our bits

        • You addition will inshallah be a hope to the very many brothers who also have suffered in this way. If you can overcome it, then they will think to themself that they can too. So I think its great that you have shared it, plus you were careful of your wording.

          No, I'm not a psychologist but someone interested in psychology. : ) Plus this problem is too common to be missed really. lol.

          Was salaam

          • this reinforces religious teachings...we are told to lower our gazes and dress modestly for a reason...this applies to both sexes.

    • Dude really u r the first person I know who is worried/obssed about his size .

      Well ur too much worried that u cannot satisfy ur spouse , and going nuts imagining adultery and such issue .

      Look only those spouse do who do not respect the pure relation of marriage will commit adultery.

      Good spouse don't commit adultery (sure there may be up n down every marriage has ) but it don't go as far as adultery
      Good spouse discuss critical issues n work together

      So worry not that u can satisfy , worry that u get married to a good spouse

    • Ahmed-john . B carefull how u phrase ur questions, u don't want to leave fold of Islam because u got a psychological defeciency. Seriously bro, online porn addiction is a big problem for kuffar with consequenses like erectile disfunction etc. And the whole size problem is their worry coz they display and look at others and now it affecting Muslims who are weak in thier knowledge,and or imaan. For anyone who reads this post http://www.yourbrainonporn.com is a good resource but remember they don't believe in haraam so take all advice without restraint

  8. How is he going to commit adultery if it doesn't work?????

    • LOL

      I had to read that a couple of times to understand and once I did, I couldn't stop laughing at the wisdom behind your question. Ha ha.

      Okay, things getting to graphic here maybe. Im out.

      Was salaam!

  9. Gosh so many unnecessary niceties...basic fact, size does matter, more importantly it matters how you use it….if your small/thin marry a smaller girl it will be perfect for her….and if you were so concerned about pleasing your wife you would research on different ways. This is more about you looking for the easy option to boost your pride.

    To everyone else, when did being humble become unconditional? This guy has sex before marriage, unless he was unaware that the act is forbidden before marriage, he went ahead with the knowledge he is doing something forbidden.

    AND, if you have sexual problems, and you know you will not be able to perform...why are you so keen on getting married?...do you really want to ruin someone’s life? if you have sexual performance issues...having sex will be the last thing on your mind, this is hilarious...it’s ironic how thieves want to be alarm fitters, pedo’s want to work in schools, and those with sexual problems want to get married and are so keen on wanting to have sex...?

    For all we know he could have lured an innocent girl or girls with false promises over several years to use her/them for sex now wants to walk away and possibly marry a virgin… all while calling himself a Muslim portraying this behaviour as an image of a Muslim to the world around him.

    And how does he know it’s too thin? How would you actually know what is too thin and too thick? You have to have something to compare with, or someone who knows about thickness variations tells you, and how do you know that your comparisons or source(s) of information are valid???

  10. Salaams,

    OK I'm just going to throw this out there, after looking through all these other posts...the OP said something to the effect of (and Kash this would answer your question) that he knows he's too thin because when he didn't have feelings of fullness during his previous experiences. Now, I'm not a man, but I would imagine if a guy was built in such a way that he didn't feel "full" during intercourse, either two things are going on: 1. the girl is totally TOO loose, or the guy actually is too thin. Maybe it was the girl...who knows. But if a guy ever were to find himself not having sensation during intercourse because of a true lack of friction (and it wasn't the girls looseness), what would be the advice then?

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • My advice then would be that he should seek help from Wael or another MALE editor to confirm and get second opinion on a certain issue, ahem, which should only be exposed under necessity that too to males only and not in a mixed platform like this one.

      • Thanks a million Faith,
        i can understand that you and others are only trying to be helpfull and give sound advice

        I know it is not possible to go back in time, its just that sometimes i wish i was not born in todays time, It would have been such an honour and good taqdeer to have been among the soldiers of Prophet Mohammed (pbhu) and be his servant and look after him etc

        Those were very FORTUNATE people who lived in the times of Prophet Mohammed (pbhu) and could share their worries and problems with him

    • It's actually quite rare for a woman to really be "too loose", as that tissue is designed to be amaaaazingly elastic. (I mean think about it - we can have BABIES and frankly they're ENORMOUS, lol, and then BOING! We just go back to normal!) But in the case where a man is indeed too thin and/or small to produce sufficient friction for both the husband's and wife's enjoyment, the solution is all about positioning.

      I hope I may be excused for not posting the actual link where I got the following from, but frankly, I found the rest of the site to be a bit too titillating overall and I did not want to be encouraging anyone to surf around it! However, this information itself is quite straightforward and practical, so Inshallah it will be of benefit to the OP or anyone else who needs this advice.

      I am trying to paste the excerpt with the HTML code that turns the text white, so that the reader will have to mouse over the area between the two "_______" lines and highlight it to read it. However, it might not work, so if you do not want to read explicit - albeit quite clinical - descriptions of sexual positions, please scroll away now. And by all means, Editors, if this is a bit too ribald for posting, please feel free to delete and send the material straight to the OP, if appropriate.
      ____________________

      1) Man-on-top: The woman tilts her pelvis down, aiming her vaginal opening toward the mattress, and holds her bent knees up toward her chest while keeping her head elevated on pillows. This will increase pressure against her vaginal walls and shorten her vaginal canal.

      2) V-formation: As the woman lies on her back, the man should lift her legs in the air, hold her ankles, and spread her legs apart, forming a V, and then make his way inside her.

      3) Rear Entry: The woman should be on all fours. The man should enter the woman from behind, but he should open his legs, and she should mostly close hers. The woman should her angle her body down by resting her head and shoulders flat on the bed. This will help her feel tighter, or the man feel bigger, however you prefer to look at it.

      4) Woman Sitting: The man stands or kneels while the woman sits on the edge of the bed, sofa, or counter top. When the man enters her, it will be at a slight upward angle, so his penis should hit the top wall of her vagina. He'll feel pressure and tightness as he hits that wall.

      5) Man Sitting: The man sits, and the woman lies on her back. She may want to put a pillow under her hips. The man brings her knees to her ears, and she holds her legs there as he penetrates her.

      6) Woman Face Down: The woman should lie face down on her stomach, legs straight out and closed. A pillow may be placed under the woman's hips. With his knees bent, but keeping his torso upright, the man should place his genitals just under the woman's buttocks and spread her legs on either side of her body, Being careful not to let his weight drop on her, he then makes his way inside. The woman may initially have to open her legs in order for the man to get his penis inside.

      Though sexual intercourse is only one aspect of sexual relations between a man and a woman, it's an important part. The size of a man's penis need not affect the pleasure of intercourse for either the man or the woman. These six penetrating positions for a small penis allow the man with a small to average penis to get the feeling of tightness he craves, and the woman the feeling of fullness she enjoys, leaving both happy and satisfied.

      _____________________

      • Crudbunnies, my great plan of making the font invisible didn't work, but Web interfaces like thais do need to have protection from HTML abuse, so I'm not to surprised. Sorry about that, I tried! Again, mods, nuke it if need be!

      • Dude where did u got this info. That this 6 position will help a man with small pennis to create pleasure for here partner

        Firstly , this 6 position r normal or usually used unless ur creative .

        The question here is does size matters ? That's it ?
        Ahmed brother , the thing u lack as per now is confidence , dude ur feeling insecure

        brother ur apprehending in your insecure thought regarding adultery .
        It seems like ur more scared than ur spouse . Its fine

        don't lose confidence in u .

        • It is an excerpt from an article from a "tantric" sex Web site. I did not link to the site because the whole "tantric" sex thing is totally fishy - it misrepresents genuine tantric traditions (Hindu and Buddhist), appropriating and warping an ancient mystical practice for worldly gain (think the Los Angeles Kabbalah Center, Soka Gokkai, or, for an example a little closer to home, someone doing istikhara on behalf of another, or, astagfirullah, an "Islamic" horoscope reading for pay!). I also did not want to tempt anyone to be fishing around explicit Web sites for no reason. However, the information the excerpt contains is useful; I speak from personal experience. Thirdly, I am not a dude. :-)

          You wrote,

          Firstly , this 6 position r normal or usually used unless ur creative .

          I assume you meant to say they are not usually used unless you are creative? Well, I was answering Amy; she was not saying she concluded that this was necessarily the entirety of the OP's problem, but posed the hypothetical question: what would be the advice if small penis size was interfering with a couple's enjoyment? Since I'd been there, done that, I offered my comment. I mean, if there is a problem that is not remedied by normal or usual solutions, then creativity is called for, is it not?

          And while I do agree with you, Truebloood, that the OP is feeling unconfident, but he has had prior experiences which have apparently given him good reason to feel that way. I think it is dismissive to just say, "Dude, you just need to pray, have more confidence, and it will all work out". Faith's post further up the page very eloquently reminds us that Allah helps those who help themselves. In other words, we don't just assume that making dua is like putting a coin in a wishing machine (like in the movie "Big"!) and suddenly the universe has instantly changed to suit us. Allah (swt) has given us prayer as a tool for improving our lives, but hasn't He (swt) also given us our intellect and our ability to take action on our own behalf? Ahmed may indeed find his confidence boosted simply by researching and seeking advice - as he is doing - and hearing from others NOT that his anatomy and physical problems are irrelevant, but that with a little bit of effort and knowledge, they can be worked with just as they are to provide him and his wife long-term sexual satisfaction and happiness.

          Again, I was not attempting a comprehensive answer to the whole situation, only to offer a snippet that I thought might be useful.

          • Salaam all!!!, this thread is really usefull to many many people .. Perticularly those having similar problem to the original questioner. I really really appreciate ''sam i am'' comment, it would be very useful indeed. Also the ealier comments from wael, soul, jannah and layla. May God bless you for advicing on this problem..

          • Well as u don't like to be call "dude " , ill call u as SAM with due respect

            Firstly , the 6position u said that I said is commonly used unless u r creative for this I mean that couple usually use this 6 technique other ppl r creative ,
            study says that the first position that Is the man on top (missionary ) is one of the best if the couple r trying to have a baby ( I have read it somewhere )

            Secondly , I have not read faiths post till , reality I have read only 2 post us and ahmed that y I commented only 2 u

            Thirdly , in ur reply u said " allah helps only those who help them self " correct , and regarding the prays a muslim suffering or not he must pray .
            So in my reply I have never said anything about pray it by default mandatory

            The thing what I emphasis is that , his confidence is down at the given moment
            And he has to fight it out .
            It like he created a cloud of fear , that he may not full fill his partner . Which is indeed ok , ppl get scared but they have to overcome it

            Ahmed is indeed scared /lack confident /insecure what ever u can name , but the fact remain that he has to leave it behind and face it .
            For doing so he need to make a go . Not u not me nor other over here can help until ahmed make a fight for it from him self
            It should be initiated from inside , which hopefully is not hard

          • Truebloood, I'm afraid I don't totally understand much of your last comment, and I guess we'll have to "agree to disagree" on whichever ways we might differ on the issue of "leave it behind"/solutions come from inside vs. getting as much outside help as one feels one needs. As for calling me "dude", please don't think I mentioned it because I take any sort of offense; it's just that I'm a girl.

            Thank you very much to Mohd for your words; I am glad to know that the post was of some benefit.

          • Gosh I think this page breaks traditional tabboo's with explicit content, it should have a warning, disclaimer, age restriction or married, about to be married only indicators.

            Time to restructure the site.

            Very educational though

          • Kash,

            You missed out divorcees and widows. Time to remove this taboo too I think! Or else people like Wael or myself wouldn't be allowed in.

      • Thank you sister!

        Most useful!

        Its good to hear things from a females point of view. Something we wouldnt be able to ask people in reality.

        Allah reward you!

        Thank you very much indeed!

  11. I think Amy you have partly answered your question, yes if the friction isn't there, the girl is either too loose, or he is too thin, it could also be be due to contraceptives (male female condoms) and loss of sensation, is documented to be due to self abuse, abstaining from this can help depending on the damage. If its nerve damage, I can't comment, the individual would need to contact a specialist.

  12. salaam,
    My last question was not Just about sizes or preferences

    Jjust to be clear about a few things people.

    1: Alhamdolillah I am Muslim (maybe not the ideal muslim) and was born/live in a muslim family

    2: i have already made it clear that i have made some mistakes in my past for which i am trying to repent and do sincere tauba..... i have not been luring lots of girls with false promises and using them for sexual satisfaction, just some mistakes in the heat of the moments

    3: and because i have experienced the sensations to be considered not satisfactory for either one is the only reason i wanted to get some advice

    4: i have not asked my Q here so that some people start making up random guesses about me or start thinking that i'm some weirdo or mentally sick etc

    Lastly adultery or zina can also be comitted by females(Wives) and i am just worried that godforbid oneday i MAY become the reason for which my wife MIGHT be tempted to take such a big step (I am not questioning my fiancee's charachter just worried thats all)

    Thanks again to all for your answers and comments, and i am TRYING my best to not worry about these matters too much and focus on bigger things in my life

    Please Remember me in your prayers

    PEACE TO ALL

    • Ahmed, take note of the advice given from the sisters, it doesn't get any better than that.

      And good luck with sincere tauba, especially with the distractions.

    • Brother.

      You have asked a question that many of us would be too self concious to ask and sometimes ignore - but wish we could learn more about. Thank you fro asking this question.

      Allah reward you and help you.

  13. Well one thing I don't like abt marriage is marriage

    Take it like this

    whenever ur hungry , u don't go up and open ur own restaurant do u ?

    I thought to share my words of wisdom

    • That sounds more like nonsense than wisdom.

      • @ kash
        I think ur r married or even not married but dude I think u don't realise the fun / liberty of being single .

        It like having a harley davidson , driving it in the sunday morning at extreme level on a free highway .
        And not worrying about some telling drive carefully.

        Think one can do that when he is married , shame isn't it.

        • I don't know what world you live in or where you get your thoughts from. Keep riding that Harley and good luck to your prostate and jewels if you can call em that especially if and when you want to have kids.

          And I am not married, I don't date and that is nothing to be proud of. According to Hadith we have been referred to as the worst people in the Ummah.

          I can't imagine a marriage being restricting in anyway...If anything you have someone in your life that isn't just a randomer who can come and go for no reason at all, and you have someone to whom you have responsibilities and who has rights and responsibilities too. If that person says ride/drive carefully she would only say it for your benefit or because maybe you are an important person to her. This person is your partner for you to share life with not see as some obstruction.

          I hope you wise up before you marry if ever, if you do not, I feel sorry for the unlucky girl, with your current insensitive and immature attitude, it's good that you are not married, you would probably make a girls life a misery.

          I'm sure you know Marriage is a critical part of Islam (50%) of your religion, taking account of the weighting given to it, your remarks are disgusting.

          • I am glad to see Truebloood have this feedback from a brother, and inshalla'h he will hear it. It is clear that you on the other hand, will make some Muslimah a very happy wife someday, Kash, with your positive attitude that marriage is about sharing your life, and not at all about obstruction!

  14. To add to the debate how is surgery haram in this case? or in any case of advancing/improving your body....you could if you wanted...go as far as you liked... for eg if his one penis...is too small/thin...and this upsets his wife...to save his marriage, help her achieve satisfaction can he have surgery?...what if it meant having a second penis of a larger size attached that could function like his first? one to impregnate one to satisfy? I know some will think its pure genius and some will think its sheer stupidity, it's just a concept.

    (This isn't a service that is available, as far as I'm aware, although a backstreet surgeon for the right price might be able to put something together for those interested)

    My point being, could it be justified that his penis does not resemble a normal mans penis size therefore justifying surgery for improvement or replacement?

    Since we have so many knowledgeable people in the forum, it;s a good opportunity to get everyone's perspective. I don't know the answer here, but I have always thought to return a body part to normality, you may have surgery?

    Thanks in advance, and apologies for the new angle to this. I look forward to your responses.

    • Yack! I'm female and even I'm wincing in pain at the thought!! There's a good reason why that surgery is not widely available from mainstream medicine: there is a risk that the, um, entire mechanism shall we say, would cease to function. And then you'd be waaaaaay worse off than when you started. Even in the best case scenarios, sensation may be affected. Medical science continues advancing every day, so the surgeries are getting better and safer (and probably more expensive). But keep this in mind: cosmetic surgery on the face has now been around for 50 or so years and is indeed pretty safe, but does that mean the results are necessarily what you'd want (even if it were halal)? I mean, take a good look at Pricilla Pressley, Donatella Versace, Joan Rivers, or Michael Jackson, and ask yourself: are those really desirable results? Cosmetic surgery in other places are going to have just as many drawbacks!

      Having already reached my quota of explicitness on this thread, I am totally not posting a link to the places that perform these surgeries; Google it if you must. However, I will link this article from WebMD, which I hope will dissuade you guys from thinking along these lines as a possible good solution:

      Penis Enlargement: Does It Work?

      (Pay particular attention to where the external material, allograph, for width enhancement comes from. GROSS!! If the thought of that's not enough to dissuade you, I don't know what is.)

      Kash, you said it yourself: listen to the sisters. :-) It's what you do with the equipment you have, and that's only a man's second most important sex organ; the first is his brain. I feel guilty that I may have contributed to leading this thread off in a discursive direction, maybe making the OP think of chasing off in directions that will not help him. I believe he has all he needs; he may need to work at it a little with his wife, and perhaps be a little "creative", but inshallah he and his wife will enjoy a fulfilling married life.

      - Sam the not-dude

      • @ sam

        Firstly , "sam the not - dude " , I like this one finally something to laugh , Sry sam in first place I didn't know u were a female even ur I'd is more or less male and so ur comments especially for this post .

        Its really something I took out from this post that , a pure relationship of marriage , can be hijacked from a thing which most of us mostly used for the call of nature.

        Ahmed chill don't get scared , from the comments

        • It's my initials. Plus I'm a Dr. Suess fan. I guess I kinda sound like a guy in the written form, since my background is science and technology, and because I'm very left-brained, but trust me, I'm pretty girly!

      • I almost read that as second brain not second most important organ.

        just to add, enlargement via surgery is vastly different than through the use of 'apparatus' or manual exercises, in all cases loss of sensation or loss of normal function is possible. I assume loss of sensation, is not so bad, if the husband looses partial sensation, this could be to the benefit of the wife.

        Further these are usually practiced by men in their 40s and 50s who are willing to take the risk, for whatever reasons, you have to be willing to accept the consequences and be prepared to only be able to obtain an erection with the help of additional devices or drugs.

        The OP may just have been misinformed and be worrying about something that's not a real issue, especially if its based on feedback, like I said he should marry someone short n slim that might increase his chances of achieving the feeling of 'fullness'.

        • Well sure, it's every one's choice (okay, well really only rich people's choice) whether or not to take enormous, elective risks with one's private parts, but I'm just trying to point out is widely regarded as a pretty scary idea. I really think Ahmed - or anyone - should exhaust ALL other possibilities thoroughly before even vaguely contemplating this, not to mention if its even halal?

          And I'm afraid that this whole idea of short/small/slim women being tighter is widespread - and totally, totally, totally wrong.

          The advice in this thread is starting to really alarm me. I think Ahmed should really go to a urologist who specializes in this area.

          • Good luck to him with that, quality medical services are scarce.

            To get the best out of docs, you need to study the area of meds that relate to your health problems, then go to the docs armed with the knowledge, and tell them what to do...I recently proved three senior well regarded consultants wrong and exposed their sheer stupidity after they had put their diagnosis in writing.

            I had to read the medical text books, research online, take notes understand the science to find the problems.

            You need to invest time considering your symptoms narrow down the possibilities and then go and ask for relevant tests, in some cases you will have to find out what tests you need too and find out whether the medical center etc offer that test, because sometimes to cut costs docs avoid sending you for the tests that might just save your life or simply say they do not provide the tests to push you to go private. You are mostly self diagnosing. Don't expect the docs to be proactive in their diagnosis.

            And sadly, if you have a beard or wear a hijab- despite the number of muslim doctors all this becomes ten times harder, you need to know your rights, the available services your entitlements and rights to complain if you are unjustly refused.

            That is just the reality. It's what I do :)

          • That's all good advice, doing research ahead of time and learning all you can to have quality conversations with doctors. I myself have a chronic illness and I understand it better than most of my doctors at this point, so I can relate very much to what you are saying. But if you are as dedicated to accurate information as you say, you'd have researched before you passed on the advice to find a slim woman because they're tighter and discovered it to be the myth that it is! Similarly, the veiled advice to look at backstreet surgeons for penis enlargement could also be construed as a bit irresponsible. And forgive me Kash, because I don't mean to be singling you out. Earlier in this thread someone else intimated that missionary position was best for conception! Gadzooks! Taken in sum, we are not helping the OP by just regurgitating urban legends, rumors, and wild ideas on such a sensitive issue.

            People are so trusting and can be quite vulnerable when they write into this site. The editors allow us all to contribute, but they are the models of how we should respond: carefully, thoughtfully, conservatively, compassionately, Islamically. I could not help but be alarmed at the random discursiveness and misinformation accumulating as this thread continues, and it is simply my wish for us all to always consider how the original poster will be reading and interpreting our comments, so that inshalla'h, he or she may be benefitted and not confused.

  15. @ kash yes it does

    But I think ppl commenting on this site are all 18+ , no need for disclaimer .

  16. My source of that information (a slim woman being tighter) was a female, who I simply expected to know better than I do. I haven't explored the correlations between female physical size and vaginal tightness, and unless I marry four women I'm not sure how I would?

    and with regards to finding a backstreet surgeon, that was sarcasm. IF anyone comes across any person in a backstreet or anywhere similar who claims to be a surgeon and is offering you cosmetic or any other type of surgery and certainly if the person is offering penile enlargement surgery, I suggest you hold on to your bits with both hands and run away as fast as you can and call the police asap!

    May Allah Cure your illness Sam, im sure you may already be aware of such stories, but I have heard of people who become cured of cancers and all sorts of illnesses when they go to perform umrah/hajj...I may have to do the same, but its an option worth keeping in mind.

    although this maybe a question for a different forum page...But...illness or Jinn?

    • Thank you for your reply, Kash. I appreciate very much the constructive dialog.

      As for how to find reliable medical information, you've already said you know how to do that! Google, of course, is the place to start! And I'm sure you already know how to differentiate the proverbial wheat from the chaff: Web sites selling diet pills and forums with anecdotal stories probably need to be taken with a grain of salt. The National Institutes of Health or the Cleveland Clinic: much more trustworthy. Check stuff on Snopes. The usual due diligence.

      And I apologize for not even detecting your sarcasm, but that's actually a pretty good example of my concern here. I missed it and you and I are apparently both native English speakers/writers, but the OP is not; what if he got the wrong idea?

      And thank you kindly for you words and wishes regarding my illness. I do not know whether it is within my ability to know for sure if it is the influence of jinn or not. However, it is a genetic disease, so I was born with it, and it is incurable; would a jinn be able to latch on to a developing fetus in such a way as to harm it like that? At any rate, I have the best that medicine can do for me, a loving partner and family, and a positive attitude, so inshalla'h I will continue to enjoy my life and be of benefit in the world. As I tell people who are inclined to feel sorry for me, I would much rather have a broken body and a happy heart than the other way around!

      • your ability to exercise patience and to look at the positives is something I can learn from.

        On this occasion, I think I will give research on the varying sizes in female genitalia a miss, for now I will allow your word to set the precedence, and agree on it being a myth.

        And I apologise for my dry sense of humor, I never imagined anyone taking the suggestion of using medical services in a backstreet literally.

        If you feel comfortable in saying. how is the fetus harmed?

        I had a variety of problems for a long time which I could not find a cure for. I am not connected to or close to a Muslim community and the one I came from are useless, and not very Islamic. My last port of call was investigating the possibility of something "supernatural"

        I have seen significant changes after reciting, trying so called holy water etc, I really don't know or have access to "witch doctors" etc so had to do my own research, but if all avenues have been exhausted, and there is little left to lose...no harm in trying. Although to a novice, results this way can be somewhat shocking.

        • Ah, Kash, do not give me too much credit for my patience, because the truth is, funny as it may sound, I simply have no choice!

          What I meant by the 'fetus being harmed" is that my disease is due to bad genes; certain chromosomes were mangled at the time I was developing in my mother's womb, and thus, I was born with this disease. Other examples of genetic diseases might be Down's Syndrome, or Cystic Fibrosis, and none can be cured any more than blue eyes can be "cured". But I'm not knowledgeable enough about the activity of jinn to know whether or not affecting unborn babies is something they would generally do? I have come to accept it as simply one of the facts of my birth, such as being female, having brown eyes, being tall, etc. Inshalla'h medical developments will give hope to future generations of all children born with genetic diseases. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be comfortable with witch doctors, though! When people have little left to lose, there are unsavory people who know people DO have one last thing left to lose: their money!

          I very much appreciate your dry sense of humor, as it's quite similar to mine, and I don't blame you one bit for taking a pass on the anatomy research. My foray into researching penis enlargement earlier left me needing to bleach my eyeballs, but I didn't want to pass something on unless I was sure about it.

          • Gosh you're very brave doing all that research may Allah reward you, after all it was for a good cause.

            There is ample material about jins and magic in books and hadith and the net that allows you to collate the information and cross reference it against credible sources, it's no easy feat. I spent most of ramadhan in research, if you would like, for educational purposes I can allow access to all my research via Dropbox url link.

            If there is no medical cure for you, I hope Allah blesses you in other ways

            back to the topic of the forum, ironically I just heard on the radio, research has proven that a mans credit card being declined at a supermarket and the subsequent humiliation can affect his performance in the bedroom - Take note guys

          • Sister Sam,

            I've been reading up on your comments about the problem you are experiencing. At first I couldn't figure out whether you are aware of it yet rejecting it or you genuinely do not know this - that Jinns can and do cause miscarriages. It is a very popular form of damage that they do, for different reasons, and maany raaqis (those truly upon the quran and sunnah, not dodgy ones!) have dealt with many women and helped them with the help of Allah. Are you not aware of this???

            Btw, just incase anybody here reading gets funny feelings (not addressed to you specifically) - I would like to point out that I am not a superstitious freak who attributes everything to jinns, however, in the same breath I would also love to point that I am neither a slave of modern medicine, science and technology that refuses to believe in harm of any sort that is not proven by them. It is important we find the right balance between the two. There are biological diseases that are cured by doctors, but there are also spiritual diseases that need to be cured by Quran and Sunnah (Eg - evil eye).

          • Thank you Faith; yes, as you know, I am quite new to understanding all the subtleties of Jinn and their "usual" activities if you will (so I am not "accepting" or "rejecting" anything at this point, just learning what is taught!), so thank you for the additional information. In my case, well, obviously my mom didn't have a miscarriage because viola, here I am :-) but would it be unheard of for a Jinn to cause a specific genetic disease to a child in the womb? I say specific because it has a name and while it is very rare, there are at least tens of thousands of people diagnosed with my exact same disease, so that would mean that the Jinns' mischief here would be very systematic. Again, I am VERY new in my learning, but I was under the impression that interference from Jinn is somewhat more chaotic, being more of a likely suspect when an illness is very non-specific and more random-seeming than something like a well-documented genetic illness. I guess I have in my head that Jinn is something that can be dispelled through prayer and/or intercession of Allah (swt), whereas the actual curing of a genetic disease would not be like getting over a cold or something, but more like a miracle! Certainly such things are not to be considered beyond Allah's capabilities, but, well, if that sort of thing was happening on a regular basis, the medical texts would be filled with case studies where doctors would be totally mystified at the spontaneous positive genetic mutations! So my understanding is that in the cases where we have permanent conditions that we are born with, whether it be blue eyes, big feet, or a genetic disease, we are intended to have them, and to work with them for the duration of our lifetime. Illnesses that come from the outside - whether they are microbial (virus, bacteria, etc.) or the work of Jinn - those it seems reasonable to expect that we can get rid of them, whether through antibiotics or, in the case of Jinn, spiritual means. Does my understanding make sense and sound correct?

            (By the way, I am completely with you in that while I see immense benefit in Western medicine, I do not believe it has all the answers to our overall well-being. The spiritual side not even withstanding, just think of how far short Western medicine falls in even considering psychological issues in diagnosis and treatment! And sometimes when they do, they get it tragically wrong: for many, many years, I was told my bodily problems were "all in my head" and was prescribed anti-depressants as my "cure". It was only until an astute orthopedist who said, "Gee, do they really think that depression has caused you to need six surgeries on your failing joints?" He was the one who finally diagnosed me - and he only knew about my disease because his best friend has it! I might STILL be lying here wondering what on earth was wrong with me were it not for that confluence of events. [And no, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with my brain or neurological system.] So yeah, I am VERY aware of the failings of Western medicine, but can also appreciate its good points.)

            I am very sensitive of derailing an existing thread - I only meant to mention my illness in passing - but you and Kash have so kindly responded in detail and I cannot help but selfishly seize the opportunity to increase my understanding! I am not doing too well with my Google searches on this subject; I thought that the search term Islam "genetic disease" would give me information on the Islamic view of genetic disease as a whole, but all I am getting back is stuff about genetic counseling for couples who might have a developing baby with a problem, but no underlying, more basic information about the fundamental view. And forget searching on jinn "genetic disease", as that only leads to lots of - fascinating, I'm sure :-) - medical journal articles written by people named "Jin"! (Ah, Google, I love you, but you do have such limitations.) So anything you can point me to will be helpful. I would like to take Kash up on his offer, above, but I need to make sure it is okay with the editors and doesn't cross over into disallowed "outside contact".

            Editors, what say you? Dropbox URL allowed for Kash's research, or do you have another suggestion? It sounds like a wonderful resource and his offer to share it is incredibly generous!

  17. @ kash

    Regarding backstreet surgeon , I'm sure everyone has seen / aware of " hostel " , they run for sure .

    • for real? .. there are actual back street surgeons? well in that case, my apologies to all.

      • Good heavens, whatever you do, don't go out and rent "Hostel". You will be scarred for life. :-)

        But tragically, yes, there are many charlatans, even in the US, who perform surgeries for which they are not board certified and thus not qualified to do. And cosmetic surgery is one of the biggest areas of abuse. Every so often in the news there is a story about someone horribly disfigured - or worse - DEAD, because of a doctor (and sometimes not even that) trying to make a quick buck. Just look at Michael Jackson's doctor, who was just criminally convicted of manslaughter!

        • I would have thought its common sense to go to somewhere very official that is regulated especially if they are cutting bits off and adding new bits on... although I do consider myself to be good with my hands it runs in the family. Any takers? (sarcasm)

          I wonder if experimentation is allowed in Islam, what I mean here is experimentation in the interest of science. In the field of bio-engineering/technology, sensors have been attached to hands that send back sonar signals to the brain, ultimately this gives you sonar technology on your hands, how far can we go?bullet proof muscle strands? i have heard of breast implants getting so hard in one case the implant saved a women's life by catching a bullet, that would ordinarily have killed her - this was in the news. Does Islam define limits on such you could call improvements to the body?

          • Well, the thing is that the Hippocratic Oath that is at the heart of the training of most doctors everywhere says, "First, do no harm." And in most places, laws dictate what can and can't be done (and give patients rights of informed consent). Unless there are clinical studies (which take at least 3 years to complete, under very strict protocols) showing that a procedure carries minimal, or at least acceptable, risk, it cannot be legally performed - even if the possible benefit is enormous. It might seem like it should be the patient's decision to risk their life for the chance of an enormous benefit, but doctors go through all of their training with that philosophy drilled into them: "First, do no harm." Additionally, in litigious places like the U.S., there is too much risk of a lawsuit if the procedure turns out badly.

            There is one area (at least in the U.S.) where these laws are relaxing a little bit - in the case of terminal cancer. In some cases, patients who are literally about to drop dead are permitted to try promising new drugs that have not yet finished their clinical trials. The thinking is that these people simply don't have three years to wait, and what's the worse thing that could happen, they could drop dead? They're going to die anyway. But short of this extreme situation, the kind of experimentation you are talking about is viewed with much suspicion. Now, there are indeed amazing things happening with parapalegics and neurological implants that let them manipulate things (computers, robotic arms) with just their brain - stuff that sounds like it's straight out of science fiction! - but again, only when there is minimal and well-documented risk of harm.

            So whatever Islam may say about it, laws are going to keep progress in this area very conservative. I think that's probably a good idea; one only needs to look at the Nazis and other "eugenicists" to see how terribly, terribly wrong it can all go.

  18. sorry faith i wasn't ignoring, your post had no option to reply. but whats the divorcees and widows taboo? sorry for being so naive....i don't get out enough to know.

  19. Marriages r made in heaven ? How much true is this

  20. @ sam n kash

    U did not understood the term hostel , its not renting hostel , its none of the above .

  21. just a suggestion, it would be great to have a platform like this where muslims can simply exchange ideas and discuss issues of the day, I know the initial post by Ahmed has been thoroughly discussed and we risk diluting the rich advice given with unrelated issues, but and outcome of this shows that there is a need for a platform for open collaboration.

  22. @ one thing in marriage does this world have any pious muslimah walking ?
    really if I find one I would be the first to marry

    • Hmm Trueblood,

      I haven't been following this thread as its kind of going on and on...zzz, so forgive me if I have misunderstood your comment, but I just noticed what you have written:

      'does this world have any pious muslimah walking? really if I find one I would be the first to marry'

      If I have understood it correctly, then thats a bit rude don't ya think, huh? You're implying there are no pious Muslim women in this world. If you remember that we are Humans, not Angels, your perception will change and I guarantee you will start to see many Pious Muslimahs. Change those glasses buddy.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Sister z , I'm not implying that to all the muslimah , if I do so I will also bring my mother n sister into picture .

        The thing is that where I live I have seen muslim women in hijab ( mostly college students) , dating and roaming outside the hang out spots where only couples go
        I have no problem ppl going its their life , but when I see girls in hijab doing this I feel very bad , their simply showing that who cares what islam say about dating
        And I have heard many of the non-muslim comment seeing girls in hijab dating say that , islam teaches not to have an affair and here ppl r doing in hijab

        as to where I live its very common , I don't have a problem if a muslim girl dates( although not allowed islamically ) wearing skirts , jeans bcoz looking at such girls no one find out that whether they r muslim or non-muslim , but dating ppl and wearing hijab ppl know that she is a muslim

        Hijab is used for protection of muslimah from evil eyes , well such girls do wear hijab but only to cover their body , not their mind which also should be covered

        So my perspective was only to such girls not all

        • You need to sort your own head out before you point fingers at anyone else, especially considering your disgusting remarks regarding marriage earlier in the post.

          Tempting to type so much more..but I'm in a rush and I don't think any amount of advice on here will do you justice you need at the very least, a decade of personal tutoring.

          • @ kash

            My think about marriage is my own , I m not like u who thinks that marriage is the end of road

            Marriage is something for u , it is not that much to me

            My way doesn't end in marriage

          • If you don't think all that "much" of marriage, why did you JUST write:

            does this world have any pious muslimah walking? really if I find one I would be the first to marry

            You've now taken to posting wildly contradictory statements, and I think we should probably all stop feeding the troll. I also believe you are MUCH younger than 22. I don't blame you for that - it's certainly not your fault - but please, for your own sake, use the opportunity here to learn, Truebloood, not play this game of "let's see if I can shock the grown-ups!".

  23. I'll add the URL Monday...I am away from home(visiting parents) So do not have access to the files here.

    • Awesome, thank you!

    • Salaam brother

      Is this the link to your research regarding jinns? If so would, will you make sure the link is visible to everyone?

      Its a topic that I am reading up on, Jazakallah

      • Yes it is my research, unfortunately it is not complete. the link should be accessible by all. I am based in the UK and mostly come online after 7pm. I have to be online for it to work.

        • Although I think the link has been removed by admin, which is fair since it is not appropriate for the topic of this post.

  24. Trueblood,,,.. there are still good women remaining in this world, it's just that they are not much and this makes them not very cheap to find (or get).. So if you need them, you search for them. They are always around you. Remember marriage make's half your deen, so dont take chances

  25. @ sam

    Firstly , I'm not opposed to marriage let me gets this clear but there r priorities more important to me than marriage as per now

    secondly if I find a pious muslimah I will be the first to marry -

    Now my above two comments r not related to each other , I will marry only after I'm a stable man and I will marry a pious muslimah

    Thirdly , I'm 22 plz , I'm not a kid although I just got out of college but I'm 22

    Fourtly , we should stop feeding the troll , when have u started 2 do so

    Fiftly, lets see if I can shock the grown up
    I don't know what u really meant by that ,

    • I thought you were 18, especially after you insinuated how much you love your harley over marriage and how marriage would seperate you from your beloved harley.

      I don't think you could spot a Muslimah if she hit you in the face, which considering your attitude she would have every right to do so.

      As a fellow Muslim I advise you to go seek knowledge, start somewhere, anywhere. Whether it's Islam and Science, or Women's Rights (do this before looking at a Mans rights), any branch of Sharia Law.

      Start your journey somewhere. And one day you will share your wisdom with many Inshallah.

      You have had ample attention and advice.

  26. Sam and kash,, trueblood will not be happy with your comments because he would feel you have under estimated him.. At least he deserve the credit of coming here to help with his advice.. I believe trueblood to be a mature man if he is 22.. Dont you know a man of 22 can get married to a woman like you (sam) if you are 36years or more (which am not sure you are) and still the marriage would go smoothly and healty??? Pls pls pls we should'nt be offending each other with words

    • In this and in many other threads he has been accorded plenty of respect while he repeatedly disrespects the institution of marriage as well as women; there seems to be a critical mass of people saying enough is enough all at once in the last few days. He might be a great guy in person, but he needs to a) think before he types and b) resolve (offline) why he needs all this attention in his life. (Kash has basically just said the exact same thing I'm saying.)

      I suspect that calling him out on his outrageous comments just adds fuel to the proverbial fire and enables him, so I am simply choosing not to engage him any further one way or the other. I don't believe it's of any benefit to anyone, least of all him.

      • Look the real reason of y I feel so about marriage or pious Muslimah

        Firstly , my brother (cousin) comes from a lower middle class family , his wife comes from a upper class back ground , their marriage was arrange .

        He went to one of the gulf states and is still working over there to full fill his family need along with his wife .
        His wife used to torcher him(mentally ) to provide all the lavish lifestyle although they r not very rich .
        He called his wife for haj ( his mother declined the offer and sacrifice an opportunity to go to haj ) for sake of her daughter in law

        She stayed in gulf for more than 2 months enjoyed and came back after coming back she put an allegations that his husband used to have sex with other girls abroad
        And left the house

        While my brothers mother went to her daughter in law house , her mother(girls) told that as u ppl r poor u cannot afford my girl security and we don't need to keep any relation with u ppl.
        later v found out that she had an college affair with her boyfriend which she still continued after her marriage . She committed adultery .

        My brother has a son name arham he is the worst affected by this all now she only allows my brother to meet his own sonar terms and conditions one of is that there grandmother will never see her grandson

        She is going to marry soon to her boyfriend I don't know when
        But my brother has gone into sever depression he cry say that it must be a dream but it is not

        That y I told ppl that first become someone before u marry and marry a pious muslimah

        I have seen this going daily alhamdullah my brother is getting better but scares r left the child arham is the one who is the most sever hit who will he call his father my brother or his mother boy friend

        I know I may have generalize it but I don't want anyone especially me to go through such a phase

        That y in my comment I may be harsh on marriage but not against it

        • Truebloood ,

          As a suggestion , tell your cousin to do a paternity test to confirm whether your cousin is the biological father .

  27. Lastly , I'm not posting this for attention , do I really care what I get attention over here , I'm more to help ppl based on my personal experience not for attention .