Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to raise a child Islamically in shared custody with a non-Muslim father?

bringing up child baby

Assalam O Alaikum,

How am I going to raise a child with a in-cooperative parent?  The other parent converted back to Christianity. I would like to put our child in an Islamic school.  But, the other parent has to agree regarding schools, etc. The joint custody is one overnight during the week  and every other weekend.  And 2-3 weeks in the summer. And every other Holiday.

My child will be off school age this year.  And I really don't want to enroll my child in Public School.  The other parent wants him in public school. I did talk to a sister/friend of mine who said she knew a sister who teaches Arabic for kids during the evenings and weekends. I feel so sorry for my child because this was never my intention to raise my child in this type of situation.

Please advise me on what to do in this type of situation?

Sakinah.


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4 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Usually in a joint custody situation there is a caveat written in the court order that when the two parents cannot agree on something pertaining to their child -like where they should go to school- one of the parents has the "final say" and can make the decision. The parent with the greatest time with the child is usually the one this falls to.

    I suggest you research your court order for this provision, and if it is indeed missing you should schedule a hearing to have the order modified so that it can be included. There may be many instances in your child's future where you and the father may disagree, so it's imperative to have a clause like this to stave off any complications.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • ASAW

      Thank you for your response. There such a clause in the existing court order. It says the parents much consult with each on such decisions and if we cannot come to an agreement the we are advised to mediation before bringing it to court. However, mediation costs a considerable amount of money. Should I just not worry about that and go to mediation or is there a way around this?

      • Salaams,

        I suggest you schedule a mediation as indicated and while you're there, ask for the order to be modified to have one parent named as having final say without the need to come to mediation repeatedly. Clearly these issues are going to continue to arise for as long as you and the father practice different religions. It's better to spare the expense for it now and have the way made smoother for the future, than to keep having this stress revisit you until your child is an adult. Most reasonable mediators will recognize that the religious disparities between you and dad will make having mediations for each disagreement impossible.

        -Amy
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Asalaamalaikum

    Jazak-Allahu Kirun

    I appreciate your assistance. If I do this and they give me the final say. His father will have to interact with the islamic school staff and teachers etc. And he will probably not be nice to them and might create a lot of drama. This situation is so hard for me to deal with. That is why I was so happy about being to married to a muslim. Because I would not have to worry about this sort of thing. But, my worst fears are being played out in front of me. There is so much more I am dealing with and by the grace of Allah I am getting through some of it. Alot of anxiety over this situation....it has subsided some. But, I believe I am being tested. Insha-Allah will make it easy for me and give me guidance on my situation. By the way I have my child going to a Islamic class by my Masjid....learning to read and write arabic on the weekends that I have him...so at least he is getting something. Again thanks for all the advice.

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