Heartbroken: I rejected one and then was rejected by the other
I'm a 20 years old muslimah girl whose name is Nayla. I am in the severe pain of heartache now. These words may not express how I feel right now. I just want to share the pain I've been going through now with you all my dear brothers and sisters who are always in Allah's protection, In Shaa Allah, Ameen.
I was in love with an Indian guy who was 22 years old. I met him through online on net. I found him as a good muslim guy In Shaa Allah. We used to talk to each other everyday until we found ourselves falling in love to each other. Until one day, we talked about marriage and he wanted to marry me even though we were from different countries. He is an Indian and I'm an Indonesian. I loved him dearly and wanted to be with him as well. So, I decided to tell my parents and all of my brothers and sisters but I was not able to have approval to marry him. They said no because many considerations, specially very long distance and culture difference. I was so down and they forced me to be away from him. I did what they wanted me to do.
It was a very difficult moment I had to undergo. I was so depressed and my condition just got worst. It lasted about 2 months. My parents worried about me so much till they took me to do "Ru'qiyah" as they found me changing so much. It was not like me. We went to my sister's house in a certain place, she is married. Her husband asked for someone to do "Ru'qiyah" to me. I did it twice but I didn't react as how people normally do when they are doing "Ru'qiyah". However, Alhamdulillah, I felt much better and calmer than before.
In the very next day, I got a very surprising news from my sister. She told me that she wanted to introduce me to a guy who was my brother's in law's friend. We call it as "Ta'aruf" in Islam. I felt hard to do so as I was still in heartache but then they wanted me to do so. Finally, I did. I was not sure with the guy I met but all of my family agreed it and encouraged me to be with him. He known as a pious, mature, nice, caring guy. That guy also showed his interest in me by telling my brother's in law. Because of my devotion to my parents so I followed what they suggested to take this seriously.
As both of our family had approved about the idea of this so that guy called me up and we talked about several things related to our plan for marriage. I was starting liking him to find him who seemed to be a nice person. However, a week later, he called me up and said to me about waiting for his answer until 3 months, I was so confused why he did so. I just kept asking him to tell me honestly what he was hiding from me. Finally, he said to me that his uncle wanted him to do "Ta'aruf" with a girl. I took a conclusion that he wanted to compare me with the girl he was gonna meet. I was so disappointed and asked him to answer me at time. Till, he said that he couldn't continue the process with me.
I couldn't hardly believe in what I heard. I could vividly see his interest in me but how easy he decided to move on. Earlier, he said that he had got the approval from his family to intend to marry me but just a few days later he said so that his family wanted him to do "Ta'aruf" with that girl. I feel being fooled. I am so sad to feel this pain again. How should I cope with the pain I'm going through? Does that guy have right to do this to me? Can I say that he has done "dzalim" to me? Can it be accepted Islamically about what he did to me? Or is this a punishment for me because I did something wrong in the past by talking to a non muhrim I loved? How can I forgive and forget him?
Jasakallah Khoiron Katsiran
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