Resisting Sexual Temptations
Salam Ualakoom,
I am a teenager and admit I've done some pretty bad things in my past ie. masturbate, and during Ramadan I realized that this is not the kind of lifestyle I want to have. I've recently been trying to bring myself closer to Allah by doing as much good as I can, but one major issue I am facing is sexual temptation. I've made a promise to myself that I would stop masturbating, but due to the society I now live in its extremely hard to resist it. I've tried things like lowering my gaze and staying clear of haram things, and that helped me a bit but I still get the desires, and I don't know how to stop it. Can you please tell me the best ways to not engage with the opposite sex in public, and what to do when having such desires. Inshallah in the future I stop doing these haram actions and become a more devout muslim. Thank You.
tahir
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Salam Brother. Here are a few tips from me (who being a young man like you also struggles from time to time):
01. Accept this test from Allah. Allah decides how He wants to test us, and He decided to test us with the trial of temptation. This is a tough test but there is always someone who has got it tougher. Think of those whom Allah has tested with disease like cancer. Think of those who had born with a disease. When you will think of those who has got it worse than you, your test will seem easy for you.
02. Everything Allah has commanded is for our good and everything He has prohibited is also for our good. Human relationship and intimacy that Allah has created between a man and a woman is truly a beautiful and amazing thing. However, this beauty is manifested only when intimacy happens within the boundary of marriage, where the man and woman commit to each other and care for each other. That is why we must wait and strive our best to protect our morals until Allah decides our affairs and we get married. Not lowering the gaze, looking at unlawful things on virtual world, masturbation - these are all unnatural forms of expression of human sexuality. If you think very deeply, these unnatural acts simply do not go along with being Muslim, and a human in general. Are we not supposed to be holder of great character and morals? Are we not supposed to be different than animals? Are we not the followers of Prophet Muhammad (S), the leader of humankind and the possessor of greatest human character? Did Allah not bless us with the greatest of Book, the Quran? If you think of all the blessings through which Allah has honored us, then you will realize that no matter how tough the test of temptation, it is not worth humiliating yourself before Allah and being ungrateful to Him by committing any unnatural and unlawful sexual acts.
03. Make dua. Stand before Allah in the night, tell Him whatever you want to tell Him, and ask Him to help you. He will help you.
04. Fast. Most people do not fast thinking that it is not effective. However, if you fast regularly, it will indeed help you. Fasting in non-Ramadan time is NOT EASY and it requires a lot of patience.
05. Remember that if you give an inch, the Shaytan will take a mile from you. Cut OFF everything that has the remote probability to take you to sin. Cut off facebook. Cut off unnecessary internet browsing. Cut off going to malls or places where women come in inappropriate outfit. You know your triggers. You know the factors that make your test harder. Allah told us that the plan of Shaytan is weak.
06. Try to divert your mind with some other activity. It is a struggle but 90% of it is in the head. If you think your cannot do it, you will fail. If you think that InShaAllah you can do it, you will succeed. Go out. Read Quran. Memorize Quran. Learn a language. Cook. Do whatever is necessary to divert your mind into something productive.
Thank you Brothers, you have helped me so much (i hope), i shall try to take your advice and defeat shaitan with the light provided by our lord
Salams brother.
Thank you for your advice it helped me alot.
I was thinking of committing a major sin not on purpose (not like I do this all the time - no - never committed zina) but out of need and desires being tempted.
However reading your post made me realise that you are right Jannah isnt cheap for a few minutes of passing pleasure that I will forget about in a few hours time and the next day as its only temporary fulfilment and that its not worth being embarrassed before Allah especially of the Day of Judgement. Also I guess the reward and gifts from Allah are immense and greater for resisting temptation and being obedient to Him, as a persons station and level increases before Allah.
Your right about the mind, most of it is in the mind itself and your right about divertions, that just like being distracted towards a sin, you can divert the mind towards something else that will take your mind away from the sin like as you suggested do something else. I have found personaly when I have done this and it could be as simple as shutting of the PC or i-pad or going into a different room to do a simple task that my mind was taken off the sin and thinking about it.. that after a couple of minutes I was like "I don't feel like doing or committing that sin or unnatural act" I dont feel like it anymore... it was just a passing moment I was getting caught up in and thinking about it was making it worse and worse! In the same way it came in.. it went out of my mind window... I suppose desires are like that they come and go.
So you are right doing something to take the mind off things helps alot, even a few minutes to divert your mind off the temptation has helped me personally and I have talked to myself that "really dude, you are about to do that thing?" Come on I, myself am better than this.. Allah and his beloved Messenger (saw), companions and my parents have taught me better than this and that I need to rise above the temptation itself and be like Imam Ali (ra) sword of heaven and be a real man and not to succumb to temporary temptations from which I guess I will not feel any better nor satisfy what my soul and heart really need.
Life is a battle against Shaitan till the very last day of your life. There is no way it can be over before you are dead. Shaitan cleverly spots your weaknesses to lead you astray. If you are frequently led to do things that are bad, it is a sign of the fact that Shaitan has identified your weakness and is working on it. The fact that you feel bad about it after you have committed the sin is an indication that your faith is, alhamdulillah, intact. However, there is no room for being complacent. Fight it out with Shaitan the way you would intelligently fight a battle.
I would recommend the following few measures:
i) Pray sincerely to the Almighty to enable you to get rid of the sin. Avail the tremendous blessings of this holy month for the purpose (the question was asked during Ramadan). Get up a little early for Sehri and say your tahajjud prayers and seek help from the One Who alone can help you. According to a hadith, the Almighty comes down to the lowest heaven to listen to the prayers of His servants at that time. Use long prostrations for seeking forgiveness and help from Him.
ii) After you find yourself committing the sin, not only repent for it, but also figure out what led you to it. Make extra efforts to avoid the route that leads you to do that sin. For instance, was it a bad company, or viewing a certain television channel, or visiting a web site or something else that caused it? In case you are able to spot the route that led you to the sin, make a conscious effort to avoid that route.
iii) Never fall into the trap that you are a hopeless case now. Shaitan would convince you to believe that you are a gone case. keep repenting sincerely whenever you go through the sin.
iv) Try to get involved in healthy, positive activities. Quite often, it is lack of healthy activities that leads you to sin.
v) Be careful about your thought process. Shaitan enters through that window. As soon as you realize that your thoughts are going astray, start doing istighfar or say a'udhubillahi minashaitanir rajim. Once you catch Shaitan in its initial attempt to enter your thought process, you will be successful. If you allow the initial battle to be lost, then he won't leave you until after the sin has been committed. Qur'an says:
"If Shaitan tempts you, seek refuge with Allah; for He is the one Who is All Hearing, Knowing. Those who fear Allah, when they are tempted by Shaitan, they have but to remember Allah and they shall see the light (right course of action)! As for Shaitan's brothers, they drag them deeper into error and never relax their efforts." (7:200-2)
vi) Read the Qur'an with proper understanding regularly. The Book of Allah is the strongest weapon one can use against Shaitan.
Thank you Brothers, you have helped me so much (i hope), i shall try to take your advice and defeat shaitan with the light provided by our lord
Salams Recovering.
Thank you for the advice really helpful.
Thank you Brothers, you have helped me so much (i hope), i shall try to take your advice and defeat shaitan with the light provided by our lord
i had the same problem my brother but you know Recite surat hijar ayat number 30 and so on and you will find you answer
Sexual desired are natural accept it but this is a time of fitnah save yourself first even americans are facing thses problems even after marriage this is just like a drug problem you have to get out of it for this you have to control two things just 2.. Eyes and thoughts. lower your gaze and do not imagine anything realted to sexuality and also Realted to Pornography even Quran says fo not go near to "Zana" this is the difficult part ever but trust me if you do it you will find peace. Just stay away from sexuality in ur thoughts. control your thoughts when ever desire comes its natural just remmeber that Allah says to shetan that :Indeed, My servants - no authority will you have over them, except those who follow you of the deviators. : surat hijar ayat 42.. you are diffrent my bro you are one of the servant of Allah.. Allah loves you Prefer to be die but dont go there Allah do not want to see you going to shetan Allah loves you my brother Allah really loves you alot. Now its you .. your love and your will power i will pray for you