Sad, frustated, astonished and sometimes hopeless. Where is my life?
"Am I doomed to be lonely?"
Salam first of all to all brothers and sisters.
I want to tell to all of you my story about my life. I am 24 years old, living in a Western country (Europe) although I come from Asia. I am muslim. I faced bullying in my childhood that gradually weakened my personality and self esteem. This happened because I come from a foreign country with a typically foreign name, and one of the famous muslim names.
I left my birthplace when I was just one. I spent all my childhood and adolescence in the West. I left most of my relatives there, except for two uncle that live in our same state,but a different town. I am an only child of my parents, and they both work. Loneliness is a constant in my life, as an only child. I have no friends apart from school mates, and they are all non muslim with a different culture and lifestyle from mine.
Today I'm 24,but this has been going on since I started University, and I am fed up with life. Everything seems like it is not for me. Everything.
I thank ALlah for giving and have given me clothes to wear, a shelter like a house, parents who have been earning money working, good health (I mean no great diseases or things like that, alhamdulillah), and more and more. I thank Allah for that....but loneliness also has been in my life from ever. I live an empty life. Just empty. I see many, many happy people around me. I see Non muslim living their lives as a fullfilled life, they just wish and everything is in their control and possession.
I often think about many questions that are haunting me. I try my best to not think about that, but sometimes it seems really hard to endure and very easy to become sad too much. For Example, I wish I get married, but is impossible according to my parents point of view until I get a degree. I have to get a Masters, get a job, buy a house and save money. So It may occur in 4-5 years. I really don't know.
But I am exhausted to wait, just because life seems to be only for duties and to suffer disappintment for others' happiness. I know that our ultimate goal is Jannah, a place of everlasting pleaseures and all our hearts' desires, but I can't handle my situation.
My uni marks are not so good, although up to college I was one of the best students. Now all my nerves are getting weak. I pray Allah supports me because my parents are strict in their thoughts. So no job, no house, no marriage! No way! They are great parents but they follow the culture and tradition more instead of the religion. They are not so supportive in things like that. In fact, we do not talk much, just ask and answer.
I try my best to not look to Non muslims, but sometimes it's very sad to see happiness and love for life in their actions. I also wish to live my life a bit and not face each situation as an obstacle that make things harder. I wish I had at least one person to share my feelings with, just to be comforted...at least one. I don't say too much to others, but at least one I think I deserve.
I see Non muslim men married or just living toghether with pretty girls, and I always have to lower my gaze in front of them- either because of Allah's commandament or for heart sadness. Something inside me is torturing me saying,'You are not so good looking as Non muslims, who have fair white skin, and they all have pretty girls and they are also admired by girls for their muscles, and attractiveness. Allah maybe doesn't love you. In fact, He doesn't help you in your everyday struggle to be without someone to love. Watch how they enjoy sex, live fullfilled lives, get good positions at job, and look how they are enthusiastic about life.They get everything because they are good, and maybe you're not so good'.
I know that is Shaytan tricks us, but that kills my self esteem day after day.
Is it true that beautiful girls are only for Non muslims? And why I can't have whatever I desire? Why? I feel that I am kind, caring, loving, trusting...so why am I facing loneliness? What is wrong with me? I try my best and more to help people in every matter- like documents, studies, etc; but why do I have to keep closing my crying eyes? Why? Why, for example, doesn't a non muslim girl notice my goodness,or my qualities?
I am not so handsome like many Non muslim boys. And things like depression, loneliness, sadness make me weaker also in my appareance. My eyes transmit sadness. In the last years 7-8 years I have lost that imagination about life that I had from ever. Complete disillused! Why do we have to wait years and years for a small amount of LOVE, a joy coming from that heart that says, 'yes, life is really good'?
Everything seems like I am living in a jail. My parent's expectations: get the degree, otherwise family, friends and relatives will have fun in showing us as illiterate and so and so. Why so many expectations from me? But support,where is it? Joy, where is it? Love, where is it? I often cry because I feel exhausted and wanting to leave life because nobody understands what I am living.
I only hear 'It's not for you', or ' it's not good', 'keep patience'. I am a human being, just a human being that doesn't want to go against Allah's commandment; but why are there so many denials and sacrifices? I just wish I lived a normal life. But sometimes I fear that there are some people who are fated to not have a beautiful wife or have to wait years and years, while others get everything quickly.
How can I bear my loneliness? Will My tears be stopped and my heart's desires be fullfilled, or I will be forced to keep down my head in front of other's happiness? I feel exhausted, brothers and sisters. Where is Allah's help?
-umsa
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OP: Is it true that beautiful girls are only for Non muslims? And why I can't have whatever I desire?
There are beautiful Muslim girls too. You have to focus more on what is inside not just exterior beauty.
You need to get a job and get married.
Obviously there are many beautiful and kind hearted muslima all over the world and I know that..And I know also that what it does really matter is heart but sometimes I feel,and I know that is a shaytan trick, maybe in my qadar 'marriage' is not written for me or maybe that 'someone' Allah has kept in store me will not be as I wish...
I know that are all the Shaytan tricks but pessimism is always a result of what you have lived and never imagined to live.
Obviously there are many beautiful and kind hearted muslima all over the world and I know that..And I know also that what it does really matter is heart but sometimes I feel,and I know that is a shaytan trick, maybe in my qadar 'marriage' is not written for me or maybe that 'someone' Allah has kept in store me will not be as I wish...
I know that are all the Shaytan tricks but pessimism is always a result of what you have lived and never imagined to live.
And an other reason is that I am not handsome so I fear that maybe I ll not get a pretty muslima.
In last few years I noticed that some pretty sisters among family friends and people I know are got married with handsome brothers. So that is an other reason that makes me getting sad .
Assalam alaikum Brother,
The path to Jahannum isn't meant to be difficult--it is supposed to be rather easy. When we humans err, Allah still allows us to access His Mercy still. When we forget Allah and remember Him again, still He listens to our woes and challenges. Allah is silent now, during the test in this finite world which is temporary, full of shaitaan's tricks, and the place of learning. Allah says in the Quran:
So indeed each and everyone of us has accepted the challenge of being tested and whatever you are feeling are the things that you have to fight against. You say that you are grateful to Allah and that you are aware of shaitaan's tricks--now you just have to surpass the level at which shaitaan tries to win you over in his whispers to you. Looking at anyone, believers or non-believers, and becoming jealous is something that you will have to work on--Remember, if we can look up to others and be jealous of them, then we can also see those less-fortunate than us and be grateful for everything that we have.
This is all a state of mind that begins with Tawheed and trusting fully in Allah's word. Of course Allah's promise is true, so if your patience is being tried and you feel you cannot bear it anymore--what have you done to change the course of your life?
1. Do dhikr--as much as you can.
2. Stay away from distractions that temporarily fill your mind but leave your heart empty.
3. Help those who are less-fortunate by giving either your time or money.
4. Be happy, no matter where the grass seems greener, because this is the Dunya.
5. Don't worry about those who look down upon you, because Allah's opinion of you is above anyone else's.
6. Do not take Allah's silence as a sign that you are alone--many of us are alone, but the beauty of our relationship with Allah is that, we always have Him.
7. As for getting a beautiful wife, remember this fades with time, so do not despair about those things in life that come and go.
If this life was permanent and we didn't get what we want, then that would be a valid reason to fall into the depths of despair--but instead, rejoice, all this suffering is temporary.
May Allah ease your difficulties, grant you a pious spouse who brings happiness and joy into your life, Ameen.
Asslam o alaikum! Hye pretty Umsa,how are you? Me nadia here from PAKISTAN,your age fellow or may be class fellow as well.you know onething????? just read your life story again and you will come to know that "you are so beautiful." when i have some precious thing i keep it in a case with great safety measures.and you are like a Pearl.
a beautiful puzzle is dedicated to you and you have to find answer of it.
'A CREAMY EYE IN SILVER CHEST
SLEEPS IN A SALTY DEPTH
RISES FROM A PRISION GRAIN
SHINES AS ITS VEIL IS SLAIN'
i am saying now,"We are friends. 🙂 " will you say this ?
I think the OP is a male
I think I have mentioned it above but yes..I am male!
P.s. I don't remember the email I used when I wrote the post
it is shown with a different colour logo.
Walaykum as salam,
First of all, thank you for opening your Heart the way you have done, this is not easy.
There are many ways to look at your situation but all of them takes me to only one path, you need to overcome the desperation you have and the feelings that other´s situation wake up on you.
You waste energy thinking too much, this exhausts you, if you don´t feel able to finish your degree, go for something easier that you can get and makes you happy while you do it, be honest to your parents and to you about your inner worries, sit with them, talk, communicate, ask them for help and for forgiveness for not being who they expect you to be, and ask yourself an important question, ...What do you really want to do, knowing that you need to work on something to support yourself and a family of your own, insha´Allah, one day?
Knowing that we only have our Now, it will be good for you, insha´Allah, to practice first of all to be here and now, stop daydreaming about your life or other people´s life. You need to be grateful from heart to what you have now and here, this is the only way to let the future get closer to you full of blessings, insha´Allah.
Heart, Heart and Heart is my answer to you. Enjoy people around you, enjoy your parents, enjoy family abroad, enjoy everyone that enters your life,...forgive those that hurt you so deeply growing up, forgive your parents for not being when you needed them, for asking you for patiente, for not being so communicative as you need, for whatever you feel they have failed you, forgive those whose joy makes you suffer, forgive that inner voice that tortures you, forgive yourself for feeling so sad and begin to live blessing every breath you take, knowing that Allah(swt) knows what lies within your Heart, that is closer to you than you can expect and that has the best of the plans for you, Alhamdulillah.
Enjoy and bless who you are and learn to bless everyone around you and their presence in your life.
Remember to be confident about the Allah´s Presence in your Heart and when new situations arrive to your life, be cautious and ask for His Guidance through your Heart.
Get stronger prior to marry someone, because this will help you, insha´Allah to make the most balanced choice of spouse,
You are young and full of energy, take care of yourself and build up the man you are going to be, the spouse, the worker, the father, the friend, the sustainer, ... and much more, but please don´t be in a hurry, strong foundations requires time to settle.
Please, remember too the depth of the love your parents feel for you, when you decide to talk to them, please do it from Heart.
Learn to be joyful for those that , Alhamdulillah, have joy in their lives, and please pray for all those that are still in the way to get it, insha´Allah.
Physical exercise is excellent for you right now, to improve your mood, your concentration, ....lots of benefits,... look for something you like and if you don´t like anything, at least, walk everyday 40 minutes.
Subtle changes in your way of looking at life and others, insha´Allah, will guide you to answer the questions you have.
Allah(swt) knows best.
María M
You are so lucky I have a son and I would do the same as your parent. They are trying to save you and more happiness after if you can be 'patient' this is just a very small test in life and it will be worth. Be happy for what you have and other don't.
Yeah.I know that.
Sometimes I wake up with patience in heart,supporting me with' Everything will be fine.Hardships mean hasanat that are coming,You can't suffer all the time,ect......
And I know that is the right way to live life.
But on the other hand Sometimes I see people that are looking very happy with no so burden or hurdles.And are enjoying life but they are still very good people and I say looking to them : They are good people(kind and polite with people), but are enjoying life sometimes with something that is not permissible for us.
Where are they going to be? In JAnnah because they behave with people kindly or in Jahannam because they have fun with something is not permissible? And mainly ' what is reward for those people that are keeping themselves away from that'?