Seeking a second marriage for a divorced lady.
Allah is 'Al-Mujeeb' - The one who responds
Assalamu alaikkum,
I am a divorced female with 2 kids. I would like to remarry from my own place and country (I know it will be difficult for me to adjust if not from my own place and culture). I want to marry someone who is willing to accept my kids too, as I don't want to leave them as orphans.
I am a working professional. I have been searching for a man who is ready to accept me and my kids for the last 3 years, but in vain. I got divorced when I was below 30, and now I am nearly 35. As per my relatives and parents, I should not marry as I have 2 kids (boys) and I am working, but for me I feel insecure. No one other than Allah is there for my help. I do my prayer at the correct timings and have also taught my children to practice the same.
I am very much confused regarding this. Please help me regarding this.
-aadhabu
22 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Sister,
Do you have any Muslim friends who might know of someone looking to marry? Thirty five is quite young and no reason you should not remarry should you find a good and pious brother. The most important thing you must consider before all else is your sons. You would want someone who is able to love and nurture them as if they were their own. May Allah guide a good pious brother your way, amin.
Salam
AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,
Agreed with Sister Najah.
I am not sure I have any practical advice for you, but I would like to offer you a word of support and weigh in on your confusion. You are very young and it would be a sad case of neglect for anyone to suggest or even think that divorce, children, or work should prevent you from remarrying. You will have some challenges, but if you can overcome them you can be a very happy and fulfilled wife to a good husband.
There are many things that are halal in Islam which various cultures just cannot accept. We often can’t figure out how to get around culture, outside perceptions, and expectations and obtain what Allah swt has made halal for us… You first have to know what you have a right to want and ask for in this life. When you know what Allah has made permissible to you, then what other people say and think will feel less hurtful and confusing. Knowledge makes the opinions of others less weighty. They will either be correct or incorrect.
In your search for your husband which should start with dua, strive to purify your intention and humble yourself. Remember that what you ask Allah for or desire in your heart- Allah just may give it to you. And what you neglect to ask for (which could have higher importance than you think)- you may not get it since you did not require it. Since all is in the hands of Allah, consider the error in choosing a husband not the actual choosing, but what you place on your (heart’s) list of important characteristics in a husband… If you meet a man who truly loves Allah and follows the Sunnah of our Beloved Rasul saws, then even if he is found wanting by the standards of society or your family, he will be exactly what you and your sons need. I could have stressed the importance of what I mean here by giving examples of all the different ways things could go wrong, but the point isn’t to make you feel afraid. It is to show you how to be brave and smart and do well for yourself and your sons. That is by strengthening your Iman.
And some final, somewhat random thoughts- there is a big difference between a man inspiring compassion in your heart, and finding yourself making excuses for a man. As your sons’ mother you should always be very strong, and never for a minute neglect your role as your sons’ mother. I can’t agree with your family’s position that you should not remarry, and I wonder if they would have a positive contribution in your search for a husband. That being said, your parents know you best. They love you and your sons. Maybe they are afraid for you and the boys. Go gently with them and everyone. You may see yourself as weak and in need, but you are likely the strongest- if not by now, then you will be soon, for the sake of your children, your parents, and to help your future husband, Insha’Allah.
I hope I wasn’t too subjective.
May Allah swt strengthen your Iman, and bless you with a happy family (husband and sons) full with love of Allah, all brightness and warmth.
Hana
MashaAllah, well written - very motivating and supporting, with full of love and care for our dear Sister. Jazakillahu Khair Dear Sister Hana, and Ameen to your wonderful du'a!!!
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
I am very much confused regarding this,,,
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS CONFUSION-
The Prophet says, “No house has been built in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than through marriage.”
Islam highly recommends marriage. Even those who feel they would not be able to bear the expenses of family are urged to repose faith in Allah, as He is the Giver of Sustenance (Rizq), and go for an early marriage.
The Prophet (s.a.) also said,
”Whosoever likes to follow my tradition, then he should know that marriage is from my tradition.”
So dont listen to the people listen to the prophets teachings.
PRAY TO ALLAH......HE WILL ARRANGE AS YOU ARE SEEKING SOMETHING THAT IS HALAL-And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way. (Al Isra 17:32)
“O Allah! Please grant me the one-Who will be the garment for my soul…
Who will satisfy half of my deen-And in doing so make me whole0Make him righteous and on your path
In all he’ll do and say-And sprinkle water on me at Fajr (Early Morning Prayer)
Reminding me to pray-May he earn from halal sources-And spend within his means
May he seek Allah’s guidance always-To fulfill all his dreams-May he always refer to Qur’an
and the Sunnah as his moral guide-May he thank and appreciate Allah-For the woman at his side
May he be conscious of his anger-And often fast and pray-Be charitable and sensitive
In every possible way-May he honor and protect me
And guide me in this life-And please Allah! Make me worthy-to be his loving wife
And finally, O Allah!-Make him abundant in love and laughter-In taqwa and sincerity
In striving for the hereafter!-May Allah grant all the Muslim sisters with such husbands…
Ameen ya rabbel alameen”
I HUMBLY REQUEST THE RESPECTED-THE FORUM PEOPLE TO ALLOW AND NOT DELETE THE FACEBOOK PAGE-
PLS JOIN THIS-YOU MAY GET SOME LIFE PARTNER HERE-ITS NOT MATRIMONIAL SITE BUT JUST A GROUP OF WIDOWS AND DIVORCEES-FOR INTERACTION-
https://www.facebook.com/BLISSOFREMARRIAGE?ref=hl
REGARDS
Salam brother yousuf,
Is it halal for just a group of people assuming men and women to interact in Facebook? I thought that would be classed as free mixing?
ASSALAMALIKUM
DEAR SUMAIRA-MAM
YES YR THOUGHTS ARE CORRECT SEE THIS CLARIFICATION-
I HAVE ENQUIRED ABOUT IT AND GOT REPLY THAT WE CAN DISCUSS ISLAMIC ISSUES FOR AWARENESS LIKE THIS ESTEEMED FORUM AND SAVE PEOPLE FROM DROWNING IN SUICIDAL THOUGHTS OR DEPRESSION AND CONVINCING THEM TO TRUST IN ALLAH AND ENCOURAGING THEM TO HOLD ON TO THE ROPE OF ALLAH- ETC ETC-
THE CORRESPONDENCE OF LOVERS AND THE DATERS IS DIFFERENT FROM THIS ISLAMIC DISCUSSION-
PLS NOTE......
1]FACE BOOK SOCIAL IS ONE CATEGORY-
FACEBOOK INTERACTION IS HARMFUL BECAUSE THERE ONLY HAI BYE AND WORLDLY MATTERS START AND END UP IN WRONG RELATIONSHIPS.....U ALSO KNOW-
FACE BOOK YOUNGSTERS OF THE SOCIAL PAGES HAVE GOT IN TROUBLE-& HAS PROVED BEYOND DOUBT THE CONSEQUENCES IN MANY CASES WE HEAR-
2]FACEBOOK ISLAMIC PAGES CATEGORY-
SOME PAGES ARE THERE WHICH MAKES RULES THAT ONLY ISLAMIC SUBJECTS ARE TO POSTED OR ELSE THE ADMIN WILL DELETE IT AND IT HAPPENS ALSO IF THE ADMIN IS ISLAMIC CONSCIENCE PERSON-HE ACTS IMMIDIATELY IF HE SEES SOMETHING UNISLAMIC-
HOPE YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE NOW-
REGARDS
AS WR WB msh a brave sister, its not easy to talk about this subject. I know a few people who who are in co wife marriages and some work and others struggle (it might be good to speak to some people who have walked this path to understand the challenges and potential rewards). I think if you are balanced and not too demanding it works, a lot of people suffer from morbid jealousy (even single wife marriages) if you google the illness you'll be surprised. I pray to Allah that you find someone who helps you in this world and when you jump over the wall. Ameen.
Salam sister,
We are in the same boat. Masha Allah the above sisters and brothers have given great advice which will help me too. I just want to also add please do not consider yourself to be insecure or needy of anyone. You alone are a strong women, a loving caring mother, a daughter, sister friend. You need to raise your self esteem and have confidence in yourself. Do not show yourself to be needy of a man. You are doing very well for yourself. You are the only person your kids need.
Do not marry to remove insecurities. Marry because you want a partner, a companian by your side. Marry to enjoy your husbands company and worship Allah together. Marry for the beauty of love and mercy that Allah installs in our hearts.
Marriage is for everyone whether your 16 or 60! Do not let these cultural backward ideas suppress your desire for marriage. I know it is also very frightening. It is scary enough to marry for the first time but marrying a second time is even more nerve racking! As you do not want to make a mistake by choosing the wrong person as this time your kids are involved. There are some men who take advantage of vulnerable divorced or widowed women(especially the illigal immigrants dying for citizenship) so please be on your guard and do not show you are needy of a man. Just be careful to get character references from reliable sources. And check the person out properly.
Get to know men for marriage within islamic limits and lay down your expectations in a marriage and they can tell you theirs. Then you can make an informed decision whether you will be compatible or not. But you really need to express your feelings to them straight about your kids being priority and your job independence etc. Do not let anyone take advantage of you or your situation. Look for someone who will take care of you and your kids.
I pray you find a loving and kind companian soon who will also be a father figure to your kids.
Dear sister...
[Editor's note: Please note that this is not a matrimonial site, nor is it an appropriate place to solicit marriage proposals - many of the people who ask for advice here are going through difficult times in their lives and experiencing great distress. Also, posting your personal contact details on the internet is a very bad idea - anyone could see it.]
ASSALAMALAIKUM
AS YOU HAVE GOT THE REPLY- [Editor's note: Please note that this is not a matrimonial site]AND LAST REPLY OF MINE ON THIS DATE-March 18, 2014 • 5:21 am
WHERE THEY ALLOWED MY FB-PAGE TO BE PUBLISHED VIZ-PLS JOIN THIS-YOU MAY GET SOME LIFE PARTNER HERE-ITS NOT MATRIMONIAL SITE BUT JUST A GROUP OF WIDOWS AND DIVORCEES-FOR INTERACTION-March 18, 2014 • 5:21 am https://www.facebook.com/BLISSOFREMARRIAGE?ref=hl
FOR THESE TYPE OF MATTERS U HAVE TO HAVE PATIENCE AND LEAVE IT TO ALLAH AND THEN WAIT
Beautiful Patience In Quran Allah mentioned ‘Sabr Jameel’ in the Quran, literally Beautiful Patience. So what is beautiful patience? Beautiful Patience Is To Be In A State Of Happiness And Pleasure While Being Patient Over The Situation!
The question that arises here is how can a person be in a state of bliss and complete contentment while suffering from an infliction
Allah says in Quran Chapter 70-Surah Ma’arij [Verses:5 - 7]
Therefore, [O Believer] Endure All Adversity With Goodly Patience
Behold, Men Look Upon That [Reckoning] As Something Far Away
But, We See It As Near!
In order to understand this verse we need to comprehend the three elements that are mentioned here: Patience, Beauty, and the Day of Judgment. Allah has elevated patience to something that is beautiful, thus bringing us away from the materialistic view of things and letting us look beyond into the spiritual realm. He is telling us: Quran Chapter 2-Surah Al Baqarah [Verse 216]
Patience Is Half Of Iman!
All of this is meaningless unless we have real Iman in Allah as our Rabb, the one who knows what is good for us, and the Day of Judgment. That is why patience is called half of Iman.
Chapter 47 Surah Muhammad
But It Is Possible That You Dislike A Thing Which Is Good For You
And That You Love A Thing Which Is Bad For You
But Allah Knows And You Know Not
Allah reminds us that trials, the need for patience, and to display it with dignity and beauty is because of the final day when our deeds will be the only source of salvation. Allah also tells us that everyone in this world is bound to go through trials as this is how people are tested and believers are separated from the ingrates. Quran Chapter 47 Surah Muhammad.....
And Most Certainly We Shall Try You All, So That We Might Mark Out Those Of You Who Strive Hard [In Our Cause] And Are Patient In Adversity: For We Shall Put To A Test [The Truth Of] All Your Assertions. [Verse:31]
Allah's Assurance
Allah also says in the Qur’an:Chapter 2 Surah Al Baqarah
On No Soul Does Allah Place A Burden Greater Than It Can Bear [Verse:286]
Keeping this assurance of Allah in mind, one finds the courage to face any difficulty and tribulation. T
HOPE YOU WILL FOLLOW ABOVE INSTRUCTIONS
REGARDS
Asslaam o alaikum
How age of your kids will they accept me as a papa I'm a marred person and still want another wife
I m ready to marry you. I m 38 n I really help you and your kids.
Ali, I appreciate the thought, but we do not allow the exchange of private contact info, sorry. After all you don't know what country this sister is in or anything about her, just as she knows nothing about you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I am married, but I don't have children because my wife got operation and her uterus removed, I will marry you if you can give your one child to my wife
Arunkumar, you are disgusting. You offer her the security of marriage in exchange for giving up her child? You are like the evil troll out of a fairy tale. Guess my name! R-U-M-P-E-L-S-T-I-L-T-S-K-I-N.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
SubhanAllah.
What a strange request indeed.
You speak in such a formal, business-like manner about something so personal and immoral. Ajeeb.
When all we can use "SubhanAllah." ?
Above context was relevant ?
'SubhanAllah' means 'Glory be to Allah'. It is a Tasbeeh and is used for the praise and glorification of Allah.
It can be used when:
- Amazed
- Shocked
- In grief
- Anger & Humbling oneself - To remind us that there is an Existence much Higher and Mightier than us- which is impossible to compare.Mustaheel! No comparison.
- Other emotions - There is no limit or restriction!
Praise of Allah should be at all times- there should be no excuse or reason for us to praise. Dhikr should be on our tongues constantly and throughout the day.
For example, it is Sunnah of Habibullah to recite 'subhanAllah' whilst descending from a high place to a lower- e.g, stairs, hill, etc.
In regards to this post, I used 'SubhanAllah' out of shock.
I hope that helps.
X
Ruby
Very nice and sweet way of explaining.
Thank you .
Jazak Allah
BarakAllah feek, brother/sister.
X
Asa sister can u plz contact me . I m a lady n I can help you as a religious sister. Plz let me know where u live n what's your profession n specially religious school of thought
Sorry but we do not allow matchmaking on our forum, nor the exchange of private contact info.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor