His first wife has discovered our secret marriage and is asking for a divorce
Assalamu alaikum my dear brothers and sisters in Islam!
I neeed your advice. I am the second wife of a Muslim man, I am also Muslim, ours was a love marriage. Our marriage was kept secret from his first wife and his parents.
However, recently his first wife came to know about me and she now wants to divorce him. He does not want to lose her and I also do not want to lose him. He has 2 children with her and one child with me.
I am confused about what to do now..please guide me
- nadia2010
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Its a bit late you asking for advice now. If you had asked for advice at the start where you started messing around with a married man, then you would have been told to back off!
You say you had a secret 'love' marriage. How is it that a MARRIED man has a second marriage that is a 'love' marriage? He already has children with his first wife, so what is his excuse? Most likely from what you have said, is that you began an affair, then tried to sanction it by having a secret marriage.
Some women are appallingly shameless. He'll do it to you with a third wife, what else can you expect?
Didn't you even spare a thought for his wife and kids? Of course not. Lust doesn't make room for a conscience.
His first wife has a right to demand divorce since he has betrayed her in the most evil way by sneaking around with you and engaging in an affair and then secretly getting married.
You and this man have destroyed the first wife and her children and your own child because of your own selfishness. The woman ought to divorce, cos her lowlife husband cannot be trusted at all after this.
U should meet this woman and ask her forgiveness. Because what u guys did was very wrong. You should of known not to b messing arnd with a married man. Let her get a divorce, then he will b urs altogether. Have a wonderful life cuz it seems like he wasn't with his first. If he did this to his first wife, who to say he won't do it again with u. The excitement of doin something wrong is fun due to the adrenaline rush, once Tats over with u, good luck.
Salam, sister
I don't agree with everything hopeful said (hopeful, why must you be so judgmental ?! and what gives you the right to assume that the sister had an affair with the guy before they were married ?!! Allah yahdeek.).
You're a second wife and polygamy is permissible in islam, so, legally, you are in your absolute right to be married to this man. I personally am against polygamy. It's not haraam, but it's not encouraged either. When Ikrima Bin Abi Jahl suggested that Ali Bin Abi Taleb, the Prophet's cousin, marry his sister when Ali was already married to the Prophet's daughter Fatma, the Prophet (pbuh) said that even though polygamy was halaal, if Ali wanted to take a second wife, he would have to divorce his daughter first ! "Fatma is a part of me, he said, and what hurts her, hurts me"
Why would you want to hurt your sister in Islam ? You never meant for her to ever find out, but still.
But what's done is done. I think there's not much you can do. Your husband has to decide wether he wants to stay with you and lose his first wife or lose you and stay with her (that is if she decides to forgive him, which I don't think she ever will given how much he has hurt her). Just wait and see, and hope for the best.
Whatever happens, know that Allah knows best what's good for you.
Salam.
Salaams Angelmr,
You are too soft. The author of this post has said
' ...ours was a love marriage. Our marriage was kept secret from his first wife and his parents.'
1) How does a married man have a 2nd marriage that is classed as a love marriage? How do they develop 'love' without engaging in improper behaviour? This doesn't even have to go as far as illicit intimate relations, but for a married man to covet another woman, flirt maybe or woo her when he has a wife sitting at home, is just plain wrong.
2) The woman must have known he was married hence their marriage was done in secret. Why keep it a secret? No proper ceremony, his parents kept in the dark. Is it because they felt they were doing a wrong?
3) The issue is not on polygamy, but the deceptive nature of the husband and this other womans role in it too. Love?! Why did this woman allow herself to become involved in this matter when the man was already married? She cruelly spared no thought for his first wife and kids. Now all she's worried about is that she's gonna lose out to the first wife.
So that's not exactly judgemental. What else could you think when a second wife says hers was a secret love marriage.
Walaykum Assalam, Omg Thankyou Angelmr,
You See I Am Personally Against Polygamy Too, Buh Because In Islam It Was Halal,
I Used To Feel Am Wrong, As If Islam Agree's To It Then It Must Be For Ones Best Interest,
Buh I Could Never Come To Terms With The Fact, How Can A Women Share Her Husband,
And I Always Respected And Admired People Who Did That, However Never Wished To Be In The Same Position, Buh Now That You Have Narrated A Hadith, I Feel So Much Better To Realise Prophet Mohammad (P.b.u.h) Didn't Encourage It,
x
Salam Sister A
I heard that Hadith from Ali Jumaah, the Mufti of Egypt, a great scholar of Islam.
You know, even the Quran Itself says that a man is allowed to take more than one wife IF he feels he can treat them both (or all) equally, and then the verse goes on to say : wa lan ta'dilu ("and you will not treat them equally"). You see ?
Have a nice day !
Wafa
If i was in the first wife position i would divorce and found out he had a secret wife i would divorce him i mean yukkk he has sexual intercourse with another and i didnt know about it then he wana come 2me and satisfy himself wana udhu billah thats byond my limits.i dont blame the first wife.and yes you messed with a married man and you both were selfish thinking about your ownselfs.
Salaam
You are married to him and have a child. Having married him in secret was not a good idea, but it's already done. I don't think you have anything to do now - this is your husband's problem right now. I don't understand what is confusing you, actually. You had no problem marrying him in secret - now that Allah SWT has revealed the secret, you say you are confused? Or is it more embarrassed, perhaps afraid to face his family? We all have to face the consequences of our actions - you will now have to face a period of perhaps resentment and distrust and anger from his family, whether his first wife insists on a divorce or not. You will have to bear it and make the most of it, unless you want to lose him as well.
Salaam.
Salam, Sister!
If the first wife will devorse your husband, good for you.
But always sad for the children involved.
I don't know if it is possible to be one big family and look after the children together...
It is my dream, snce I am in the similar situation as yours, just the secret is still a secret.
But at least to tell the first wife you are sorry is very important.
I wish you good luck.
God bless you.
As salamualaikum
The prophet Muhammad (SAW) Did not encourageTHAT marriage bc she was not a believer. That's why he said he would have to divorce his daughter first. Polygamy is permitted as long as he can treat u fairly and that does not concern him with treated u fairly with the heart bc that is not possible. It is up to you're husband now sister as it was up to him not to tell her about you.
Salam,
What you did by holding your realationship a secret was wrong you should have tried to tell the ppl who meant something to you however that has been done and i understand the pressure you may have been under to hide it now it has come out in the open tell the other wife you want her forgiveness and you both have children off this man it is permissable in islam to have up to 4 wifes so what is wrong with evey oneyou cannot change the direction of wind but you may adjust the sails to accomadate the wind we need to understand this life is a blink of the eyes true life begins in the hear after be strong have faith eveything happens for a reason which we must not question take care i hope this helps you sister.
JazakAllah
salam everyone. Polygamy is allowed in islam and dont forget the hadith says: You are not a true believer till you love for your brother/sister wat u love for yourself.
in the last days for every man we'll have 50 women so we cant be like christians and have just one wife. Moreover many of us men have a high libido so we need polygamy. Its not a requirement to tell the first wife for the 2nd nikah to be valid. As long as four conditions are met the nikah is valid
1. a wali for the girl
2. mahar
3.two witnesses
4. acceptance from both bride & groom
abu shakir, have you ever heard of the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) or any of the Sahabah, or any of the Salaf, having a second wife and keeping it secret from the first? There is no such thing as secret marriage in Islam. Secrecy in relationships is a mark of illicitness and is not appropriate for a believer. That's why having a waleemah is a part of the marriage tradition, because it celebrates a happy occasion and publicizes it to society.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
HI...
DO NOT GET UP SET MY DEAR SISTER. AS YOU ARE A MUSLIM BELIEVE IN QURAN. ISLAM PERMITS TO HAVE FOUR WIVES , IF HE IS CAPABLE TO MAINTAIN THEM EQUALLY IN STATUS AND DIGINITY. SO PLEASE DO NOT UP SET THAT MAN WHO GAVE YOU A BEETER LIFE... LAWS AND RULES ARE MADE BY HUMAN BEINGS FOR THEIR OWN SELFISH NESS. THESE LAW LIKE MONO GAMY AND POLY GAMY WERE EXISTED IN PREVIOUS DAYS ALSO.
SO GO AHEAD WITH YOUR LIFE.........
ISHWAR ALLAH TERE NAM SAB KO SAN MATI DE BHAGWAN........
I AGREE WITH HOPEFUL SHE IS NOT BEING JUDGEMENTAL SHE IS STATING THE FACTS
Hi,
The problem with secret marraige is that alot of your rights as a wife is not fullfilled, its an ugly life to live, and alot of sacrifices are made from your behalf. Espicially that u dont get to meet his parents and not appear in any occasion with him and will always be unknown within his circle of friends and family which really hurts and hard to adapt. Besides all that, having children from his first wife makes everything much worse coz even when he divorces the first, he will have a past which he cant ignore and will always be attached by his children and in this case u will not appear within thier premises and he will also be having a second life you know nothing about, besides your own child might not know his sisters or brothers. Its a mess, I dont think your husband will leave you, he will cling more on to you as you are the only thing left for him as his first marraige is distroyed, not by you or fully by him, but partaily himself and his first wife, as she dont have the patience to accept a second wife for the sake of her children. To be honest with I prefer that as long as he will not be equal between both of you that he just divorce her and invlove his kids within his new life with both of you and your baby.
Thank you so much dreamer!
Asalaamu alaykium sister,
Look, from the very beginning, you should of told the brother, To let his first wife know about you. That should of been a condition you set. No matter how many tears she cries, and tantrums she pulls, she had the right to know.
If he wasn't willing to inform her, then get over him, and you should have moved on.
That is why, Sheikhs advise us, "there is no romance before Nikah"
Keep it business like.