Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Seeking Islamic guidance for marriage

needy

Hi I have read your answers - really amazed with your consoling replies. I am new revert to Islam. I was in a relationship with a Muslim guy for the past six years. We both were in an idea of speaking to his mom after his brother's marriage. So I have been waiting till now. Last year his brother got married but still he is hesitant to speak to his mom. Now he says he realized that its haraam to have girlfriend relationship. He's saying I am so dependent on him and he was with me for sympathy and dependency is the main reason. My parents accepted me to get married to him by converting to Islam one and half years back. He made me wait and now he says his mom is important and he does not know what to do. And he is not allowing me also to speak his mom. My parents are very angry they say they can't see alliance and try get married to him or one of my relation guy they are forcing. But I am a revert now which they don't know. I can't marry a kafir.. I need your help and suggestion as I don't know any other Muslim family to act as a wali and go and speak in his family..

1. Can I go and speak to his mother without his consent?

2. What should I do to get married to him? I wanna marry him so I can enter Islam legally.

pras


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10 Responses »

  1. Don't worry, Allah has his ways of solving, so don't worry positive will come. Don't live Islam. Talk to his parent and go ahead. If I was there I would have marriaged her.

  2. OP: My parents accepted me to get married to him by converting to Islam one and half years back. He made me wait and now he says his mom is important and he does not know what to do.

    He knows what to do....he does not want to marry you. After 6 years he realized it was haram to have a girlfriend relationship.There is no use of talking to his mom. You can't force some one to marry you. His mom is going to side him with too. He was not with you for sympathy or dependency for the last 6 years, he was there to use you for sex.

  3. Salaam sister, Welcome to islam, mashaAllah!

    I am sure you will get lots of good advice on here but here's what I think. So you have been with this guy for about 6 years, and he has been putting off marriage. I'm assuming you have never been introduced to his family and now he is being a coward and not talking to his mum about you. He doesn't seem like someone who is serious about marriage and I'm not sure what his true intentions are. Why are you dependent on him? If he is serious about marrying you then he needs to man up and speak to his mum about you and get it sorted, six years of faffing around is way too long! This isn't fair on you, your life is not a joke! I think your parents are right in wanting to get you married elsewhere, but of course that can't be easy for you to hear. If they were going to support you converting for the purpose of marrying this man, I am sure they will be supportive of you becoming a Muslim by choice, for the sake of Allah, which is how it should be. So tell them about your conversion to Islam. Also if you have taken shahadah you don't need this man to make it legal for you to enter islam?

    If I was in your shoes and a guy had promised marriage for six years, and was then too coward to speak to his family I would leave him, especially if he is saying he is only with you out of sympathy not because he wants to be! I know six years is a long time and you must be emotionally attached to him but think long and hard about whether you want to commit to this man for the future. Marriage is hard work, and your life can become miserable if you
    Marry the wrong person. He is showing you his true colours, he seems indecisive and irresponsible, these are not good qualities to have in a husband! Also what kind of an excuse is 'his mum is important' - well so are you!!! Why wasn't he thinking about his mum over the last six years, why now all of a sudden!

    As far as a wali goes i think that would probably still be your father even if he's not a Muslim. Pls don't marry this man in secret - get your parents involved, I'm not sure of your cultural background but I would involve your parents and perhaps talk to the man you want to marry to assess how serious he is about you and then talk to his parents re marriage. If he's not taking you seriously and presenting excuses then I would seriously leave him rather than let him waste any more of your time.

    May Allah swt guide you and ease your pain, ameen.

  4. Welcome to Islam, sister!! I know you feel broken right now, but try not to go after him. It's a harsh motive, I know, but if he isn't serious now, he won't be later on. You don't enter Islam legally by marrying, you enter Islam when you make the shahadah. Assuming you did, Allah has forgiven your past sins, so you won't be held accountable for the past relationship. Start completely anew, like a new person, new beginnings. I would recommend that you start by learning the faith, getting used to it, and don't talk with this man. Ever. You really deserve better, someone to help nurture you through the deen. Try to get involved in the masjid's sisters side, get to know some good sisters who will be there for you. I can promise you'll find some sisters or aunties, at least one in your area that will want to help you. If you feel the time is right, then speak to the Imam you took shahadah with, or another Imam who is even more trustworthy (trustworthiness is a MUST). Islamically, if you don't have a proper wali, he is your wali. Or confide in some sisters or an auntie from the masjid (again, trustworthy). Keep on praying, keep on learning and get involved like taking a course or cooking class or something. To keep yourself well-rounded.

    Allah has gifted you with many talents. Marriage isn't the only point in someone's life.

    I love you for the sake of Allah. Please take care of yourself, and approach everything step by step. I hope my advice has helped.

    Assalamu alaikum,

    Your Muslim sister

  5. Salam,

    I think the caption of your post somehow answer your question. Leave this man, he does not want to marry you. There is no need to speak to his mom. A self-respect woman will earn respect and appreciation from people.

    You don't need to enter Islam legally through marriage or him. I hope you may get some support from your local mosque in order to strengthen your faith.

    Educate yourself in Islam and educate yourself in general, getting a degree, learn a skill so as build up your your confident and resume. Take care.

  6. First of all, you don't need to get married in order to 'enter Islam legally'. As long as you have converted with sincere intentions, then marriage doesn't affect how legal of a Muslim you are. Just so you know.

    2nd of all, this man has told you directly he doesn't want to be with you, and has even admitted to you he was never with you with honest intentions. Why you still want to marry him, is beyond me. Nevertheless, he says no, so there's nothing you can do about it. If you try to pursue marriage even though he has clearly told you he's not interested, then it will only make you look bad and quite desperate. Just forget about this man and move on with your life.

  7. Oh, and please don't enter anymore boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. They're only going to cause you misery and they are also haram 🙂

  8. Sister, this boy does not wish to marry you. It is not your job to try to figure out how to marry him - that is his job. You are muslim, your intentions are honest, and you want to marry him-- he knows all this and still he will not bring a proposal to you.

    Why do you want to waste your time with this little boy? Find a real man, one who will fight for you.

  9. Aslamalukom brother...

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