Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m seeking a second wife for my husband

Polygamy, second wife, multiple wives

Asalam wa alaikum everyone.
Okay, well I am brand new to this website. I'm not really sure how everything works on it and how we post and what we post but I'm just going to say what I want to say.

I am married to a wonderful muslim man. Like he is the best thing that ever happened to me, honest. He's the best man I've ever met. Well anyways, I've been talking to him about a second wife. And he always just said he wanted me, but honestly he needs a second wife. I don't wanna state why. He's only 26. And I'm 18. So he told me to find him a wife. I don't really know many girls. So I come here to ask if anyone on here would like to be wife number 2.

I'm sure you would love me and my husband very much. I'm very sweet and easy to get along with. But he wants someone that needs someone. Like a girl that's divorced or she lives on her own and has no family. Someone around 18 to 24. You don't have to be perfect. He's very understanding to mistakes. But you have to want to be good and have good intentions. We live in america and would like someone from america. He's been here for almost ten years and I was born and raised here. I know this question may sound crazy, but its for the best.

If you would like to contact me please let me know.  Thank you for reading this. And salam to you.


Tagged as: , , , ,

29 Responses »

  1. Salaam GreenFlower,

    This is certainly unusual to hear. I'm afraid though this is not a marriage website and we do not permit the exchange of contact details here. If you are both serious about finding a second wife, please register on a matrimonal website such as http://www.zawaj.com or http://www.halfourdeen.com/

    Also be prepared to give more information on these sites as prospects will definetly ask you why you want your husband to have a second wife! Wish you both all the best with your search.

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. lo!! Its not unusual to here this sara, i always know there would be good women that would never reject polygamy. I always know there is still pious and reasonable women who would always sacrifies their jealousy at the expense of serving Allah, women that know that Allah has made polygamy halal for the benefit of females. .. Alas Its just that they are very few and as a result, they are very difficult to find... . . . . . . . . . . . . And to the original questioner, no suprises sister, you are a wonderful woman, very unique, its very hard to find women making this decision (maybe 1 in a million women) .. May Allah reward you for sacrifising your jealousy and making this excellent decision. This makes you unique from other women,. . . i want to give you a good advice, make sure the woman you are looking for should be the kind of you. A woman that thinks with her head, not with her heart. A very religious, good minded, free minded, kind and good woman,. And above all when the marriage comes, the husband should house the wives in different apartments, probably in different areas or streets. The reason is, you know, when two people a leaving under thesame roof, there is that tendency of having some misunderstanding sometimes, so to avoid this, is good you are not housed under thesame roof. . . . Once again may God bless you for embracing this decision.

  3. AA;

    Man o Man. So many things, comments, questions come to mind! But let me say this: It is illegal in the USA to marry more than one wife. That means one will be a wife, and one will be considered as a girl friend. One will have all the rights and the other, well u know!

    So maybe you can look more into why you want to do it, and see if there are other solutions, or other ways to do it, or what ever. But please think. And let's remember the story of Prophet Ibraheem. his first wife ASKED him to get married, and when she saw that she was able to get pregnant, the issue started.

    May ALLAH guide you, grant you patience and shower you with his mercy.

    If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me.

    AA

    • please dont force muslims to conform with non muslim laws!

      they dont have to be married according to american law, they can marry according to islamic law... and the rights? well the rights are given by ALLAH not the american government!

      • AA;

        Being a Muslim, you should not do something that is illegal! Again, Muslims are best behaved, top of the pyramid, we are an example to follow, so we should not be doing anything wrong. If the first wife go to the American court (where they are living) what do you think will happen? will they apply the Sharia Law? Of course not. So, she needs to be aware of all that. And if they still go through with it, how to make sure that things will be fair.

        May ALLAH guide you, grant you patience and shower you with his mercy.

        If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me.

        AA

    • Yes, but legally if he crafts a proper Last Will, then that document will supersede inheritance laws in the United States. Issues only arise when there is either not a will or several ones. Isamically, it is our duty, so he should have one as a matter of due obligation.

  4. may Allaah bless you and your husband.

    if all women were like you!

  5. it is so unsual & I feel sick reading it above .. you want your husband to get a 2nd wife that is just not right

    • if she considered all the factors then she wouldn't be pushing her husband to take another wife i think its because she is very young and knows very little and has thought about it thoroughly

    • Islamically, it is allowed. If you're not Muslim then it's not your faith, but if you are Muslim, then your feeling in contradictory to Sunnah.

      I in turn, find your advice not helpful.

      • professor x its a sunnah but the prophet himself had his reasons for marry multiple times for example he married widows, divorcees and for political reasons it does not mean that every man or women has to practice it remember the Quran says its a choice. There are other aspects of islam that far more important such as the belief in one god.

        • common misconception

        • AA;

          I agree with Professor X. It is allowed, so do not hate it or feel sick about it. You do not want to end up being a way for the devil to get into your head or heart. Yes there are more important things, but this is still allowed in Islam.

          Keep in mind, in Islam, Allah and his prophet Muhammad "peace be upon him" tell us and point out the Haram things. In other words, everything is Halal except that specified not to be. So lets not get into good and bad, and how individuals feel about it, but be acceptig of the religion as a whole.

          May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience and shower us with his mercy.

          If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me.

          AA

        • @miah. . . . . And the prophet muhammad pbuh married khadija and aisha for what reason??, they are not widows, they are not divorcees, and he didnt marry them for political reason. . . Your excuse and advice have got no bases in islam.,

          • khadijah was twice widowed and he did not marry aisha for carnal desires but to reinforce relations between abu bakr and to raise her she was child at the time when they married

          • the reasons why he married them was because

            khadijah was twice widow
            Ayesha to reinforce relations between abu bakr

          • She, herself relates from the Prophet. "He said, 'I saw you in dreams three times. The angel brought you to me and you were clad in white silk. He (the angel) said that it was your consort and he (angel) showed me by opening your face. You are just like that..." Sahih Muslim, Vol.2, p. 285.

  6. There's debate about Khadija being previously married. Shias believe that Allamah Tabarasi was practicing al-taqiyya when he agreed with other sects on this because of the persecution Shias were facing at the time.

    Essentially, you need to cut the speculation as to why this couple believes that it is proper for the husband to find a second wife for personal reasons between them. They have made an adult marriage decision for their private reasons and we should support them in that, unless anyone here wants the Wrath of Allah (swt) on them. Personally, I don't.

    I am married to a wonderful muslim man.

    Like he is the best thing that ever happened to me, honest.

    He's the best man I've ever met.

    Well anyways, I've been talking to him about a second wife.

    And he always just said he wanted me, but honestly he needs a second wife.

    I don't wanna state why. He's only 26. And I'm 18.

    So he told me to find him a wife.

    • we are not shia muslims we are sunni and vast majority of scholars say she was married just go and read all the books about the prophets first wife all of them state that she was married twice before she married Muhammad.

      • This idea that everyone fits your mold is something you need to get past.

        This would be the healthiest point of view for you when answering questions. What this couple wants is Sunnah tradition and you went out of your way to steer them away from that and used whatever means you wanted to convince yourself of your own argument. That is not the way to give advice. Sura Asr specifically says to exhort each other to truth (a 2nd wife in this case) and this couple had made that decision. All you tried to do was keep them away from that and Sunnah tradition.

        I swear by the time, Verily man is a state of loss,
        Save those who believe and do good deeds and enjoin one another to truth,
        And exhort one another to patience.

        Ask yourself if you followed that Sura or not in this case.

        • what are you on about i wasn't trying to push them away from taking a second wife your reading into it what I was trying to say was that they need to think about it more realistically i'm not opposed to polygamy it is allowed in islam for certain reasons if the husband and wife have both agreed then no one can object to it that's their choice I wasn't trying to push them away from doing so.

          • You just contradicted yourself.

            if the husband and wife have both agreed then no one can object to it that's their choice

            You need to own up to it when you said this before:

            if she considered all the factors then she wouldn't be pushing her husband to take another wife i think its because she is very young and knows very little and hasn't thought about it thoroughly

            What you said was plain. It's a shame that you can't admit it.

          • AA:

            Also, I do no think there HAS to be a reasoning or logic behind marrying another wife! I think the conditions are:
            1) The previous wife (or wives) know about it. I am not even sure about t this one.
            2) To be able to afford it.
            3) To be fair between them. If not, the man would come on the day of judgment with one shoulder lower than the other.
            Again, I am no Mufti or Alem, just what I know. Allah Aalam.

            Just saying :)

            May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience and shower us with his mercy.

            If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me.

  7. Salaam all.
    I have noticed a debate brewing. There is no need for an extensive debate on polygamy please. Polygamy is permissible, and we all should accept that. It doesn't mean sisters we have to live in misery in a polygamous marriage if we are struggling. But we must be careful what we say.

    Ultimately it's this sister's decision and yes I find it unusual but I certainly respect her for it. She is making a sacrifice and putting her husbands needs above her own. And there is nothing wrong with that provided her husband is happy to have another wife and provided he feels he can treat both his wives equally, and fairly. The set up needs to be done Islamically. Also do speak things through carefully with any prospective wives to make sure they can handle it.

    Otherwise there is nothing wrong with it. In fact Alhumdulilah that Allah swt has made you this way as many sisters struggle with the idea of polygamy.

    I pray that it all works out well for you all InshaAllah.
    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • sister lets not make assumptions nobody is aganist polygamy if its between consenting adults then its since they both agreed we have no reason to object and it seems they both have very good intentions and also you said that she is putting her husbands needs before herself ' when clearly she did mention why they decided to take a second wife your reading into it to much!

      • I'm just being careful. It hasn't escalated yet Alhumdulilah but there are many posts which have escalated into full scale debates which are not productive. I think it's better to comment early rather than to have to close comments on this post.

        We have other questions waiting to be answered so you are welcome to comment on those InshaAllah.

        Sara
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. **This post is now closed to further comments. JazakAllah khair to all readers for the good advice. We have other questions waiting to be answered so please do comment on those InshaAllah.
    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor