Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Sexual rights of women

Salaams

My husband and I have had this problem for years - he cannot fulfill my sexual needs, he cannot make me orgasm. I try to tell him he needs to try harder and not be lazy about it but he just denies it and continuously doesn't try hard enough.

I satisfy his needs all the time and I am a sexual being as well. I need to be satisfied and since he isn't giving this to me do I have the right to divorce?

abbb


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , ,

12 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister,

    Your husband is committing a sin.

    It is not only a woman's duty, but indeed also her privilege to look at her best in her husband's sight. Husbands away on a journey should announce their coming back rather than taking their wives by surprise, so that the wife has time to beautify herself before meeting her husband. Whenever the prophet's caravan arrived back at Madina, they would camp in the suburbs, send a messenger to announce their arrival, and go to their homes after suitable notice. One of his traditions says:

    "If you are in a journey do not enter your home all of a sudden so that the tuggy haired would comb and the unprepared get ready". (The five except Nissa'i)

    In modern times sexology has become a science by itself, and modern western societies almost congratulate themselves for at last recognizing woman's right to attain sexual satiety out of sexual intercourse. The 'right to orgasm' is amongst the latest in the inventory of rights claimed by the "Women's Lib." and other feminist movements. Fourteen centuries ago, Islam recognized that right, as evidenced by the saying of the prophet:

    "If any of you has sex with his wife let he be true to her. If he attains his pleasure before her then he shouldn't hurry her away until she also attains her pleasure." (Anas ) Standard writings in sexology over the past few decades have described the physiological human sexual response and classified it into the four phases of excitation, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Ideally these phases should coincide in both partners, otherwise there will be sexual dysharmony, often due to the man getting his orgasm while the woman is still eagerly awaiting, with inflamed desire, to also achieve her orgasm. As orgasm is followed by resolution where the male organ gets flacid and the man enters into a refractory period after his sexual desire has been satisfied through orgasm, the conclusion of the act at that stage would be unfair to the woman having been aroused but not satisfied, and that is what the prophet warns against. The man should not just turn his back and go away or go to sleep, leaving his wife frustrated. The coital exercise should proceed until she is satisfied

    In Islam, the rights of men and women are equal therefore they both have equal rights in matters of sexuality. If he is unable to satisfy you and isn't eager to satisfy you and only satisfies himself, he is committing a major sin and you have complete right of divorce. Ahadith are for both men and women thought in most ahadith, it is referred to males because of stronger desire but in no way it means that women are excluded in that. Hadith are not only to be read, there context has to be understood. Some hadith talks about men and women both even though reference is given of males such as sexuality.

    • Abdul Qasim: As orgasm is followed by resolution where the male organ gets flacid and the man enters into a refractory period after his sexual desire has been satisfied through orgasm, the conclusion of the act at that stage would be unfair to the woman having been aroused but not satisfied, and that is what the prophet warns against. The man should not just turn his back and go away or go to sleep, leaving his wife frustrated. The coital exercise should proceed until she is satisfied

      During the refractory period, a man doesn't think about sex or get aroused. His body does not respond to sexual stimulation and he is unable to reach orgasm.

      By coital exercise do you mean sexual intercourse..............that should..be continued till the wife is satisfied

      • Dear Brother SVS,

        After Ejaculation Males Don't Think About Sex Or Get Aroused, I Know That But In Minutes He Are Ready Again And He Should Stay In Bed With His Wife And Again Engage In Intercourse Until She Is Satisfied.

        It's A Position( Coital Exercise) l If You Know , Male Should Stay in That Position Until He Is Ready Again And Should Continue Intercourse Until His Wife Is Satisfied. It's Better To Do A Lot Of Foreplay As Said In Islam, So Women Reach Orgasm Comparitively Quicker And Is Satisfied, He Should Not Disconnect His Sexual Organ From Her Because Males Can Rebuild That Sexual Excitement A Lot Quicker And Can Continue Again.

    • Assalam alaikum,

      Jazak Allah for this reply. It is very refreshing to know that people can reply with decency which cannot be said for some other ignorant comments on this post. Again, Jazak Allah.

  2. OP: he cannot fulfill my sexual needs, he cannot make me orgasm. I try to tell him he needs to try harder and not be lazy

    Did you tell your husband what makes you sexually satisfied and orgasm? What do you mean "try harder and not be lazy"?

  3. Salaam

    Sister, sexual satisfaction is a right in marriage. There are many ahadith that prove that men must satisfy their wives, such as the hadith saying the soldiers must go home and give their wives their rights to intimacy at least every six months. Some scholars say a wife has a right to be satisfied sexually every four days, based on the rules of spending nights with a maximum of four wives. So yes, you have a right to ask for divorce and this is a valid reason and you can find fatwas supporting that by a simple google search.

    But is that what you want? Couldn't you start by asking for help, maybe couple's therapy from the masjid?

  4. Salam alaikum sister,

    Although you could divorce Islamically over not being sexually satisfied, it is not the strongest of reasons to divorce over. It sounds like there might be something wrong in other parts of the relationship that make you look for a reason to divorce..perhaps couples counceling may work better than divorce.

    Salam,
    Shereen

  5. Men find women's bodies complicated, Atleast some of them do.

    He needs to be educated.

    Read books together about sex Nd educate yourself and your partner. Not pornographic books. But there are educational books that you can access even in book stores or buy the online versions if you are too shy Andreas it as a couple.

    Please learn about forplay, and the art of of orgam in women is totally different than a mans orgasm and sex does not do it for women. They need more.

    Learn together,make it a bonding experience. If he is truly truly uninterested and does not care about your needs than you have issues. But make it fun.

    Yasir qadi write a book a both sex from an islamic point of view and he gave a great metaphor. Men are like microwaves and women are like ovens. Lol. Your man needs to know how to work your oven, once he does and finds the secret then you will be happy.

  6. OP: My husband and I have had this problem for years - he cannot fulfill my sexual needs, he cannot make me orgasm. I try to tell him he needs to try harder and not be lazy about it but he just denies it and continuously doesn't try hard enough

    Have you ever experienced orgasm with your husband? Do you know how it feels like? You need to tell your husband what can help you get orgasm?

  7. what happens after divorce do you get a second husband only to find out he leaves you unsatisfied too? then go for a 3rd husband

    • I agree how many more husband's stop watching what u think is real we live in a real world not moives which are wrecking our society, theres more to life than just sex , if you both cant sit and talk about it your just as bad as each other

  8. Its amazing how some people are ignorant themselves and consider others ignorant even if the other has a point or they just cant let go of how they failed to defend a point in the past and have to rely on making indirect comments about others, right miss saba?

Leave a Response