I was sexually molested by my older cousin and I don’t know what to do
When I think about mercy, I think that It should be in our nature to forgive. But, what if who you are forgiving has not asked for forgiveness? Should I forgive them for their sake? Or forgive them for mine? Does it make sense to forgive someone worldlessly, or is that not forgiving. Its been 9 years and I need some sort of closure.
The night my older cousin molested me was a really long time ago. I was 12, he was 23, I was immature and saw him in the same light as i saw my own brother who was the same age -I was still a kid (fasting was not wajib on me yet).
My cousin slept beside me that night until I rolled off the bed in shock and wordlessly ran down the hallway and slept on my parents' bedroom floor. Because I was just a kid, and didn't even know what the concept of molestation was, I didn't know why exactly I rolled off the bed. I guess it was instinctive that what he was doing wasn't right. He scared me.
Since that night I have never spoken to him about it, I'm 21 now, and he is a very 'pious' person according to my mother- She loves him deaaaarly. My mother praises his wisdom, my brother still looks up to him, and though he resides now in a different country with his own family, when I hear his name or any kind of appreciation regarding him I feel sickly. One day it came out that he did the same thing, though he had not reached the same extent he did with me- with my other sister.
That begs the question, that if this wasn't just a one time mistake, a misunderstanding, if he did molest my sister, and he did molest me, who else could he have abused by now? Should a man in his thirties now, who comes off as pious as he does, not understand his past mistakes? Is it absurd of me to expect some sort of apology? (By the time a male is 23 surely he knows not to touch a non-mahram girl, or any young girl so extensively, right? ) Should he not be seeking forgivness as a true muslima should?
I want to forgive him, but How do I know that he is even sorry? How do I know that he realizes his mistakes? and God forbid that he hasn't realized his mistakes at all, What then? Do I so something about it?
I think in the end I'm looking for some advice on what to do about this situation that has been stale for almost ten years. Should I talk to him? Should I talk to my family? My family doesn't know about this, only my sisters. My brother and father don't know anything and Im not sure what good It would do to tell them now-. I only realised what it was that happened once I talked about it to my sister and it turned out that the same thing happened to her and it wasn't simply in my head.
I think it is important that I state here that my other sister (not the one molested by the same cousin) was also sexually molested by a stranger when she was little and it is severely impacted her psyche. So with that being said my feelings toward this cousin are not just on a personal note from me to him, but from a victim to an abuser.
Is it not my duty to do something about this? Or would it cause too much turmoil and should I just let Allah deal with it? (meaning do nothing and hope and have faith that he isn't still touching young girls). He has a daughter now and unfortunately I fear for her safety with him.
I would greatly appreciate your two cents, this has been eating away at me for a decade.
9 Responses »
Leave a Response