She divorced him, he remarried, now she wants him back
Confused
Question:
As-salamu alaykum, I have a question relating to the validity of marriage, that is, what exactly deems a marriage anulled in Islam.
A woman had gotten married to a man. She then wanted a divorce from him but only recieved 2 talaqs. She then went to the Moulana's and they granted her a divorce from this man.
Five years later now after she has started to have feeling for this man again, she claims the information she gave the moulana's as to why she wanted a divorce were untrue. (She lied about the man abusing their child and threatening to kill the child). This man is now re-married to another woman.
The first wife is now invoking her rights as the man's wife, including conjugal rights. I would like to know if the first wife is divorced from this man or not. Also note, the man spent 5 years away from the first wife. Also the first wife who believes she is still married to this man is keeping the marriage a secret from her family and the community. If you could shed some light on this matter I would be grateful.
- Aarifa
Sister Noorah's Answer:
Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
It is somewhat of a confusing story. Divorce in Islam is in the man's hand. If he says the words "I divorce you", then immediately the divorce has taken place and the woman enters the "iddah" period where she should stay in the home until three menstrual periods have passed, or until a baby is born if she is pregnant at the time. This is a valid divorce; the man only has to say the divorce one time, and even if he says it three times, it counts as one divorce. It is not necessary, if the man has pronounced the divorce, for the woman to seek a khua, a realease from marriage. If he does not take her back during the 'iddah (and by taking back, this means having marital intercourse with her), then the divorce is final once the 'iddah is over. If he took her back, then that is one divorce, and then if he pronounced the talaaq again, the 'iddah starts over. If he took her back during the second 'iddah, then this counts as two divorces but she is still married to him. Only if this is the case and she still wants a divorce would she need to resort to the khula.
If the man was only saying something like "Yes, I'll divorce you if you want" but he did not intend a divorce and did not say he was divorcing, then most likely no divorce took place. If the woman went to the judge and asked for a khula, if the khula is based on false evidence, there is a difference of opinion on whether the divorce is valid. A woman need not have a particular reason for wanting a divorce. She can simply say "I do not like him, and though he is an okay guy, it will negatively affect my Imaan if I stay married to him" , then she can divorce. The reason is between her and Allah, and Allah will punish her severely if she divorces for no good reason, but that reason should not be decided by the court. If she says "I cannot tolerate to be married to him" they should grant the khula. So she could have simply told the truth. Does the lie, the accusation of abuse, invalidate the khula? She should return to the same court where the khula took place, confess to her lie, and ask the judge or a similarly qualified person to resolve the issue.
One would hope that her husband / ex-husband would keep track of the situation. He believes he is divorced, and this will complicate life for him. If she is divorced, he need take no further action. If the judge rules that the divorce is not valid due to the lie, then he can simply pronounce the talaaq and be done with it.
This woman sounds like she is confused and does not have a good knowledge of her responsibilities as a Muslim woman and a wife. I doubt seriously there would be any benefit from her ex-husband to cause chaos in his present marriage by accepting her back. She should repent to Allah for her past lies and try to become a better person, because in the current situation she would not make an appropriate wife for anyone. It is a complex situation but can only be resolved by her being honest with herself and starting fresh, without disrupting the life of her ex five years on. And Allah knows best.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah
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Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
It is somewhat of a confusing story. Divorce in Islam is in the man's hand. If he says the words "I divorce you", then immediately the divorce has taken place and the woman enters the "iddah" period where she should stay in the home until three menstrual periods have passed, or until a baby is born if she is pregnant at the time. This is a valid divorce; the man only has to say the divorce one time, and even if he says it three times, it counts as one divorce. It is not necessary, if the man has pronounced the divorce, for the woman to seek a khua, a realease from marriage. If he does not take her back during the 'iddah (and by taking back, this means having marital intercourse with her), then the divorce is final once the 'iddah is over. If he took her back, then that is one divorce, and then if he pronounced the talaaq again, the 'iddah starts over. If he took her back during the second 'iddah, then this counts as two divorces but she is still married to him. Only if this is the case and she still wants a divorce would she need to resort to the khula.
If the man was only saying something like "Yes, I'll divorce you if you want" but he did not intend a divorce and did not say he was divorcing, then most likely no divorce took place. If the woman went to the judge and asked for a khula, if the khula is based on false evidence, there is a difference of opinion on whether the divorce is valid. A woman need not have a particular reason for wanting a divorce. She can simply say "I do not like him, and though he is an okay guy, it will negatively affect my Imaan if I stay married to him" , then she can divorce. The reason is between her and Allah, and Allah will punish her severely if she divorces for no good reason, but that reason should not be decided by the court. If she says "I cannot tolerate to be married to him" they should grant the khula. So she could have simply told the truth. Does the lie, the accusation of abuse, invalidate the khula? She should return to the same court where the khula took place, confess to her lie, and ask the judge or a similarly qualified person to resolve the issue.
One would hope that her husband / ex-husband would keep track of the situation. He believes he is divorced, and this will complicate life for him. If she is divorced, he need take no further action. If the judge rules that the divorce is not valid due to the lie, then he can simply pronounce the talaaq and be done with it.
This woman sounds like she is confused and does not have a good knowledge of her responsibilities as a Muslim woman and a wife. I doubt seriously there would be any benefit from her ex-husband to cause chaos in his present marriage by accepting her back. She should repent to Allah for her past lies and try to become a better person, because in the current situation she would not make an appropriate wife for anyone. It is a complex situation but can only be resolved by her being honest with herself and starting fresh, without disrupting the life of her ex five years on. And Allah knows best.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah
The question doesn't quite make sense. Certainly the woman (the first wife) is a deeply confused person and is wreaking havoc on the lives around her. But if the man does not want to be with her or be reunited with her, and there is some question about the validity of the divorce, he can simply divorce her.
The man and the woman both believe they are married and carry on as if married behind closed doors. In public they act as if ex-husband and ex-wife. This is why I would like to carify the validity and perhaps advise her of her wrong doings if they are in fact divorced. According to the reply from Noorah, I think it is safe to assume that they are in fact divorced.
Jazakallah