Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I divorce or forgive my unfaithful husband?

LIpstick mark on shirt.

What to do about a cheating husband?

Salam alikoum brother and sisters

I am writing this as I feel truly lost and need some guidance.

I have been married for over four years and have a two year old son.

I married what I thought  was the man of my dreams  I believed my husband to be a man of good faith and trust worthy. These were the main qualitys that attracted me to him.

However over the past two years I have discovered he has been unfaithful to me. He has cheated on me with other women. I was so shocked by it all as I did not expect it all all.

We had some difficulties in our marriage life problems like any young couple, my husband lost his job. What I feel upset by is I stood by him in these hard times never did I think to leave him. I supported him and was working right up till I gave birth and always praying for Allah to help him.

So when I discovered the whole time he has been betraying me it cuts like a knife in the heart. He has told me some awful lies which I believed. Many times he told me to stay and forgive him and that he has changed but always he would repeat same thing.

For last two months I believe maybe he has changed, but for me now I am deeply scarred by all this. I spend every night crying as I am so scared he will do this again . Also it's caused me physiological problems as I'm always comparing myself to the woman he cheated on me with. It's made me hate myself so much and I know this is not healthy.

My soul is not at peace and I have anxiety as I'm always thinking about all the lies and how much hurt he has caused me. I have probably been living in a depression for a long time now.

My question is should I try forgive one last time and pray to allah to keep him in straight path? Or should I leave? I know only allah can guide me . Should I pray istikhara? I have done in past but I was so emotional I could not see the clear answer.

I appreciate any answers brothers and sisters as I am truly lost.

May Allah grant us all the best of marriages. Ameeen

Rg21


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2 Responses »

  1. Aa sister,

    I can understand what you must be feeling. Betrayal really hurts. However, considering you have a little boy - divorce is harsh and you should not make a rash decision on such an important matter when your mind is emotionally unstable.

    I would separate for a while and give myself time to think things over. It will also give him time to properly understand the consequences of what he has done and IA never repeat it should you reunite or with anyone else. Do not show forgiveness so quickly because it will be too easy for him. Let him understand what marriage means. Also, show him that in the time that you separate that you can stand on your own two feet, if need be - and that he is the one who has lost an asset in his life. He needs to feel the loss. Only then can he truly change if he has an ounce of humanity in him.

    My duas are with you.

  2. Being someone in the same boat as you I agree totally with sister Amelia. Can you two do a trial separation? I have been living apart from my wayward husband for 8 months now and getting stronger each day. He is crying and begging for one more chance. Now he realizes the value of the halal family Allah blessed him with.

    I had the same problem of comparing myself with other women as that is what he was constantly doing indirectly. I have decided not to put up with it anymore. I would suggest you take time apart, at least 6 months with minimal contact only for necessary matters. I only text with him, no phone calls. That time will help you detach and make a sensible decision. Sister, you will be in my prayers tonight.

    Have you shared this with his or your family yet? Save every proof you have. You might need it. Join and infidelity forum like Survivinginfidelity.com. I got lot of help there.

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