Should I leave my abusive husband?
Please, I need advice as to what to do in my marriage. I am at the last straw and I have tried everything to make it work.
I have been married for 8 years and MashAllah have two boys by the Grace of Allah.
My problems, however, with my husband have been there since we got engaged. Actually the real reason that my husband claims is because I was in two relationships before I got married to him. I committed the highest sin of Zinaa before marriage and my mistake was that I told my husband about it before we got married. I actually wanted to marry the person that my second relationship was, as you could say that I was in love with him. But due to my wrongful judgement about my first relationship, my parents didnt want to listen to me and they forced me to marry my husband.
But as Allah as my witness that I have been a loyal and loving wife in all aspects with my husband from the day we got engaged. I accepted him as my husband and I have loved him as my husband as it is what Allah had destined for me. I have even sponsered my husband and so he got a passport for this country and now he can live here and work in one of the top leading company here.
Over time I have become very religious and strong in my faith. I have cried and begged and pleaded Allah to forgive my sins and help me in this matter.
My husband has physically and verbally started abusing me from the third day of our marriage. For two years I never told anyone. But then I involved his and my family. Everyone knows about my past now as my husband has told them. At first I hated him for that but now I have accepted it and forgave him. He admits hes doing something wrong as he is very educated but he says he can't forget my past and that is why he abuses me. We have seeked help from Maulanas (religious ppl) and Psychiatrists. We have had many sit down discussions with each other and our families. Every time he promises not to do it , but does it again.
My life is a living hell. I am always walking around eggshells when hes home, afraid all the time that he will get mad at any little thing. My kids are suffering as they hear and see their mom being yelled, cursed and hit at.
I don´t understand what to do, as he is a good father and genuinely a good caring husband if his anger is not there along with being a good muslim. But I am frustrated and fed up as I feel empty inside because of all the abuse I have taken so far. I know my kids are suffering from all this and I cant let this happen but I also dont want to take their father away from them.
I don´t know if I should stay with him or leave. My family and his family Alhumdulillah support me and don´t want him to continue this abuse. But we have all done whats in our power to help him and he is still angry.
I live alone with him away from our families, which is why I am always afraid he might do something extreme in his anger. I believe he just used me for his selfish reasons and now he can´t live with me.
PLEASE help me. Give me some advice as to what my next steps should be. I am devastated as to why Allah has given me such a long torture and punishment for my sins. Have I not suffered enough?
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