Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Since he left me I don’t eat and I cry all the time

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Assalam O Alaikum

After reading all these posts i am feeling terrible... As i had a relationship with my cousin almost 4 years 8 months back.. his mother gave commitment to my family.. that when his studies got completed we'll get them married... but from that they never talked to my family about this ever since we had start having problems..

And we did commit that awful sin which we never supposed to do that and i feel terrible for that..

As almost 5 months back he left me for the reason that i gave him pressures to complete his studies and do something in his life which i guess he's not liking it so far...

But when i involved his family everything went wrong and he and his family said get married to someone else.. as no one knows before that what happened between us ... :'(  but i had to tell my family when they start finding a guy for me to get married i told my mom about it and his sister as she is my cousin... but this time things comes out more worse...

I knew whatever i am doing is not right but there was some issues that i had to, for that i just HATE myself like anything... and now he has obviously left me... coz i already told him last year now i dont want to do anything until and unless we wont get married... and yes i also gave him pressures for getting married as soon as possible but he was not in a condition to get married as his studies are not completed yet his father was even retired... but still after knowing that what happened between us his family did nothing but told my mom that now my son dont wants to get marry her anymore..

Its almost been 5 months that we are separated and tried everything to work this relationship but he is not interested anymore... he often blamed me for many many reason... and i dont even want to get married i dont want any one else life gets into any trouble...

My as my parents are not listen they have given me some time as i am now not at all feeling well continuously loosing weight i dont like to be happy just tried once to commit suicide but as i prayer 5 times a day.. i just dont wanted to commit one more sin.

Just wanted to know what should I do.. because I really don't think I can marry anyone else anymore .. for me I already accepted him as my husband and still I cannot believe that he did this to me... I still think he will come back one day as he talked to me damn rudely... and I don't want to marry anyone else even... I have this feeling coz I know my love for him was pure, he was the first person in my life and I wish would be the last one too...

As I have stopped living my life, I don't eat much, I don't go out much, I most of the time crying not letting my family know about it as they are also tired of my situation. I most of the time fainted I have started with many health problems and they all are created by me I know coz I hardly eat and often thinks alot...

I often pray for forgiveness. I dont even know whether Allah SWT will ever forgive me or not... I actually after that came closer to Allah SWT... and even asks him if He will send him back one day then give me strength otherwise for good take me away from this world and forgive my sins..

Will anyone please tell me whether I am right that I am still hoping that he will come back as he left me like this...??? As I have this feeling inside me..

And please pray for me if you think I am worthy enough for that...

- Unknown


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25 Responses »

  1. Assalaamu'alaikum Wa Rahmatoullaahi Wa Barakaatuh dear Sister

    Sister u should be strong write now. What u r going through is a test from Allah Ta'ala. If Allah Ta'ala is giving u such test in ur life, means u r capable to face it. Sister just be patient (patient starts at the time u can't hold on), so be patient and react well to any situation. Sister whether he comes back or not, that doesn't mean u need to die. What had happen is that u have given ur heart to this guy, thats the prob.

    So what i need u to do, please ask for forgiveness even u did, keep asking forgiveness to Allah Ta'ala n to ur parents. Sister please hold on, be courageous. What u have written, even u know well, he is not coming back. Alhamdulillah u r a good, beautifull n literate girl. So what really happen is that ur cousin didnt ever think that she might have a girl like u. So when u had accepted him, he was so happy but the love he had for u was not really love but LUST. So lust actually is from shaitwan sister...so afterwards he became ungrateful n started to think that he can get other girl as he was able to get u...im really sorry to tell u that but its time to face the truth. So as he went to higher studies, maybe there is someone else there or he himself want to stop the relationship as i told u, its not love, so he got used to u, so its time to change as some people says.

    Sister u don't need to ask Du'a to Allah Azza Wajal to take u away coz life is very valuable. Why??? Allah Ta'ala has given us this time to search for HIS pleasure, thats it. So focus on ur A'maal coz right now ur heart is open to Allah Ta'ala. Actually when a human's heart is broken, in difficulty or any thing giving trouble to him/her physically, his/her heart opens to Light. For sure sister ill make Du'a for ya but please hold the pressure coz for sure u can. Allah Ta'ala is just and i know this test from Allah Ta'ala u may face it. U did have make a mistake but that doesn't mean no-one will marry u. Sister ur cousin did the wrong with ya but u alone is facing it. I don't know what u did but Allah Ta'ala is accepting u back. Just open ur arms n hug this test of Allah Ta'ala with a smile.

    Ull be Happy believe me. It will take time but not that long. U r not eating for what reason. Ur cousin is eating, he is having fun with his friend, so why giving ur body such a torture where there is no benefit for u n ur family. Right now ur parents r sad for what u did but Alhamdulillah they don't hate ya. Now u making Du'a to die or even suicide...have u think of ur mother n father. U r there daughter my dear, make them proud. Allah Ta'ala is the one who gives honour & dishonour, from honour Allah Ta'ala can take out dishonour and vice-versa. So sister don't worry about this. u made a mistake n u had already asked forgiveness, for sure Allah Ta'ala had forgiven u n im sure ur parents will do so, may be it will take time but insha-Allah they will, believe me. So sister my advice to u, forget him n move forward n never tell anyone of what had happened,oki!!! Insha-Allah ull get a good & appropriate husband who will give u ur real status, don't worry, oki

    i know it will take time for u to forget that but insha-Allah u would...take care, oki
    Allah Ta'ala is with ya...be patient. Please don't think ur parents had to much prob, nah but share with them please sister otherwise really ull suffer more & which there is no gain. Coz sister while doing this, u r just affecting urself, no else. The guy he himself is moving on, so why not u!!! Don't think u wont get a guy to marry u...there is lot of guys out there. Don't think becoz u did this mistake means ur life is over, never. Sister u though ur cousin was sincere, u took his lust for love which u didnt know, so u let him in ur innocence and i know u didnt want this. Coz in the pure nature of girls, they like to do this after nikah, this is something very important in the life of a girl, even im still young n not married, i know it but sister shaitwan will try to fool u, please dont fall into his trap. So keep in touch with ur A'maal and asks Allah Ta'ala to open ur way n please share everything with ur mum. Why?? Becoz u wont be able to hold the pressure for long, so by sharing ull decrease the pressure on u. Dont worry ur mum will be able to hold ur pressure, Allah Ta'ala created her like that, even u, every girls r like that. So hold on please sister

    Oki Take Care...be steadfast in ur Salaah, Du'a, Quraan, Zikr n Da'wah but be moderate, oki

    Take Care
    Our Dua r with u

    Ma'assalaama

  2. Sister Assalam alikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu,

    Allah will forgive you inshallah. Can you please tell me that is there a human who Allah is not capable of forgiving? When Pharaoh was dieing Angel Gabrile (a.s.) was putting sand into his mouth as he feared that Pharaoh will say the kalma and become a muslim and so Allah will for give him and enter him into paradise. Sister you are not incontrol of your life your rab Allah (swt) is. Eat to please you rub, live for Allah (swt). All children of Adam make mistakes. Thats how Allah (swt) created us

    Sister you do not want to live for your self. Live for Allah. Allah (swt) will give you some one much better then him. Repent to Allah and give you worries to Allah. Belive in Allah that all will take good care of you and just move on. Allah takes cares of All that has been created. Just let Allah swt take care of your life too. So you do need to worry. Just become an obedient slave of Allah (swt). And slaves dont demand they just sumbit to the will of the owner.

    • Asadullah,

      I think you have taken your information from false sources. Angel Gibrael is obedient to Allah as are all the Angels. It is not in their nature to disobey Allah, so that he(as) put sand in the mouth of Firaoun at his time of death does not sound authentic. Where did you get this information from? I have never read this or been told this by any learned person.

      Furthermore, to my understanding from what I have been taught by learned Shaykhs: Firaoun's tawbah was not accepted because he took Shahaadah when he was drowning, when he was entering the Aakhirah/Al-Ghayb. And the Prophet(sww) said: "Allah will accept the repentance of His servant till his death-rattle begins." [Tirmidhi]

      And Allah knows best.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Yeah!! ALLAH told us the story in the koran. Fir'aun did make the shahada at the point of his death (ie while he was drowning in the sea), and Allah questioned him why didnt he accept the guidance when prophet moses brought it to him?? Then Allah said (for him making the shahada), HE (Allah) would preserve the fir'aun (pharoah) dead body so that it would be a sign and warning to the mankind generations that would come after the moses and pharoah generation. Uptill Now, the dead body of fir'aun is still in egypt and intact (and he died since over 3000 years ago).

  4. Waaliakum salam sister Unknown 2012,
    Sister, I am sorry for the situation that you have been put through however I am glad that this person you were with is no more in your life. Reason is that he didn’t value you as his sister in faith because until the day of your marriage that is the only relationship I could think off that would have existed and respected.
    Also, let me take this opportunity to stress this point that there is no concept of engagement or having a fiancé in Islam. Islam sure does allow men and women who are interested in marrying each other to get to know each other but that is really very strict and under the supervision of Wali.
    I can’t say how you pressured him to get married but 4.5 years is a long time for someone to be engaged and working on their degree. If he didn’t like the studies then he should have made a point to his parents and would study something of his interest; how is it to blame on you is beyond my understanding. I only see these as excuses to have this relationship desolved.
    In this entire time sister you both have been transgressing the limits set by Allah (swt) so how did you think to get to the final stage of being in a halal relationship such as marriage and enjoy the intimacy which is the gift of marriage. Sister, I would say is to forget him and see this as a blessing of Allah (swt) for not having him in your life anymore because he clearly wasn’t good for your dunya or someone who could lead you to Jannah. He was not stable, with bad character, issues with himself such as not seeing his own faults, mistakes or shortcomings and blaming them on others. How your life would have been with him? I am sure you can draw a vivid picture from the time you both spent together.
    You have no reason to hate yourself but to take this opportunity to ask for serious forgiveness after repentance and not to commit such act in the future. It is a good time to re-kindle your connection with your creator who is the only one who listens to our prayers; please abide by the Islamic teachings or courtship if you wish to avoid any such heart breaking events in future.
    Sister, you don’t need to contact him or beg him to come back in your life because he has already made his mind; you were just a playing field for him and nothing else. And please if you have trust in Allah (swt) then don’t commit suicide; it’s not a solution rather another never ending torture which will last till the day of judgement and I am sure you don’t want to take on board more sins then you already have. Suicide actually goes against our basic tenant of “We believe in Allah (swt) that he shows us the right path out of every situation we are in; HE is the most merciful, helping, loving, caring and above best planner”.
    All that you are doing is not helping you or will not help you in future either; the one who left you to do all this would not bother and if he did he would have not done such things to injure your heart and soul beyond healing. So, eat, pray and love; try to see the good things that came out of all drama and be thankful to Allah for not making this guy your life partner; who knows how he would have been after marriage?
    My dear sister, you need to eat to have energy to pray to Allah (swt) who has helped you to stop this haram relationship; isn’t it something to be happy about. You are no more slave of this man’s desire, wishes who would pull your strings whenever he wanted and blackmail you to fulfil his carnal desires. If Allah (swt) has blessed you with freedom then why would you hand it over to someone else?
    If you are asking me then I would say that this was the best thing happened to you and I am in my right mind because I didn’t want to lose you sister to shaytan or his followers but rather see you as someone striving in her deen and always trying to please her Lord.

    Please read these blogs for spiritual healing as I often visit them time to time when I am feeling down and tired for spiritual uplift.

    http://islamicsunrays.com/

    (P.S; this one has so many nice articles that it was hard for me to choose few, so read and iA this shall help you in healing and moving on).

    http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2010/11/13/escaping-the-worst-of-prisons/

    http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/01/03/this-is-love/

    I and my team will keep you in prayers iA and write back if you need more help or advice.

    Wasalam,
    Muhammad1982.

    Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  5. Just move on , divert your mind it is not end of the road , get over and be happy

  6. Thanks for your kind Dua's ... I am really grateful for this.. as after reading all the above comments i really cannot accept the fact that it was not love but lust... as he all the way visits me here in pakistan from KSA ... why me then.. he could find any girl over there, if it was just lust not love so why he always visits me here??... i am seriously cant accept this things :( i feel terrible.. i have given my all i have already accepted him as my husband how to get over with it...

    and how can i move on and accept anyone else and not letting that person know about my past... that's cheating dont you think? and if i do i dont think anyone would accept me with this fact.. what should i do... i don't want to cheat anyone.. i dont want to cheat if i wont tell him i wont be able to give my 100% to him... i cant forgive myself already.. then i dont think i could ever live a normal life if i lie or hide this thing from the person...

    My parents are worried for me as they know that i am still waiting for him they have already forgiven me BUT ITS ME who cant forgive my own self.. what should i do for that.. i am only living on this thing that he will come back with his all love and regret that he left me as i know my love was pure for him.... i never had anyone before and i don't even want anyone else even..

    as i want to clear he's not studying there he and his family already live in KSA from the beginning they used to visit here and they all live at our place. as i feel terrible coz his family knows everything too but they even blamed me that i gave him pressures and all that he will loose his son and all that... i dont know what to say and what to do..i am only trying to live on the fact that soon he'll be back as i trust Allah SWT is with me... if he wasnt i could have done anything up till now ... whenever i pray or recite Quran i feel relax so i mostly do this... and i asked Allah SWTif he's not worthy enoughand not good for me or i am not goodfor him then atleast do something that i could be able to hate him atleast.. but i really cant my love for him is increasing day by day what should i do i dont know i dont even talk to anyone about it as everyone seems tired of this... i only pray and talk to Allah SWT only.. please if possible help me out to figure this out ...

    As i am confused why would he spend so much money to call me from there he could find anyone over there.. and yeah his sister told me that he said to her in Khanekaaba" that please pray for both of us" (us meant HE and I ) ... how can anyone lie at such a place ;(

    Thanks and I'll be waiting for you replies

  7. Assalaamu'alaikum Sister

    So mean he is still contacting u??Right

    Sister its not just infront of Haram u shouldnt lie but everytime we shouldnt but i understand what u mean. So, right now as u r telling that u cant live without him, i do understand ur feeling, u need to concentrate on ur A'maal. There is no such thing of fighting(i mean physically, i don't mean kick n so on but fight in its metaphorical form) That u will do ur best to get him...toking to him or to his or ur parents or even try to do something not good, like u said before which is really not good, thats not the right thing right now. A way u may fight to get him is through A'maal (Du'a)...Tahajjud!! It is the best way.

    Sister there is no such thing in Islam, Love before Nikah!!! Allah Ta'ala bestows Spiritual love after the couple had performed Nikah. U may like someone n wish to marry him n may fall in Love with him too, i do agree about this. But afterwards the love u have start to develop, right!!! This come through affection of the guy, toking, seeing each other n so on. And if u r not in Nikah, its Lust, its something from shaitwan. So sister be careful. I make Du'a if really the guy is good for u, for ur Deen n family, may Allah Ta'ala makes him ur husband. Perform Istikhaarah my sister...ull see articles on such subject on this site. So, perform it and Allah Ta'ala indeed will choose for ya. When performing this Salaah, ur heart should be at neutral state, oki.

    Please sister be moderate in ur A'maal, don't just do A'maal as much as possible, oki. And please eat, as bro Muhammad 1982 said, ull need energy to work out ur A'maal, so eat and keep ur tears for crying at time of tahajjud, it will help ya a lot.

    So sister...be strong n may Allah Ta'ala opens ur way to the right path n the right guy. If really he is meant for ya, no1 will be able to stop that.

    Take Care and please i know its difficult but by keeping in contact with him, its going against Allah Ta'ala's commandments, so all ur A'maal will lose their power n finally its of no help. So please sister dont think by not contacting him means ull lose him, nah but Trust Allah Azza Wajal my dear, the power of A'maal are beyond our imagination. So right now shaitwan will try to fool u, but please hold on.

    Over n out...live a normal life n be steadfast in ur A'maal, insha-Allah ull see miracles of Allah Ta'ala.

    Ma'assalaama

  8. No I am not contacting him at all and I am not even trying to do such thing even . I know these things whatever I really don't remember it now that what I wrote as he's my cousin but none from my family are contacting any of them. And about the istikhara my mom did for as at thst time I was not in a very good condition it was clearly mentioned that beheayi k kaam se bacho and nikah ker do aur rozi ki fikr na kero woh Allah deita hai. Some of my friends mother told us at the time when my sister was getting married about this sort of istikhara from the Quran .. I don't know how right or wrong it was my mom just simply asked whether this nikah for both is fine? Then this came out when she opened the Quran from middle somewhere . I even know this that istikhara changes with time right!

    Please just need a favor from you all pray for me whatever is good for us that only happen as I am continuously facing troubles from my childhood as our father was the WORSE man and he used to torture my mom and us. But now Alhumduliilah my mother married again and he's m. ore than a father to us He not only take care of our mother but all of us tooin a very good way and still doing it Alhumdulillah

    I don't want to have such life which my mom spent her whole life she has to struggle a lot to give a proper life to us as from the beginning she was earning and that man did nothing ever coz of that from our childhood we all had to work with our monther sacrifice many things good studies and much more but Alhumdulillah Allah SWT was always with us and I know He still is..

    Please pray whatever is good that only happen and I could change my mind if he is not good for me which I really cannot accept at very this moment.. And Alhumdulillah atleast now I am trying to be on the path which Allah has given and never ever in my life I will do such sins again whether he's with me or not I won't repeat such mistakes Insha'Allah

    Thanks for helping me all the time as I hardly discuss this with my family now

  9. Assalaamu'alaikum Sister

    Alrite, right now im puzzled, what does this mean: "beheayi k kaam se bacho and nikah ker do aur rozi ki fikr na kero woh Allah deita hai". Look im not from any asian countries, not even middle east of asia, i mean arab countries nor china, malaysia or russia. I had already mention this from other post becoz i had seen these kind of words for a long time n finally i informed myself about it n found out its indien or pakistani words name Urdu, something of that sort. So, im really sorry sister. May anyone help here...

    Oki u take care of urself n please forget about the past n still he is ur father. I understood the situation of ur family at that time but just forgive him n move on, ull find peace of Heart, believe me.

    So keep in touch with ur A'maal n moderate as usual n look after ur mama. By the way, go n tok to ur step father privately, believe me she will understand ya but before going to him...to n ask help from Allah Ta'ala first, tell Allah Azza Wajal to make them understand becoz understanding come from Allah Ta'ala, oki

    Oki Take Care...

    Ma'assalaama

    • "beheayi k kaam se bacho and nikah ker do aur rozi ki fikr na kero woh Allah deita hai"

      Means something like this: 'Stay away from shameful deeds, Do Nikah and don't worry about your sustenance as that is from Allah'.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswer.com Editor

      • Assalaamu'alaiku sisterZ

        Jazaakallah khair sister...may Allah Ta'ala increases ur knowledge n Wisdom.

        Take Care

        Ma'assalaama

  10. No we have already forgiven him but that's hard for us to contact him coz as we don't want to my mom has never stopped us to meet that person but its our wish to do that anyways its nothing relatewd to him I just mentioned this that I have seen my mom and us suffer a lot and don't want to seffer more.

    I just want to ask is that am I stupid that I am still waiting for the person when he and his family already said NO. cz its my heart and mind telling me continuosly thathe will come back , so iam I really stupid to think like that and stupidly waiting for him as I don't even know now whether there's any other girl in his life now or not I have no idea he last when we spoke months ago said I am living in hell don't thiink am fine and living my life at all. And i don't want to judge whether he's right or wrong I am just confused and I can't keep my life normal even if I try I failed everytime (:

  11. Assalaamu'alaikum Wa Rahmatoullaahi Wa Barakaatuh

    Nah sister Alhamdulillah u r an intelligent woman, don't worry. Its just that u don't want to let go of the past. Sister, good n bad is from Allah Ta'ala...when i mean bad, its not to sin. Its about the situation. So, sister if his parents said no, u need to forget him. Its difficult, i know but insha-Allah ull be able to if u do it for the pleasure of Allah Ta'ala.

    By the way there is no such thing like u said cheating to someone if u dont let him know about ur past. Oki, if u want to, privately tell him about it becoz i u know in Islam ull meet to see whether u r a good match or not, of cors met in the presence of a mahram. So u try to tell him about what had happened, no worry. If he accept, Alhamdulillah its fine n if not, Alhamdulillah its fine too. Don't ever think there is no1 out there to marry u. Insha-Allah u dont need to find some1 but Allah Ta'ala will make some1 to find u, just focus on ur A'maal n stay close with ur family, helping them, anything.

    Right now shaitwan is fooling u n shaitwan is trying to make u sin again. For example as u said from ur post that ull not do these acts again except after nikah, right. Alhamdulillah this was the right thing u did n this is the moment which has made ur guy to run away from ya. His intention was not good at all. Dear sister if he is going to come back, ull sin again not to let him go, believe me thats how shaitwan trick, so careful. Shaitwan is just waiting for ur Imaan to grow much more higher and Alhamdulillah right now u know ur A'maal is good. As shaitwan knows he is ur weakness, shaitwan might use him again now, not to weaken ur Imaan but make u lower ur status in the 'eyes' of Allah Ta'ala. Then ur Life will be more miserable.

    And please sister by marrying again, ull not get any man into trouble, actually u need someone in ur life coz u r the one in trouble sister. By marrying someone, insha-Allah ull find peace of heart.

    Sister forget her n move on. Right now in the eyes of his parents u r cheap. Ill be frank to u goes Alhamdulillah i wanna the best for u. So, they might think that it could have been someone else n not there son. They r parents so they'll be on their son's side even he is guilty or not n one more thing sister, u r more valuable than this world. Don't lower urself like this, oki...be strong. Make Du'a to Allah Ta'ala to bring u peace of heart, both u n ur family. When i mean peace of heart means that Allah Ta'ala will solves ur problem whether by bringing him back or let him to go away from u, both circumstances may happen according to the Wills of Allah Azza Wajal n for any of these circumstances ull find peace of heart, believe me. Coz Allah Ta'ala will always give u the best of thing. So, just be patient n react well to ur situation.

    Take Care, may Allah Ta'ala gives u courage n bestows HIS blessing on u n family

    Ma'assalaama

  12. Salaam sister unknown,

    Have had a quick read of your post, and believe me I completely understand your pain because I went through something similar. I feel embarassed about it now, but feel free to read my posts and see how much pain I went through and my desperation to get back with the guy who dumped me and broke all the promises he had made.

    All I have to say is that from what you have written your ex-fiance does not sound like marriage material - after what happened between you both if he genuinely cared for you and was a decent guy, he would not leave you especially since the only rubbish excuse he has given is that your pressurising him to study! I am sorry to say this but if he really wanted he could have tried to resolve any issues you had instead of leaving you, that would have been the honourable thing to do. It is easier said than done sister but I would try to forget about him and make a fresh start. Try to move on from him. Your family all sound very supportive, talk to them if you need to, spend time with good friends, and most importantly use this time to re-kindle your relationship with Allah swt. Repent for your past sins and increase the frequency of your prayers, use this bad expereince to change your life for the better. A new you inshaAllah.

    I would also suggest that unless your completly over him dont rush into marrying another person, take your time. For me, it took two years - and even now I thikn of him sometimes and become very upset but less so than before. I am moving on, and mashaAllah am on my path to recovery (i think!). Think of him as a bad nightmare, which you have woken up from. Dont ruin your health over him, eat, drink, smile, live your life inshaAllah - Allah has saved you from this guy, someone that was accompanying you to sin, because inshaAllah there is someone better out there for you who will love you and honour you as his wife.

    So on that note, I pray Allah swt makes this easy for you. May He help you to forget him and replace him with a loving husband who will be good for you in this world and the hereafter, ameen. Please also do thesame dua for me.

    I wish you all the best.

  13. Thank you all for such wonderful advices and prayes I really needed them the most I will definitely try to forget about him and that's for sure I am not ever gonna do such SINS again in my life ever Inshallah thanks a million I am actually feeling lil better than before and I will pray for you to sis .. Once again thanks a lot :)

  14. Salaam

    Sister Pray for maghfira and Allah will forgive you inshallah.
    However, In life There are choices you have to make,
    In everything you do.
    And you must always keep in mind,
    The choices you make, makes you.

    What i mean here is that, what ever you decide when someone comes and knock your door, it could determine the outcome of the relationship. If you set a line and say marriege or nothing. Then it send a messege to the other person, you know what you want and you dont allow harram relationship and time wasters. Therefore he has to take marriege seriously if he wants you. but when you eccept haraam relationship, it give man a power to be in control to choose what they want. There is a reason harram relationship is forbiden.

    Anyhow Dont always follow your heart, let your brain take charge. when a person fall in love they dont think. In this situation you need to think. Dont rely fully on people (man) if you you put soo much faith in a person you can get disappointed. Rely blindly on Allah, and every good thing will be on your side. You need to be assertive and know what you want in life. This man can not benefit you or harm you. If it is written the marriege will happen, even if he ran to another continent, he will marry you. and if it is written that he is not in your fate, no matter how much trouble you go through, he is not going to marry you. Dont give him much importance, and don't allow him to get close to you and ruin your iman. Alhamdullah he is not in your life anymore.

    START APPRICIATING YOURSELF , HAVE STRONG FAITH AND ALLAH WILL GUIDE YOU AND SEND YOU A RIGHT PERSON. Dont cover your eyes with tears, you wont be able to see a right person.

    Never allow someone to be your priority while you're just their option. You deserve sooo much better.

    AMNA

  15. Thanks a lot I am still trying hard but I don't know what always stops me again and again whenever I am trying to move on . Allah SWT is and always will be the only for me to trust on not a single other person. Please I need all of yours prayers thank you so much

  16. 1 more thing its may be all the people prayers who are witrh me that I got to know like 2 months back a cery piouus man with knowing each and everything about my past her was ready to accept me as his wife without even seeing me but I am not ready that's why I don't want him to suffer coz of me but atleast I gotr to know that there are good men also exist in this world..

  17. Hi,
    i dont want to say my real name, but let's use Aminah :)
    I'm a Muslim and i am 16 years old and i currently go to a mixed school.
    Long story short, i fell in love with one of my classmates. He's perfect. But that's not what the problem is. I recently broke up with him because i knew that going out with a boy at this age isn't right. Not because im young and naive. But also because it isn't islamically right :/
    we were going out for about 9 months, and i love him. i explained to him why we need to end it with each other, because it isn't right going behind our parents back in this manner. He said he would wait for me, and inshAllah some day, maybe we'd get married.
    its been just under a week since our break up. i mean i thought i was strong, and doing the right thing by ending it with him would give me motivation and streagth to be a better Muslim, but right now i feel as weak as ever :(
    i feel like a bad person for saying this :( .......... but
    it feels like im being restricted so much. i mean.. my ex... he's seemed to move on pretty fast. he's going on outings with girls... (who are his friends) and enjoying life already.
    and then theres me.... i just feel so lost.
    There was so much i anticiapted for... i mean i wanted to start wearing hijaab, finish reading the Quran, be a better daughter etc....
    but all that anticipation and motivationg has just seemed to go down the drain :(
    sometimes, i regret breaking up with him... despite knowing i did the right thing.
    it's just that... it gonna be so hard watching him in my science classes laughing it up with my other girl mates .... whilst im just sitting at the other end, frikkin wishing i could be a part of it. :(
    i thought i could keep all this bottled in, when i came across this website...
    :/ i need help..
    im just hoping everythings gonna be better when i reach college, inshAllah.

    thanks for taking your time to read my sob story lol, bless your heart :)

    take care.

    • Little Sister,

      Doing the right thing is not always easy, especially when our heart so strongly desires something else. We have to teach our nafs to do the right thing, its like trying to tame a wild horse. It hurts at first, but if we patiently persevere we start seeing the fruits of our 'patience' and 'steadfastness'. You have made a sacrifice for the sake of Allah, now ask Allah to help you stick to it. It is natural to feel the way you are feelings, its the same thing all addicts feels when they try to break away from alcohol, drugs, cigarettes etc - its called 'withdrawal sypmtoms'.

      You believe in the Hereafter, right? Well what you do now will influence greatly where you end up - heaven or hell. Crude, but the truth.

      Attach your heart to the Quran, to your Salaah, beg Allah to forgive you and to help you to keep away from bad company. Beg him to motivate your interest in deen through the desire to please Him(swt); not through the desire to please a man. The girls and guys who are playing around in this dunya, having relationships, partying, hanging out etc - they are deluded, no matter how happy they look on the outside.

      I know you understand and agree with what I'm saying little Sis - so please keep striving. I suggest you log in and submit your question as a separate post so you can have your own thread.

      Please read this: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  18. He juz wanted to have sex with you, and when you guys did that deed he left you, he doesnt love you he lusts you, he used you as an object, thats why allah taala said we shant talk with non mahram men, bring yourself together , dont cry over that guy, he doesnt even deserve it!

  19. Assalam O Alaikum

    Its been a while now more than a year it is.m I am doing fine now.. But I don't know I am not ready for anything .. Whenever it comes to marriage I don't feel good.. What's happening to me I really couldn't understand.. I am trying harder to move on go with life and I am doing it well Alhumdulillah.. But again after sometime I feel worst .. I say this in frontr of everyone that io hate him and don't want himn.. But inside of me somewhere I am still waiting for him.. Why I am doing this to myself why I can't move on?? I want a normal life.. Everybody loves me.. Whether they know me alittle .. What should I do.. I know he is not good for me.. What he did to me I should've hate him.. Buit I canyt please help me finding my way.. Allah SWT has made me stronger today.. Many guys tries to gewt into my life but I am saving myseldf.. As I already had 1 big mistake in my life.. Please I need some advice.. I am holding Allah SWT path ..

    Thanks

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