Single Mother of two with Children out of wedlock involved with Muslim man.
Please help & please do not judge.
Allah tells us the story of when Luqman(ra) advised his son: “O my son! Whatever it may be, even though equal to a mustard seed in weight, or within a rock or in the sky or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth”. (Surah Luqman, Ayah 16)
I am a single mother of two, who had children before marriage in my younger years. I was raised in a very mildly catholic family. I used to call myself Catholic, but never had faith & never practiced that often. I always struggled with the religion because faith isn't enough for me. I always said where's the proof??? I always believed in God but the rest for me was not convincing...
I met a Mulsim man a year ago. He is wonderful with my Children, has never forced Islam on me whatsoever. The past month (Ramadaan), he did not see me at all. He warned me of this a month in advance, explained it slightly, but it angered me. You cannot see me for a month? What am I only acceptable to you 11 months of the year? I accepted what he was doing and decided to research why on my own so I could understand it fully. After researching Ramadaan, I started to watch lectures, debates & read up on Islam. I am finding that the religion has proof! Signs! I am enjoying learning about Islam. I am amazed by it. I am considering converting when I am ready to fully commit.
My question is, can he marry me if I remain "catholic" & have two children out of wedlock?
I want to convert to Islam but just want to research more and learn more. Please do not be confused, I am NOT DOING IT FOR HIM. For if I accept Islam, I know it is a personal relationship between Allah & I. Not Allah(pbuh), him & I. I have to be convinced and accept Islam myself, 100%. Should he leave me before/after I accept Islam, that would not change the fact that I am a Muslim and will continue to practice.
I ask this question because if I become a Muslim, but already have children out of wedlock, will a Muslim man ever be allowed to marry me? I have learned that Muslim women are not allowed to marry Non- Muslim Men. Thank You for your help & again, please do not judge. I am simply learning and am a bit confused.
-unsurewithtwo
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Sister Unsurewithtwo,
Firstly,I greet you with the greeting of Peace- Assalaamu alaykum(May peace be upon you). I wish to relate to you a story :
Imaam Muslim(a great scholar) (may Allaah have mercy on him) reported the story of how ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas(a companion of the Prophet(pbuh)) (may Allaah be pleased with him) came to Islam: “…When Allaah put the love of Islam into my heart, I came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: ‘Stretch forth your hand so that I may give bay’ah (pledge of allegiance) to you. He stretched forth his hand, but I pulled my own hand back. He asked, ‘What is the matter, O ‘Amr?’ I said, ‘There is a condition.’ He asked, ‘What is the condition?’ I said: ‘That I be forgiven.’ He said: ‘Do you not know, O ‘Amr, that Islam wipes out whatever came before, hijrah (migration for the sake of Allah) wipes out whatever came before, and Hajj(the pilgrimage) wipes out whatever came before?’”
Imaam Muslim reported from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) that some people among the disbelievers killed, and killed a great deal, and they committed adultery, and did it a great deal. Then they came to Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “What you say and advocate is good, if only you could tell us that there is any expiation for what we have done.” Then Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meanings): “And those who invoke not any other god along with Allaah, nor kill such life as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse – and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.” [al-Furqaan 25:68];
“Say: ‘O My slaves who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. And turn in repentance and in obedience with true faith to your Lord and submit to Him…” [al-Zumar 39:53-54].
Yes,If you become Muslim and have children,a muslim man can marry you. Islam wipes out everything before it. Just a note: I know you're new and learning, it gladdens me that you use the phrase (pbuh) as we do for all Prophets. Uhmmm...we don't use it for Allah,because basically by saying (peace be upon him) we are asking Allah to send peace upon all the Prophets including Jesus(pbuh) (because we consider Jesus(pbuh) a Prophet as we consider Muhammad(pbuh) a Prophet).
May Allah guide you to the truth and open up your heart with the light of faith. Amen.
Hi there,
Islam is not a fear factor or just a religion, it is a beautiful way of life. And the Quran is Allah speaking himself as his reveleations one ayah at a time at appropriate times revealed to unlettered prophet
Mohammed a.s over a period of 23 years (between his 40 to 64 years). He was a successful businessman, husband and father of his time and Allah chose him for the spread of the Truth and as he did the same thing with other good people for the spread of his message to pray ONE God (names of these few good men for the people of before time are listed below).
I was a muslim by name for 27 years and recently took shahada (the process of converting to Islam, making a covenant with Allah and myself) to become muslim. And, as for the purpose of this life, Allah said in one of the ayahs - مَا خَلَقْتُ الْجِنَّ وَالْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُون And I (Allah) created not the jinns and humans except they should worship Me alone. Surah Adh Dhariyat 51:56.
He is the provider and means of sustenance and will provide you from places you wouldn't have even imagined.
I would recommend these lectures (amazing, I tell you) by brother Nouman Ali Khan, an Imaam from New York city. These led me to more conviction that Islam is indeed the truth and the only way to success in this life, and the forever life that is to come after. We only have this one chance, this one life here that you and I currently breathe.
Note: Please please follow the order when you play these videos on YouTube, and be very very patient. Keep yourself from disturbance while you are watching these. May Satan (the bad guy in Islam and everybody's enemy - Iblis) stay away while you are watching these.
0. The Healthy Marriage By Nouman Ali Khan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSEsUZIT6d8&feature=player_detailpage
And more here on main page- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSEsUZIT6d8&feature=related
1. Islamophobia - Nouman Ali Khan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=MI1tbUuCuyw
2. Why Should I Believe in God?: Session 2 - Nouman Ali Khan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=K2TZOAENUhs
3. DeenShow Nouman Ali Khan Are you living a dream, Isn't it time you woke up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=pNGqYCOQtXI
4. Nouman Ali Khan- I want to have sex, drink, party, die and still go to Heaven!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=zFgjbUxfLOQ
5. I'm so ashamed...What shall I do?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=cdfsy27w9rw
6. The Message of Quran & Family - Nouman Ali Khan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=GxvvbI3b5VY
7.Nouman Ali Khan @ icna convention 2010: Time, Love, Praise and Encouragement in Relationships
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=GgT3AQdv3pg
8. Today you can, tomorrow you cannot - Nouman Ali Khan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=pAgR9u4HCBc
9. Nouman Ali Khan - Time is running out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=7JoKs1UvCUc
10. Nouman Ali Khan @ icna convention 2010: Time, Love, Praise and Encouragement in Relationships
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgT3AQdv3pg&feature=player_detailpage
11. All are crying after a British man converts to Islam
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=h51HeYEuIng
12. Saving Families - Nouman Ali Khan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=5g0qoq-rg4I
13. In Depth Analysis & Tafseer of Surah 103 al-Asr by Nouman Ali Khan [Part A]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=608nVTVOXb0
14. In Depth Analysis & Tafseer of Surah 103 al-Asr by Nouman Ali Khan [Part B]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=XFdUYKpJjh4
14.5. In Depth Analysis and Tafseer of Surah 112 Ikhlas by Nouman Ali Khan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=5t1EAGC3syw
15. Converting to Islam, and becoming Muslim: Taking Shahada @ Islamic Foundation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=-60UnxSMd6U
16. All are crying after a British man converts to Islam
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=h51HeYEuIng
Others:
"Parents" What's Wrong With You? by Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan Part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=QSHKO8RGPoY
Don't lose your Cool while doing Dawah ! by Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfyCcq4Ffsk&feature=player_detailpage
Chronicles of prophets who brought the same message in the past
1. Taurat ( Torah ) to Prophet Musa a.s. ( Moses ). Later human hand diluted it for its own advantage. Then...
2. Zabur to Prophet Daud a.s. ( David ). Again, human hand changed words for worldly benefits. Then...
3. Injil ( Bible ) to Prophet Isa a.s. ( Jesus ). Again, several versions of it came out and can't be relied as God's one word. Then came the final revelation...
4. Al-Quran to Prophet Muhammad S.A.W
One last word,
Mohammed a.s (alaihis'salam, meaning peace and blessings be on him) was not a philosopher or writer, but just a messenger, an UNLETTERED one, who delivered the truth, which only got him in more
and more trouble. This makes sense to me as only those who speak and spread the truth are shunned by society and are taken down by non-believers. His facing the hardships only makes it manifest that he was indeed spreading the message of absolute ONE God Allah subhanavataala.
The Quran/Koran/Coran is not just a book or sermon or a text of science. It is itself, there is no other thing like it. Back in Mohammed a.s' days, it wasn't a book at all, but was memorized a lot. After he passed away and with the advent of paper and much after his time it was printed in relevence to context of those people who got the seal of success in the past. People of present time or those that will come in the future are no proof of success. We have to look back in the lives of those who learnt the truth, stayed on it and have been mentioned as successful people in the hereafter. These are the people to follow what they followed.
Hope you find the truth and guidance,
Mansoor
As-salamu alaykum. I appreciate your detailed and helpful comment. When you fill out your comment if you don't have a website to put in the URL field, please leave it blank instead of writing "none" or anything else. Thanks.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Peace be upon you.
Yes if you become Muslim you are allowed to marry a Muslim man despite having children. You will still have the same rights over your children (to be a mother to them etc). Becoming Muslim does not change all of that so do not let anyone tell you otherwise! Unfortunately, it is often a bit more difficult for women with children to marry again due to cultural prejudices (not islam but don't give up!
Muslim men are allowed to marry Christian or Jewish women so strictly speaking he can still marry you while you are catholic. It is true though that Muslim women are not permitted to marry non-Muslim men in Islam.
It is good that you want to convert for the right reasons, so continue researching and ask Allah to help you on your journey for the truth.
I pray that Allah fills your life with noor (light) opens your heart to true faith.
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
x
Hello,
I am a single mother of one and exploring the acceptance of Islam. My question is about marriage. I understand men can take four wives (although this is not common practice), and step daughters cannot be married if the mothers marriage to her father was consummated. My question is this, if her father and I never married does this mean she too can be taken as wife to my husband? I am not in a relationship at this point but I have read it can be included in a marriage contract that certain family cannot be approaches for marriage and monogamy can be requested.
Please clarify because other websites have conflicting information and I do not want to do Allah wrong by believing the incorrect information.
Salaams,
From what I've always understood, the stepdaughter cannot marry the stepfather if the marriage to the stepdaughter's mother was consummated- not a marriage to the biological father. So this means that your husband cannot marry your daughter (his stepdaughter) because he already married you and consummated with you. And personally, if you are looking this issue up because it applies to your situation, I would feel very uncomfortable being married to a man who is also taking an interest in my daughter (my husband's stepdaughter). No, in fact I would feel appalled and want a divorce immediately.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you, this is not my situation. I have been trying to do research so I educated before I adopt faith. But I have read these issues on other websites and wanted to find out if it was from people invoking fear of Islam or if it were the case.
I to am a singal mother of two never married and i too am with someone that is a muslim and we want to merry but someone told us that i have to marry and divorce my ex in order for his family and islam to accept our marriage im wondering if this is true?i know alot about islam and i have never herd of this,he is the love of my life and my heart is breaking over this plz help
Cassie82,
There is no truth in this. The best thing for you to do is to accept Islam and then ask this man to marry you lawfully and openly. It is really quite simple. If you know alot about Islam, then you will also know that your Muslim friend is doing wrong by continuing this unlawful relationship with you.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor