My sister and her husband are trying to prevent my marriage
asalamualikum,
I'm a muslim girl alhumdulilah, and performing my prayers by heart. I''m facing difficulty in my potential marriage. I like a good muslim guy, he is educated and hafiz e qur'an mashaAllah; doing a great job as lecturer in very good college.
After a very long time my parents agreed to our marriage, but now my sister and her husband are creating problems for me. They are trying to misguide my father. They said that he is not good looking and he is not presentable, according to my sister and her husband. But my point is that he is good towards me, and there is very good understanding between us. His family also likes me, but my sister is trying to destroy everything when my father and mother accepted my choice.
Now I don't know what to do with my sister and her husband. Her husband told me he is good in behaviour, religion, very respectful, giving and a good natured person; but apparently he won't like us together as couple. Is physical appearance more important than being a good, practicing, hard working muslim?
I performed istikhara also, and after that my father accepted my proposal Alhumdulilah. Please, I'm waiting for a quick reply. Jazak Allah khair.
-Arush
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If you are happy, your parents are happy and have accepted this man, your sister and her husband have no valid reason to be against this marriage other than his looks than this does not seem a valid reason not to go ahead. Deen, character, these are important, looks are given to us by Allah and that is something we cannot change and over time looks will fade, it's a persons heart and character that r important wen insider in marriage, love comes from trust understanding and loyalty and you should speak to your sister and her husband that if they have no valid reason other than his appearance it will be you that has to live with him and build a life.
Mashallah sister. May Allah reword
Assalaamualaikam
Physical appearance changes with time, so shouldn't be the basis on which a proposal is accepted or declined. It's also very subjective - what one person finds attractive, another may dislike, and what one person finds unappealing may be very handsome in the eyes of another. If this is the only concern that your sister and her husband are raising, then it shouldn't prevent you and this man marrying, given that your wali is supportive and satisfied with the man's deen and character.
Prior to this, did you have a good relationship with your sister? If so, it might be worth talking with her and asking her why she is so opposed to the marriage - in case she has more valid concerns. If her concerns are solely based on the superficial, then they should not affect the decision to marry.
If she and her husband are attempting to cause rifts between the two families, it might be helpful if your father explains to the man or his family that these are not the views of anyone other than your sister and her husband, that the rest of the family is very supportive of the proposed marriage, and that you yourself wish to proceed.
May Allah soften their hearts and guide you all to what is best for you in this life and the next.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
You should tell your sister to stay out of it ask her what is her problem if she says he is not handsome tell her he will be your husband for you face dont matter you dont worry about that and in Islam it is said to see virtues of man than looks it does not matter until he is sincere and keep you happy tell her she is married and have her own life so deal with it dont try to get into yours she is not your mother just your sister your father is oky she has no right tell her to stay out of it and dont make you blame her that she ruined your life in future
Tell your sister and her husband to mind their own business.
Secondly your parents accepted the marriage and you clearly have accepted the proposal. Follow your heart you have a right in Islam.
Physical appearance does not matter, character does and he treats you right.
Ask your sister are you jealous because that's what it look like to me and it appears to me shes not happy in her own marriage BUT that doesn't give her the right to ruin your chances of getting married.
Guy seems like well educated and you like him. He has a good job too. Why your parents took long time to decide? Is there anything else your parents looking at? Looks should not be the main criteria for marriage, although a whole ot of people consider that a significant factor.
Now a days it is hard to trust people. Recently I read a news (emirates247 web site) where a professor in Egypt had sex with 80 married or unmmaried women in exchange for good grades.
So the professor in Egypt has what connection with her?
'SVS' brings sex and sexuality in most of his comments these days, even though they might be completely irrelevant to the OP's issues, would like to know why he is doing It ? 🙂
ASSLAMALAIKUM-
PLEASE TELL YOUR SISTER AND HUSBAND TO GET LOST THEY ARE NOT THE WALI FOR YOU AND IF THE WALI [YOUR FATHER DOES NOT HOLD ON TO AA PROPOSAL["If someone with whose piety and character you are satisfied with comes to you, marry to him. If you do not do so, there will be trials in the earth and a great deal of evil." [At-Tirmidhi and others and it is hassan]
IF HE ENTERTAINS HIS DAUGHTER AND SON INLAW AND ACTS FUNNY-THEN-
HE WEILL LOOSE THAT AUTHORITY OF A WALI-
PLEASE SHOW THE ABOVE HADEES TO HIM WITHOUT FAIL-
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen also said:
Would that we could reach a level where a woman can dare, if her father refuses to let her marry one who is suitable in terms of religious commitment and character, to go to the qaadi and he could say,
“Arrange her marriage or I will do it, or a guardian other than you will do it.”
Because this is the girl’s right, if her father refuses to arrange her marriage (it is her right to complain to the qaadi).
This is her right according to sharee’ah. Would that we could reach this level........
Assalam alaikum Sister,
It is odd that your sister's husband is taking a lot of interest in the man the you marry. I wouldn't suggest that you tell you have listened to her opinion, but would appreciate it if she would respect your decision.
If your father and mother have accepted the proposal and are not reacting to your sister and brother-in-law's reaction, then I would suggest that you ignore them. If not, sit down with your mother and father and discuss the matter with them (alone) and essentially, your father should tell your sister politely to refrain from further negative talk.
I pray that Allah bless your marriage with this man with many many joys, Ameen!
Correction (I suppose I should re-read at times)
*I wouldn't suggest that you tell your sister to mind her own business, but that you have listened to her opinion, but would appreciate it now if she would respect your decision like an adult."
In all honesty if I'm in your shoes all I would be concerned with is my parents' approval. It wouldn't even cross my mind to make sure that my sister approves. It's also very annoying if I may say that your sister's husband actually has a say in this. Sister if your parents have accepted, then continue your plans for marriage with not a care in the world about what your sister has to say...... However, try to maintain a good relationship with her, after all she is family
Good luck
tell your dad after he dies,who will do dua for him...your sister dunya husband or your religious one?
tell him if you are a true muslim you would chose a religious one,if you take dunya decision i'll ask AllahSWT for help to destroy my enemies.
just do this and do dua to AllahSWT and wait for positive result in sha Allah
if he is really pious and you really want an islamic upbringing for your kids,AllahSWT will be with you.
dont stop doing dua.
lessen the time you argue and increase the time of your praying.
salaam.
Alhamdulillah, everyone has given the sister good advice.
From experiences we know rivalry, competition, animosity, hasad( jealousy) exist between some siblings in families and it might continue after marriage, rarely it is practised openly, but you never know what is heart or mind of the other person and actions speak more than words.
Not just in siblings,the rivalry, insecurities, jealousy can also be seen between brother-in-laws of the same family (married to two sisters), especially if one of them is better looking, highly educated, is well off financially, has a better job, has a bigger house or property or a car etc etc.. Its true not everyone thinks like that, but I can say this from own experience and also give numerous examples even from my own immediate family.
In your case, it is apparent, your sister and brother-in-law are giving frivolous reasons to reject your fiancé .
I guess (Allah knows best), may be one or both of them are feeling insecure or jealous as he is Quran-e- Hafiz (Huffaz are highly respected within the Islamic community), he has a better character,he and his family are more pious & religious as compared to your brother-in-law and his family, has a better job or a home etc etc.
If your wali .i.e your Dad and also your Mom have given a green signal, please go ahead with the proposal and don't let your parents and yourself get influenced by your sister and brother-in-laws opinions, as this is a very important decision of your life.
Walaykum as salam,
As soon as you see your sister and her husband´s opposition as a blessing, their blocking energy will melt, insha´Allah. Their need to sabotage your marriage, it is just a Test to see how you will overcome your fear to lose, where your faith, your trust, your Heart are when you are in troubles, ...If your faith, your trust, your Heart are with Allah subhana wa tala, why do you doubt that you will get the best for all of you?
Allah(swt) is the best of planners. Alhamdulillah.
To help you when you feel confused by your family and to clear the path to the best for you, you can pray before going to bed and when waking up, surah 112,113, 114 and ayat al kursi. This is a good exercise to find peace in times of confusion, Alhamdulillah.
Allah(swt) knows best.
María M
asalamualikum to all dear brothers and sisters.... i'm very thankful to all of you.... especially sister Saba,Maria M, Brother J,Irfan and all of you gave me great replys, it gave me great strength... may ALLAH SWT help you n guide you in every matter..... amen. all advice are very close to my heart.... inshaAllah i'll remember each and everyone....
inshaALLAH i'll keep on praying n will never lose heart... after reading great response and best wishes i feel so relaxed..because i was so cunfussed and depressed. May Allah help all of you .
jazak Allah KHAIR , fe aman ALLAH
As it is understoof from your speech You dont bother phisical beauty for marriage. And you care personality.
If you are honest with your feelings. ok then. But if you are not honest with your feelings deep inside. It may be problem later on.
It is your choice.
What is written will happen Inshallah will will get married to him stop stressing over your sister and her hubby. These people are jealous dua karsa.