brother Kashif as a Muslim woman I have to tell you that you are incorrect in ur comment. you saying a non-Arab can not marry a Arab girl but Arab men can marry non-Arab girls is NOT TRUE. in the Qur'an it says marry your girls to a slave believer surely he is better than a non beleiver. NOW that does not mean look at each others race and base the decision of marriage on that but purely base the decision on who is a believer and by believer I MEAN MUSLIM.

There is the fact that Men can marry women from ISLAM, CHRISTIANITY AND JUDEASM, However race or ethnicity is not there for us to be prejudice but simply to recognise each other.

Therefore I would like to say that we need to differentiate the difference between RELIGION AND CULTURE. As long as you are 2believers (the man and woman) marriage is legitiamte.

MAy ALLAHS peace and blessing be upon you ALL. Ameen

To everyone: Please forgive me for any offense caused or any misinformation, to anyone reading my comments, I have tried to answer in a way which I feel Allah would be pleased with, and any mistakes are from myself, not a reflection of the religion.

I'm sure that the brother who posted the question has made his decision by now, and I'm aware that this thread has died. However, I have comments for both the questioner (just in case anyone else has a similar question), and the for Kashif, Sister Z and Muhammed.

THE QUESTIONER:

Firstly with a sincere heart, I suggest you ask Allah to guide in that which is best for you, and remove from you that which is not. The brothers brought up the law of marriage according to Islam, I would advise you speak with a knowledgeable Imam, and look further into this idea of Kafa'a as there are many different opinions on this.

1. You asked how it could be justified? (Justify to show a satisfactory reason or excuse for something done).

I would say be very cautious. Do not use Islam as an inroad into marrying this lady. Rather I would say this is a perfect opportunity for you to find out about and enter Islam.
You say that you respect her and the religion, therefore please take Islam seriously as more than just a set of beliefs, but as a way of life. I can guarantee that if this lady is a serious practicing muslim, this relationship may have many problems if your intention for entering Islam is simply to marry her.
You are now in a very good position to learn about Islam, for the right reasons, to understand the qualities you see in this woman, to understand our reason for being here, and more importantly to expose yourself to your Lord in a purely monotheistic religion, that promotes equality, justice and spiritual satisfaction, and May Allah grant you certainty in Islam.

2. You mentioned that you are a musician. Please understand that there is currently a debate on music in Islam, and the permissibility of certain instruments. There are opinions in Islam that have been derived from 4 main scholars of thought (or madhabs), please note madhabs are not sects, but rather different opinions on all parts of Islam law.
You may also want to contact or read about Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam) and his journey to Islam. He is a musician and a convert to Islam, after some years of giving up his musical career, he has done some research and based on what he found, he has now started up his musical career again, being cautious of halal lyrics (permissible lyrics). This is a very interesting time to be researching this particular topic, and may Allah guide you in this.

3. Again I would just like to stress that in Islam your INTENTIONS are EXTREMELY important.

As realted by Umar ibn al Khattab (a companion of the prophet)
"Actions are but by intentions and every man shall have only that which he intended." (Bukahri and Muslim)

So please if you are willing to follow Islam to the best of your abilities, please please please ensure that your intention is for the sake of Allah, and in that intention He will bless you, and make things easy for you Insha'Allah,

4. Thus leading me to the question of the parents. If this is right for you, and you are sincere to Allah, He will make it easy for you. I think the best time to ask permission, is after you are certain that you are entering Islam for the right reasons, and so I would say once you have taken your Shahada.
Some people do, but you dont have to, seek excesses of knowledge before converting. It really only has to do with a sincere heart. Once you are in Islam, you will find that Allah will open door for you, and will assist you in the transition. Please do not think that you have to be a perfect example of a 'Muslim' before becoming one.
Once you have taken Shahada, you are in a win win situation, for if this relationship doesn't work out, believe me Allah will replace it with something better, if you are sincere. May Allah grant you obedience to Him, and true faith.

5. In my opinion it seems as though this sister is interested in marrying you, which shows there is some compatibility there. Do not worry about culture too much, we live in a day and age where we are encouraged to embrace the culture of other, and there is plenty of information that allows for us to research and develop or understanding of other in the world. It is a very shallow and sad society when you start condemning interracial intercultural marriages.
Of course, check out her habits, and background first. See what things you like and dislike. Be assured brother that in Islam, there is only one culture and that is ISLAM. Believe me if 2 muslims from completely different backgrounds get married for the sake of Allah, He will make it easy for them. Essentially you will not be living to adopt the culture of the current society, but rather of the ultimate society, which is based on islamic principles (which unfortunately is rare to find, even in what is considered to be 'muslim' countries!) May Allah grant you success in this world and the Hereafter.

Kashif, Sister Z and Muhammed:
Appreciate your comments, and bringing up the question of Fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence). However, I suspect neither of you are scholars? Though very knowledgable MashaAllah, why not try a more encouraging approach to the brother asking, as Fiqh may a bit too heavy to discuss here on a message board, and may go way over the heads of some, and may seem very racist and prejudiced when Islamic jurisprudence is neither of those. Being a convert myself, I can understand how your answers, and proceeding arguments may have left a bitter taste in the mouths of some, and in fact do not answer the brothers question. Rather ask the questioner to seek advice from a sheikh or scholar who can advise him on his own personal situation, in regards to fiqh, which neither of us can do seeing as neither of us have the full facts of the situation.

Sister Z thank you for a soft voice, bridging the discussion, and some interesting points are raised. Masha'Allah, once again sister and brothers, you seem very knowledgeable, but back to basics, lets learn from our Prophet peace upon him, who would deal with each case individually, and would speak to people according to their understanding.

Once again, please forgive me for any offense caused to anyone reading my comments, I have tried to answer in a way which I feel Allah would be pleased with, and any mistakes are from myself, not a reflection of the religion.

May Allah grant us all Tawfiq, obedience to him, and the highest level of Jannah Firdaws.

Oh changer of hearts, make our hearts firm on your deen.
Ameen

Please forgive me for this terrible example of a mainstream Islamic musician. Your best bet is to look at Cat Stevens.

May Allah have mercy on us and may he grant us only that knowledge which benefits us.
Asiyah

I made a mistake or maybe I didn't make myself clear. When I said a non-Arab man is not a suitable match for an Arab woman, this had nothing to do with race. What is defined as an Arab is not by nasab but by tongue. So for example Bilal (may Allah be pleased with him) spoke Arabic therefore he's a suitable match for the Arab girl. Another example, a convert who knows how to speak Arabic would be considered as a suitable match providing he's of a good religion and character, can provide for the girl and he's not mentally or physically sick.

So yyya I just wanted to make myself clear on that. I dont wanna have any misunderstandings.

Salams!!!!!

Ramadan Karim

You said: 'What do you mean we have limits in choosing? The most important thing to consider when choosing a spouse is to look at the person's religiouness, character and personality, but there's no doubt sharing the same culture, language and having family compatibility helps in maintining a good healthy life long marriage. You mentioned something similar to that somewhere in your previous comments. As long as Deen is put first then what comes after that is personal taste.'

I agree with what you have written in the above paragraph - we all have the right to choose based on good character, deen, and then after our personal taste within limits. What is so different in what I have been saying all along?

Bro the things is - we both agree with that last paragraph - but your interpretation is somewhat different to mine. So lets just agree to disagaree.

As for suitability, again this is an opinion and if you choose not to believe it it's up to you, but never say it's wrong!!

What do you mean we have limits in choosing? The most important thing to consider when choosing a spouse is to look at the person's religiouness, character and personality, but there's no doubt sharing the same culture, language and having family compatibility helps in maintining a good healthy life long marriage. You mentioned something similar to that somewhere in your previous comments. As long as Deen is put first then what comes after that is personal taste.

Further you said: 'Again I wanna remind you in case you have forgotten, the Prophet (PBUH) married from his background, so please sister watch what you say, know your limits and know them well.'
Brother - I know my limits well Alhumdulillah, so you need not advise me on my limits. The Prophet(saw) married from his own background, but he also encouraged others and helped others to marry from other backgrounds. The stories I posted above are clear evidence of this.

You said: 'i choose to marry an Arab, because after deen I wanna marry someone who knows how to speak Arabic...' 'I choose' - we all have a right to choose within in limits.

You mentioned something about the Sahaaba all marrying someone from their own backgrounds. Maybe that was because globalisation and migration was not at all as it is now. People at that time stayed in their own communities for various reasons - the main one being due to the difficulties of travel. There is a world of difference in todays society and that of 1400 years ago. Now we live amongst people from almost every background in the world, hence we share common languages and we also share new a 'culture' - one that has formed because we are second generation ethnic minorities born and brought up in western lands trying to observe and practice Islam.

In my previous work place, my closest friends were a Somalian Muslimah, Moroccan Muslimah, Turkish Muslimah and a lovely Nigerian Christian lady. In fact the Nigerian Christian was like a real sister to me with her advice, it was always in line with Islam. Come to think of it, only one of my close muslim friends is from my ethnic group - not deliberately, its just the way it is. We all share our love for deen, without that we would have no connection whatsoever.

You talk about 'suitability' - From who's eyes are we defining what is 'suitable'? For a sister who has been brought up in a western country amongst a mixture of Muslims, she could be suited to good muslim brothers from a variety of backgrounds, not necessarily to one from her own ethnic background.

What if on the other hand, the parents feel someone from a different ethnic background is not suitable for their daughter, just simply because they don't want to let go of their cultural attachments and because they choose to show no tolerance in living with people who may be different.

If they would just let their minds be open and welcoming, it would not bother them that the people from the other culture eat different food, or that they wear their dresses in a different style, or that they have different tastes in music or dance or form of entertainment, or that their facial features maybe different and have a different skin colour. It would be so refreshing if people could think like this: 'This man is of strong deen/eemaan, of good character and he shares atleast one common language with my daughter plus they understand each other. Yes, there will be challenges along with the way due to some of the differences, but we respect the differences, we will take the good from each others cultures and leave the rest as long as 'Islam' is the focal point.'

So if the deen and character is good and there is a common language and understanding - what possible reason can there be for the parents claiming 'unsuitability'? Any of the reasons will be not from Islam.

I believe that if any potential marriage is causing rifts in the direct family, its better to avoid it. 'But' before making our minds up, lets take a look at which definition of suitability is being used.

Maybe we need to put more effort into educating our people about instilling love, respect, and tolerance for people despite their differences.

Avoiding this issue is not dealing with the root problem and although some may not think there is a problem, I do.