Something always delays my marriage proposal
I have known this guy for 2 years now and we have built trust through friendship, originally his family saw me at his sisters wedding and they came to my house 2 years ago, but he realised he was not ready mentally to get married as his previous one broke in a short period few years prior to meeting me.
Now...everything was fine and are families have agreed and all that was left was to set the date. However, the day before they were suppose to come to my house something bad happened to him and everything was put on hold again. Everyone is saying this is a sign etc. I did istikhara but not sure what it meant. Saw plain stuff like clean white surroundings.
I have always prayed for us to be together and cannot imagine getting to know anyone else. I strongly want this and he does too. He is a good person and has had bad luck over the years, I want to be the one to make him happy. I believe we met for a reason and I have gone through alot and excepted a lot in these 2 yrs so its hard for me to believe that a day before it was going to be finalised my family want me to back off. I know they are looking out for me but I really want this.
Please advise me.
- ruby786
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Assalam Mulakim
If the situation is as you say, with your father having agreed and with the woman’s family being prepared, then everything is in place and there is no reason to delay this marriage.
Rather you should hasten to proceed with it, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for that will be a shield for him.” (Agreed upon, from the hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood, may Allaah be pleased with him. Al-Bukhaari.
But your father may have some reasons for delaying the marriage, which he may not want to tell you. So you should be patient and seek reward for that. You should also tell them of the virtue of hastening this good thing, because it will help you to lower your gaze and guard your chastity, even if that is done by doing the marriage contract and delaying consummation of the marriage, that is better than leaving it as an engagement.
You should note that the fiancé (khaatib) is still a non-mahram to his fiancée (makhtoobah), and it is not permissible for him to do any more than look at her as much as the fiancé is permitted to look. But if he does the marriage contract with her, she becomes his wife and it is permissible for him to so everything with her that married people do, but it is better for him not to have intercourse with her until the marriage is announced, so as to ward off mischief, and in acknowledgement of the prevalent custom.
And Allaah knows best.